Pitched the idea

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Ken Adams, Mar 5, 2024.

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  1. Ken Adams
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    Ken Adams New member

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    So after several years of marriage and self locking in secret, I worked the idea of chastity into a conversation on our sex life. To my utter surprise she didn’t freak out. In fact I didn’t feel there was any judgement at all. That was almost a week ago and it’s led to a few very open conversations I wouldn’t have seen us having a few years back. She hasn’t said yes yet, but seems open to the idea. I’m sitting here biting my tongue to make sure I don’t try and pressure her into anything…but hoping for the best. Wish me luck!!
     
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  2. The Queens consort
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    The Queens consort Long term member

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    Go gently with her.
     
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  3. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    Excellent. Don't rush into it. Good luck
     
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  4. Ms Angela’s Sub
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    Ms Angela’s Sub Red Chilli Sissy Cage

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    Good luck bud…It’s a huge change if she says yes. Also, if she truly embraces it, there may be no going back.
     
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  5. LockedinNH2
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    LockedinNH2 Active member

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    When she agrees don't throw everything at her all at once.
    You've been self locking for how long? All kinds of fantasies and scenarios playing out in your head.
    For her she's on day one . This is brand new.

    Patience is the first lesson of chastity.

    Good luck
     
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  6. Oh2beelocked
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    Oh2beelocked New member

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    This is probably the best advice I've seen on this site.
     
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  7. starflyer
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    starflyer Junior Member

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    So how is it going ?
     
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  8. Thomas Gangman
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    Thomas Gangman Long term member

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    Take it slow and don't try to push her into chastity. It will either click or not and if she come to the conclusion to try she may end up liking the control
     
  9. DonnaSue
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    DonnaSue Long term member

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    You've got the audience that you desired and have presented your wishes. Now it is up to Her to take or not take the next step. To do oherwise would be disrespectful and "Topping from the Bottom", IMHO.
     
  10. madams-sissysub
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    Congratulations!
     
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  11. spider203
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    spider203 Long term member

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    Don’t rush it, give her the space to see what is in it for her.
     
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  12. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    What’s in it for her?
     
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  13. OrdinaryGuy
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    It seemed like you had 3 years to gradually let this idea grows on you. And because your wife wasn't involved, that growth was divergent from hers. You are now, not only unaligned, but motivated to pursue an interest you are invested in that you know if it's brand new to her.

    Keep this in mind and consider giving her at least as much time to get used to this as you gave yourself.
     
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  14. Curious40ish
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    Curious40ish Long term member

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    Congrats on getting to this point with your wife. Communication is the key and try to introduce her to your thoughts and ideas as to why you want it. Then communicate the benefits that she will receive and ask her to trial this game/lifestyle for a time to assess compatibility.
    If you get this far make sure you do not complain in any way about your position in this relationship.
    Then just keep her excited by the improvements to your lifestyle.
    Good luck.
     
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  15. enslavedbyc
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    enslavedbyc Junior Member

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    So. what fantasies and kinks of hers are you going to explore?
     
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  16. Ken Adams
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    Ken Adams New member

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    Well that’s been part of the challenge in our sex life. She is super vanilla and freely admits that. From my end, the desire is to focus on her and her pleasure while denying my own.
     
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  17. Ken Adams
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    Ken Adams New member

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    Ummm, pretty much the same stuff posted throughout this website and every chastity relationship website out there. What do you mean?
     
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  18. Ken Adams
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    Ken Adams New member

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    I haven’t pushed the issue, so no change. I don’t want her to feel like I’m pushing or rushing her into anything. That takes a lot of self control on my end since I want to ask her every morning and evening how she feels about it, but I have refrained from doing so!
     
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  19. enslavedbyc
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    enslavedbyc Junior Member

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    I wouldn’t make the assumption that any of the “same stuff”, is interesting to her.
     
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  20. boi paul
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    boi paul slave to my Mistress 24/7 365 days a year.

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    Good luck to you both
     
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  21. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    Most of what is posted here and on other web sites is a manifestation of male fantasy. What is missing out of virtually all of them is the true benefit to the partner other than acting out his fantasy.

    What are you offering that makes her decide that chastity and perhaps service is worth her participation?

    What is missing in her life that she will gain?

    And, will you stick with it if she deviates from your fantasy?

    You are messing with your relationship so these are good questions to consider.
     
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  22. spider203
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    spider203 Long term member

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    I just love your generalisations.
     
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  23. Mr_anonymous
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    Mr_anonymous Long term member

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    He makes a good point though. A lot of it is fantasy and me me me what kinks will she indulge. In reality it's supposed to be about her and in what's in it for her to even begin selling the idea. What if she diverges from what you want and really take control. Are you still going to want to be in chasity? The fantasy is great until it becomes real. The reality can be much different.
     
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  24. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    It is less of a generalization and more of a disappointment. It is very hard for someone new to find reliable information that isn’t designed first and foremost to feed a male sexual fantasy. Many of the books and web sites presenting themselves as guides are basically porn.

    When it comes to presenting to a partner, the fantasy usually falls short from her point of view. She often comes away from the conversation wondering what she has done wrong and why he doesn’t want to have sex with her. The fantasy can backfire in ways that can damage a relationship.

    It is unfortunate. Chastity and FLR can add a lot to a relationship if approached from a benefits point of view rather than feeding a fantasy.

    Now, that doesn’t mean that chastity can’t be a fantasy or role play. It can be a lot of fun if presented honestly.
     
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