In what was do vanille wives react on "the comming out"

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Ivanhoe, Jul 10, 2016.

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  1. Ivanhoe
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    Ivanhoe New member

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    Hi,

    I just joined this forum after several years of surfing and reading. When time progresses I more often start to feel more attracted to all the concepts around a chastity lifestyle. However I do not dare telling my wife. I am afraid of her reaction, that I have been doing investigstions for several years. It somehow feels like cheating. She is extremely vanilla. Fx It took several years to get her into some dirty talking. Finally this worked out. But I am in desparate need for next steps. Where this chastity concept and t&d concept has my interest. Several months ago I told her It seemed fun to me to fuck without me cumming. So we did and I postponed to the next day. Ever since we did not repeat this, since she likes me to cum into her. For me it is just too hard to resist cumming once we are busy vanilla time. While at forehand I yell myself not to "give in" this time... Any recognission and tips are more than welcome!
     
  2. im283
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    im283 Active member

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    you really should tell your wife. Br prepared for her to freak out, then give her time to get used to the idea. It probably won't happen overnight.

    There is no reason you can't still fuck her and cum. Basically what you are doing is giving her control of your penis and your orgasms.
    She may well find out that it is very enjoyable.
     
  3. MaleBound
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    MaleBound Member

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    my wife had zero interest in the concept at first, but didn't mind me self locking. I had her read up on the behavioural benefits but the best is when she tells me she can tell I'm more attentive to the family and her needs when I'm locked.

    The worst thing you can do is force it on her. Ask her, teach her, show her, and if she picks it up, roll with it. If she doesn't, it's best not to pressure. see if she is OK with you self locking and managing things on your own.

    my .02 anyways.
     
  4. SubVerity
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    SubVerity Still the mansion's fairy godmother. ;)

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    I'll agree with the few above. It's good to communicate, and I started off by essentially giving her ownership of my orgasms.
    If she wanted them every few days than fine. If she didnt want them for 3 months or more, also fine. But I let her know that I thought I might be happier with less of them, but that this didnt mean less or no sex, just that I wanted to focus more on her pleasure.

    Good luck with whatever approach you choose, but do talk to her - and remember, it's supposed to be fun! :)
     
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  5. Zeb6
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    Zeb6 Long term member

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    Sometimes I will bring something up, or show a pic , and try to get a reaction, or I ask, what do you think about that? If she flips out and says that's sick, and disgusting then I back off. If introduced the idea of her being in control, if that's cool then proceeded from there.
     
  6. Redhead's Hubby
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    Redhead's Hubby Active member

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    This article is actually how my Mistress/wife and I got started. One day we were discussing how we needed to spice things up and browsing the internet we came across this (see link below). We started about a year ago and it blossomed into a chastity device, full FLR, a bit of Femdom and most recently feminization. It's an amazing experience and easily addictive.

    http://scandalouswomen.com/orgasmic-benefits-of-male-orgasm-denial/
     
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  7. Ivanhoe
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    Ivanhoe New member

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    All above, thanks for taking the effort on replying. Indeed, talking should be the key. We both are reluctant in telling what we like in bed. (how stupid) Anyhow, a wihle ago I read some on devotional sex, and tantra stuff about semen retention. Perhaps that could lead somewhere, at least it is not that I need all the gear immediately. To a certain extent I am able to control myself and retain from orgasm. Somehow, my wife is under the impression that that is 'normal'. Since me retaining myself, I am more 'demanding' to my wife, in the sense that I want to cuddle more, and press myself against her. She also must have noticed, hence her commenting on that she thought men were supposed to get less interested when aging. Anyhow, I find it somewhat embarrasing telling her that I stoped masturbating or at least lowered the frequency of it drammatically...
     
  8. MaleBound
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    MaleBound Member

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    My wife is very reserved. She has the same issue. It happens sometimes.

    In my case my wife appreciates me not doing anything solo. YMMV.
     
  9. im283
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    im283 Active member

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    it is a real shame that people are afraid or reluctant to talk about sex with their partner. I remember when I brought up chastity and the idea of her holding the key to prevent my chronic masturbation. I was near shaking with nervousness and anticipation. It took her a few days to agree to hold the key. The tension was terrible while she worked through it in her mind. She hated that I beat off daily, sometimes multiple times a day. But when she agreed to play this game she took to it in short order. Quickly discovering how attentive to her needs I became.
    And knowing that while the key was around her neck I was not doing anything without her permission. She absolutely came to love the power it gave her over me.

    You really should bring it up.
     
  10. nvrsaynvr63
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    nvrsaynvr63 Long term member

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    When we first started this she looked at it as a "punishment" type thing. Neither one of us realized at the time that it's far from punishment. The more we read and discussed it, the clearer it became that there are huge benefits for both of us. Just take it slow, this isn't a race, what works for one couple will not necessarily work for another. Once she "gets it" you will be off and running. Good luck!
     
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  11. shadowman6
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    shadowman6 Sweet Nikki...my wife, mistress, my raison d'etre

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    I'm in much the same place as you, friend...wife, whom I adore more than life, is quite vanilla. I'm giving her the benefits she would enjoy if she were my mistress. I do consider her my mistress, and I have not cum into her in over a month. She doesn't know, but I stopped short last time. This is more my deal than hers...I don't want to defile her body with mine. So, I basically make myself her bitch at home...she likes me doing the work, and likes foot massages and the like. My plan is to wait until she asks why I'm doing what I'm doing...then I'll ask her to take my keys.
     
  12. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    A brilliant article that should be sent to every single male quaking in his boots at the prospect of explaining to his partner what it is he wants to do and why. It might help stop all the disasters we regularly read about!
     
  13. shadowman6
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    shadowman6 Sweet Nikki...my wife, mistress, my raison d'etre

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    And don't sell your wife short...I was so horny tonight and was giving mistress foot massages, I was uncaged for a bit and I needed her to touch me. I knew her vanilla nature would be in play, but I got to a point where I needed her touch. So I slid my penis out of my pajama pants and started rubbing it on her feet...it was unreal...most turned on I have ever been. And all she did when I looked at her with my rock hard penis squished against her toes, was smile scandalously.

    So you never know when vanilla may shock you and turn spicy...!
     
  14. DonnaSue
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    DonnaSue Long term member

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    As you can see, lots of us have been through "the talk"! You have to have it and the sooner the better. My wife, for example, ended up being more upset with me for withholding it from her than she was about my interests. It took her months to get over the idea that I still loved her and did not want to leave her, was not gay, etc, etc, etc, but she soon came around. Then she caught me wearing panties and that seemed to flip the switch. From then, she took control and, little by little, she has dominated me and even feminized me - and I love her and the FLR relationship that has evolved over 5 years.
     
  15. Curelle05
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    Curelle05 Member

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    I revealed my chastity interest to my wife while we were intoxicated. Then it simmered without comment for a few weeks until I brought it up again. I was wearing a device that I had bought on the sly when I brought it up the second time. That got her interest piqued. I suggested a guidebook for her to read. There are quite a few you can get on Amazon. We had a pretty explosive argument after the first week. That got us to communicate more, which is the key. You also have to trust your partner.
     
  16. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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  17. Deleted member 43235
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    Very interesting thread. I wouldn't mind contributing. I brought up the notion of being in chastity and it would make me a better lover outside the bedroom. Took a little while for the wife to bite onto the idea but she did after the cage as ordered. Now I think she enjoys more than she anticipated. Dorm times I even beg for it to come off and she won't take it off. She also gets me real hard before send on occasion and won't take it off till the very end. Bugs her that I put it on after sex. Never thought we would get to this point. Took some time getting use to it for her but she enjoys the power. She also enjoys using a riding crop too now. Something else I didn't think we would ever use. The chastity once she got into it opened up more doors out of the vanilla world.
     
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  18. Ivanhoe
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    Ivanhoe New member

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    " I needed her touch"

    Shadowman6: exactly that is one of the aspects that currently maks it tough. I need the commitment of my wife, need her to understand. Understand that only the teasing and playing is what I need. Understand that men apparently have insect brains.
     
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  19. RP Chance
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    RP Chance Active member

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    .,Communication, if it isn't there for the every day "plain vanilla" things, it surely won't be there for a leap into fetish and kink. Kind sirs, first sit with yourself and contemplate why in heavens name you would call your life partner "plain vanilla".

    Start there, after that take a year or two to sneak up on advanced sexual practices.

    the best of luck on your journey of discovery.
     
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