Chastity and Love

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by Hubby&Missy, Jan 6, 2022.

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  1. Hubby&Missy
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    Hubby&Missy Love keeps us together

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    You don’t have to read this if you are not into long rambling philosophy. Our conversation started out strange and all kinds of thoughts mostly about love have been rolling through my brain and I decided if I had to be annoyed by them why not you folks too. LOL

    Supper conversation was weird tonight. Out of nowhere Missy asks me if I made any New Year’s resolutions. I asked her what that was about. We’ve never done resolutions. She said, “This year is so different. We have changed so much. How do we make sure it doesn’t slip away?”

    We started reminiscing. I told her I was such a jerk those early years. I was trying so hard to be a macho, tough guy cause they were the ones who got all the hot girls in high school. Geeks like me couldn’t even get a date. All the movies said I had to be a man and take charge of my woman. Then I got almost weepy and said I lost my mother just when I needed her most. My father taught me to respect and honor women and to treat them like they were special. My mother would have taught me how to love a women. She would have taught me about my softer side. I asked, “I had no idea what I was doing. What did you ever see in me anyway?” She said she saw a kindness and gentleness she didn’t see in the real macho guys. She said I wasn’t as bad as I think I was.

    Then it was her turn and she said she was a scared little girl who believed sex was strictly for procreation and only men were supposed to like it. Girls who liked it were sluts. She said if Dick and Jane hadn’t come up with the chastity thing and helped her to let me have sex once in a while we never would have made it. Then she asked me what made me join Chastity Mansion. I told her I wasn’t sure. It was a little about frustration, or maybe it was fear. I was scared I was losing her. I found this place and it seemed like it was full of people who talked about their problems and their love life (or lack of it) and they cared and they helped each other. I was desperate and wrote our story. Then I said, “the scariest moment was when we fought about the site and I was sure I had lost you but you wrote your feelings down here and it was our new beginning.”

    Now Missy was starting to get teary and asked me, “How do we keep it? I don’t ever want to lose what we have now.” I said that I would make my first ever resolution. “You would always be #1. You would be the most important thing in my world. You would always come first.” Missy got a very serious look and said, “No it isn’t like that.” She said we will make a joint resolution. “We will always be #1. WE will always be the most important thing in OUR world.” Then she laughed a little and said she would be #2 and I could be #3. Then she changed it and said her Mustang was #3 so I could be #4. The she said and what about our friends. Finally she was laughing pretty good and asked if I would be okay with being maybe #7 or so. I told her as long as I made the top 10 I was happy. She came over and gave me a big hug and kiss and then she said, “You know the only one that matters is the “US.” If it is always about us we will both feel loved and what more could we want?”

    She walked away to go look over some office work she brought home and I started to clear the table and do the dishes. Her last comment made me think about the people here. I realized that what keeps you all together is the same thing keeping us together. Many of the stories here read like it is all about making the woman this queen or princess. It is about her being #1. In reality, I believe for most couples here it is, like Missy said, about making you both #1. In your posts you all make it sound like it is one sided and she is the evil witch. She is denying you and punishing you. In actuality she is loving you. I believe most woman here love their mate as much as he loves her. You are both giving and receiving exactly what you need and what you want. Or in some cases still working together to get to that level. I am sure if something happened to a man here, such as he got seriously ill or injured, or had a breakdown, his woman’s concerns would instantly change to caring for him and helping him heal. The kink would take a back seat to whatever he needed.

    This site may be about chastity and kink but what makes it special and what makes it work is it is about mutual love.

    Sorry about all the rambling but Missy just helped me understand and grow a little more tonight. I just had to write about what I learned.
     
  2. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    This is a perfect encapsulation of the chastity experience. Thanks
     
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  3. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    You are perfectly correct. I know my partner loves me, and this is definitely not all about her being happy but both of us.

    I am a better partner and spouse with this dynamic, her doing this helps me keep that. It may not always be fun but it is what I need to be happy and for us to succeed.

    As far as life taking priority, life always happens. There will be tough times, and wearing the cage doesn’t mean there is an expectation of play. Play will resume when it is supposed to.
     
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  4. madams-sissysub
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    Thanks for sharing!
     
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  5. Hubby&Missy
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    Hubby&Missy Love keeps us together

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    I had always thought about how much I loved her and how much she loved me but last night she made me realize it is about a shared love and not individual love. So subtle a difference but so important. We are one person in two bodies going through life together now.
    When I came back here last night and looked at some of the stories I realized that is a common thread here. It is especially noticeable in the journeys where both people are posting here, even the extreme ones like Mistress-M and LB or the BR Saiph's. These stories are like reading very kinky romance novels. Not a life style for me but interesting and the banter between the partners has a vibe that makes you root for them. I vaguely recall a post where someone actually told a couple to get a room. LOL
    Missy was trying to figure out the magic that attracted such a wide variety of couples to this site. I believe this is the magic. I am sure people at other sites have love but all that comes through at those sites is the domination and the chastity. This community is not afraid to share the love side of their chastity/FLR experience and even if we don't recognize it immediately as love stories, the vibe sucks us in. We naturally share our vibe and the site becomes a community of caring supportive people. That is what makes this place special unlike any other place. It is about loving relationships and not just domination and chastity.
     
  6. captivatedbyher
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    captivatedbyher romantic want to be

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    Being in chastity seems to bring out a romantic side of men, just another plus for the ladies!
     
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  7. Queens kept
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    Queens kept Long term member

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    Spot on post!! i have shared with people on here countless times, that for us (see, i didn't say me) for us, everything we do that is chastity related or even sex related, is done from the standpoint of love. Chastity is really not a kink for us (certainly not primarily) it is a marriage aid ( we use other marriage aids as well). We have always looked at weather or not something (whatever that "something" is) is helpful for our relationship, and if it is, we then proceed with love at the forefront of whatever "it " is. It may or may not even be sex related, it is usually more life related issues. Great post. All the best to Chastity Mansion and its people for the Loving New Year!!
     
  8. Isopropylforyou
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    Isopropylforyou Long term member

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    B I N G O!

    You hit the nail on the head.

    One of the benefits of Chastity that is often missed is the interactions it creates between the Keyholder and Chastised.

    The device itself is a conduit of communication, attention and interactions between the two individuals. Kind of like Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and the Chastity Cage is the phone line between the two planets. (I wanted to say Stargate but I don't think anyone would get the reference)

    It brings us both together by having something in common: The Chastity Cage and the effects of wearing it.

    Iso
     
  9. Hubby&Missy
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    Hubby&Missy Love keeps us together

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    Yes Iso, I just sort of realized the other night that this silly little cage changes us from two individuals who admittedly love each other to one person in two bodies. It seems to keep us on the same page. So subtle a difference but so big when it comes to how close it makes us feel.
     
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  10. Isopropylforyou
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    Isopropylforyou Long term member

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    It's the little things that make all the difference.
     
  11. Hubby&Missy
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    Hubby&Missy Love keeps us together

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    Saturday morning was a major revelation for me. I hadn’t masturbated on my own in years because we were using the cage. The orgasm was okay while it happened but not great. Afterwards I felt cold and empty. I almost felt like I had cheated on Missy in spite of the fact that she told me to do it to meet my ejaculation requirement. She always touches and kisses me Saturday mornings while we are doing the little things around the house but yesterday I felt guilty when she did like I didn’t deserve her touch. Even this morning, though I was feeling more rational about it, I held her hand all through the church service because I felt like I owed her an apology or something. An orgasm that isn’t about love and Missy suddenly seems wrong to me.

    Since we have been able to make love and have orgasms at will it has been about the love. We make love without sex almost every night. I will give her an orgasm manually or orally once or twice a week because she seems to want one. Mostly I just give her fuzzies, those almost orgasms that just make her melt and relax. But about once a week or so she senses I need that release and she will make it something special for me and then we will cuddle and kiss and make sensual love for a few minutes and I feel like a king. Yesterday it hit me like a brick. It is not the orgasm that makes me feel like a king. It is the love. It is about how she makes me feel. I don’t ever want another orgasm that isn’t part of making love to Missy Years ago I wanted an orgasm all the time. What an amazing power she has over me now?

    I joined this site just over a year ago. As I look back I was a pretty good husband everywhere but in the bedroom. Somehow, when it came to the nuptials I was just a selfish boy who couldn’t understand my loving wife’s reluctance for sex. It was all about my need for that release. Several people here sort of took me under their wing and slowly taught me to be a loving husband in the bedroom too. Over the last year I learned that physical love is about the intimacy between partners, not the orgasm. The orgasm is wonderful but it is nothing without that special intimacy. The bedroom is about the love now. The orgasm is like winning a sandlot game back when we were kids. Exciting when you did but it meant nothing ten minutes later.

    As I learned to be more giving and patient in the bedroom, Missy started to feel more comfortable in the bedroom. Even though we still were not having actual sex, we were making love and we were both becoming more fulfilled and closer than we had ever been. Missy had learned to trust me and enjoy physical intimacy. When the opportunity for the Thanksgiving miracle presented itself, Missy was ready for it. Had I not grown and changed and started to love her in ways she deserved instead of my old selfish ways, I am not sure the miracle would have ever happened. We would probably be divorced and gone our separate ways.

    I don’t know that I have ever properly thanked my friends here (And I hope you know who you are, all of you who have supported us and advised us) for possibly saving my marriage. So many members here are so caring and special. Is there anywhere else on the world wide web we would have been so welcomed and could have found this kind of support? I don’t think so. So thank you all our friends at CM. There is no site quite like this one.

    Each day I learn a little more about myself and what love truly is.
     
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  12. captivatedbyher
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    captivatedbyher romantic want to be

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    Well said and same with me!
     
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