Chastity Conversation with a Friend

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by HappilyLockedMan, Aug 16, 2020.

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  1. HappilyLockedMan
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    HappilyLockedMan Long term member

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    A very good friend of mine has a problem that is all too familiar to me. He has all kinds of kinky desires and his wife is as vanilla as newly fallen snow, if I can mix a metaphor. I’ve spoken with him about my chastity and he’s been mildly interested. Mostly, my openness paved the way for us to have very open conversations about ourselves.

    I’ve been thinking about him and his situation and think that chastity might lead to a big improvement in his relationship with his wife.

    He’s properly cautious about Covid, as I am, and I’m going to drive up to visit him later this week. He’s told me that he masturbates compulsively, sometimes several times a day. I totally remember those days and without a doubt my life is better now that jerking off isn’t part of it.

    I’m going to have my cage off so I can use it for a show and tell. I’m intending to discuss my ideas of how being in chastity can improve his life. I wouldn’t presume to have this conversation with anyone else I know but I’ll be comfortable having it with him. I’m confident he’ll consider what I say thoughtfully.

    I’ll post again to let you know how it went.
     
  2. rhodry04
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    rhodry04 Long term member

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    That’s a very good friend. I think if he is receptive it could really help him. Though if he is masterbating several times a day then there is something off with the relationship. If you are jerking off that much you are not fulfilled sexually. Chastity may help but the underlying issues need to be worked out too.
     
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  3. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    hope it works out.
     
  4. MissyB
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    MissyB Long term member

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    I think it would benefit both of you, to share your chastity experiences. If he's masturbating because of a difference in sex drive between him and his wife, it could make their relationship better. Sort of balance them out. If he's interested, would you consider holding his key to help him develop some personal discipline?
     
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  5. LukeVallentine
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    LukeVallentine Long term member

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    I hope it goes well for all the parties involved, but speaking from experience, women who actually enjoy the dominant side AND are interested in long-term relationship are very hard to find. Maybe your friend will wake his vanilla wife up, so to speak, but that would be a miracle.
     
  6. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    For really vanilla women, I’d suggest something that doesn’t force her into a dominate role. Simply keep the key on her key ring so that he can unlock when they are together and he will have to lock before they part the next day. It may evolve from there if you make it fun and not a chore or overtly kinky.
     
  7. Unlucky
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    Unlucky Long term member

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    Male chastity might help with masturbation, but it doesn't curb kinky desires. Just look at the people on this site. Every 3rd person is trying to figure out how to escalate something in some way to give them a new sexual rush when they'd probably be better off jerking off every few days instead.

    That's not to say male chastity can't be successful for a couple, but it takes a lot of work from both parties and that same amount of work would probably accomplish the job without the device though the device can help if people get off track and to just serve as a tangible symbol of the need to work at the relationship rather than settling into a rut.
     
  8. madams-sissysub
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    Hope it all goes well, and look forward to your update.
     
  9. borbulls1961
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    borbulls1961 Madame Vanilla's property

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    I disagree...Kinky desires are just fine and dandy...its the jerking off that kills relationships. Hence Chastity.
    But I do agree that the device is a tangible symbol of the need to get out of the rut...
     
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  10. Unlucky
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    Unlucky Long term member

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    If you don't think that a man suddenly wanting to wear panties, crossdress, wear buttplugs, be pegged, for his partner to have sex with others, or 90% of the other shit that people obsess about on this site while claiming to practice chastity can't kill a relationship, you're naive.
     
  11. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    LOL yes. However, basic chastity device use can be very low effort for the keyholder.
     
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  12. Mojoman
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    Mojoman Long term member

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    Is his wife uninterested in kinky sex, or uninterested in sex full stop.?

    If he is an avid and addictive wanker, then I suspect it may be the latter. Adding chastity into the mix is probably unlikely to awaken her inner nymphomaniac on it's own. Sex-free marriages are not uncommon, but it's not "normal" in a healthy relationship, so perhaps counselling would be more help.

    On the other hand, if his wife enjoys sex, then she may also enjoy adding in a bit of kink. Who knows? In my experience, women who are open to a bit of kink now and then have to be open-minded in the first place. I'd be wary of presenting chastity as a magic cure-all and raising his expectations to unrealistic levels, but it may just work for him.

    He's lucky to have you as a friend. Most guys would not be discussing this at all.
     
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  13. Guest 2684
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    Guest 2684 Long term member

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    My KEYHOLDER and me had way different sex drives I masterbated 2 to 3 times a day due to that we started chastity to control it we now have sex/playtime once a month or so way better than maybe once a year if lucky hope it works out keep us posted
     
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  14. borbulls1961
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    borbulls1961 Madame Vanilla's property

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    Yay that seems ro be what Gilesenglish calls basic chastity device use... my situation with my wife Madame Vanilla is very similar to yours...I hope she can stay the course with very low effort...to start with.
     
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  15. Thomas Gangman
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    Thomas Gangman Long term member

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    We have friends who were slow to adopt the lifestyle, she was vanilla in her beliefs. The husband had tried talking her into and she kept resisting but not to an outright refusal. His wife and I were friends and belonged to the same health club and in the same circle of friends. We even were usually placed at the same table at various functions and got along very well.

    it was not uncommon for his wife to be sitting at our pool on a Saturday afternoon while her husband was playing a round of golf. I came home from doing some errands and found two very lubicated ladies from the numerous umbrella drinks. The we’re talking about husbands and the other was telling my wife how hard is was to control her husband with his sports. My wife told her she got it solved and ordered me to take my pants off. I hesitated and then the stern warning was voiced and I pulled them right down.

    when his wife saw the cage I could see the shock and confusion, but she did reach out and grabbed the metal bars. The next fifteen minutes was every question possible and within a week, the husband was caged.

    the bottom line, when the wife embraces the idea, the results are limitless. They are still very active in the lifestyle and they constantly thank us for getting them on this path.
     
  16. Jail Bird
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    Jail Bird Long term member

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    Do you and her hubby ever compare chastity notes? Cage?, lock up time?, etc.
     
  17. Ormaz
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    Ormaz Long term member

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    Good job! :+1:
     
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  18. 90731
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    Agree. His actions and much louder than his words. Words can be judged before knowing the possibilities, while his actions of being more thoughtful, kinder and focused on her and what she wants will let her see and feel the difference before harshly judging it based on what we are taught sexuality is (and the shame of different things/lifestyles) and how society views certain lifestyles when society has nothing to do with a couples happiness.
     
  19. 90731
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    That’s a good point. So in this friends situation, like you stated, it seems that there are deeper issues. Chastity could very well help change his focus from his selfishness (which all people go through at times). The issue could become if or when she reciprocates. He could change by his own accord, but he’s the only one playing the game. Communication is always key, so chastity without her knowing can be an unfair game in the end unless he can remain forever discipline and have absolutely no expectations of his partner. Both impossible in my opinion. It’s a difficult situation for sure.

    Chastity, like other lifestyles like cuckolding have to come from a loving place. The psychology, the trust and discipline comes before the fun and desired “torture” if that’s your thing imo.
     
  20. keephimcaged
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    You might be interested to know. Now hubby's worked through the ins and outs of publishing, I'm really pushing ahead with my guides for really low-key introduction of chastity that will be very much aimed at vanilla wives. I'll be looking for some beta readers for feedback in the next few weeks so I'll post about it here.
    Hopefully, it'll be helpful in situations like your friend's.
    As others have said and hundreds of conversations I've had on the blog. If you can just get past the initial shock at the idea, and actually see the results, it's incredible. I'm so excited to create something that will help people do that. We've got all the covers designed etc so it's just down to me finishing writing it now!

    Jane xxx
     
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  21. Surrendered
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    Surrendered Long term member

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    That sounds amazing! Low key pushing and guidance to vanilla wives.
     
  22. keephimcaged
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    Well, when I discuss it with women on my blog I always say, 'If there was a pill that did this to a guy, EVERY WOMAN I KNOW would be feeding it to her partner.' So the fact it's a cage and 'kinky' is just something you need to get past to really enjoy the benefits.
     
  23. Chaste J.
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    Chaste J. Long term member

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    Fortunately for a lot of us we have partners who seem to have worked out the benefits of chastity for themselves fairly quickly!
     
  24. borbulls1961
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    borbulls1961 Madame Vanilla's property

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    How long did it take Mrs Chaste...and how vanilla was she starting out?
     
  25. Chaste J.
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    Chaste J. Long term member

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    To be honest she was never 100% vanilla. She always liked oral as well and apparently I'm very good at it! So once we "had the chat" it didn't take long. The strap on soon became part of "the game" and we have never looked back! Her character is slightly dominant (matriarchal as opposed to full on Dom) so that helped in taking everything forward!
     
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