Missing that intimate je ne se quoi

Oh the one hand, posts like yours want some kind of validation and perhaps recommendations for more toys, more sex, harder, faster, longer, rougher etc. so if that's you then I'd suggest trying drugs (LSD and sex is great) and estim, with another couple, maybe some lesbians and perhaps some gay men and lesbians and drugs and more toys.

On the other hand, I think you have overstimulated and are so drugged up on dopamine that each fix needs to be bigger and really a detox is needed. No cage, no toys, no porn...heck, no TV, booze, or even sugary treats.

I'd suggest you flip a coin, and if it lands on the one you don't like the sound of just ignore it and do the one you really want to do.

YOLO FTW!

 

Maybe more spoons and cuddles and aftercare.

 

I don't think anyone on here will be able to tell you what to add to your widening sexploits that your wife will find satisfying or increase closeness between the two of you.

 

Don't know exactly how your bodies fit together or how limber you two are, but what about sharing the same vibe? Kind of like "scissoring".

You two can hold each other and have lots of great, intimate contact while rubbing up against the same wand/vibe. You feel her body bucking against yours and she feels you straining against your cage along with the... Explosive end result.

There will definitely be some cleanup and maintenance, but hey, what sex act doesn't?

I know what you're getting at though. Sometimes we add in all the toppings and it can overwhelm the delicious ice cream that makes up the foundation of any good sundae.

 

I noticed you didn't mention fisting. Although it's hard to control the orgasm with fisting.

 

My partner doesn't normally deny me, she likes me to climax with her during traditional sex.

We did a stint some months ago where she asked me not to cum at all which lasted for 5 weeks, I know that is the normal for many here. I actually found this very intimate and in a different way to when we climax together, while I love coming with her, I also love NOT coming with her.

Ironically after 5 weeks of weekly traditional sex with no climax for me I developed even better control, and there was a part of me that was disappointed when she told me to cum.

Maybe give the emla cream a miss and learn how to have sex without cumming, even if you have to slow down if you get too near the edge. Takes practice but it can be done. When my partner is using her wand while I am in there, sometimes even when i completely stop moving its really hard to control but I have rarely had an accident.

My partner isnt big on strapons either, though we have one that we used once...expensive toy to only use once!! we both agreed it was really hot but she hasn't chosen to substitute it for me since.

She could say to you the only way your cumming in the future is with you in the cage which is fine but you can have PIV but just not cum, it could be something to work on....and it is very very intimate.

 

I get it. Just simple, unfettered intimacy. And a warm snuggle following, falling asleep in each other’s arms.

How about a weekend off? I think it serves as a reset, and reminds us of why we are together in the first place.

Then, she can have the fun of getting you back in the state she likes…

 

I would recommend the same for you as I would for a vanilla couple with the same complaint: try focusing less on orgasm and more on intimacy and contact. You mention being in certain positions to allow the application of vibes or toys (beyond the requires ones for the session) etc... maybe try the odd session where you don't worry about toys, thereby allowing other positions that offer more intimacy. Go into the session with the expectation that neither of you will orgasm (but if either does, that's fine).

 

My Wife and I will use a bullet vibe tucked between us and “make love” in missionary a handful of times per month, mostly with me caged, occasionally free. She orgasms and I probably could if I were allowed and we went longer, my Wife usually cums within 5-10 mins, it would take me longer for sure.
Any way, obviously having actual piv would be better, but this is very satisfying for that intimacy as a close second.
We also cuddle like crazy, me in my cage and she’s usually in a tank top or light tee and never any bottoms for bed. So we have plenty of skin to skin contact.

 

I agree, as a dominant man with a submissive female, this is very similar to my approach with my female sub.

As I wrote in my introduction thread, my sub has been trained physically and mentally so that not only does she not allow herself to orgasm, but she does not want to orgasm. She wants to obey and comply with my wishes so her desire to orgasm without my permission is no longer there. She enjoys PIV sex with me but she will actively stop herself if she is getting close to orgasm. She has told me that it is an instinctual response now, her mind and her body will not let it happen anymore without me giving express permission. It has become her new normal so much that one time during intercourse I told her she was allowed to orgasm but she told me she was having difficulty allowing it to happen because she had become so used to mentally not letting it happen.

I understood her predicament and I wanted to encourage her to be consistent in her thoughts that she is not allowed to orgasm during intercourse, so I came up with the idea of using a latex glove on those rare occasions when I want to give her an orgasm and use my hand instead of intercourse to give her an orgasm so that she had a clear distinction in her mind when orgasms were permitted. That idea has worked well so far, she tells me that she dreams about me using my glove on her and gets aroused when she thinks about the last time it happened. My gloved hand has become a symbol of her permission to orgasm and she does not allow herself to think about having an orgasm otherwise.

It may sound counter-intuitive for some, but we both feel a strong connection during intercourse with the power dynamic in place knowing that she is not allowed to orgasm and she has to hold it back if necessary and keep her focus on pleasing me and enjoying my orgasm knowing that I am free cum whenever and however I wish without holding back. This dynamic arouses both of us because she enjoys being controlled by me and I enjoy being in control.

 

We do this as well, except she gives me handjobs for most of my orgasms, piv has become almost exclusively for her orgasms. She will allow me a very rare cum from piv for special occasions basically. As long as we go slowly to start, I’m fine to hold out and give her penetration without an accident, especially once she gets closer to orgasm I can really just focus on giving her pleasure.

 

Shower together and clean each other up after your activities

 

I can understand what you mean.
But in our case, to be honest, this cumming together thing hasnt been that often.
Well she enjoyed the sex before our castity time and always said, still now since she knows REAL orgasms as she calls it, it was okay for her.

But we seldomly came together. Mostly me first and she then half satisfied, but used to the feeling being edged to the maximum and thinking she had had an orgasm.

As you say it. We never have been this close like in the last three years compared to all the decades before.
And this so much worth. To ride her faux cock or me foxing her and climaxing both is awesome.

We both dont want different anymore.
And for this new lifestyle and relationship it is perfect for me to not use my cock anymore to satisfy her.

But now to your question.

Why not to try electric stimulation. Stimulate you both simultaniously with a magic wand while cuddling.
How do it lesbian couples do? They also dont penetrate. Maybe you could find a way like them.

 

I responded on some other thread somewhere, but if you have a wand, I believe you could do it. At least, I've found that the wand can bring me to an orgasm almost immediately (10+seconds). I have a Vice so it's got a pretty wide slit on the tip. I stick a metal utensil in the slit and under the underside of my cock. The utensil I use is like a lobster or crab fork. Placing the wand on that utensil is way way too stimulating. The interesting thing is it comes on way faster than jerking off of penis in vagina stimulation. I figure the wand could stimulate both the utensil/you and your wife easily at the same time. Still, I think you'd cum first. Seriously, I've had to swear off the wand. The whole point of chastity and the cage is to stop jerking off. So, even though my cock is locked and preumeably safe, I still need to show resolve. "I can do this, I know I can. Yes, I'm strong. I can resist." Maybe I have to find a hypnotist somewhere.....

 

20-30 minutes of snuggling, spooning, and caressing one another with an orgasm for her thrown in here or there most mornings.

 

I know what you mean, orgasming together is great... Almost all my piv intercourse ended that way and some that are not piv...

But in the context of this forum and these kinds of kinks...
I can imagine being in your frustration ... contemplating after many months and years, how you want to connect with here on deeper level with those sweet enjoyable moment how you did it in the past... and you think she would like it... and one day you get the courage to ask maybe just once in while in year so you two can do that... and she listens and it feels like she is listening, wants to hear your motives , desire, she seems like you warmed her heart with your passion and love,... like a long conversation.... but then...
She denies you haha.... like that was a really elaborate way for you to get an orgasm but no. I will let you out only and only when I decide it, and you cant do anything about it, even when its this sweet You get a kiss...
Next month -two ... she is totally in loving mode with you, giving kisses, hugs, touches, one of the sweetest love couple, but you also experience at least 50 cuddling for deeper connections where only she comes breathing out and moaning near your face , nose and ears, so you cant ignore it in every of your sense... and saying how she now feel so connected to you, with deep closeness , gentle touching and hugging and cuddling all parts od body, and putting her leg and knee over the cage etc.... and of course she would almost always immediately fall to sleep in those positions.... etc etc.

Sorry, but it is just so hot

 

I don't know... Dare I even think it yet alone say it.... Maybe it's time to re evaluate how you guys do chastity. Maybe incorporate more reg vanilla sex every once in awhile to keep the closeness alive. Maybe have reg piv after you've given her plenty of orgasms and to end the evening well finish with reg piv in a way that you both finish. And if it's a mess she's worried about then make sure you clean her well ( and I don't mean by eating your semen out of her unless you want to) but actually clean her with love and caring affection.

Not sure how the rest of your relationship is with your wife, but maybe make sure all other areas are good too. Still making time for date night etc. Figure out what your love languages are start making sure you speak that language to your spouse which ever it may be ( acts of service, kind words, quality time [which also means quality conversations and listening] etc).

 

For sure. I'm happy to hear that it seems like all aspects of the relationship as a whole are doing well. I'm not sure if there's anything that can really replace that intimacy and physical closeness your looking for that comes with "reg missionary sex".

Maybe something for rare occasions, maybe something where you don't actually get to achieve full release but you still get the closeness and physical touch and being "one." Maybe a compromise is in order, to what extent I don't know and not sure where to even think to begin for a compromise of such nature for physical closeness and intimacy.

Interested in seeing what other have to say or suggest. But that's what I would prob do, and again doesn't mean I get to finish while we have reg missionary sex or if there's some variation of edging and ruined orgasms that she can implement while having missionary. But again I just don't see anything that can replicate or replace that closeness and intimacy using toys or still being caged since there's still that barrier.