transformation

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Arden Sirnah, Jun 12, 2014.

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  1. Arden Sirnah
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    Arden Sirnah New member

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    I'm still new to the lifestyle and I must be the worse Dom there is. Well I'm great at the teasing and the BDSM. However after "playtime" there are times when I find it terribly difficult to do the humiliation my hubby wants and desires. I guess being in a vanilla relationship for so long its difficult to transform into the stronger part of me. I know I can do it. He's seen that side of me....and often. :) But never directed to him because I couldn't. We never had a fight out of the 5 years we've been married so to turn and direct my demands and name calling towards him.

    I love how this lifestyle has brought us even closer than ever before. We share a lot more with each other and I plan for the total lifestyle in and out of the boudoir/home. But darn it, I need to be stronger towards hubby (Servant Boy Steve). I will do it...but when not thinking about it, I transform back to just plain Arden. Hubby is happiest when I'm Miss Arden. Don't get me wrong, I'm not just doing this for him and his needs. I've dabbled in S&M and love that aspect because I do feel in control and strong. It's the humiliation I find difficult.

    I'm chalking it up as being in the vanilla relationship for so long my mind set in this permanent vanilla mode.

    I'm just wondering from anyone, who cares to share with me, how their Mistresses, Mistresses themselves handled this new lifestyle and taking the control? I know everyone started at some point with becoming the Dom in there relationship/lifestyle. :eek:
     
  2. Servant boy Steve
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    Servant boy Steve New member

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    I think you are an awesome Dom thus far! Yes you have a ways to go in the humiliation/name calling aspect, but that will come in time.
    The fun part is the journey we both are on finding ourselves, you as a Dom and me as the Sub.
    I live for serving you and will do ANYTHING you instruct me to.
    Just let go of your guilty feelings and act on your aggressiveness.
    I can't wait for the day when this is our lifestyle rather than "just in the bedroom" but for mow, I am going to enjoy the ride as we learn.
    I love you Miss Arden!
     
  3. Wendygirl
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    Wendygirl To offer advice and keep CM safe and welcoming

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    I think just give it time but the two posts define topping from the bottom.

    Steve shut up , speak when you are spoken to .

    Any bit of that you don't understand please ask for clarification .

    Xx Wendy
     
  4. Servant boy Steve
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    Servant boy Steve New member

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  5. Wendygirl
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    Wendygirl To offer advice and keep CM safe and welcoming

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    Hopefully you will take my advice in the way it was intended just be a good boy for your wife.:)

    Xx Wendy
     
  6. Mistress B
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    Mistress B Mistress B

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    @Arden Sirnah Just be yourself, don't try to change into something you're not just to please him. If humiliation is not your thing, then don't do it. "he" should be grateful to you.
     
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  7. Max51
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    Max51 Youth is wasted on the young.

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    Try buying him enough panties to last the week, hide or destroy his man undies, require that he makes up his face when home with you and then you do not have to do much more and the burden is on him. Mt wife has it easy because my erect penis is just 3 inches long. It has long been a source of humiliation. I have been denied any type of penetrive sex with her for longer than either of us can remember. She used to make me watch other guys sexually satisfy her and then do the cleanup when we got home. She is bisexual so I have been made to stand naked before many a laughing woman who did not believe the reason she preferred sex with them, than me. Once they saw, they knew and she would wink at me to let me know she was humiliating me because she knew that I liked it.
     
  8. Mistress linda and slave
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    Mistress linda and slave all men should be locked

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    miss arden, sounds as tho he is topping from the bottom. you need to set what your limits are in your head, its not wrong to please him, but if he is your slave, his thoughts should be of pleasing you. if you wish to do other things, take your time. remember FLR. your in charge.
     
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  9. Mascara^Snake
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    Mascara^Snake Banned

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    #9 Mascara^Snake, Jun 13, 2014
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2014
    Well Arden I have to agree.
    And it will remain that way so long as you continue to do your best to meet with his standards and behave in the way he wants.
    Worse still if you fell into the trap of conforming to any kind chastity lifestyle rules that the chaps on this site have made up..
    Since you're in control you can do whatever feels right to you.
    And if you're unsure about anything then there are always other mistresses here that you can share your issues with.
    ;-)
     
  10. Kontraband
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    Kontraband Uncaged Switch

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    Arden,

    I couldn't agree more with Mascara^Snake; everyone is different and so should be treated as such, there can be no hard and fast rules. As the dominant it is for you to decide and set the rules, if you do not get anything out of the humiliation play then don't do it. Ask yourself; what do I get from doing this? If the answer is feeling bad then don't so it.

    Also remember that there are plenty of people on here whom you can ask for advice just don't feel bound by the advice you receive.
     
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  11. karent_50
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    karent_50 Junior Member

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    Arden,
    I truly hope you don't seriously believe what you said, thinking you're the worst Dom there is. A) you are new and still discovering who you are and what you want. B) the fact that you care about these things is important, and a very good trait.
    As Mistress B said, just be yourself and let things progress naturally, as you would like them too. Its good to know your hubby's wants, needs and kinks, but don't let them dictate you, leverage them. You should control them, like I do with my hubby, sort of like the "carrot and stick" approach. Over time you may find yourself doing things you never used to enjoy, or even imagine. Or you may not, its entirely up to you.
    I can tell you from my own experiences, that like you, I used to feel bad, or uncomfortable about some things, but over time have either eliminated them, come to terms with it, or even grew to enjoy it myself. The important thing is be yourself, be in control, and do what feels comfortable to you. And as mentioned many times already, you're not alone, so feel free to reach out here like you've done. I'm sure there is at least someone, if not many here, who have felt or experienced what you are going thru and willing to help.
     
  12. MissCharlotte
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    MissCharlotte Active member

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    Totally agree. He should be asking what you like, not telling what he likes.
     
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  13. Arden Sirnah
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    Arden Sirnah New member

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    Perhaps I wasn't clear in my first post. We discussed our wants and needs for this lifestyle and both consented to the same conditions. I want to understand and enjoy my submissive's fantasies, as well as my own. I hope to find which fantasy archetype we are. With that being said, I assumed sharing fantasies deepen the bonds between partners.

    I understand experienced Mistresses are smiling at the basic material I question, but even the most formidable females had to start her career somewhere. I will say, having my every command, which he has been diligent, my womanhood worshiped and my lightest wishes treated as urgent commands is extremely arousing.

    I truly do not think I am the worse Dom....I get a bit theatrical for a hoot.

    I take everyone's reply very seriously and I appreciate all of the guidance you have given me. I need not rush into this and let the decision come naturally.

    Again,
    Thank you
     
  14. Lady De
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    Lady De Never turning back!

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    Dear Arden
    I Think You are Doing great. :) Meaning that you are open to lean and listen, not just to us in here, but mostly to yourself, and of course to your hubby. It has to be like that for eternity. Noone can on their come up with a bullet proof recipe.
    My husband - and sub, if I have to name him that. hi.hi - was very much aware of not committing the crime of "topping from bottom", as I have learned it has been labeled. At first I did not understand a word of his concerns...;-) What was the problem?. He was trying to introduce me to this totally new way of living, a new way of thinking, and a new balance of power. Sure I needed a little help....
    Since he was very much on the lookout not to control, not to decide, but to guide, we only in glimpses had issues. That is to me the main reason that this lifestyle has become something I embrace today, and something that I don't want to miss. I was never scared off. I was comfortable- that I was not being forced into something I could not do, could not understand, could not believe in.
    Today I more or less decide everything, or at least the things I find important to decide, along with things @BlueEyes wants me to decide:) He also has accepted my rights to veto and desire, decision or action of his.
    And I has for long already decided the pace and the direction:)

    But without his initial advice, his suggestions, based on his long time knowledge of my views, beliefs, and resources, we would not have been where we are today....

    I believe that one of his often repeated statements in here on the forum is something like: "Sometimes a Female lead relationship needs a helping hand to bloom in its full potential". I happen to agree with that.:)

    Today I am so fortunate to get advice from very skilled women in here. It is wonderful to learn and test own ideas up against the more moderate and very gentle Mistresses in here.
    But I begin to feel that my own version of this lifestyle has matured into something of it own, something that is so much me!:) I do not doubt so much anymore. I am feeling comfortable., and I hope for you @Arden Sirnah to reach something similar - within reasonable time...:)
     
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