Great idea! Don’t tell anyone

For years I've said that chastity can actually be a "gateway kink."

Here's the thing, though: most sexual fads happen as a result of porn. When I grew up, women (and men) in Playboy, Hustler, Penthouse, etc., proudly displayed their pubic hair. Inn the 90s, the porn fad went to close cut or shaved, and for the last 20 years, shaved seems to be the norm.

Similarly, women in porn were getting discreet tattoos, then larger, colored sleeves, breast, etc. Now vanilla women are sporting sleeves or tramp stamps.

When cock cages start showing up in mainstream porn, and in a way that validates or enhances masculinity, then they'll start becoming a more mainstream item.

 

I agree that it is perfect for the vanilla woman, but I only have my male perspective to share. I would love to see more information and sites dedicated to the vanilla perspective of male chastity and devotion. Much of what is out there may frighten off even the most adventurous of vanilla couples.

In the day and age of easily available pornography, men need to relearn that wanting something is often better than having it. Men seem to have more physical needs whereas many women have more emmotional needs. Men can easily satisfy their physical needs through pornography and fantasy where women (correct me if I’m wrong) cannot so easily satisfy their emmotional needs in the same way.

However, a vanilla relationship is about being equals. How can male chastity be implemented in a relationship to build and create that equality? The best way I can think of is that by removing the male’s easy access to physical release due to available porn, he becomes dependent on his mate for his physical needs just as she depends on him for her emmotional needs. By depending on each other, balance can be brought to the relationship.

So if a vanilla relationship is about equality and balance, then who should be in charge of the male remaining chaste? Seems to me it would be both of their responsibility. She would encourage his devotion, and he would work hard to control himself (either with a device or willpower.)

 

I agree that male chastity ought to appeal to vanilla women, who would seem to desire faithfulness from their husbands. A chastity cage would be much like a wedding ring, a symbol of unavailability to other women. But to implement that chastity control, a vanilla woman would have to break from much of society's teachings about women. Even in these days of more pronounced feminism, most women feel the man should lead and they should support. Even if equal in standing, society still emphasizes most relationships need a leader. Some religions actively promote those kinds of roles for men and women. So even though it may seem logical for vanilla women to want to utilize chastity for their men, it requires much more effort to be outside the norm than might be realized.

 

I couldn't imagine being controlled by anyone.I have always led the relationships Ive had.But will admit some of the website meets I had were not right.The ''subs'' were not subs, and I didn't feel they could be trusted.They tried to take over, and appeared to be dom.I didn't spend another moment with them, went home alone.Ive no time for men who empower Women.

 

I also agree, if anything it is the other way round, madam and I have noticed that.

 

My wife and I have been on a chastity journey for 2 1/2 years. I've gone through many stages, which I'm not going to bore you with. I'm basically self locked with my wife's agreement and approval.

I wear the cage
1- because it appeals to my kinkiness
2- because if I don't wear it I'll masturbate and then not be available for sex with my wife when she wants sex, which is not nearly as often as I do.

Sex, for me, absolutely does not have to include me having an orgasm. I'm really happy to be permitted to give her an orgasm BUT My wife's appetite for sex is low and she usually isn't interested in receiving BUT

She applies hormone to herself 6 times a week to maintain and promote what sexual desire she has.
Then it struck me: She's doing a lot to support our having a sex life together. I'm wearing the cage for our sex life (among other reasons) and she's using hormone.

When I finally understood that it helped me to release a lot of the sense of deprivation that I had, wanting more than I had. Yeah, I would love to have my wife be as happily kinky as some of the women I read about here but my wife isn't and, for now, I'm okay with that. I hope the feeling lasts.

 

Quite funny there about your wife knowing you can't cheat. My wife had the misfortune to be cheated on by her first husband! As a consequence she always said it makes it so difficult to 100% trust again. And whilst she knows she can trust me there is always that little tiny bit of insecurity! And coming at it from that angle she says she is genuinely a lot happier knowing I can't be led astray as she puts it. Which is just one of the many dynamics of our relationship!

 

Women are raised to look for a masculine male. They feel guilty emasculating their lover.

 

I agree. My wife and I have had a FLR relationship for the past 2 years. I am on the honor system and am only allowed to cum inside her, though I long to be locked up 24/7. She has always had a problem with me when I have been denied for a while because I tend to be a `push over` and just want to do anything she say. I justed asked her today if she would prefer the old me when i was masterbating twice a day. Apparently I was a real jerk for twenty years.
She quickly said she won`t ever complain again. We stopped this a few months ago and she was the one that asked to start it back up. She has recently allowed me to use a cage, but only at home. She doesn`t like the cage much.
She is very vanilla and has come a long way from the norms that she grew up with.

 

Well, it may be perfect for vanilla women, but I think they might have a difficult time getting vanilla men to wear them. "You want to put a what on my what, now?"

 

Well, maybe, but I think the average vanilla guy would be put off by it. They'd ask why. They'd be told- (a) to keep you from lusting after other women, or (b) to keep you from masturbating, and then the guy would get offended. In the case of (a) he'd say- you don't trust me, or (b), if you don't want me masturbating have sex with me more often, or blow me more often, or give me a handy more often. My guess is chastity will remain exclusively, or almost exclusively, a kink, and I see nothing wrong with that. I also think that it would be far easier to get vanilla guys interested in kink with the explanations- because it's naughty, or don't you think that's wild, or you're so sexy I want to control you, or it makes me wet just thinking about it- than trying to convince them to try it in a non kinky context. But who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe chastity cages will appear in the supermarket next to the condoms with placards that read- Who needs condoms when your cock is locked?

 

"Because otherwise we won't be having sex anymore" or "Just try it. I think I can make you like it".

 

More couples need to start out with the expectation that the male partner will reserve his desire for his partner. As I think back about the amount of time and energy I've wasted, I am really saddened and regretful (and probably deserve to be locked up for my past behavior) . However, a cage is not always required to do this. Would it not mean more to a woman to maintain her trust be remaining dedicated in this way. Why should the burden of chastity and keyholding be the woman's unless the man is incapable of reserving his desires for his partner? Once properly trained to keep his desire for his partner, doesn't the cage just become a symbol that a vanilla couple might be able to avoid using?

 

Is the only use of a cage to 'reserve his desire' for the keyholder? I mean, maybe mechanically, that's the thing, but I think there's more to it. I've never had a problem with cheating or wandering eyes, but chastity is something else. It puts your whole being on red alert for your keyholder. It's not something that I could even fake if I wanted to. So I think there's more going on than just 'reserving desire'.

 

"You can marry the woman of your dreams. The only catch is that she will lock up your dick in a steel contraption that will probably pinch in ways that will be inconvenient to adjust in public, will wake you up several times a night with chafing and burning on your balls, will prevent you from standing to pee, and will cause you to think about your dick even more than you normally do. Oh, and she will only unlock it at her whim."

Umm... do you have much experience around men? I ask merely for information.

 

Don't fall for the fallacy of "When you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail." Yes, it is true that some couples would greatly benefit from knowing that chastity devices are a possibility. But not everyone. Indeed, other couples might greatly benefit from opening up their marriages rather than locking up their males. Other couples might benefit by getting divorced. Different strokes for different folks

 

I think chastity for 360 Degrees Fidelity can only become mainstream when we have "cheating evident" devices, which we don't. However, I do see some vanilla mileage in non-locking bedroom devices. Back when I was a youth, some girls insisted on boyfriends keeping on their underpants or even putting on Speedos for fooling around. And of course, some girls like to tease in vanilla ways. One of those Oxballs silicone devices would fit the bill nicely.

As for whether a cheating-evident device could plausibly make male chastity mainstream? Yes, almost certainly. A lot of couples have ostensibly playful vanilla dynamics going for them. This would fit that - a bit of fun that becomes a step onto a slippery slope.

Given how many men are at least secretly kinky, @L-u-c-y 's fantasy of "woman of your dreams for a commitment to chastity" is probably more realistic than @Tom Allen thinks. Kink aside, people have all sorts of hangups and a chastity device could play into that for a significant percentage of couples.

 

I'm in a town of around 10000 too and often think much the same. However, if I went into the pub with a t-shirt that said I was Chaste I'd be laughed at. But walking into the church hall a few doors up with the same no one would bat an eye.