Hello everyone! I recently became seriously interested in chastity because of the negative effect masturbation was having on my vanilla marriage. You can read about this in more detail in my first post here: https://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/i-28m-want-to-ask-my-wife-26f.44984/ The purpose of this blog is mostly for myself, but I also thought it might be an interesting evolution to watch for future people who have a similar story to mine. I'll be documenting major breakthroughs, basic struggles, and triumphs and tribulations so people can see the ups-and-downs (literally and metaphorically) of a straight-from-the-box vanilla relationship's interaction with male chastity. I've been aware of chastity for a long time, as before I met my wife, I was pretty active in the "gay/bi sissy" areas of tumblr and bdsmlr. I had experimented with my sexuality a while and settled on that I was bisexual but heteroromantic - I'd happily bend over for a man, but would never want to date one (or even really kiss one). I don't think my submissiveness comes from a lack of self-esteem or confidence in my penis (It's actually pretty nice once erect; 5.5" and handsome, though it's pretty small when flaccid); I just really like serving (giving cunnilingus has always been my favorite hetero activity). Anyways... For the first 4 years of my relationship with my wife (everything up until this point!) I had continued masturbating to mostly sissy/sub stuff (I've always wanted to be pegged, but she has zero interest), and realized it was a problem. The straw that broke my little camel's back was this past Friday night, when I was setting up the dining room table for a board game for us to play after watching Emily in Paris. My wife came up to me and kissed me passionately, which had an immediate effect. We made out for a while and she laid on the recently-cleared table and spread her legs and indicated I should mount her, but no matter what I did, I could not get hard. That's probably because, while she was napping throughout the day, I had snuck off to the living room and edged myself almost to the tipping point.....3 times that day. So I just didn't have it in me. And here was my low-libido wife, desperate for me inside her and not interested in oral. She even tried to give me oral to get me up, but nope. I joked and said maybe we should get me some chastity so she could have me whenever she wanted; she didn't respond at all or indicate she'd heard me. She then gave me permission to take one of my sildenafil pills, and we took a wonderful shower together and I was able to get it up for her in bed afterward. However, since I had edged so much, I came within a minute - which is significantly less than normal. She said it was fine, and maybe it was, but I vowed never to do that again - at least not as a result of my masturbating. We talked about it more on Saturday and our sex life in general. She wasn't aware of my habits, though she has no problem with them as an idea, but it also came up that the only thing I really "resent" her for in our sex life is that she pressured me to throw away my dildos when she met me because she was bi-phobic and they made her uncomfortable. She agreed that just because I have a dildo doesn't mean I'm going to go run off and bang the mailman, and allowed me to purchase one for myself - provided she never sees it. While we were talking about the over-masturbation, she mentioned she didn't understand how I "just couldn't not touch myself and save myself for her". I lightly brought up chastity again and again she made no comment. Given the above discussion, I decided to buy a "starter cage" as an extension of the dildo and begin self-locking while I was home from work, removing it and putting it away before she got home. If I got good enough and comfortable enough with it, I'd start doing it in the evenings after she went to bed and also when I went to work so I wasn't sneaking to the bathroom to knock one out. The idea is that she should see an improvement in my performance and attentiveness and be curious as to how/why it's happening, at which point I'd reveal my secret. I spent the entire week compulsively refreshing the Amazon order (starter cage here: https://www.amazon.com/Virginity-Chastity-Delights-Sunglasses-T-Shirt-Round/dp/B09P8GH4ZX/ref=sr_1_7?keywords=chastity+cage+for+men&qid=1645197519&sprefix=chastity+ca,aps,143&sr=8-7 ) and tracking the package on USPS. Finally it arrived yesterday, and I couldn't wait to get it on. I struggled to figure out how to put it together, and because it came so late in the day, I wasn't able to figure it out before my wife got home. First thing this morning, I took a shower, shaved everywhere, and tried again. To my surprise, I got it on quite easily, even without lube! Hopefully this isn't a freak accident. Gallery of me in my new cage: https://ibb.co/album/CstLNg I'm going to try on my business clothes today to see how noticeable the bulge is and experiment with ways to hide it. My next challenge will be figuring out how to sneak it to-and-from work (or at least back from work, if I leave after my wife is gone I can get it on at home) and into the bathroom for adjustments/putting on and off. It really is a lot of work trying to keep it from my wife, as she's really observant and alert, so I hope I don't have to do it for long. I'm hoping she realizes sooner rather than later that I'm doing this for both of us and it's not some strange gay urge or domina fetish. I love to talk to new people and learn new things, so please don't hesitate to DM me with any questions or comments, or just leave them here!
So, 3 hours in and I already found a way to cheat Out of curiosity, I used my wife's Magic Wand on the cage and OMG what an orgasm. Admittedly I was just curious to see how it felt, rather than intending on going all the way, but... Obviously going to have to find a way to not have that available to me...
You are welcome to the man. My only advise is the get advice on how to introduce male chastity to you wife because she will think it is just another kink that you are into and possibly shut you down straight away on that idea for that reason. So good luck and can you let us know how you get on.
You can always cheat, so you need some self-discipline also. A cage is not enough! Communication, communication and communication!!! Dont sneak around her back doing this stuff. Talk to her. Explain that it is really important for you to try this out to see if it helps with your problem. I did something similar (buying cages and trying them for a while) but when my lady found out, it was weird for her and there was a trust issue. It took over a year before she was okay with me using cage around her and even longer before she actually liked me using it because it help me and therefore us. In the process I throw out all the ones I had bought myself and we bought a few together. That way she felt she was a part of the process - not just sidelined and kept out of it. Just my experience - good luck.
Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of with my wife. She does have trust issues with a lot of things. I just really didn't want to push my luck, so to speak, having just won the major dildo victory. And yeah, the vibrator is just going to have to be put on the same level as the key. Technically accessible but very much off-limits.
Your heart's in the right place, wanting to be a better husband and eliminate the masturbation problem that is affecting your libido and your ability to satisfy your wife, but you're not going to succeed as long as everything is a secret and you're hiding things from your wife. You've got a complex sexuality and it's not going away, you're going to have to let her see it and deal with it or you'll just grow further apart with the secrets.
Definitely! This is not something that's meant to be a secret forever. One step at a time. Her allowing me to buy a dildo was a HUGE step and gives me confidence she will be accepting of other things as well. I'll give a quick update post here now that it's been a week! Because of the long weekend, I haven't really had many chances to wear the cage (just Weds, Thurs, and today). I wasn't very good about masturbation over the long weekend because in my brain "I hadn't started chastity for real yet!". That said, we were able to have some satisfying PIV on Tuesday morning I worked from home on Wednesday as well because I stayed up too late on Tuesday night. When I got to my desk/working area, I found my dildo in its package next to my laptop (it must have arrived and my wife opened it). I was initially embarassed because she'd said she didn't want to see it, but I pretended like I didn't notice. Later in the evening she smiled and said "did you see the present I left for you?!?". I explained I was embarassed she'd opened it and she asked why and I said she didn't want to see it. She smiled wider and said something like "oh its not a big deal. As long as you're fucking it and not other men, I'm OK with it! But why is it so big?" We then had a brief joking exchange about how 7" isn't THAT big! I spent that day dutifully locked and was so horny for porn that I barley got work done, I just kept making myself strain throughout the day and used her vibrator for a bit for a ruined orgasm. I almost texted her to ask if I could cum, but decided I didn't deserve it because of all I did this weekend. Thursday was my first day wearing my cage into work! It was surprisingly very comfortable throughout the whole day and was a very satisfying experience! You can barely see the bulge of my too-large silicon cage in my pants; unless you're spending a lot of time staring at my crotch you'd just assume i was hung or moderately aroused. Picture set from yesterday: https://ibb.co/album/1f8zV6 When I woke up this morning I was SO HORNY. And i was also not locked because I'm still hiding it. So I did a bit of edging, though not to the point of a ruined orgasm. It felt so dirty though, for reasons I can't really explain. I felt like I was cheating on my wife, and actually stopped early in disgust. I'm surprised my mentality is beginning to change already, even without her influence or control. Today has been great at work too, with zero discomfort. I even wore it driving to work and walking to lunch with a friend. It was freeing and naughty to think that I was locked up and my good friend had no idea I'll be looking for input soon on a new cage/cage sizing because of some chafing/rubbing/discomfort when I get erect and also how easy this is to accidentally escape for me (I did in the shower on Wednesday, zero intent on my part). Here's a picture of the chafing/angles and why I'm thinking I probably need a smaller or different style cage. My width just isn't good for this style because it's disconnected from the ring (pics below, obviously NSFW/naughty warning). I'd love to be able to get less hard. https://ibb.co/album/6gBLhG
Another update: I'm not sure what was wrong, but I had some issues with performance and my wife which honestly surprised me. Read more here: https://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/decreased-sex-drive.45294 If I'm honest, that has me a bit spooked and is a little bit of a setback with wanting to build a case for my wife's knowledge and involvement. "Hey, notice how much LESS capable I am recently? Well, it's because of this device that's supposed to make me more devoted to you!" I'll give it another couple weeks, maybe adjusting whether I'm allowed to masturbate at all (currently allowed on Monday, which maybe I overdid last week) and how much porn I do/don't look at over the week (I'm still popping onto my bdsmlr every couple days and at least looking, though of course there's nothing going on down there). In more exciting news, I got a resin cage from E-Bay (knock-off HolyTrainer). It's so much better than the other one, though still too big for me! I'm trying to figure out my ring size so it stays put more easily - even with this one, I find I can sneak out if I really want to just by pulling on my scrotum til it pops out of the tube itself. I'm wondering if this is a ring or tube size problem, and will be downsizing again some time soon - maybe with another resin cage or cheap metal one? That said, I am not really very tempted to escape even when the key is nearby; simply wearing the cage is enough to dissuade me from tugging one out because of boredom or work avoidance. I really enjoy this model more than the last, because it feels more solid and like it's actually containing me. It's also less visible in my work pants ,which is a plus. Next week I'll have owned a device for a month! I'm hoping I am able to figure out that sex drive thing, because it would be really unfortunate to end my journey before it really begins.