Our chastity story, without the typical D/s relationship

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  1. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    I'm a male in my late 50s, been happily married to the same wonderful woman for over 25 years, we've raised two wonderful kids and we must have done something right because they still like to hang out with us. Everything was perfect except for one thing, our sex lives had dried up.

    My story will sound very familiar to many of you. I was masturbating almost every day, and the days when I didn't was usually because I'd run out of juice and couldn't, lol. In more recent times, I started to spice it up by watching porn. However, it's not all bad because it was porn that lead me to chastity. I don't remember exactly how that happened, but I'm guessing it was because I would like to watch guys getting spanked and often they'd be in chastity devices, so next thing you know, I'm searching for chastity videos. I don't remember what it was about chastity that initially fascinated me but something must have piqued my interest because I did start doing Google searches on it and read lots of articles (Men's Health, Guardian, etc) along with posts on Quora and eventually here at CM. Once I started digging deeper into it, I could see all the benefits and really wanted to try it.

    In November 2021 I ordered a CB style cage from Amazon but didn't like it, so next I got an HT style cage from eBay. I took a lot of filing and sanding to get the two parts to fit together (not great quality control on this one) but it was comfortable so I gave it a try and wore it through the night. That was enough for me to be convinced, so now I just needed to find a way to bring up the subject with my wife. Up until this point we'd been totally vanilla, nothing kinky at all. Sure, I had a rich fantasy life, but this would be the first time to try and introduce something kinky to our marriage.

    I had to wait for the right moment to start the talk, but it went well. She'd never heard of male chastity before but was certainly willing to give it a go if it was what I wanted. My pitch was that I wanted to try and revive our sex lives, which I knew was something she wanted too. PIV hadn't really been working for us, so to have new options was certainly something that was worth pursuing.

    We broke the ice the next weekend with our first new session. In the past when I'd given her an orgasm it was always by fingering with my mouth on her nipples, I'd never been crazy about giving cunnilingus, but now my mindset was different. I thought, if she's willing to go along with my crazy chastity idea, the very least I can do is go down on her, which I did, and she loved it. She also gave me a light spanking for the first time ever. So this all went really well, until later that night when she got a positive result from her covid test. (Miraculously, I tested negative). She only had mild symptoms that week, but they were understandably enough for her not to be in the mood for any sex games.

    After about a week, she was well enough to try again and for the next 9 days, she let me go down on her and give her an orgasm, every other day, without needing to reciprocate by giving me anything. I told her I was happy if she was happy. That weekend she wanted to do something for me, she wanted to give me a handjob. At that point, it had been 18 days since my last orgasm (which was my last free wank before this started). I knew that there would be a drop but I thought I should experience it, just s I know what it's like. For the previous 2 weeks I'd been experiencing that feeling that most of you know only too well, where you have a happy buzz in your head and a longing, tingly feeling in your groin. After the HJ, which felt great, the drop was simply a return to normal. I didn't feel down or depressed or grumpy or anything like that, but the happy buzz was gone as was the longing in the groin. So I was happy to let that build up again.

    She had going through a stressful period at work, so more often than not she just wanted a cuddle at the end of the day and when she did let me go to work on her, she was finding it hard to orgasm, which is not something she's ever experienced before, kind of a female performance anxiety if you will. Sometimes she was happy to just enjoy it for what it was and sometimes we finished off with a vibrator.

    Three weeks after that handjob, apparently it was my turn again. I had brought up the subject of edging and ruined orgasms recently so the goal was to give edging a try, knowing that if we went too far, we could do a ruined O instead. So I laid back and she started the handjob, she found a comfortable position between my legs (she used to sit beside me to do it) and went to town. She's much more gentle than I am when I pleasure myself, so it takes a bit longer. I did mention that she could be a lot harder if she wanted to, so she dug in. Only thing is, and she didn't realize she was doing this, she was digging in with her fingernails. In my head I was asking myself, "do I like this or does it hurt?", well I didn't stop her, so I think you have your answer!!! OMG, it was amazing. Eventually, I could tell we were getting close, so I had her stop a couple of times, then we'd briefly pause and start again. When we stopped for the last time, I had a feeling that we'd gone too far, so we both watched to see if I would cum. It took a few seconds but I did, I was hoping for a dribble, which is what it did at first, but then it started squirting. I was afraid that we'd ruined the ruined, if you will, but "the drop" didn't come and I was still horny, so success! And OMG, that was the best sexual experience that I have ever had, it was totally mind-blowing. I didn't even notice that I didn't get the orgasm feeling because everything that had lead up to it was just out of this world.

    We've asked ourselves "what are we trying to do here and what works for us?" I'm not particularly submissive and she's not dominant, in fact she says she's maybe a bit submissive herself. So I don't think we're looking for the traditional FLR, I think we're going to approach this as a collaborative effort. Now, I bet most of you are thinking "yeah, that's just how we started out" and now you're totally in a D/s FLR, so who knows where this will go, I can only report where it is right now. What I can say is, it not only totally have revived our sex life, but our love for each other also. The main thing that has changed, of course, is me. Orgasm denial did this.

    As far as cages go, I ditched the first "small" HT style cage too as it was causing major chaffing problems, especially at night. I figured out that it was too big as I had some "room to grow" in it, which meant that the nocturnal erections were more uncomfortable. I think it was an old style HT knock-off because my next two purchases were an HT "Nub" and an HT "Nano", and these had much better docking systems than the previous one. I've been alternating between them. I think the Nub has been better for overnight and it's also comfortable for wearing during the day, whereas the Nano is more my natural size. As far as ring sizes go, I had tried the 45mm ring but found it too tight, so I have mainly been using the 50mm, but every so often my left ball keeps escaping, so it must be too big. Therefore, today I switched back to the 45mm to give it another go.

    With regards to key holding, I am mostly self-locked at the moment. During that first week, I did hand over the keys, but I had to take them back when I had to remove the cage for chaffing. Since then, wearing either the Nub or the Nano, my routine has been to take it off first thing in the morning for a cleaning and then put it back on, so I figured asking her to hold the keys, but then have to give them back to me each morning would be a chore, so I just kept them. She's not particularly interested in doing too much of the game herself, though she's happy to go along with the more frequent sexual activity. I do have some metal cages on order and my hope is that one of them will prove to be good enough that I can clean with it on (I'm uncut, so I need to be able to pull my foreskin back to clean), and if that proves to be the case, I will ask her if she's willing to hold the keys. I bet she will, but I also guess that she'd give them back whenever I asked, who knows.

    All I do know is, this is already proving to be a really exciting journey and we're both so incredibly happy.
     
  2. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    As I was writing this story yesterday, my wife walked over and took the computer away from me, put it down on the table, then took my hand and lead me upstairs. It was going to be fun time for me, and her taking the initiative is a new amazing thing! She then undressed me so all I still had one was my cage. She said she was going to try to do that edging thing again, so I told her that she'd need to remove my cage (she'd never done that before), so I showed her where the key goes and guided her through it, and she did it, she took it off. Then she proceeded to give me another amazing handjob and this time we didn't cross the imaginary line, so this one didn't turn into a ruined, so we can now add a successful edging session to our accomplishments.
     
  3. Lovemetal
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    Lovemetal Long term member

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    I read your tale so far with considerable interest. You fall into the classic story line case history, The desire starts with one party only and how to involve the other half. Secondly after considerable research on sizing style etc, You unwittingly ditch all you have read about sizing and order the incorrect size. As a result it takes you to about your fourth device before you have one that fits and is comfortable to wear. I know I have and what I read in the forums most other people have done the same.
    Keep up the good work as I enjoy reading other peoples story of how, why, when and where, same as I am doing
     
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  4. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    Hope it continues to go well for you both.
     
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  5. madams-sissysub
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    Thanks for sharing, and good luck!
     
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  6. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    Here's something about the emotional side of all this. After my wife recovered from covid, for the next 9 days I gave her oral every other day, so that's 5 orgasms in 9 days for her, which was fantastic, I even got a handjob along the way. I felt like a teenager in love for the first time. Then for the next 5 days there was nothing, we still cuddled at night for the first 4 days then on the 5th, when I came to bed she was already playing games on her tablet. I waited about 5 minutes to see if she would stop and then just turned on the TV and watched the news, as we've always done. The next day is was definitely feeling down (possibly neglected) and she could tell, so she asked and we talked about it.

    Since then things have been much less frequent, with 6 orgasms for her over a 26 day period, but this period did include the ruined O for me that I described earlier. But what I think is important is, I seem to have settled into a really nice Zen-like space, where I think I'm a lot more self-sufficient (less needy) than I was in the beginning. As I sit here working on the computer, I feel really happy, and I love the feeling of the cage, just knowing that it's there. Most of you will get that completely, but it would be almost impossible to describe to someone who's never tried it.

    My wife is on a really big project at work and is not really good at just "switching off" at the end of the work day, so she's somewhat stressed and not really in a playful mood, which explains why the stats have dropped off. Things will likely get better in a few weeks when that project is complete.

    Sometimes I have to pinch myself, like am I really doing this? I'm wearing a cage almost 24/7 and it feels great and I couldn't be happier.
     
  7. Lovemetal
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    Lovemetal Long term member

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    I get what you are saying, the feeling of the cage on is just another world and the way it presents you package very neat and tidy.
     
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  8. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    Yet, could you just imagine trying to explain that to someone who's never tried it? They be like WTF???
     
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  9. Lovemetal
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    Lovemetal Long term member

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    You are right their but again why do you have to explain yourself, you are you, unique the same as everybody else is unique in their way also. And if they can not handle you as you are that is their problem not yours.
     
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  10. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    Oh for sure, that's not what I meant, I was just trying to say that folks who've never tried it, don't know what they're missing, and I bet if they were somehow to get to try it, they'd be amazed at what they'd been missing.
     
  11. Lovemetal
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    Lovemetal Long term member

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    Understood, and yes you are right on that
     
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  12. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    So now I officially have a keyholder!!! I switched over to a metal cage and checked that I could properly clean myself when I next took a shower and all was good, so I've handed the keys over to my wife and now the fun begins. Like I said earlier, we're not doing the D/s thing and she's a really kind and loving person, so if I asked for the keys back for an reason, she'd give them, but I'm not going to do that. Previously, when I was self locking, if I needed to take it off for a minute for a minor adjustment, I could just do it, but a minor adjustment isn't a good enough reason to ask her for the keys. There were a couple of times previously when the morning wood was being quite aggressive and I thought "why not let it out?" so I did and enjoyed a nice few moments of just enjoying the erection (without even trying to cum, of course) but I can't do that anymore. I don't need to be telling all you guys this, but it's quite an amazing feeling to be locked and not have the keys. I think it's also a good way to keep her involved because before, she didn't know at any given moment if I was caged or not, or which cage I was wearing, etc. But now, as I pointed out to her, if she left me locked, that's how I still am.

    Yesterday, we had a good talk about where we're going with this and what we expect from each other, then she she suggested that we go upstairs for some fun (I always love it when she takes the initiative, so full credit to her for that). She wanted some cunnilingus first, so I happily obliged, then she asked me to come up to her, so I did and continued with my fingers while we kissed and she came to orgasm.

    Next we got out what I call her "doctor dildos". Since menopause she's had trouble with vaginismus and it hurts if we try PIV, so that's been off the table for a while. The "doctor dildos" are vaginal dilators that she got from her physical therapist. We broke those out and tried to loosen her up a bit. This was the first time that we'd used them, but it's a first step to adding PIV back into our tool box.

    Next, she took the keys and unlocked me and she took the cage off herself (for only the 2nd time, 1st with the new metal cage) and started giving me a really sweet blowjob. One of the things she had mentioned that she found liberating, when we talked earlier, was that it was great not to feel the pressure to make me cum anymore. In our previous sex life, all sex acts were supposed to result in someone cumming, whereas now we have the freedom to enjoy the act for itself. So this time, she gave me a really nice blowjob for about 5 minutes and then stopped, even though I wasn't close to cumming yet. Then she played with it for a little while, not a handjob as such, just ticking my balls and playing with my dick. I think she was just enjoying looking at a nice erection (kinda like, a job well done for her) and playing with it a bit. When we came upstairs for this session, I didn't know whether I was going to have an orgasm myself or not, and I was good either way. If I did, great, and if not, I get to extend my current chaste session. So I didn't find out that I wasn't getting one until we were done. And as much as my body really wants one, it's been 2 weeks since my last ruined, and 5 weeks since my last full O, I wasn't looking forward to the drop and build back if I did have a full one.

    Then she decided that she wanted to feel my penis on her vagina, even though she physically wasn't ready to let it go in, so while I was still laying back anyway and my member was still standing to full attention, she climbed up on top and positioned me right there. It was a super strange feeling to be so close and not be able to go in and get busy, but it was so nice to be that close, to be in the PIV position, to feel her body against mine. Someday soon, hopefully, we'll be able to do this for real.

    Anyway, then we were done, so I locked back up and gave her the keys.
     
  13. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    One other thing, when I was taking the shower that I mentioned earlier, I decided to try something else that was new for me. I got a vibrator and tried searching for my prostrate and I think I found it because I started dribbling fluid, not a lot but not nothing. It wasn't pre-cum, it was just ejaculate, so I think I've had my first ever milking. I think if I do that a few more times and get good at it, I might even achieve my first ever anal orgasm.
     
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  14. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    Since our play time last Saturday, this has been a quiet week on the sexual front. My wife has been tired so we've opted just for some late night cuddles before retiring for the night. We had plans to go out in the evening for a concert yesterday, meaning the evening was out as far as play time goes, so we decided to have a quick bit of fun before we had to leave. We started with her, she opted for fingering and I was happy to obligue and she reached orgasm fairly quickly.
    Then it was my turn and she asked what I would like, and I opted for a penis massage as I like to call it. This is different than a handjob because it's not designed to make you cum, it just requires some lube and some gentle finger action, not stroking but more like a massage. It's a very pleasant sensation. So first, she took off my cage and I suggested we leave the base ring on as that would make re-installing the cage quicker. Well, that was a mistake on two counts. First, once you get realy erect with the base ring is still on, your balls ache and turn blue, plus you can't get it off while you're erect, so you just have to wait for things to subside in order to remove it. Secondly, I had forgotten that she had suggested I go to the concert uncaged as it would make bathroom use easier, so I was going to have to take the base ring off anyway. The hands-on attention was still really nice, even with the ball ache.

    I had a couple of rough nights this week with nocturnal erections in the new metal cage, so my fella was feeling a bit battered, so we agreed to let me leave the cage off for the night after the gig and I put it back on after my morning shower today.
     
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  15. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    My wife has been having a pain in her neck for the last few days, so at the gig on Saturday I was massaging it as best as I could without any oil and with her being fully dressed. Then on Sunday, we went for the full massage treatment with baby oil. She absolutely loved it and felt much better. Then as a "thank you" I got some ball tickling while we watched the news, which was wonderful.

    Then yesterday, which was Valentine's Day, we exchanged cards, flowers and chocolates in the morning and then went about our normal work days. When we went to bed, she said her neck was hurting again and asked if she could have another massage. Of course, I was more than happy to oblige, so I massaged her neck and then gave her a full back massage which probably lasted for 30 minutes or more. When she had had enough, we had a really nice cuddle where she started stroking my cage, then she rolled over and to my complete surprise, she came back with the keys, I totally was not expecting that. She unlocked the cage and took it off herself (only the 2nd time she's taken it off herself), then she gave me a brief blowjob followed by some really nice tickling. It's enough to give you a really full erection but nowhere near what is needed to make you cum, so it was absolutely perfect, and such a wonderful Valentine's gift. I was probably only out of the cage for no more than 20 minutes, but it was exquisite.

    I love my wife so much, and I love our life so much, and this is all thanks to chastity, who would have thought that a simple little device could bring such pleasure.
     
  16. StubHub
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    StubHub Long term member

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    Happy for both of you.
     
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  17. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Sounds like it is proceeding wonderfully. So happy for you both. I assume you tell her "what works", what turns you on, how much you enjoy serving her, how hot it is when she unlocks you (or refuses to)? My point being, you should never ask her to do something (doesn't sound like you have) BUT honest feedback, not overdone, will be listened to and can help fuel her confidence.

    Best of luck!
     
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  18. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    Thanks @Headtrip, that means a lot because, as you probably know, your story is by far my absolute favorite here, especially the big one from Oct 25th. I've only ever asked to be unlocked once and that was because of some pain, so she's never refused to unlock me and I don't think she's there yet anyway. She knows how much I like to serve her and she really appreciates it. She's still having some neck pain, so I'm hovering waiting to see what I can do to help! We've had several talks along the way as we're both learning how to make this work. I told her again today that I was still glowing from her Valentine's Day gift, and that in of itself is amazing really because for normal people in their normal lives it wouldn't have been a big deal, it was like a 2 minute BJ followed by some gentle tickling, no big PIV sex, no fireworks, etc but it was so unexpected and so wonderful. I'm locked pretty much 24/7 at the moment, not because she's forcing me to be, but because this is what I signed up for, so the little breaks are super. I hope you enjoyed your long break and are getting used to being locked again. Your wife sounds beyond amazing.
     
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  19. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    This past weekend my family had a little ski trip and my wife suggested that I might want to be uncaged while up on the cold slopes and after thinking about it, I agreed with her. In fact, I said that I'd like to be free for the whole weekend as our kids would be with us and we were going to be in a pool and hot tub too, so that's what we did. The thing is, I kinda liked being free and started thinking that maybe I wanted to remain free. I never waivered on my commitment to the lifestyle and being orgasm free for extended periods of time, and I have found that I do have good self control when I am unlocked as I haven't cheated yet, but I started thinking that maybe I didn't need a cage to make this all work. So I told my wife this and she was supportive, like whatever I wanted was fine. Then, on Sunday as we were driving home, I started re-thinking it and started thinking that I would like to be caged again, and I mentioned this to my wife. I asked her what she thought and to my amazement she said she thought I should go back in the cage!!! Like.... WOW!!! She said that it was me locking up in the first place that has brought all these good things to our relationship, so it's probably for the best. I think she's finally gotten into this.

    So when we got home we remembered that we needed a few items from the grocery store and I was about to pop out, then she suggested that she would go to the store so I could continue unloading the car and unpacking our stuff (we don't travel light, lol). As soon as she took off to the store, I popped upstairs and put the cage back on and left the key in her drawer, then went about finishing all the unpacking. When she got home she prepared some food and we ate and watched a show on TV. When the show was over I was doing something on my laptop and she slid across the couch and felt my crotch, and when she felt the cage she smiled. Like double WOW !!! She was checking that I had re-locked.

    I've told her that it's totally up to her when (and if) I orgasm again, and she's totally loving the difference in me since we started this and the benefits it's brought to our relationship. My last full O was on Jan 1st (and I had a ruined on Jan 22nd) but I don't know when my next one will be. She knows that I'd like to do 90 days at some point and she's already pointed out that April 1st would be 90 days, so maybe that's it, or maybe we'll wait till her birthday in May, who knows.
     
  20. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    My wife has been having some pain in her neck recently, so when we went to bed last night she asked me to apply some Voltaren (topical ibuprofen) to her neck, but I suggested a neck rub first and she agreed, and that turned into a complete back rub, which she totally enjoyed. Then she rolled over for a cuddle and revealed that she wasn't wearing her PJ bottoms, which as you might have guessed is the sign that she wants some fun. So I wasted no time in going down on her and giving my tongue quite a work out. It took a bit longer than expected but when she came, she exploded, she made some noises that I've never heard her make before. She said that was the best one ever!!! Then afterwards I got some ball tickling while I stayed locked and we watched a bit of TV.
     
  21. SlaveBoy73
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    SlaveBoy73 Long term member

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    Sounds like you are both have a great time. Congratulations. That might be the nicest introduction I've heard of. Well done.
     
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  22. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    Thanks SB, this chastity thing has certainly been a life changer for us.
     
  23. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    Just like on the previous night, when we got to bed last night, my wife asked me to put some more Voltaren on her neck as it was still hurting, but I suggested a neck rub first, so that's what we did and it progressed to a full back rub and foot rub. Then when we were done, she revealed that she had brought the key to bed with her as she had intended to unlock me for a little play, but now it was too late due to the back rubs, etc. I teased her that she'd been reading the "Tease and Denial" part of the handbook a bit too thoroughly. Our nightly routine usually ends with us watching a recording of the evening news before going to sleep, so what we decided on was that she would unlock me and play with me while we watched the news, which was totally OK with me, so I got a really nice penis massage while Lester Holt informed us of the latest world events! She loves how she can so easily give me a nice full erection.
     
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  24. Lovemetal
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    Lovemetal Long term member

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    Sounds as if you both continue to enjoy yourselves
     
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  25. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Sounds like she is catching on nicely. Keep being nice and communicate what works for each of you and then hold on for the ride!
     
    Chaz69 likes this.
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