Sub Misbehaving

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by MsT'sSlave, Jan 15, 2015.

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  1. MsT'sSlave
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    MsT'sSlave Active member

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    Hi. This is Mistress Terri. I am fairly new to this and still learning. My husband has been locked up for about three weeks now and it has been going pretty well until tonight. Jeffrey came home tonight and said he wants to come NOW and demanded I give him the key. He said he has been locked up for too long and wants to take back his dominant role. I told him he is not getting the key and don't even attempt to look for it. His behavior has surprised me considering he has always wanted a female led relationship. This new found relationship has been working and we have been much happier. Does anyone have any advice out there as far as handling my submissive? I did advise him he will be punished for his actions because this behavior is unacceptable. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.
     
  2. I LOVE my Choice!
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    I LOVE my Choice! Long term member

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    Hey there!!

    I'm sure there will be plenty of replies to this thread!!!

    On thing I've always thought was a great motivator in the whole chastity thing was that if HE wanted it then the greatest power a KH could have is to simply hand him the key and say its all over... No more.... Done and dusted.

    It would work for me but as for you... I guess you'd have to assess his reactions afterwards... He may well want his release and then beg you to be put back in chastity as he 'seems' to be topping from the bottom...

    Hopefully our KHing members will shed far more enlightenment on this than I can!!

    With the absolute kindest regards.

    J.
     
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  3. BlueEyes
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    BlueEyes The lifestyle pumps in my veins...
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    The easiest task in the world - to escape the CB6000 - get it over with - and put it back in... And You would never find out...
    No need for a key to cheat....

    Chastity is not so much about being locked up, as a naughty little wanker , as it is about embracing the fact that You are a much more attentive, caring and sweet husband/lover/sub to your lady. To see her blossom in her power and making her day more pleasant, is the true reward, along with You being a better unselfish man.

    Get a device for him that he cannot escape - ( He would need a PA for that) and let him stay in there for at least 4 weeks. Maybe then he will begin to understand what male chastity is all about...

    A release now and then , when You Terri wants to see him cum, is just fine. But the downside of that is that you will have to what for a while before his is back where he should be, serving, obeying and pampering You.
    We are all different. My wife came to the conclusion that she would not have any decline in standards:)
     
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  4. OwnedbyLeeanne
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    I guess you will have to decide who will give in, and the answer to that may depend on who instigated
    chastity in the first place.
    If it was you who instigated it and you think he could handle it then maybe you could tie him up and then
    tease & ruin his orgasm and tell him that was because he was not obedient.
    make sure you lock him up before you release him. :)
    If he instigated it then I think @I love my choice has hit the nail on the head by telling him he can have the key
    on the grounds that chastity is over for ever.

    @BlueEyes also has a valid point that he could escape if he wanted to, maybe it is a test.

    Dianne
     
  5. Nostromo
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    Nostromo Long term member

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    Speaking from the chaste male perspective, I would advise some understanding of his frustration. If he has had a bad day and was stressed, this sort "to hell with all this" reaction doesn't indicate that he doesn't want you to stay in charge. Yes, punish him, but my advice is to be kind and supportive when he hits rough patches like this. Long term D/s relationships are hard to sustain if the domme doesn't understand that teh sub will have lapses.
     
  6. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Totally agree, as a last resort.

    Communicate first. Find out why he want to end what has so far been a wonderful time for you both.

    Also it may be helpful to consider is how much attention/teasing/task setting you have been giving.

    He may be feeling a bit used and neglected.

    Positive reinforcement and telling him how pleased you are with his progress in chastity always helps.

    These are the men we love, sometimes they need a little nurturing in with the control.

    Good luck.
     
  7. Caged Wolf
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    Caged Wolf A Wolf, even caged, is still a Wolf.

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    All very good points. i know I have days when i just feel like i need "out" even though i'm not currently locked up. BUT, when Mistress Wolf and i started down this road it was with the understanding that things could/would never go back to the way they were. The options for me are continue or risk an end to the whole relationship.

    A good place to start might be a "free speech" session, allow him to vent, explain, and talk things out and see what is really going on. If his attitude still sucks and he continues to demand out, then i'd have to agree with @ I love my choice, and offer him the key but explain that if he takes it it's all over, never more....
     
  8. Ownedbyyou
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    Ownedbyyou Member

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    [QUOTE="MsT'sSlave, post: 123898, member: 37138" Jeffrey came home tonight and said he wants to come NOW and demanded I give him the key. He said he has been locked up for too long and wants to take back his dominant role.[/QUOTE]

    Hi Terri

    From the sounds of it he's still in the dominant role, in my view he's trying control self denial!
     
  9. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    My first advice would be to set up your own account here, and then you'll have the option of PMing members without him knowing.
    Second advice is to tell him NO. You enjoy being Dominant now you've tried it and could never be submissive again.
    Third advice is to upgrade your security. Steel device he can wear 24/7/365 is essential IMO. But you could probably use other 'handles' as well. This will probably depend on other aspects of your relationship. Needs more thought.
     
  10. Mistress B
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    Mistress B Mistress B

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    @MsT'sSlave There is no point getting him a more secure device if he wants out. Chastity is a mutual thing and if he is demanding the key, then give it to him and tell him that's that. No doubt, at some point, he will come whining and pleading to be re-caged. Then, is the time to talk to him and make certain that he knows that you are the one who decides, when and if, he is released
     
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  11. deejay
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    deejay Member

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    Perhaps he was deliberately misbehaving in the hope that you would administer some additional or new form of punishment?
     
  12. New To This
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    New To This New, But Learning

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    If you are new to this you might be like my wife. My words are my view from the other side, under that assumption.

    Two night ago I was frustrated. Not as much as your man, but frustrated all the same. I was feeling like she was taking the benefits without administering any to me. It does not matter what those might be (in may case pretty vanilla - we are not doing S&M), but the point is that she was soaking up the rewards and not doing anything in the way of tease, denial or satisfying me. Some of that is expected in an FLR, but most guys need something more than zero.Given how new we are to this, we don't even know what we are missing until it is gone. In my case, I think things had gone a little too one-sided. Not her fault...she is still learning, too.

    We work at home and the next day she was planning a day out, and it would intrude on our (my) playtime. She already had an orgasm that morning (and at least one a day the week prior). She's a horndog but forgot about the giver. I simply asked, "so when is there going to be time to play with me?"

    It was not contentious. I just said I'd like to schedule time for me sometime soon. She agreed.

    I dropped the kids off at school and came home to warm up her car for her. She took the keys from me and said don't bother...she was staying home. At that point I felt a bit guilty and told her we'd play that night, but she said her makes plans based on priorities and she that I am her priority. That is an incredible thing to hear, even if it has been said 100 times before. What followed later that day (we gotta work, after all) was fun and exciting and a bit of fantasy fulfillment, even if I stayed locked the whole time. She also had another good orgasm. We also ruined some bedding...(ahem).

    So the moral for you might be (not being judgmental): you might not understand what your husband was looking for when you locked him up. Time to regroup and reassess. Forget words like "administer punishment" and focus more on ideas like "meet his requirements". Just what does your man need, and is this the way to give it to him? Have you used chastity to effectively "thrown away the key"?

    A lot of what you read is that it's all about Femdom and how it's all about you. It's not. It's still an equal partnership even though the dynamic has shifted. He serves, you deserve.

    However, you cannot throw away the key - and by "key" I mean responsibility. To quote a great line from a shitty movie, "With great power comes great responsibility."

    Again. I hope not to be judgmental or too forward. But if he is wanting to call it quits, it was either a really bad day (we all have them and we do what we can to get through them), or it is failing to communicate. It's a two-way street. He needs to communicate, because without that you cannot listen. So if he has not been talking, then that needs to change.

    Look back over the last few weeks. Have you been paying enough attention to him? Has he been dropping hints you ignored or missed?

    Chastity (I am learning) is a magnifier in a relationship. If one of you have subtle resentments, they are going to come out.

    If any of these words seem to fit, then you can take this as an opportunity to settle those resentments or you can go back to the old days, leaving them in place. Also, if his requirements are too much, then now is the time to work it out before mild resentment turns to bitterness. Drop the long-term chastity and have some fun in bed - I hear there a lot of ways to do that that do not involve keys.

    But, if he feels ignored and you want to make this work then specifically my advice would be to say, "OK, honey. I will gladly give you what you want. If what you want is the key, it'll only take a minute. But if you really wanted something else and I can give that, then why don't you talk to me and let me know what I can do to be the woman of your dreams? Because you are my first priority and we need to make each other happy before anything else."

    Fondling his locked cage at some point would be a good idea... ;)

    Just thoughts. Hope some of it helps. If not, please disregard and accept my apologies in advance.
     
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  13. New To This
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    New To This New, But Learning

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    Umm...this.

    Maybe. Everyone is different. Before going all dominant role-play, see if this is just some thing that needs a little tweeking (or even twerking).
     
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