Fuck. I’m quivering. I’m throbbing and aching. Dripping and wet. I’m curled in a fetal position and keeping both hands on my phone, and away from the warm pinkness that’s yearning for just a touch. My fingers shake. My magic spot is not just tingling. It’s buzzing loudly, and drowning out thought. But I’m good… No touching myself… like I have been for over a year, and not until 2-January, at least, when I reach 500 days. With long effort, I’ve squelched the inner voice that tells me to cheat and get myself off. “Just an edge” always led to other lines being crossed. But I shouldn’t count down the days. I need to relish this, and hope it’s my future. My dream is to have earned this, as a permanent role, through my good behavior and sunny, grateful disposition. My orgasm control and denial helps me in my submission. There’s days I wish it wasn’t so tightly coupled. Mornings like this one are challenging. I’m nearly in tears I’m so horny. But my pleasure is not for me, it’s a gift to be given to me. Being kept in this heat is a loving kind thing. Being teased and denied brings me to this exalted state, and keeps me here. Since I’ve stopped masturbating, I’m now always fun to toy with, and so I am played with more. Being horny means I’m happy and healthy. I’m always wet and ready, and thus pleasing. This is what I’m told. I’m high right now, and bursting with too much pressure. Like a big red balloon, squeaking under fingertips, and feeling clingy. It’d be a sad thing if I deflated myself. God this is so hard. [my journal entry written a few days ago]
I read your post and have felt the very same way . I lived with a dominant Lady for several years and was often sentenced to periods of time with no orgasm.6 months was the longest. Yes being in a constant state of arousal makes us subs so dedicated to pleasing our Lady . I found it such a turn on to be sentenced to no orgasm, and another turn on when the sentence was extended .One time my Lady mentioned that she was thinking of sentencing me to the rest of my life with no orgasm, that was such a turn on too. I find that as soon as I cum I have no interest in sex or the Lady ( now just a woman) who I'm with. It has wrecked quite a few relationships because suddenly I'm not the caring guy they thought I was. What ever you do don't cheat,you'd be cheating on yourself. Enjoy the foreplay,and that's what it is. 500 days of foreplay, they say getting there is half the fun, but for us getting there is un acceptable, we spend our days and nights on our journey to get there ,and enjoy each minute of it .