Can anyone relate to Chastity being both the solution and the problem? I’m in a happy relationship with my fiancé of 2 years, but since we’ve been together I’ve found myself spending more and more time masturbating over the idea of being locked up in Chastity. I’ve bought chastity cages she doesn’t know about and I just love the feeling of being locked up, even if I do it myself. I tend to lock up at work and when I’m on my own to stop myself, and remove the device before she arrives home. Which got me thinking, if I didn’t ever stumble across Chastity, would I even need to lock myself up? (And before I get asked I have approached the subject with my vanilla other half 3-4 times, who has absolutely no interest in seeing my penis locked in a cage).
In the beginning for me it was very difficult because the newness of chastity was such a huge turn on. I had a bit of a masturbation problem beforehand so the turn on from the prospect of living a lifestyle like this didn’t help me with that issue at the time. Once I did bring it up to my better half and she agreed to lock me, my focus became more about my mistress. Although I was a horny wreck it was different because one of my overall goals was to be chaste for her, focus my attention on her and stop masturbating. Even being extremely aroused all the time in the beginning was tolerable because it gave me a lot of motivation and energy that could be focused towards my mistress. So at 5 + years in, yes I still have a desire to masturbate but that urge has greatly diminished with time and wearing a cage. Wearing a chastity cage has become normal to me now but it still excites me. Moving forward our lifestyle has become more about FLR and femdom and the cage is just a tool to assist my mistress with keeping me in my submissive head space. You mentioned you approached your fiancé a few times about chastity. What is it that is bothering her about locking you up. It’s not uncommon for many women to feel this way, mostly it’s because they don’t understand the concept and overall benefits to chastity. I tried explaining why I thought chastity would be good for me/us and failed miserably for two weeks trying to help her understand. She was intrigued but I couldn’t get her to pull the trigger on it until I bought her a book titled “Male Chastity” By Lucy Fairbourne. It was a good book because it’s realistic and doesn’t delve heavy in the kink if your fiancé is mire in the vanilla side of things. It took my mistress about 45 minutes to read it from cover to cover and it sold her on chastity. After reading the book we picked out a cage and haven’t liked back. Looking back at the last 5 1/2 years I’m amazed and am loving where we are and the things we’ve experimented with. Neither of us would or could go back to a relationship without chastity. I wish you luck in helping your fiancé see the potential benefits of a chastity marriage. Keep communicating with her about it and let her explain what’s holding her up. Ironically one thing my mistress didn’t like was the look of my first cage. It was a Holy Trainer, black and bulky, she didn’t even like to look at it. I bought a steel cage a few months later and it was like I saw hearts in her eyes. She liked looking at it and touching it and viewed it more as jewelry versus before. We’re a little more hard core now and I’m wearing a steel Behind Barz chastity belt. That’s even more exciting for her because she knows there is no escape for me Good luck!
Kind of a "double life" thing going on. I know what you mean about a blessing and a curse. Chastity is something that sexually fulfills you but it is also a problem because your lover is not interested. Can the two ideas coexist? In my experience, it is unlikely that your fetish will ever totally disappear. For me, the fetishes have evolved over the years but never vanished! Attempting to sublimate your desires or engage in them behind your partner's back could result in UNNECESSARY dissatisfaction, shame, guilt and disfunction that will certainly be brought into your relationship in one form or another. In my marriage, I have always been kinky and my wife has always been closer to vanilla. Over the years, I have introduced more kinky stuff into the marriage including chastity and she has mostly indulged me and sometimes pushed back. It has sometimes been a struggle resulting in issues including sexual dysfunction, marriage counseling and therapy. We have mostly struck a nice balance these days with good communication and lot's of love. In our situation, we have worked it out and I would never go back and do it differently. Given that your fiancé has expressed zero interest in this yet you are compelled to lockup without her knowledge is a problem that will not resolve itself. The good news is you are not yet married. You should first think very carefully about what you are willing to compromise to spend your life with this person. Where is that line for you? Then you and your fiancé need to have several very honest discussions on what you are willing to sacrifice and what she is willing to indulge in your mutual sex life. Maybe a balance can be struck? Maybe it can't. But whatever you do, make sure you unpack all this together before you get married, because the consequences of ending now are very small compared to once you get married and possibly have children. And for sure you should not feel that your sexuality is of lesser importance than hers because she is "normal" and you are "weird". Leave the judgement out of it. You are entitled to your sexuality and it is just as valid as it is for vanilla folk out there. Sorry for rambling. I hope this was helpful.
After reading your posting several times, it is difficult to tell what solution you are looking for. It would help to know if you are looking for occasional kinky play, or long term chastity. If I may, it appears the problem you may have, is not being entirely honest with your fiancé and perhaps yourself. I am not sure in what manner you can present it to her again, but if you want her to accept chastity, you have to start with trust. Especially if you envision a long term arrangement. It is very difficult to propose chastity to a partner. How you do it, means everything. Listening carefully to her responses is important above all else. In the end, she still may not want to participate. What then? Good luck, I hope you can work it out.
Thanks for the book reference! If ever I feel the time is right to bring it up again I may try a different approach and offer reading material so she can understand the concept better. It’s the idea itself that bothers her, it’s a bit ‘out there’ in her eyes, I think it freaks her out when I have mentioned it.
No need to apologise thanks for the reply. I suppose I should have outlined from the outset if I wasn’t sure about getting married I wouldn’t have asked. I understand what you’re implying but I also realise how few people find what they really want. Would the perfect fantasy be me locked up in chastity and her in control of the keys, yes? That’s why I’m here! But in reality would I swap my life now in search of something that I may never find, when I have my favourite person in the world beside me, then no, I’m happy to sacrifice that and if I want to play with chastity when on my own, so be it. I was more intrigued as to the concept, that for me the actual idea and feeling of wearing a chastity cage is a massive turn on, and the solution to stop masturbating over this would be to wear one? Funny how some things play out!
Sorry if not clear, not looking for a solution myself. Very happy in my relationship, and who knows things may change in the future. Just more of a thought in general. There are so many reasons why people get locked up or lock themselves in devices but I wonder exactly how many of us are locked directly because they fantasise about being in chastity?
I'm making an assumption that before chastity came into your head you still masturbated to porn? Just different porn? Now you've found something new, an intriguing fetish, and it's likely that you will get more turned on about that and think about it more frequently, so the increased masturbation isn't really a surprise. There's only one solution, and you know what it is. Get yourself locked. good luck
Your fantasies of chastity -- and they're not really fantasies anymore, but needs -- are not going to go away. And masturbating to them, as many of us have, only reinforces them and makes the need deeper. If you masturbate to chastity and wear a chastity cage it's too late. It already is an issue in your relationship, even if right now you're willing to sublimate it. It'll be lurking there, a lingering dissatisfaction. As Locked4Her999 says, you need to keep talking about this. Your sexuality is not going to change. Why should you be the one to eat it? Why shouldn't she moderate her belief system to accept you as you are, as part of her love for you, for all of you?
I totally see how chastity can be both. I see it as useful but annoying fetish. Being locked only fuels my desires, with no relief from masturbation to release pressure of wanting orgasms. A catch 22 sort of fetish.
I honestly don't see the desire to participate in chastity with a device by yourself. I think you should just tell her about it and how you feel... after all you are getting married to them it sounds.