Asking for something vs topping from the bottom

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Bryce411, Oct 3, 2022.

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  1. Bryce411
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    Bryce411 Active member

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    I'm not really sure what the difference is because it seems to me that if the servant asks his mistress for something, it's topping from the bottom.

    So, I've recently I've started wanting to get back into Freemasonry. There are a lot of reasons for this. Primarily, it's something that I did with my dad together. Then Dad died when I was in the Navy and I went to two lodge meetings after he died and it was all too much.

    So recently I've gotten the information about visiting privileges which would be the first step in joining a lodge where I live now.

    Also I'm either in class or at Queen Mona's place and 2 months into this, even though I'm sorry crazy about my Queen, is a little stiffeling and are times when she annoys me and i think when I'm annoying her.(being sent to the corner add told not to breathe loudly or when I'm spending the night on the couch, I'm pretty sure she's needing a break from me.)

    Anyway, the time commitment would be one lodge meeting a month between 2 or 3 hours, since lodges do a monthly or bimonthly pancake breakfast fundraiser that would require another 3 or 4 hour time commitment. If I'm in a committee, that's another hour or so a month. I'd also be needed as needed for masonic funerals which either be a half an hour or so.

    So how do I petition my Queen for permission without either actually or appearing to top from the bottom?

    I got a private message from a fellow inmate at the Mansion that buying a bottle of whiskey knowing that I can only drink with permission was topping from the bottom and i should have asked before i bought it which makes sense.
     
  2. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Chastity Superman.

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    ‘Topping’ would insinuate something sexual surely?
    You’re making a reasonable requests in regards to your life.
    If you’re really having to put this to the mansion I’m pretty sure there’s something majorly fucked up in your relationship.
    Just my opinion.
     
  3. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Mistress2and4you

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    This is an ask, this isn't topping from the bottom.

    Topping is when you tell your dominant what to do or what you want them to do, particularly if it has to do with kink.

    This is a hobby and external activity you want to enjoy, that enhances your well-being. Other than taking some minor time away from home, there is zero impact on your dominant.

    EDIT: BTW the whiskey incident wasn't topping either, imho
     
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  4. Bryce411
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    Bryce411 Active member

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    Hi, thanks for the reply.

    I would say that at least 50% of the ways I bottom are nonsexual. Wearing what she wants me to wear, having to ask permission to go places, standing in the corner and not breathing loudly, having to ask permission to have a beer. So I wouldn't consider topping from the bottom to limited to sexual activities.

    The thing is I'm new to this. Like 2 months into FLR. So I'm almost a total noob. That's why I ask questions here before I make a misstep with my Queen and Eve up in the corner again... At first I thought that I just accepted whatever she decided to deliver.

    But I found it that it just gets us both pissed off.
     
  5. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Mistress2and4you

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    You've got to communicate to make it work. Don't get wrapped around the axle about topping, etc. Just ask her, it's a reasonable request.
     
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  6. Disciplined Boyfriend
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    Seriously! ???

    Figure out what you want from your life, your relationship, everything and talk with your partner, mistress whoever it is about it.

    Find your limits, expectations, oh and hers too, find out what she gets from it, tell her what you want from it and maybe after that figure out if the masons are right for you.

    Freemasonry has a lot of secrets, that might be a bit mutually exclusive with the openness that a FemDom relationship requires. What's more important?
     
  7. SubDee
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    SubDee Long term member

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    Dude! Topping and bottoming as I know it, are purely sexual.
    When you say, “50% of the ways you bottom are not sexual”, I think you are confusing topping/bottoming
    With D/s.
    When your lady tells you to clean the toilet and you obey, this is not bottoming, this is submission.
    When you want Italian, and She says you’re going to Taco Bell.
    You are submissive, not bottom.
    It’s very different.
    Top/Bottom are sex/kink terms.
    It’s a reasonable thing to want to belong to Freemasons or softball team, football, etc…
    If She can’t allow you to have that then now you are bordering on Master/slave territory. Even past D/s

    so you have

    Tops-Bottoms
    Dominants-Submissives
    Masters-Slaves

    figure out what your Woman wants.
    After reading all of your posts, I think that y’all don’t even know.
    Take it slow
    Very slow.
    But if She says you can’t be a Freemason and that is something that means a lot to you.
    Pack up and find another
     
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  8. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes I identify as someone that is always right

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    There are strict rules to this stuff and you clearly didn't get the memo.

    1. If you have to ask the answer wil be "no".
    2. If you ask, if the answer was "maybe" it's now "no".
    3. If you ask and the answer was going to be "yes" then it's now "no".
    4. The answer is no.
    5. No.
     
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  9. Living Curious
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    Living Curious Long-term lockee

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    https://thelivingcurious.com/2017/09/08/the-phrase-topping-from-the-bottom-is-bullshit/

    That's a blog post I wrote, holy shit, 5 years ago. I think the phrase and concept of "topping from the bottom" is bullshit in 99.9% of the situations in which it's used.
    It is used as a means to help lazy Dom/tops exercise passive control and silence their sub/bottom. And it's used as an excuse by sub/bottoms to not be honest/vulnerable and risk rejection.
    Approach your partner in sincerety and respect; advocate for yourself based on what you feel and think. Use "I statements" and focus on what you feel your needs are.
    Something like, "I've been missing my dad a lot lately and I've had some thoughts on that I'd like to share. When might be a good time for you for us to have a discussion?" And then "We used to go to the lodge together and I've been thinking that would be good for me to pursue again. I wanted to share with you because I respect our time together and want to know your thoughts." That's a lot different than "I know you sometimes get annoyed with me so this should be a good solution."
    Always be respectful and sincere and if your partner has neither the patience to listen nor the inclination to seek compromise or make space for you, then walk away and don't look back because that's toxic.
     
  10. Bryce411
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    Bryce411 Active member

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    First off thanks for the replies. I see more how very new to this I am. They've been helpful.

    While making dinner I told her that there was something I want to do and hoped she would hear me out before making a decision.

    She said that sounded serious.

    So I started, and didn't get very far into it and this wasn't a prison and she wasn't a warden and if I wanted to join a no girls allowed club where we wear aprons and hold hands and promise not to tell anyone that she didn't think she could stop me if she tried. But that she understood that it requires a lot of memorization and did I think I should take that on just as I'm starting law school.

    So I explained that I'm past that point. That I've passed through all three degrees.

    Then she says she didn't have a problem with it.

    So now I was confused because things I thought would not even be an issue are major issues and things I think will be major issue she doesn't seem to care about.

    So I asked her about it.

    She told me her son had thrown away his life because of a drinking and drug problem and seeing the bottle of whiskey she transferred her disappointment and frustration from her son to me and that is why she was excessive in the spanking session. And upon reflection she realized she was wrong and promised to make a determined effort not to let it happen again.

    I also promised to let her know when I was hurt or confused, instead of internalizing it and sulking, I would talk it out.
     
  11. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    @Bryce411 great lesson in communication! Well done and thanks for sharing.
     
  12. billzboats
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    billzboats 63rd birthday

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    I think that our country was built on freemasonry and am proud of you.
     
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  13. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    So much deja vu. In my case, it was something (truly innocent and innocuous) that I said that reminded her of something (unspeakable) she was deeply ashamed of her father for. And she took it out on me (like unloading a double-barrel shotgun), because she had never been able to confront her father on the topic, or deal with her own guilt over it.

    In retrospect, our relationship is stronger for having gone through that, but I will always carry the scars. There are some things that cannot be unsaid, and some pains that never go away.
     
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  14. Ma'at Rebekah
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    Ma'at Rebekah Long term member

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    Living Curious makes a valid point though new and fragile flrs should be included. when i first started out topping from the bottom created doubt in the face of low confidence creating a temporary destabilizing effect.
    decades later i define topping from the bottom as the intent or effect of diminishing the power dynamic established in the relationship. my interpretation of the ask is all important and punishment is metered out accordingly if need be. it did not take long for puck to ask herself " will ma'at perceive this request as a challenge to her power in the relationship?"
    your's was not an ask but an action with the assumption that action would and did get your desired effect. in my opinion you deserve to be punished and not the drink.
     
  15. okbobbi
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    okbobbi Member

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    What you said!!
     
  16. cagedfellow
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    cagedfellow Long term member

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    Is informing your mistress of your desires necessarily controlling?

    If I was a master, I would like to know who my submissive is. His desires, his emotions, his temperament, his expectations. That doesn't mean I'm out of control. On the contrary, it would help me in my relationship strategies, because being a top induces the burden of responsibility. And the more I knew about a situation, the better my choices of direction would be.

    So communication is the key.
     
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