Not sure how honest to be

I know this is easy to say from where I am sitting, but you have to be honest about these things. Every lie you tell (or truth you intentionally avoid telling) kills the dynamic. Because chastity devices aren't perfect, trust will always be required for anything to be real, and even if she doesn't find out, you may feel like the whole relationship is kind of hollow if it is based in untruth.

Additionally, if she does find out you were lying, I don't know the nature of your relationship with your keyholder, but the punishment would likely include the end of any chastity play.

 

I agree. Truth is always best.

 

Be honest.

Chastity is hard and even the strongest man can have a moment of weakness.

Lying is harder to forgive than weakness. Take your punishment and hope you enjoy it.

 

If you keep this secret or tell a lie where will it end?
How do you think she would feel if she found out by herself?
Tell her the truth.

 

Always be truthful. It’s the best way

 

You already know the right thing to do, just get it done! The strength of our lifestyles is based on 100% trust and 100% devotion. Anything less is cheating. Men are weak, we know that, but we also appreciate a man who is honest. That my friend is a sign of strength.

 

Not an easy decision......but I believe you have to tell her, chastity is built on trust and honesty and without that what is it?
She will punish you but I think she will gain respect for you, knowing that you told her with the knowledge that she would not be happy and respond with a punishment....
Who knows.....you might even enjoy the punishment!

 

I suppose the answer revolves around what you both want out of this...

Do you want to be like the majority of people who have settled into 'comfortable' lives with 'little white lies'?

... Or do you want something real, with unconditional (and sometimes brutal) honesty?

Both scenarios involve quite a bit of work, actually. The payoff is where the difference resides. To Me, it's a no brainer, but everyone has different expectations in life.

Lies are easy, which is why they abound. Any nitwit can tell them. The truth is best, no matter how much it hurts. That's why honesty takes strength.

 

Liars need a good memory!

 

i think it best to tell the truth and my Mistress knows anyways if i lie.

 

Thinking back.... I secretly crossdressed without my Wife's knowledge and when She did find out, She was much more upset that I had lied to Her about it than She was that I had been doing it behind Her back for several years. It took Her months to get over it and It almost cost us our marriage of about 28 years at the time.

Once I sucked it up and began to practice absolute honestly, our relationship improved dramatically. That episode did help create an atmosphere of open communications that has been wonderful.

 

You've gotta tell her otherwise your whole chastity journey is a lie, in my humble opinion. You're going against the very grain of chastity, and, although it will be hard to confess, it will be a weight off your shoulders.

 

For the first half of our relationship, I was lying to my Wife. Although not married at the time, that is irrelevant. I was terrified of Her finding out about desires I had that I was ashamed of. My solution for these desires was to explore them with other people and avenues other than with Her. I kept this information from Her. With a straight face. For 3 years.

My Wife eventually found out on Her own about my secrets and lies. Your partner will to. It's just a matter of time. My secrets were enough to almost kill our relationship. When She found out, for me, it was as if a weight ten times my own dropped off my shoulders. I felt freed.

Most times, you won't truly understand how much stress and anxiety you carry with that lie. With that secret. It'll eat away at you a little bit more each and every day.

My Wife made a very, very good point that I have worked towards remembering and ingraining into my head; let Her decide how She's going to feel or think about something. I spent more time convincing myself I knew how the punishment would play out. I convinced myself She would leave me over the lies and secrets. Well. I was wrong. She married me after we sat down and had lengthy, honest conversations. It was hard. I was miserable because of the pain that I had caused Her by making the wrong choice of lying.

Don't lie to Her. Come clean. Sit down, talk about it and take the punishment that you unfortunately but rightly deserve. If it ends your relationship, it's your own fault and you probably don't deserve her, anyway. As harsh as that sounds, think of how you're treating her by lying to her face. Coming clean will show her that you care enough to admit to your mistakes and that you're prepared to face the consequences of your actions.

I didn't have the opportunity to do that and I'll tell you...you do not want to feel how I felt when it all came undone. You will hate yourself so much more when she finds out on her own than you will when she's punishing you for your honest mistake. But make it an honest mistake before it's too late. Or else you'll live with the truth of being a liar. Like I do.

 

I think you are making too big a deal out of it. Your both adults. If you feel like getting off, take care of it. It probable sucks while in a cage but thats your choice. If she asks, and you WANT to tell her, go ahead. If you don't think it is her biz, change the subject. I highly doubt that all the KH tell there husbands everything they do nor do they feel guilty about keeping something from them. As far as punishment, in our relationship its the rule of two. If she pleases me I will try to give it back twice. If she punishes, I will give it back x 2. Might not work for everyone or anyone else but does for us.

 

It's cheating, simples!

 

I'm a bit puzzled here:

On the one hand it doesn't seem so much of an 'illegal' action

On the other hand when you both are committed to certain arrangements, then indeed it is cheating and then it is best to clear that with her.

I do not know your dynamic as couple, but I have made kind of similar mistake, which I thought to be harmless and innocent (well only my mistake involved another person), in the past and it almost ruined our relation.

We had to go through counseling etc. to rebuild trust.... but now everything is better than it ever was, and I will certainly not ever make that mistake again (see other thread where I replied about my mistake).

Believe me, once you lose trust: you lose the very fundament of your partnership and luckily I got a second chance to make it all good.

To me my wife is my 'winning lottery ticket' and we are together since May 1987...

 

Glad to hear you made the right choice!

Oh, how misleading assumptions can be...

 

Good choice. Feel better for it? And that does sound like quite a way to spend a weekend!

 

It was the best thing for you to tell the truth. How are you going to get the full experience if you CHEAT on your Chastity?

-Beautiful

Well done, on both of your parts!

-the footman

 

It is as I thought. She had the intent to beat you no matter what, was just looking for an excuse. Hope she and you feel that it was worth the experience. Only you two know how you want your relationship to proceed. In our relationship I would have been the one to say that the implements are going to be left out and she will get to enjoy a reflection of all the love she had bestoyed on me the night before ( x 2).

 

It's sadly comical how males seem to always make that erroneous assumption about women... At least, that's now painfully obvious to another one.

 

If you are not truthful withyour partner then it follows your partner can not trust you.
Without mutual trust you have nothing.
If you have nothing then what is the point of being in a relationship?

IMHO either tell her and live with the consequences or part.

 

I feel your pain but honesty is always the best way.