How to Get Keyholder Comfortable with Longer Periods of Denial

My wife just initiated our recent entrance back into chastity. As some on here know, she likes to see me coming, a lot. She sees the benefits of orgasm denial for me, but she said 4 days or so is as long as she wants to wait before watching me ejaculate. I feel so much more into her when I am denied, but I also don’t want to refrain from giving her something she finds so deeply arousing. Does anyone have any experience with a situation like this? I’d be interested in how you managed to move past shorter lockups to longer term.

 

I am also intimidated by long waiting times I see on here. I’d never want, at this point to do anything more than a week or so. She seems to want it to be like every other day and sometimes she gets me off multiple times a day.

I agree about enjoying what I have. That’s what I have always tried to do. It’s just eventually I get off so much that I start to lose interest in waiting for her and then start doing it to myself. The super frequent orgasms after 15 years of marriage just kill the intimacy and excitement. She and I talk openly about these things, and I told her I posted this question.

 

Thanks for sharing

thanks for the recommendation!

 

Thanks for your perspective. This morning she laughed and said, “I can’t be the only woman who is like this.” I assured her she wasn’t. I don’t know and she doesn’t know if it’s because she needs that as a sign she’s making me happy or if it’s also just hot to see it happen; obviously not mutually exclusive. She will get off when I do whether it’s sex or something else. So I think it turns her on a lot, and that makes me feel good that she’s into me.

I’m trying to be as vocal as I can about how good this is, and I’m also trying to express all the reawakened feelings for her the denial gives me.

I will be shocked if she doesn’t make me come tonight. This was four days which is a lot for us. Like you said, probably will take time.

 

Yeah, I sometimes worry that I'm going to end up in that situation. It sounds great in the abstract, but the reality would be another matter. My wife is pretty vanilla in a lot of ways, but I know that could change potentially just as it did for your wife.

 

I really do appreciate hearing from the people for whom chastity is more brief. Like you said, I like knowing that I am not alone. That's how we have always played with it, but lately I really want something more if she's ok with it. It's so incredible to feel a thrill again over seeing my wife when we get back from work. I'm pretty sure she's coming into the bedroom for a quick bit of fun too; I'm hoping there will be no release for me. But I almost guarantee she'll get me off tonight. When we get back from one of our kid's school events.

 

So, it was twice tonight. First time was some really great edging, and then PIV. She stroked me next to her while I got her off. Then she started playing with me again. She said I needed to warn her if I was close. So I warned her and she just smiles while bringing me to a huge finish. Then, tonight, I was in the bedroom just doing some work, and she lied down next to me. She said there might have been a little tear from when we had sex so she was off limits. Well, after a lot of talking and kissing, I was taking off her clothes and doing what I know she likes. Then she goes, "if you get off tonight, you don't get off until Wednesday; otherwise it's Monday." I can't make up my mind so she goes ahead and gets me off again. It was really a blast tonight, but yeah, this is why we don't go longer lol. I can't complain, but I bet we won't make it until Wednesday.

 

For one, it's not just about her. We do this for both of us. For another, even if I wanted to just do it her way, my interest is going to rapidly decline getting off so frequently. And also, she has expressed an interest in doing it longer. It's just, in the moment, she really wants to see me shoot a big load for her.

 

That's one thing that has, I think, kept us from going to far into the denial or ruined solution. Though I don't feel as mesmerized by her after I've come, I don't get a horrible mood change. I normally orgasm 1-2 times a day unless I'm trying to wait, and I never really experience a huge mood drop. That said, I absolutely DO lose the intense romantic interest in her.

According to what she said last night when we were messing around, it's going to be 4-5 between orgasms for a while. Then she says we are going to increase the time. We'll see what happens.

 

I think it is something like me "topping from the bottom." Chastity was always something she did for me as much as something I do for her. It's for the both of us. The easiest thing for me to do would be to just tell her "no please" when she was going to make me orgasm, but I want it to be her call in the moment. That's why I was originally just wondering how people both moved together past shorter lock up times. I am finally feeling like I want that, but it has to be something she also desires. (I don't mean to claim that it's a progression to move to longer, but only that it is something I at least desire to try now. )

I don't think she is going to move into longer lockup times if she thinks its better for her only; she's only going to do that if she thinks it's better for us. That said, I still agree with your helpful advice about focusing on her wants and needs. I try to do that regardless of chastity being in or out of our relationship, and I know she does that for me. One of her needs/wants is to please me (just as I have a need/want to please her). So, as MsPamela mentioned above, I am trying to be as vocal to her as possible about how much I like it when her tease and denial gets me into that headspace where she is just mesmerizing to me. And I'm really trying to be as expressive as possible about the feelings for her that get worked up. She noticed that and is starting to talk about keeping it at 3-4 days and working up.

 

I'm trying to be one.

 

Thanks for the input.

For 1, I agree about enjoying what happens. We generally decide what we both want to do in advance for lock ups, and then I stick with what we've agreed to do. We don't play with chastity the way it sounds like you were describing where it's more of a one-way street in terms of decision making about how long to wait. So, when we talked last time, she was just voicing that she doesn't feel like going too long waiting, and I respect that. I'm just hoping she wants to start spreading out the full orgasms in the future just a little bit more (or at least some days I do). For 2, we've been playing with chastity off and on for nearly 15 years now, and if I'm ever in a situation where I go longer than a week, I will be really surprised. What makes it exciting for me is having more drive for when she let's me out, how much more into her I feel, and how much more time we spend having sex. Just being locked up does not sound appealing to either of us right now. But who knows, as you say, it could be something that happens, and that's all the more reason to enjoy what we currently have. I wasn't complaining about that exactly, I just wondered how other couples were able to move to the longer period of waiting.

 

Oh I imagine it would be very rough. I would like to just try a week some time to see how it felt.

It's something how quickly you guys moved into longer term use. Do you get any kind of play at all during those long lock ups? I'm glad you've learned to accept it, but I hope it gets to be more to your liking. I am not hoping for anything like that, but maybe the problem is once it gets to a week, it will just start going longer.