Accepting but not loving chastity

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Crowned, Dec 3, 2020.

Random Thread
  1. Crowned
    Offline

    Crowned Active member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2019
    Messages:
    87
    Likes Received:
    165
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    12:31 AM
    I wonder if anyone else is in a similar boat. I see many here who self lock or find online keyholders, husbands who love being locked and many others with assorted fantasies or situations, but none like mine.

    We use chastity as a way to be closer. My wife has found she likes it and it brings us closer together. I love her very much and do whatever I can to make us work better. However...I really don't love chastity. I would rather have a much more active/normal sex life. As that is not available to me, I have accepted wearing a device almost full time now as it creates some closeness. At this point, I think I have accepted it is on as much as she wants, she still talks about a seasonal unlocking schedule.

    This is all well and good...I just wonder if anyone else locked accepts it more than loves it? I know the fantasy some have of being forced to lock up and such, this is clearly not that. Does anyone reluctantly lock up, or just accept it as how it is now?
     
  2. nomel
    Offline

    nomel New member

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2020
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    12:31 AM
    I cannot imagine wearing a chastity device (long term) without it being something I was personally into. In spite of the fact that I am not qualified to give advice on relationships, I will say that I think that there is some serious issue with your wife that you should hash out rather than submit to this lifestyle.
     
    Jeffroid and mcfeely like this.
  3. mcfeely
    Offline

    mcfeely Long term member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2015
    Messages:
    335
    Likes Received:
    292
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Medic
    Local Time:
    3:31 AM
    My wife wanted to have a relationship similar to yours but it didn't work for us. I tried to play along but my needs were not being met so we were not able to make it work. She said it made her feel "closer" but I felt forgotten and wanted to kill her or in leiu of that leave. You don't have to accept a relationship that isn't working for you. You probably need to have a discussion with your wife about your needs and I don't think it is acceptable if she discounts your feeling and needs. Life is toooo short to not do what you love given the chance.
     
    Danny15 and sandman9355 like this.
  4. Crowned
    Offline

    Crowned Active member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2019
    Messages:
    87
    Likes Received:
    165
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    12:31 AM
    I mean I don't hate it or anything and after wearing it, it becomes an arousing concept. I certainly do start to feel more sexually submissive and such. It's just...given the choice...I would like to look forward to getting a hot night of passion on at least a semi regular basis.

    My wife is my soulmate and I am 100% committed to her 100% of the time. Mismatched libidos is a MFr though.
     
  5. Danny15
    Offline

    Danny15 Long term member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2014
    Messages:
    273
    Likes Received:
    259
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    london
    Local Time:
    7:31 AM
    I'm in the self lock category, I initially became interested through fem Dom fantasy and figured it would be a win win for us , I get locked , my wife wouldn't need to do much , just tease me occasionally. That was never going to work as she just thought it was wired . Understandable I suppose as it was my fantasy not hers .

    a few years later I re discovered it and took a different approach. My drive was was much higher than my wife's so suggested we try again . That was another failed attempt as again it was all about me .
    I now accept it's my fantasy , not my wife's . She occasionally plays along , there are times it brings us closer. She knows I self lock and is never surprised to see me clean shaven and locked . It hasn't bought us as close as I would have liked but we are close enough with out it . I still hope she will embrace it one day but it's not a deal breaker if she doesn't , I still want to spend the rest of my days with her .
     
    masohedo, tvalex and Rectrix like this.
  6. Xileh
    Offline

    Xileh Happily Serving

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2018
    Messages:
    1,379
    Likes Received:
    2,656
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    12:31 AM
    I never aspired to full time chastity, it was never a fetish. Our use is an extension of the tease and denial we were doing, which began with occasional denial.

    Wearing a chastity cage is not my favorite activity. I’d rather be free-range. But, it works for us, and we are more intimate now than ever before. Except, I don’t get to finish what she starts very often.

    Chastity has provided the catalyst, that has led to strengthening our relationship in many ways.
     
    BR_Saiph, Headtrip, Rectrix and 2 others like this.
  7. tecolote
    Online

    tecolote Long term member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2018
    Messages:
    864
    Likes Received:
    1,218
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Government
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    California
    Local Time:
    12:31 AM
    What happened? How did she get introduced to chastity? Most often, it's the guy who pushes for her to try it, but that doesn't seem to be the case here?

    I feel like there is a missing element to this story. I think I'd get surly if she wasn't playing fair. Does she give you any sexual attention between unlocking? I assume no? I can't imagine how this would work long term.
     
    Ormaz likes this.
  8. King Hippo
    Offline

    King Hippo Long term member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2020
    Messages:
    2,772
    Likes Received:
    2,757
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    New Jersey
    Local Time:
    3:31 AM
    Honestly, communication, and acceptance of one another's needs are the most important thing in a marriage. I sounds like you and your wife have a lot to work on, on both ends.
     
    Bry248 and Isopropylforyou like this.
  9. Crowned
    Offline

    Crowned Active member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2019
    Messages:
    87
    Likes Received:
    165
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    12:31 AM
    I am not really inclined to give a bunch of personal information re: my situation. Mostly, I am wondering if there are men who stay locked as a marriage enhancement tool more than it is their kink/fetish/whatever. It is the case for me.
     
  10. King Hippo
    Offline

    King Hippo Long term member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2020
    Messages:
    2,772
    Likes Received:
    2,757
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    New Jersey
    Local Time:
    3:31 AM
    I didn't even know male chastity devices were a real thing until it was suggested we try it from a friend to help out out intimacy. It is working well for us.
     
  11. Jeffroid
    Offline

    Jeffroid Active member

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2020
    Messages:
    73
    Likes Received:
    87
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    USA Ky
    Local Time:
    3:31 AM
    Give it time is my advice. Unless a deeper issue is causing you some apprehension. It's probably weirder when it wasn't your own idea in the first place is my thought
     
    Rectrix likes this.
  12. LesterBallard
    Offline

    LesterBallard Long term member

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2016
    Messages:
    15,493
    Likes Received:
    5,489
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Management
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    United Kingdom
    Local Time:
    7:31 AM
    You need to talk with her about what you each want from this as there seems to be a mismatch at present. I suspect there are others in your situation but it's still important for the couple to understand the parameters or resentment will start to build. Good luck
     
  13. debbie jones
    Offline

    debbie jones Long term member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2020
    Messages:
    176
    Likes Received:
    346
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    retired
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Shrewsbury shropshire uk
    Local Time:
    7:31 AM
    does she understand she should be teasing you and getting you turned on so you can feel the sexual frustration chastity and also is she making you pleashure her on a regular basis . its no good if she just locks you up and forgets about you she needs to be playing with you while your locked and unable to do anything about it .most guys get there sexual pleashure from making her cum and they share there wifes orgasm i know if i make someone cum i feel like its me thats cum and feel completly satisfied afterwards

    best of luck
     
  14. Gadlo
    Offline

    Gadlo Active member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2020
    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    72
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Central Europe
    Local Time:
    8:31 AM
    Talk about it with your wife. Tell her what you feel about it and what you like and what you do not like about chastity.
    If you crave to have more hot nights and so on tell her about this. Find a solution together. Maybe you two need more teasing sessions on a regularly basis. Maybe you need periods without the cage on a regular basis or maybe it just isn't for you and you need to consider other types of play.

    For your question regarding how many guys are in the same boat.
    I would say not many. In I would guess more than 90% of the time it is a male fantasy and we men do the first step to it or would love to be in your shoes. But that shouldn't be important for you. Talk with your wife or write letters with her on the subject. (That's something which works for my girlfriend and me very well. We write each other which makes it easier to communicate about some things and talk about also so there are less misunderstandings)
     
    borbulls1961, Bry248 and John Morgan like this.
  15. John Morgan
    Offline

    John Morgan Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2014
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    153
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    7:31 AM
    I am in the exact same situation. I will not go too deep into how we got here as I think my Mistress (Wife) has posted in other forums about that.
    Just to say It was Julie that pulled a plastic tube chastity device from under her pillow one night well over 6 years ago and it all started from there.
    I could see by the smile on her face she was really enjoying the denying part. She told me "that only she would be having all the fun from now on". The chastity part went on and off for a while. But she always seamed happier when she actually denied me satisfaction.
    Like the last post says, "sit down and talk" We did and she let it all out. Julie had been researching chastity and read lots of articles on the subject.
    She would send for smaller and smaller cages and surprise me with them. Always with that cheeky smile and giggle. She really was into it a lot more than me.
    Eventually it got to the stage where if I was allowed to cum all it would be is a ruined one. Most of the time all I would get is edged. Now that really twisted my mind. And the frustration really builds up. And yet Julie seamed to thrive on it. Laughing at my seemingly discomfort.
    I have come to accept that chastity really makes her happy. And if my wife is happy, then I am happy.
    To me it is a small price to pay for a most wonderful loving relationship that so far has lasted 43 years.
    If you two are ok with your situation, then go with it. It can be lots of fun in other ways than spurting your stuff all over.
    But for us the communication is a vital part. Talk openly and most of all honestly.

    From one reluctant man in chastity to another Good luck! :strong::strong::strong:
     
  16. Headtrip
    Offline

    Headtrip Long term member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2019
    Messages:
    860
    Likes Received:
    2,011
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Midwest USA
    Local Time:
    3:31 AM
    YES!*

    * Once locked something clicks inside me and I accept it and truly enjoy the ride.

    EMC was her idea. Unlocked me doesn't miss it a bit (at least as of April).

    Here is the funny part: the more serious she is about it (her doing the locking, security, etc) the more effective the headtrip. And it is like a truth syrum: I babble away about what works and what doesn't. She smiles and takes notes and deeper down the rabbit hole I go.

    I guess that means we are communicating often and my needs are being met. Just have to realize that cumming is a want - not a need, LOL.
     
    corsac, tvalex, JackStrap and 5 others like this.
  17. SubSnuggler
    Offline

    SubSnuggler Owned by Mistress2and4you

    Joined:
    May 3, 2017
    Messages:
    1,374
    Likes Received:
    3,888
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    USA
    Local Time:
    2:31 AM
    I'm much happier locked than unlocked. However, it's not all ice cream. Yes, I give up sex because Miss' libido is lower than mine (or more accurately she's less inclined to PIV than me).

    What I do miss is intimacy sex. I genuinely make love to my Miss, with all my heart and soul. When I'm in her, I feel joined, connected, one with her in a way that curls my toes and makes my heart flutter.

    I don't get that much anymore because chastity makes me very sensitive. As a result, from the moment I'm allowed to enter her I'm fighting back orgasm. It's all I can do just to thrust without losing control and cumming instantly. So, I don't get that intimacy connection because I can't last and I'm absolutely NOT allowed to cum without permission.

    I prefer to be locked, but there are sacrifices.
     
  18. locked_top
    Offline

    locked_top Caged tiger

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2019
    Messages:
    695
    Likes Received:
    1,038
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    USA
    Local Time:
    2:31 AM
    That's hot.
     
    Headtrip likes this.
  19. Headtrip
    Offline

    Headtrip Long term member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2019
    Messages:
    860
    Likes Received:
    2,011
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Midwest USA
    Local Time:
    3:31 AM
    It is for me for sure. Figured out long ago in bondage play that cheap novelty restraints turned me off, not on like real ropes or chains did. My point for the OP is to be sure and communicate what works, i.e. what makes you feel more submissive or horny for her. Being her kink, she may listen closely and wind you up like never before (at which point you have no choice but enjoy the ride because she is driving).

    If I had a choice every day and had to lock myself, I probably wouldnt. I only had to tell her that once and the option was taken away, which is exactly what opens my dopamine valve. Everyone is different but I bet you two can find an arrangement that further increases your enjoyement without burdening her (turns out my GF actually gets off putting the cage on, etc).
     
    Rectrix and Bry248 like this.
  20. Guest 3729
    Offline

    Guest 3729 Long term member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2017
    Messages:
    1,332
    Likes Received:
    2,519
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Local Time:
    1:31 AM
    I love the lockup and denial aspect, I was the one who asked her for chastity. It’s kind of a yin/yang for me because before I was locked and we were pretty much in a vanilla relationship our intimacy suffered because of my and my masturbating at the time. I was less inclined to want sex and I wasn’t as lovey dovey as I am now with her. Although the masturbation problem is pretty much non existent and I’ve learned so much about my mistress, myself and our relationship that even if we were to go to a more vanilla existence our relationship would still benefit from what we’ve gained and learned from chastity. That being said I know we’ll never go back to a non chastity non FLR relationship because of how happy we both are. This in so many ways helps us be closer Intimately and in other ways and me not to be selfish.
     
    tvalex, JackStrap, Rectrix and 2 others like this.
  21. Lazlo Toth
    Offline

    Lazlo Toth C/D on the TomAllen-Rectrix scale: 9/9

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2019
    Messages:
    2,830
    Likes Received:
    4,733
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Contractor
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Upstate South Carolina
    Local Time:
    12:31 AM
    I tried to read all of the comments, but may have missed someone's point, so forgive if a repeat....

    In our marriage, chastity has certainly become the means rather than the end. That is, my wife takes almost zero pleasure in the actual aspects of me being locked. She couldn't care less about the device types I have, my "schedule", shaving, cleaning, etc. All she cares about is my resultant behavior while locked. And to her, the more I am locked, the better.

    For us, chastity has become more of a way of life rather than a kink. Perhaps that feeling may help you.

    Mind you, this "way of life" isn't what a typical male would find exciting: I am not allowed in her vagina, seeing her naked, etc. BUT, in exchange, I have a very happy wife who treats me wonderfully.

    So, my best recommendation to you is to embrace what makes her happy. A happy wife is invaluable.
     
    corsac, masohedo, tvalex and 7 others like this.
  22. tecolote
    Online

    tecolote Long term member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2018
    Messages:
    864
    Likes Received:
    1,218
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Government
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    California
    Local Time:
    12:31 AM
    This is like those annoying Facebook posts where someone talks *around* a subject that is bothering them, but refuses to elaborate. Good luck with that. You will find no help with your problems if you refuse to define what they are.
     
  23. handcuffedboy
    Offline

    handcuffedboy Long term member

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2018
    Messages:
    167
    Likes Received:
    221
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    7:31 AM
    if she wants you locked you must stay locked regardless whether you like it or not
     
    John Morgan likes this.
  24. BR_Saiph
    Offline

    BR_Saiph Self-published author

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2018
    Messages:
    900
    Likes Received:
    1,595
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Canada
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    3:31 AM
    I can't speak to your question, but I'll say it sounds like you guys are exploring avenues of enhancing your relationship which isn't a bad thing!
    It's impossible to know your full dynamic so I can only offer an opinion.
    You are very devoted in accepting this which is fine to a point but you have needs of equal import to hers. As long as you maintain honest communication, and are happy then best of luck!
     
    MadameJs_boo likes this.
  25. Guest 3729
    Offline

    Guest 3729 Long term member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2017
    Messages:
    1,332
    Likes Received:
    2,519
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Local Time:
    1:31 AM
    One thing you have to realize is that even if the two of you weren’t using chastity in your relationship it would still be up to your wife to give you that hot passionate sex you want. Not being in chastity doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to have more sex. On the flip side, being in chastity doesn’t mean that you’re not going to have that hot passionate sex again. It just means you’re not going to touch yourself until she’s ready to allow you to have it.

    I don’t know why your wife has a low libido, mine also had a low libido for the first few years into chastity. It’s part of the reason I asked her to lock me. Wearing a chastity device for her/me changed the dynamic of our relationship, giving her more freedom and control gave her more confidence. This in turn helped her sex drive and fueled a desire to be my domme that wasn’t previously there. Things have certainly picked up in our second lives, now we just suffer from lack of time.

    I say just go with it and enjoy those submissive feelings, be the man she wants and she will reward you for it.
     
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice