How to deal with a lack of teasing

Be honest and communicative, and open to whatever feedback she is going to give you.

This is not easy, so let me say it again: Be honest and communicative, and open to whatever feedback she is going to give you.

First, the honesty and communicative part: You need to tell her, honestly, and openly, but you MUST NOT ATTEMPT TO DO SO UNTIL YOU SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE AND ANGER, and you must communicate with love and respect ... and patience. Until you can do this, everything that you say can blow up and make things worse.

Second, you must be open and willing to change. Life's not fair, and you aren't getting what you need, but I can almost guarantee that she isn't getting what she needs. When you have young kids, for example, you need to be willing to increase your support to a seriously unreasonable level, because mothers of young children can sometimes be struggling even with simple things. Hormones go wild. Brain chemistry changes. Kids can be super demanding and draining. It can be very hard for a mom to deal with even simple things, and having yet another child (you) demanding attention can be the straw that breaks the camel's back. So unless you want to blow up the relationship, make sure that that you are willing to help by taking on more responsibility so she has a bit more breathing room to consider your needs.

So, for example, "What can I do (now / today / tonight / tomorrow) to help you relax a bit?" or "Is there something that you need to do that I can help you with in some way?"

 

I noticed you said "WE" are very commited. It appears that you are very commited. I agree about the communication but don't agree about swallowing your pride. If you subjugate who and what you are, you become a different person then the one your wife married. That may be good or bad .

 

the idea that a vanilla wife will want to spontaneously teasing her man seems a bit far fetched. Maybe I'm wrong?
But why make her do the work? How about a spontaneous foot massage? "Ma'am, may I give you a foot massage? How about a back rub?" Do her laundry, great opportunity to serve her and think about how much fun it will be to take those same cloths off her at a later date, try not to let her catch you sniffing her dirty panties.

 

You know, there is a lot to be said about knowing the love language of your wife/significant other and loving them in that language. For example if their love language is words of affirmation and not acts of service then you’ll relay your feelings to them more effectively by giving them perhaps a hand-written love letter instead of a massage. If however their love language is physical affection a love letter may fall flat. If you learn what language your love loves to be loved in the most you can capitalize on that and show them you love them deeply in a way they completely understand.

There’s all this talk of communication but I think we need to listen far more than we speak because listening leads to not only understanding but also making the other person feel like we have really heard them. It’s not compromise as much as emotional intelligence and empathy as well as putting yourself second. When you put your partner first you’ll find that you get more of what you want along with being happier together. There’s real wisdom in lifting up others and you may find you get more out of life altogether because if it.

What does this have to do with getting your wife/mistress to tease you more? This is gonna sound like it’s crazy and I don’t know what I’m talking about. You may think what does he know? You might also think this guy doesn’t know my relationship or my motivations. I would kindly suggest that you might even be right, but on the off chance that I might have a clue it would seem that you’re more concerned with getting from your wife/mistress something and some might say topping from the bottom or afraid to completely let go of control than actually working with her and finding out what she really wants out of this. Also, it might be a good idea to find out her love language(s) and use them to speak to her without necessarily speaking. There’s a book you can pick up called the Five Love Languages and it’s been in print a while. Pretty sure you can pick it up from Amazon too if you’re interested.

Consider how you’re approaching this and who you’re asking. I mean have you found out what she wants and wants to try? Have you really put the ball in her court and let her hold firmly the reigns or do you keep yanking them back from her grasp? Maybe teasing isn’t really her thing yet or at all. Maybe keeping you caged and denied is more her turn on? Is it a completely ridiculous idea to consider that the reason you’re not getting teased is because all your “coping mechanisms” have taken the place of what your mistress could be doing for and with you and she feels like she’s not really in control except for what you’ve allowed so why should she tease you if you’re teasing yourself? Again, I could be completely off base and if I am I apologize for that. However, if I’m right the answer to this situation lies heavily with you and what you’re willing to give up doing and empower her to do.

 

My wife started this with tons of teasing and noticed right away that the more she teased me the more amped up I got and the more effective the cage. However, when we get super busy like lately she makes me earn a "stretch" (edging) and when I have been exceptionally good I can ask, and she will happilly make a bit of time for it. You can see her beam at her own success when this happens.

Oh yeah, captions are my go to self tease, too.

 

This was the issue I was facing in my relationship. My journal goes into more detail, but the jist is I was dealing with those same feelings of being ignored while she was experiencing her own discomfort about teasing and controlling. We were able to resolve it when I sent her some personal writings I had done that detailed my own fantasies and how I pictured things in my mind. This gave her a much more solid basis to understand and approach chastity as a kink. It wasn't a perfect solution but it was enough to clear the hurdle and help her feel more comfortable as an active keyholder. She knew exactly what I wanted and then it was up to her to decide how much of it I got.

 

I've been back In lock-up for nearly 3 weeks now. It was my wife's choice. Unfortunately for me, it came towards the end of her....shall we say, excitable window of the month? I will elaborate. There is a window of time in each month where my wife is all horny and quite open minded when it comes to the kink/fetish aspect of our lives. That is usually during her period (which lasts 3-4 days) and for about 7-10 afterwards. The following 10 days or so, she could take it or leave it. The few days running up to her period and the mere mention of anything sex/fetish related leaves her stone cold. We have busy lives with work and our children of an age where they aren't asleep until late and are probably a little too aware of their home environment for their own good, which have had an impact on our adult activities moreso than we both care to think about!

Up until recently, I had a Tumblr account (there was a few stragglers from the days before the great Tumblr purge) and a BDSMLR account and during the down times in chastity, that's how I would keep excitement levels up enough to keep the chastity as exciting as possible. Like an idiot though, I closed those accounts down and I now regret that. So I'm in a similar boat now.

I visit Literotica occasionally and maybe even pornhub once a month. There's even a few exciting posts on here to titillate. If you tease yourself in ways like these, by the time your wife does find herself in the mood, it'll be that little bit better for you and extra excitable responses to her may encourage and embolden her. But do that anyway. The more she sees that her teasing (no matter how small or tentative) is greatly welcomed and effective, the more comfortable she could become with it.

 

One thing we've been working on is putting together a list of what I call 'high-impact' and 'low-impact' ideas for teasing. High-impact would be more elaborate and time and/or labor intensive on her part (i.e. things she would enjoy when she's in the right mood for it but are too much otherwise). Low-impact teases are things she can do to meet and maintain my own needs in chastity without requiring much out of her. These are simple things like sitting on my lap while we watch TV or instructing me to strip naked as we go about mundane life (CFNM). We've only just begun exploring different aspects of teasing, but she says she really appreciates having options that accommodate her own headspace without making me feel neglected.

 

Being a self locker as wife is not interested I use The English Mansion to excite me and give me that beautiful ache that you get when locked in chastity.

 

What you described is exactly what’s going on at my house. We have 2 kids 18 months apart. Youngest is 2 months. I’m glad I read this. Makes a lot of sense.

 

I think a lot of it has to do with the day to day activities of life. If we are in the busy hectic mode of living jobs and house repairs, there is very if no time for teasing. When we find those moments to relax, somethings comes out of it. We love our pool but the season is short so we put in a hot tub. We tru to get in it for 15 minutes a few nights each and under the right conditions an hour will fly by. Some of it is talking and decompressing, others times the talking will lead to a hand here and teasing at the same time.

weekends at the pool is relaxing and the entire time teasing. My wife like to sit nude because of our privacy and seeing her make my blood boil. A joint swim in the pool, a finger beckoning me over, or her just giving me the order.

the absolute worst is her and her gf playing while all I can do is watch, she know I am even when I look away so they get louder. Then Monday comes and I always hope the week is slow and not full of pressure.

 

Well I can only speak for our situation…and every relationship I’ve ever been in… you need to lower your expectations.

Even if they are really into this, the amount of time and effort given to you will reduce as the thrill for her eventually ebbs. Teasing and constant reassurance is work. It’s not on her mind all that often, and to make matters worse it’s all we can think about.

I know me, and think, man if I had the opportunity to tease, touch, fool around, and do anything I wanted to her…I would be constantly in her business! In my experience, they just aren’t built like that.

I suggest adapting teasing into another activity. For example, instead of her teasing and touching you, you go down on her. She’s not into that very often? Try giving her a foot rub with some lotion. My wife loves a good foot rub and it’s almost a daily occurrence. I know that doesn’t seem very sexual… but if you can focus it into being a subservient act , it can be very rewarding.

I know effort on their part is pivotal and recharges our subbie batteries, but maybe lower your expectations and resentment and hurt feelings might not happen. They will never think of all this as much as you, even less so as time goes on.

 

I give my wife some sort of massage every night that I’m able.

 

How to deal with lack of teasing? I dunno man. My strategy is patience, but I don't know if I can pull it off. But I suspect that patience is the best path. That and giving her everything she wants (including stuff she doesn't think to ask for).

I'm 2 days into an expected 3 to 12 month "break in period". I doubt if I can last 3 weeks without losing my mind, but I plan to try.

 

The times when life just happens is probably the toughest mentally. Hornyness is something that you have to learn to cope with, but when there is a string of normal non sexual days, it really plays on your mind.

 

How to deal..me with play my xbox..game mobile...
Working hard..doing chores...
So eventualy i forgot about my chastity...
We are very vanilla relationship..with 2 kids and we dont have time for kinky....
I locked up 2 or 3 weeks...

 

I did the same thing. I made a list of "light teases" and "hard teases", the former are usually minimal effort and can be done throughout the day. The latter are usually a before bedtime treat if I served her well. She has the list and can choose at her leisure.

 

For obvious reasons there is less teasing and control in our life yet. Apperently I started to drifting away from my submissiveness and almost felt back in my old habits. Till early this week, when I discoverd that listening to hypnosis files helps to restore and keeping up my focus. I had never had this in mind to do, but due to reading something about it here at CM I was "triggered". I already am aware of the fact that focussing towards my Love keeps me submissive, which is already a "tease and denial" for me. So, restoring this focus is paramount to enjoy the (limited) teases that come.