I was just looking at my fetlife account and things I had posted before I found the haven of CM. This is something I posted. I believe we have grown and come a long way in the last 6 months. It’s title was Patience. As I write this today my patience is being pushed to limits I only thought my child could push! I’m new to this life of Dominance and submission. In my vanilla life the roles are sort of there but these roles are never discussed in vanilla life. I want to be submissive but it would seem the men in both lives are just interested in themselves and I have to direct their lives as well as my own. I have another life. A life that has been explained will always come first. This is understood, or so I thought. What can only be described as a tantrum was had because I, her Domme, couldn’t make enough time for her! I have made time and this holiday we are planning will be taken with my J under a guise of something else in order to please her, but she has done nothing but disappoint or disrespect me. I feel I have done wrong and rewarded this behaviour. Last night, after numerous times of not listening to me, Jessica was punished with 100 lines of the words ‘I must listen to mistress’. An hour and a half later it was done. This punishment was executed due to the fact that after being given strict instructions she took it upon herself to do something different thinking it would please me. This, as you are aware did not please me. She insists on things being explicitly explained and through instructions so that she doesn’t disappoint me. The tasks set were to see if she could follow simple instructions. She failed. I am aware this is a learning curve for both of us. I feel that I am either failing or not strong enough to deal with a submissive that will not obey me. Am I missing something? Have I been too lenient and not punished enough for blatant disregard to rules and instructions? As another running punishment, as I am SICK to death of hearing/seeing the word ‘sorry’ I have stipulated that a day will be added for every time it’s said/written. My reasoning is because if you hear/see it enough it loses its meaning. We are now on day 6 of chastity and although hearing the little bitch whimpering like a wounded animal gives me great pleasure I don’t know whether this denial is having the desired effect. I am trying as hard as I can to be strong and tough but when you feel it’s a constant battle is there any point? Only time will tell. Tired & frustrated LP
4 months ago Titled: What would you do? When you have someone you care and love so dearly repeatedly trample over your rules what do you do? Vanilla life seems to trump all rules so how do you make it work? I want nothing more than to punish for all these rules that have been broken, but do I have a right? I’m confused, hurt and extremely pissed off and have more questions than answers. I truly want this experience between the two of us to work. I love that you try but the excuses seem to outweigh the trying. I wish you could see how disappointing & disrespectful your behaviour is from my perspective. When I try to be understanding and rewarding to you your behaviour then escalates to the extreme. I am doing this all for your benefit. You introduced me to this world and your needs, I accepted unconditionally and I question whether you really want this? Our holiday is booked, our plan to spend time together is in place. I’m hoping this will help us. I’m hoping this will make us rather than break us. I want this to work and flourish. You’re my submissive and I am your Domme. This does not mean I do not hurt, bleed or break when you do the things you do. Your indiscretion has earned you lashes - the amount is dependent on how truthful you are with regards to how much you drank and broke a rule. You break my rules you break a little more away from me. I’m hoping the lashes will be a more effective tool than our other punishments. Don’t make my caring side disappear. Don’t make me not love you. All my love, LP