I envy those it works out for

well he is bad , I think.

 

IMO, it is time to stop indulging him since he is acting like a petulant child. My two cents is if you can take an accounting of how many days and "event"s he is topped from the bottom and cheated and come up with a total days/energy burn figure.

Then I would suggest you come up with what things you like and desire ( 1/2 the household taken care of where you don't have to ask and he doesn't mope about it, body massages, oral and PIV sex where you both orgasm and feel connected, etc).

He is neglecting the relationship, and if your needs aren't being met, then that has to stop and a reset is required. If he is not willing to satisfy you and your needs from personal, mental, and sexual, then he is more in love with himself then you. Then it is time to start searching for another, but always keep the door open so he can "apologizes" and repent.

There are numerous guys and gals out there that can achieve what you need, the only question is whether you have the real confidence to be clear, be concise, and be direct about your needs and the fact your relationship (from what you say) is appearing to be dying.

 

@MadamBelle have you any idea how many guys you could replace yours with and it seems almost guarantee you would be better off.

Just say this to him.

You can have one last chance... choose between all my way or you on your way.

That will only work in your favour if you mean it and stick to it.

Good Luck

 

Sorry to hear that things are going badly in your relationship. As most hear know I have a bit of an outsiders view of chastity etc.. I think he is living in his head and has read so many stories and memes that he has bought into the " koolaid" of what a chaste relationship is and has lost sight of your relationship. Also sounds like he may have an addictive personality and could benefit from counseling. There are probably other issues that could/need to be addressed and the chastity experience just brought things to a head. Good luck!

 

From what you've said, he's selfish, a liar, and an idiot. He won't change unless he sincerely wants to change and that's not going to happen without a shock to his system. Giving him an ultimatum might seem like that shock, and yes, it would be to some extent, but any changes he makes to his to behavior would be temporary and he'd resent it.

As I see it, you have two options: Refuse to participate in ANYTHING kink related (not until he cleans up his act. For good) or give him the boot.

 

If nothing else good comes out of this whole experience for you then at least you have found an outlet to vent your frustrations out on where so many hopeful men would literally sweat blood to be in this fools shoes. Vent away you are not alone for sure there are many wives and girlfriends out there putting up with similar behaviour from men who profess to want to "serve" them but in reality all they want is for someone to pleasure them in exactly the way they have read or seen online. The reality for him is that he is extremely lucky to have someone who has tried to please him in some of his more extreme fantasies but it obviously will never be enough or up to the high standards he has lodged inside his thick head. As others have suggested give him an ultimatum and point out everything that MUST change or else this relationship will fail in the end. If he does see sense then he will be an even luckier individual but if he cannot see the error of his ways then fear not there will be a queue forming as long as your street with potential sutors who would know how to treat a Lady.

 

He’s clearly addicted based on your descriptions. Porn does desensitize a man if that’s his primary focus. It’s too bad that it’s what your relationship has devolved into. Good for you for taking a stand. You shouldn’t waste time on someone who isn’t willing to see that he needs professional help. We only get so much time here.

 

I'm so sorry that you are going through this, it's incredibly unfair to you considering how much effort and time you've put into this lifestyle. It probably wouldn't be a bad idea to see a marriage counselor and get some outside help, he could get some perspective from a 3rd party. He sounds very selfish and has a serious porn problem if he can't even stop looking at it while you guys are having sex. He has clearly turned your lifestyle away from chastity and made it his own selfish thing and you shouldn't have to put up with that. He should be kissing your feet for allowing him to do the things you've allowed. I suggest you tell him to read your post in this thread or send it to him so he can read and re-read how you feel and what he's done to your relationship.

I get where he's coming from with the kink. I was there at one point to and pushed it so hard on my wife and she resisted. It finally clicked in my head how much I was insulting my wife by constantly bringing up the kink and things I wanted instead of the things I promised her and changes I would make in myself. He needs to have that epiphany and realize how much you and your relationship means to him before he can make a change. You need to put in print and let him read how you feel & how he makes you feel about yourself. Give him anactual printout so he can hold it in hands and read your words.

I don't have to know you personally to know that you are an incredible woman who is caring and giving. I can have figured that out about you from reading your posts, You deserve much better than what he's giving you.

Take that confidence that you found in yourself when you first took control of your relationship. That confidence was real and still inside you, be the strong confident woman that you felt you were before he manipulated you with his bullshit.

If he truly cares about making things right with you than he will go to a counselor and get help or the two of you can go to marriage counselor. You deserve better than this and he needs to be made aware of that.

 

@MadamBelle I am sorry to hear of this ongoing battle. Seems like since the beginning he
has just been playing a game. To lie and have no remorse for his selfish actions cannot be
tolerated. He is caught up in something he has no control over and it is crushing you.
professional help or the highway. It's his choice, he is not going to change by himself because
he sees no wrong.

I would just say don't envy others, just tell him YOU are going to find someone that gives
you the respect you deserve and will actually serve you with love. and not be a selfish ogre
that only sees himself. Mean it and walk away. Never let anyone use you like that. As it has
been said already, many would find a safe haven in you. Don't second guess yourself, you
know we see it from miles away. Please take care and don't submit yourself to such anguish.

 

I hope he hasn't been trying to drive you to have an affair or something by acting like a complete ass to get his jollies off on that.

 

You’re right, you can’t fulfill his desires. His desires are a bottomless pit of fantasy. The more you feed it, the more he’ll want. In his mind this is all about him and what he wants.

I would say no more chastity or any other fetish stuff for a while. Get back to basics. Does he love you for you? If there were no indulging his fetishes, can he still love you? Or does he just love his fetishes and you happen to fill that desire? He needs to make his choice.

 

I am saddened by your loss. It isn’t often we come across something that is enjoyable both in and out of the bedroom.

It goes to show the old phrase “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink” is true. I don’t know anything about your relationship but it seems he’s fairly into the fantasy of this but not the reality...the reality being that you can’t cheat, take, or lie in a D/s relationship. Trust is pretty much what it’s all about. One trusting that they will comply with demands, and one trusting that their needs will be met with compliance or for the greater good.

You can’t force a kink on someone, all you can do is stop playing if they refuse to play by the rules.

Just because I am the kind of person I am, I doubt i would let it go without taking it to a new level.
-password protect home internet.
-change his phone to an old flip phone, no internet
-orgasm ratio 50-1 for you, not to start until he has apologized for lying and not following through with his promises.
-if he wants to return to any kinky play, he gets pierced and a new device.

Of course you can’t make him do anything, but you can make his sexual world pretty boring until he’s willing to comply.

I hope you figure a way to have your desires fulfilled without feeling used and lied to.

Good luck

 

time for a full belt.
he asked for chastity. time to make it real.
if he really has this desire, make it real and use that to mold him into the perfect husband. explain what is happening. make your re creation of him his new kink.

 

He sounds like a complete jerk to me. Obviously I haven't heard his side of the story, but I doubt he could change my mind.

I wouldn't want to give you any advice, I think your enjoyment of chastity is obvious and whatever you choose to do it has to work for you. I would however like to agree with the idea of locking his access to the Internet and changing his phone to an old style flip phone without data access. All you would have to do is refuse to allow him any sex with you until he gave you his phone and agreed to your terms.

 

If you want to continue with chastity, I would agree with those who have proposed locking down his access to Internet, password protect and maybe a net filter. I would also recommend a more secure device. Get him a Prince Albert piercing and order a custom device that utilizes the PA piercing to keep things secure so he can’t be masturbating. He will likely do some masturbating while his piercing is healing and can’t be caged, but once it’s healed and securely caged, that will be a thing of the past.

 

Respectfully I would like to offer this

16 posts by different people all telling you it is him that is in the wrong and obviously he needs to sort out his act. 16 of us are not too likely to be all wrong.
If in doubt ask the verified female members what they think.

your way or no way at all.
issues some ultimatums which he can agree to or get out of your life.
Then start the remodelling of him or your new life without him.

 

@MadamBelle I’m sorry to hear about your dilemma and feel privileged that you have decided to share/vent your feelings on here with us.

Now, although I dislike the term ‘topping from the bottom’ this is exactly what this is.
In my opinion, I think if you want to save your relationship you're going to need to overhaul your outlook and get his mind out of the gutter with this fantasy nonsense.

Firstly, I would suggest that parental locks are put on all devices where porn can be accessed. Get him the most basic phone without internet access.
You need to be firm and make him aware that punishment will follow any misdemeanours. This should include insolence or petulance about things you have told him to do.
You need to cut him off or ship him out and make it clear that you’re in charge and not him.
I know it’s easier said than done and I have had my fair share of issues, nothing this extreme but enough to make me doubt myself. However, stand tough and don’t indulge this blantant disrespect he is showing you.

This isn’t just about the chastity side of your relationship. You need him to respect you regardless of that aspect.
Be strong. Be dominant. Make him question himself and don’t back down.
Please feel free to message privately.
LP

 

MadamBelle I send you a hug. Glad you found a place to vent. And I hope it works out for you (with him or without) I have no advice for you. You did right. Stop, take a deep breath and vent...

If your toy comes on and reads this my advice for you Mr. @Madamebellestoy , get counseling.. Look at https://yourbrainonporn.com/ It takes a serious wake up call to change harmful behavior. Let your wife's words and feelings be that call.

 

Another vote for doing what has to be done to deal with his porn and masturbation addiction, and being strict that it has to be your way or no way.

 

I am saddened to hear you two are still having problems. You definitely deserve far more respect than you're getting... And have for a while now.

I'm sending you good vibes as you work through this troubling time. I hope you both come out stronger on the other side, regardless of where you wind up.

 

Before chastity I had a pretty healthy masterbation life, about once or twice a day. I didn’t think anything of it, because I thought it didn’t interfere with sex, I could still have a go, and I might last longer. I also don’t think it’s bad, evil, or wrong.

I didn’t really realize how much it affected my attitude and overall unwillingness to accommodate until it was taken away.

I am pretty grateful that she took it to where it is, cause that’s not how I saw chastity.

 

@MadamBelle, when I read your post, your frustration, disappointment and pain came through. I am fearful of giving advice in this situation, as I don't know you but I am glad you have chosen to find an outlet for your frustration. However, a forum like this may not be the best resource and would encourage you to consider reaching out to someone from the Kink Aware Professionals Directory. You might find someone who can help you work through this, either individually or together.

In the meantime, now that some time has passed, you might want to re-read what your wrote and see what it says to you now. Good luck!

 

I have been guilty of frustrating my spouse many times through selfishness. Every man here should read this and remember what is truly important: kink or companion? If kink, then depart now to a cave to remain. If companion, then take action to listen, find balance, work together, seek opportunities to make the other's life easier and better.
I have read that piece several times today. I never want to be there with my spouse.