Giving up

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by NsToy, Feb 6, 2018.

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  1. NsToy
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    NsToy Long term member

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    So I've come to a point where I'm not sure I want to continue. It all seems so very silly and I've kind of lost the desire. My wife hasn't ever really jumped in with both feet in this but she has humored me as best as she can. Outside of the folks that are 24/7 for weeks/months on end, does anyone else have these same feelings? It's been nearly two years or so since I've started this journey and it's starting to feel like I don't know if I want it to continue.
     
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  2. LockedDiaperedSissy
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    LockedDiaperedSissy Locked and Permanently Diapered

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    I think what you are experiencing is normal especially if you do not have KH that enjoys you being locked up. I know before my wife was invested in being my KH playing with chastity was not very fun alone. I soon grew tired of it and lost all interest in chastity. It is much different now that my Queen holds the key and demands my wee wee be locked. Are you simply bored or is it that you would want your wife to force chastity onto you more than she currently does now?
     
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  3. Caged1234
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    Caged1234 Active member

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    I have only been going for 5 months and had these feelings before, the only thing that I guess is differnet is my GF is as committed as me so in these times she steps up a notch it has already happened a couple of times and she hasn't let me stay like that for long, maybe have a talk to your wife about it, I find the best remedy is always honesty here :)
     
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  4. Mistress B
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    Mistress B Mistress B

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    @NsToy you are not alone by any means. you only need to look at the members list and see how many still log on. Many fall by the wayside and it takes commitment and will power. Are you sure you are making the commitment to your wife?
     
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  5. Gigaman
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    Gigaman Long term member

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    To answer your question, I do get the same feeling that you have sometimes. My wife really wasn’t into it, but like yours she did what she had to Because she love me and wanted me to be happy. We kept trying and overtime things tend to work themselves out. Not exactly the way I wanted them to work out, but the best for both our worlds. One thing I found out is if you truly are best friends you’ll figure something out. It might not be what you want it in your fantasy but it’s what real life will allow you to have.

    If you love her I say don’t give up keep plugging away!
     
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  6. Eillydray
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    Eillydray Slave at my wife's feet, MistressG

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    @MistressG and i have gone through phases with chastity, at times I have thrown my toys out of my pram so to speak and she has had her moments when its not been working for us.

    I think @mistressB makes a good point about commitment, having recently read through the five love languages there is a chapter about choosing to love, doing things that you may not natuarally be inclined to, but that you know will resonate with your partner.

    Communication is key and as long as you are talking about what you both want/need then I believe you stand a better chance of making it through, although it’s also important to let your wife lead in the way she wants to which may be more subtle than you would prefer but this is an alternative way of life and being flexible with your expectations of how she leads may help.
     
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  7. NsToy
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    NsToy Long term member

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    I think part of it is my wife not taking it seriously, like leaving her key laying around, but also a big part of it is frustration with devices. There is seems to be some level of discomfort at times with any device I have tried, including my custom Jailbird. It really is combination of all those things.

    I'm committed to my wife. Fully. I wasn't a terrible husband before chastity but I know I wasn't as attentive. I think I've learned to be better. And I agree that communication is key but I would never want her to feel like I don't want to continue doing this because of her not buying in 100%. That wouldn't be fair to her.
     
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  8. Lakeman
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    Lakeman Long term member

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    If it’s not working for you, you should feel you can give it up, with no guilt, it’s a pretty unusual thing we do here, locking up our bits in a cage.

    If the cage is part of the problem, there’s lots of fun to be had without a device with tease and denial, if that floats your boat.


     
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  9. Deleted member 53138
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    You have been devoted to this for a long time, you have proved yourself......and now what is left? I think you should take a break, call it R & R.....but then that old saying keeps coming back....real chastity only begins when you want to stop......I am the last person you should take advice from I know nothing compared to most on this site.....would it spark your interest if your wife became more assertive and told you what to do?
     
  10. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    Even if I was to give this up, or more precisely if my Wife was to decide she wasn’t interested any more, I doubt I would feel like going back to the habits I had before we discovered chastity and orgasm denial. I certainly wouldn’t go back to masturbating several times a week like I used to as I like the intense feelings of arousal that denial brings.

    To be honest I am bored with wearing a chastity device. I don’t wear it because I want to, I wear it because my Wife wants me to. I would be just as happy exploring tantric or karezza forms of denial but my Wife has really got to like the power that the key to my device has given her.

    Like your wife mine is not interested in making sure the key is kept hidden or secure. A large part of her enjoyment stems from the trust she has in me. I was upset at first when I realized she wouldn’t lock the key away from me, until she explained her feelings on the matter. It is the same reason she doesn’t want me to wear a piercing locked device. If I couldn’t escape my device she would feel redundant and trust wouldn’t be necessary.
     
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  11. El Guapo
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    El Guapo Ladies First.

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    Such a powerful thread!

    If this isn't the story of my last few decades, I don't know what is.

    I was introduced into TND & FLR back in college and it instantly became a way of life for me. I was steeped in orgasm denial, servitude & wearing her panties.

    Years later when I met my wife I brought her into this world. I never had a device - we went by the honor system ... and it worked well enough for us.

    Mandy of @Mandynjack has quite a lot of terrific posts about 'natural dominance'. If your wife doesn't want to be the leader of that there outfit, there ain't much you can do about it.

    My wife and I both go through stages of wanting more or less and we take that in stride. What we do with/for each other feels 'right'. We have learned to 'real-talk' often & not to force things.

    While I want my wife to be more strict (experience real powerlessness) - she isn't into the effort that takes for her. You can argue it doesn't take any, just lock me up ... but it does take a lot of more than that [occasional discussion about that around].

    On one hand, my wife understands the cause and effect of keeping my O's to a minimal - they are usually my reward for doing all the chores. I am pretty certain she wouldn't want to start doing them all herself - she enjoys being able to relax while I work.

    To be sure, even if my wife decided to just forget about the whole thing, I can't see how I would go back to how it was before I got into this kink. It has moved too far away from being a fad - it is a deep way of life.

    The were times where I administered my own TND & orgasm denial ... I just wouldn't let myself masturbate or cum ... I did it through desire, discipline & commitment.

     
  12. LockedDiaperedSissy
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    LockedDiaperedSissy Locked and Permanently Diapered

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    I know in my realtionship my baby girl sissy lifestyle was not complete until my wife bought all in. This led to her dominance and our relationship became female led. I know before that I felt alone or even hurt as my wife wanted to live a more traditional sexual life. I think once a woman knows she has the power to control her partner and is truly cherished it unleashes the inner desire to truly love a FLR lifestyle. I know my wife is much happier now as I devote all that I am to her. I know I am incapable of sexually pleasing her so I make up for it every other way possible. She knows she has her lil girl by his tiny balls.

    Before my wife decided to embrace this lifestyle I wanted to give up everyday.
     
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  13. WEC
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    WEC Long term member

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    great thread!...and I totally get it. I've enjoyed my 4 lock ups and my wife's participation...but still feel she's not that into it, the devices hurt over time, and maybe its even distracting me from some other goals that are more important. I'm so thankful for the experience but hoping this break lasts a while. In our case I know my wife will be encouraged by the fact that I like the break to "normal" and probably will then want to lock me though. :)
     
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  14. JiL
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    JiL servitude4u

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    In spite of the frustrations I have about my particular situation, when the feelings get bad enough that I might consider giving the whole way of life up, I defer decisions about such a major move to the yearly anniversary of when I would start a new year in chastity, which for me is August. This gives me time to think, calm down, not over react, and if i'm lucky, communicate appropriately. At that time my Wife and i discuss Her level of satisfaction and happiness with the past year, and we renew our contract with any changes She might want. It is also my time to make suggestions as to what i may want to get out of this.
    So, I make a commitment for a one year period, for which I will remain dedicated, like it or not. I am Ok with that, and if i want to quit or take a break, we know that is the way it will be handled. This may not work for everyone, but it is presently how I most appropriately handle my frustrations with regards to quitting. There are inappropriate ways of dealing with frustrations and wanting to quit, and I battle, sometimes daily, to avoid them. Wish you the best, regardless of the choice you make.
     
  15. tiemeupalso
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    tiemeupalso Long term member

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    I have been playing with chastity for several years.i too have about given up because I cant find a keyholder anywhere neer me.i still like the idea of being locked and the way it feels,but after a few days to 2 week I am bored and off it comes.
     
  16. filltee
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    filltee Junior Member

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    Keeping your os interest is dependent of you doing a lot of hard work initially to get her to appreciate and not want to lose the benefits you willing give to her.. Once that interest has caught hold until it all becomes habit you will have to pu tin what seems like a lot of effort to maintain her interest.

    If you are not willing to do that its not going to work
    If you are doing that and its not working are you sure the THAT you are doing is the right THAT. Ask her if don't aske her you will probably lose her. Or is that what you want? Do you know? Have you stopped and asked yourself what it is that you want. You have to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with her.
     
  17. guest 2942
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    guest 2942 Long term member

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    We quit a few years ago because I wanted to for selfish reasons. Though I always felt drawn back to chastity. I could never shake the need for it. Thankfully we are working on starting again with a new attitude and a fresh perspective. So keep that in mind if you do decide to quit. You may have strong feelings to start back up again. Might be better to have a good honest conversation and see if you can work it out before throwing in the towel.
     
  18. NsToy
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    NsToy Long term member

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    Thank you everyone for your input. It is greatly appreciated. I'm on the road currently so I will wait until I get home to talk to my wife about it.
     
  19. keyheld
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    keyheld Member

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    Yes I get those feelings after every orgasm

    I don’t have many now and that’s part of the reason. Speak to your keyholder and explain how you’re felling.

    No one will think less of you if you decide not to continue.
     
  20. filltee
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    filltee Junior Member

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    An often overlooked potential symptom of the Drop. Quite a few reasons why one might experience the Drop, it affects almost everyone to some degree post orgasm or even post other forms of release.
    Reading this might help you understand some of the possible causes for your feelings.

    https://www.reuniting.info/node/4865

    My usual disclaimer /spolier Imention when I refer to the above link. If you are concerned that chastitly play/lifestyle in your life might be spolied in someway by having a deeper understanding of the science behind it don't reads this. I say this with genuine concern that not everyone wants to know. Nor do I blame them for that its a very personal thing
     
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  21. NsToy
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    NsToy Long term member

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    Well, I'm not going to give up. I'm going to refocus on her, which is something I've admittedly have been getting away from some.
     
  22. filltee
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    filltee Junior Member

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    I think you will find that would be a far more productive approach. If you want something from your partner that that are not necessarily into as muchas you then the harder you have to work to make it more worth their while..
     
  23. Wife's Submissive
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    Wife's Submissive Loving being denied by wife!

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    I love being locked in chastity. My wife liked it at first and still might like it. Although she doesn’t participate in it too much except wearing the key around a necklace. We have had some relationship issues off and on that have probably impacted things. I know I could be better at paying more attention to her physically as well as mentally.

    There are aspects I would love for her to be meaner about and punish me if I don’t please her. Such as keeping me longer without cums, using a strap on on her while I am locked or maybe using it on me. She hasn’t been wanting to use a strap on in her bc she likes the feel of flesh in piv. She has experimented putting a finger up my butt while it was weird I did enjoy it and wish she would do it more. I also wish she was more authoritarian about the whole thing and not seemingly waiting on me.

    All things being said I would never not have my cock not locked up, bc it has greatly reduced me masturbating. I still want to but no point really as it is extremely difficult to cum if at all with the little cage. Especially right now as I am gone three weeks out of each month traveling.
     
  24. Kylara
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    Kylara Happy feminized sub owned by Mistress PHEBUSA

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    Do it slow, forget the cage at first.
    I push my wife to goes into it by first doing the chores, letting plenty of free time for her.
    I serve her at table and she stay at the sofa in front of TV while serving anythings she wants, she loves a lot this part.
    I do things she demands like shaving, cream, long hair and so, that makes her happy.
    Then I don't argue for sex and do what she likes, she enjoy orgasm a lot and I search and find exaclly what turns her on, it takes time and it was not that what turn me on at first.
    Now I am still rarely caged but she accept the idea and our sexuality has reversed from PIV to oral orgasm for her.
    I check the process by writing a diary of it. So I now what works, what not and on witch step I am.
    It takes 3 years to helps her and not being an arrogant alpha.
    since I declare the desire of chastity it takes 5 month for her to own her sexuality (it is not something that appear in one day).
    3 months for her to be served and goes in holiday without me, to takes my money for her without cupabilisation.
    2 months to revert sex.

    I did not talk of the cage but it is in my night table, she sees it every day, movement is done, she will cage me by herself just by waiting. Don't rush.
     
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