Bad Slave

I disobeyed in some daily requests.
She actually mentioned I was looking at this as a role playing game and she seemed disappointed.
I felt remorseful of course and have asked her several times if I could bring her the hairbrush but she keeps putting it off.
I am not certain why. It doesn't make any sense to me unless she just doesn't have any desire to beat me.
We love each other very much so maybe she just isnt ready.
I will ask again tonight though

 

I'm not going to use the phrase topping from the bottom since it is overused to the point of uselessness, but if she wants to punish you, she should be the one deciding when and how. You can suggest it once, but if you mention it over and over, she's not punishing you but is instead indulging you.

 

I dont mean to TFTB. I just want her to know I am taking this seriously.
Besides I would feel better, but I'd not about how I feel, it's about how she feels.
I guess I should stop mentioning it and just comply from now on.
Show her not tell her I suppose.

 

Many mistakes and many punishments, from tone of voice to not completing all my cleaning duties or inadequate standard of cleaning. Punishments varied from sleeping on the floor at the foot of the bed, no blanket if shes really cross, to severe CP with various impliments. But the thing that hurt the worst was knowing I'd displeased her.

 

I should add that when in chastity if my behaviour and work was deemed acceptable I was allowed to come once a month, however if not and despite some genuine begging (I have a high sex drive) I would be told to try harder and maybe next month I would be allowed release.

 

The cruelest thing you can do to a masochist is nothing!

 

What a thoughtful and useful reply.

 

Just had a big telling off for not doing enough around the house. My wife's becoming very demanding. She is telling me to do things quicker without any break all day

 

Thank you shannonsanders for sharing the benefits of your experience.
She actually has swatted me with brushes or cooking spoons in a playful way. She also pinches and twists my nipples. I always make a point to lean on the counter for spanking or look into her eyes for the pinching. I told her I think it's her right to see my pain.
Maybe she IS stesting her comfort level after all. I hope she is beginning to be confident it's okay.

 

Funny, I see this on the reverse. I need the discipline to know that *she* is taking seriously.

 

I take it you mean be bad intentionally? I am guilty of this when I get desperate for attention. Most recent example was I deliberately put her underwear in the drawer inside out. When she noticed she gave me a stern talking to and told me to add 5 strokes to my punishment list. Since I am required to be completely honest with her I told her I did it intentionally and boy did that set her off. She changed it to 50 strokes. Not the kind of attention I was hoping for.

 

I certainly need the punishments. I am not a naturally submissive person and if my wife doesn't keep me in my place I tend to not stay there. In terms of want though, you could not be more wrong. I do not want my punishments. They suck and I am genuinely fearful going into them. I accept them as an integral part of the overall lifestyle I want. I could not succeed (assuming I'm a success which is questionable at times) without them. If she skips a week or takes it easy on me, I notice a much more defiant streak within me following that. Still I never want them. They are not funishment, they are punishment.

 

Just had an example of this. I went grocery shopping and Mistress texted me a list of things she wanted me to get. I texted back indicating that we had several items on the list. She responded explaining that she knew that, but she wanted more on back-up in the pantry and closed with a "why are you questioning me?"

She's totally right, why am I questioning her. I agreed to follow her orders without question and here I am questioning her over groceries? Earlier she wanted a picture of me and my son and I told her "No, let me get a picture of you two first." What the hell, I said "no" to my Mistress. She gave me an instruction and I need to follow it.

So for me what I can do better is remember my place. What I do well is perform services that I know she likes. The usual stuff, but she loves that. Despite the two examples above I generally defer to her and place her needs, wants opinions before my own. She thinks of it as a profound form of respect. We are a work in progress.

 

It's bound to be confusing to them as it is confusing to us. I think for my wife it was easiest when I recited the lyrics to the Pretenders song "Cruel to be Kind".

Well I do my best to understand dear
But you still mystify and I want to know why
I pick myself up off the ground
To have you knock me back down again and again
And when I ask you to explain, you say
You've gotta be cruel to be kind, in the right measure
Cruel to be kind, it's a very good sign
Cruel to be kind, means that I love you baby

Kind of a beginning to FLR anthem in a way.

 

‘Cruel To Be Kind’ was by Nick Lowe...

 

If I may offer you my explanation of the same desires, it is that I have a duality with many of the things done in BDSM, extreme canings or whippings for example, I do not enjoy them physicaly and will certainly not be arroused, but there is a psychologal part of me the loves the submission and being willing to do or have done things that I don't enjoy physicaly, also after an extreme beating I feel cleansed mentaly for a few days. Are you similar? and maybe this explanation to your Mistress may help?

 

Not to me- but I think this is a wonderful, heartfelt post, and it sounds true to me in regards to the reasons I would like to be punished for disappointing my kh.