Hey guys, just wanna share my journey here. I'm 22 and my gorgeous girlfriend is 21. We're together for almost 3 years and share a very intimate relationship as we achieved a lot of milestones together (losing virginity for example). Our love is true and although not perfect, it has proven strong to a lot of stuff that may have brought other couples to break up easily (also sexually - without giving away too much, at the beginning we were what you could only call "incompatible"). Our sex life then suffered a little because I couldn't keep self control and was masturbating a lot but she's very understanding (and also a little sub) so that wasn't really an issue. I started to get into the whole chastity thing about 2 or 3 months ago but was reluctant to tell her at first because I doubted it would do our relationship any good. Even if she would come to like the control, the power and the attention that comes with male chastity and female keyholding, she would still miss our intercourse A LOT (since we got past the point of "incompatibility", she started to have good fun with sex ). So I hoped it was just a phase. Well, it wasn't. I stopped masturbating to my other fetishes and almost only concentrated on chastity captions and stuff, you know what I mean. And yes, I also know very well they don't picture the daily life in chastity at all, but they share a basic idea which turns me on a lot. I tried to talk her into it by casually mentioning the idea a couple of times, you know. She wasn't too keen on the subject. Or rather, she just didn't understand it. And I get that, a guy in his twenties talking about NOT cumming is like the opposite of what you'd expect. So I just wrote down what I see in it to get it straight for myself and to be able to explain it to her and that it was a little more complicated than she initially thought. I also left it some time for her to get used to the idea of her man being the submissive one for a turn. Having the feeling our relationship is a special one, we also made the agreement long ago to just tell us our different fetishes, kinks and so on. A lot of relationships just goes to waste because of communication issues. We didn't want that, and although she didn't always appreciate or understand my kinks, she has done her absolute best to live up to them and experience them with me, as far as possible for her (latex for instance which I have a strong fetish for). This is the reason she was also "open" to the chastity idea. I started out to stop masturbating, or rather start eding myself because she would come over. It made our sex far more pleasureable because she wouldn't have to wait for me so long which she really enjoyed. Also my orgasms got more intense and I looked forward to sex a lot more. She realized I think that keeping a guy from masturbating 3 times a day has its upsides, which goes along with the chastity idea nicely. I set myself the goal not to cum without her anymore at all, which is possible, but needed self control (especially that special week every month). I used to edge and edge and edge which led to a few orgasms I had accidentally. Ruined ones, but still. In other words, there were a lot of aspects that made me think that she as a keyholder wouldn't be such a bad idea, also considering she had grown to like the idea. I ordered a plastic cage and told her about it, well, she accepted it but when it arrived it just a little "too real" for her I think. With the device being sh*t anyway she was spared from being too bothered though. After this little episode I started a thread here on CM so you could help me to find the right device for me. She knew about this and when I told her I wanted to order one, she told me "I also want you to order one". This got my hopes up well and although I never was a 100% sure about her as my keyholder, it sure seemed possible. During sexytime a few weeks back she made some jokes about only allowing me a ruined orgasm about twice a month and a full one only on special holidays like xmas, easter, my birthday and so on... She was joking, but boy did I get a hardon As this meets my fantasy pretty well. Which she knows, and she said it just to tease me; If it's a good way for spending chastity in real everyday life, we shall see. I know some of you guys are living chastity this way or even stricter, but being only 22 I can't help but think this would be too much for me. I started to go without orgasm just because I liked it that way. Firstly still with a lot of edging involved but I mostly stopped that too, because I wanted her to be the only one to be able to wake those feelings in me. I'm now a full week without orgasm which was pretty unthinkable half a year back and I like it a lot! I have butterflies in my stomach (and further down) everytime we kiss and I look forward to just spend time with her which didn't happen too much before either. We will have sexytime today but I think I made clear that I don't want to cum (don't wanna ruin the orgasm-free week). What makes me really horny is that from tomorrow on she will decide if and when I cum in the future. Very long story very short, I just ordered an A080 device from a local dealer and it will arrive tomorrow. We will see how far I actually want this and how far she will actually take it ^^ Things that I'm unsure about: 1. Her pleasure depends on penetrative sex atm which will be quite difficult with a cage on. Joking aside, I haven't yet found a way to pleasure her without my little guy which means to be a good bf I would have to be unlocked everytime she wants an orgasm (which would make chastity rather obsolete). I hope I can do it by oral sex in the future but I'm not sure this will satisfy her in the same way. 2. I think I enjoy chastity play, but only as long as it's play. I would hate to see our relationship being seriously manipulated by it, for example if she realises she couldn't take me as a man seriously anymore or something like that. Cuckolding is definetely not for me. [/Wall of text] Hope it's readeable and not too boring, I'm not a native speaker of the English language.
Yes I see what your'e are aiming at, - I might be of some help to our young friend here. @Aoilioa is more than welcome to approach me in here or in a PM
I'm not seeking an answer to a specific question at the moment, if I want to get chastity working in our relationship (and at the moment it looks pretty well actually) then I have to find most of the answers myself anyway. But thanks for the offer, mainly wanted to share my thoughts here, maybe it's of some help to others who want to make the same step.
i think you two are starting off well. Keep it fun and interesting. Your both young so no need to jump into anything serious. I would like to say that you might want to discuss with her the whole dominant/submissive thing, and I only say that because you seem to confuse chastity with being submissive which is true most times but there are a few of us who are into chastity but not necessarily submissives. I for one am my wifes man of the house and she likes me that way, she just doesnt like me masturbating. So there is a difference, just wanted to point that out since some woman do like their "man".
Fully agree with previous comment, being in chastity does not make you a sub, being submissive is in your mind, even if it's deep down and never been seen before. Chastity will not change the person you are, it will only help you be the person you want to be. Also.... you said that your partner enjoys penetrative sex and you can't see a way around this whilst in chastity? Many couples, myself included use other means to satisfy our partners. For penetration there are many strapons avaliable, many fit over a chastity device really well. Or many women enjoy achieving orgasm by riding and grinding the cage, this helps them achieve the closeness and is a real tease for the locked male. Onviously other means are open to you both like just the closeness of a cuddle and non PIV foreplay or oral sex (one sided of course). Many women would rather have a cuddle and have an orgasm by the hand of their partner than to have full blown intercourse anyway. Obviously there are exceptions to the rules, but women wanna feel loved and with a billion pound sex toy industry, I think its good all round to be able to please your woman some how and keep her happy. But I would personally show her how loved she is and dedicated you are by just being intimate, satisfying her needs and not even considering or requesting your desire to cum or be touched. See what happens, and let us know?
Did you already read experiences of other people in the Vault? People with very much different approaches to the chastity journey post their own journal there. Whatever you do, continue as you do now and make it a full "couple" journey. You seem to have good communication, does she share your opinion on that? Being so young, you should also keep in mind that maybe some day in the future you would like to go for kids, and most probably this will not be accomplished with the first 'shot', keep that in mind. Whatever you do, the way you feel good about it both is the way to go. Good luck!
Thank you for your comments! @ineverknew and @chris82: I think being submissive and being the one who is denied doesn't really work apart from each other in our relationship. Of course, my gf needs to respect me (and I her obviously). Maybe this sub/dom thing is just in my mind though. When I think about it it's probably more realistic that everything stays pretty much the same. She doesn't actually want so much attention, I talked to her about this and she doesn't actually want anything despite PIV sex. I'm certainly not the most advanced cunnilingus-master there is, but well - it's just the way sex works for us. @Onescotchaday: Yes, we do have good communication. I guess you couldn't do this sort of stuff when you don't truly trust your partner. Now we talked how my abstinence affects our sex life, actually she seems to be fine with not having sex or other intercourse during my lockups. Talking about lockups: We made up a game and boy am I excited - we're using this wheel of misfortune (which I think many of you know) in a configuration she selected (with a few additional rules as it would be impossible to do a 12 month chastity period). I'm just not allowed to cum for the period of time the wheel selects. This was because she didn't want to take full responsibility on my lockup period and so we it's rather random now, which we can both agree on. Maybe I ask her to do an additonal spin on my release day to specify if I get a ruined or a full orgasm I like it, it's not super serious, we're both ok with it and it's just for fun This was the first spin, I got lucky
hmmm....she doesnt want full responsibility for your lock ups eh? sounds familiar lol. My wife feels the same way. Soon we are going to be using a virtual keyholder site. You still need a keyholder, which can be anyone you like, and they can still control the situation somewhat or not at all. Depends on how you set it up. There is also a way to gamble with your time. If your interested its called thechaste.com.