Often on CM I read about a various sexual practices such as edging, PIV, oral, pegging etc, or intimate practices such as massage in a FLR. But who is in a FLR which has little or no sex and/or no intimacy with their KH. But instead, for example, simply serves their KH. Alternatively, if your KH suggested you just served her which involved a total end or large reduction in sex/intimacy, could you do it?
I am not in a relationship but I have a sub who does anything I need, driving, gardening, cleaning, shopping etc. I have known him for years and he has never mentioned fetishes or anything sexual. I thought this is what all subs were like until I joined fetish sites : )
Many have their spouse hold the keys or is the female in their FLR. That being said, and I obviously can’t speak for every marriage, but intimacy is usually a requirement, even more so than sex, chores, or serving. Yes to truly give without wanting anything in return, to serve without motive, to just be everything and anything with no pleasure in return is quite the servant. It has little to do with a FLR, marriage, or even a roommate. plus I’m not sure about other wives, but I know mine would get bored with having a doormat as a partner and would find the intimacy she wanted from someone else. Relationship is part of FLR. Having someone serve your every need without intimacy, is not a relationship. Heck even friends share intimacy. Now I’m a bit upset with myself for writing such a long response to a topic that was obviously meant to get this kind of reaction and an excuse for someone to talk about how they would serve without any love or sex...dang I wrote too much down to just hit delete.
Well, sexual service is still a duty and a privelage of mine as a submissive husband. I know right...poor me! There's no PIV (not counting my one 30 sec treat in the last 10 years or so), and I don't think there's any chance of me getting an O anytime soon - but we still get to `pair bond,' and I get to enjoying providing that service to my wife several times a week usually. Those are "our" orgasms.
Kink is what people are writing about here because it’s what gets attention and what gets read. If you live in a real FLR I would guess that 95% (if not more) of what you do for your partner is non sexual service. My blog has a lot of sex in it especially after keeping tabs for more than 2 years but if you look at the dates between my posts having to do with sex they are relatively far apart. Aside from having relationship control, my wife thrives on bossing me around and treating me like her personal Butler. There is nothing scheduled or planned in our sex lives, whatever happens happens when she wants it to happen. Those kinks you listed above do happen on occasion but like I said it’s never with any regularity. If my wife wanted to cut sex out of our relationship and just turn it into a service based relationship I would need to know why. Ultimately I would assume something was wrong between us. However if this was what she wanted and she could offer me a reasonable explanation of why and how it would benefit us both or it was necessary, I would certainly be optimistic because I love her and I would want things to work. There would have to be intimacy though, I would need to feel loved and wanted for this to even remotely be a possibility.
A non sexual slave gets pleasure from serving itself, not sexual pleasure, but pleasure of pleasing someone they like. It's very dismissive to call them doormats. I share intimate things with my sub and anyone that serves me, they are not sexually intimate things, but things I only share with people I trust.
Personally I have seen a relationship along these lines , some years ago my partner and myself were friends with a couple that never shared sex, intimacy or kink between them apart from him being in a chastity device, and generally serving as her door mat , she on the other hand had many affairs behind his back , he spoke to me many times and expressed how unhappy he was , but not the sort of person to do much to change things, as fate would have it he died from a heart attack , and she now lives alone and is a very regretful of the way she treated him My partner and I talked many times about their relationship and we both agreed it was not something we would want or could do , there should at the very least be intimacy , and some sort of sexual activity , even without PIV , so its a no from me , as it just seems a pointless , lonely and unfulfilled journey ,
It seems you've misunderstood my motive as my topic is not intended to elicit a particular reaction and an excuse to talk about serving without love or sex . Also my questions never mentioned love. This is a genuine inquiry
I didn’t mean to be dismissive, doormat was just the term I was using in reference to me and what she would feel I was. I wasn’t talking about slave concept, in fact I tried hard to keep that out of my response due to the op’s inquiry about FLR. I know for some, and you could attest to this even more than most, that some serve for the sheer joy and thrill of serving. I also remember you saying that yes you share things with some of yours, but again was reading the OP’s question and responing about the lack of intimacy or sexual context.
The question, which I just reread to make sure I didn’t read it incorrectly the first time, mentioned intimacy. Kh, mostly wives or significant others tend to enjoy intimacy, I think you would be very hard pressed to find someone that would trade it for servitude, no matter how good a servant they are. Which brings us to the realm of non spouses being a kh, which is well out of my wheelhouse and will defer anything about that, having no experience in that department.
This probably isn't quite the same as what you're asking... In our relationship, there is definitely sex and intimacy, but it is all for her pleasure and never my own. I am not allowed to have PIV sex, and she does not perform any of those acts you mentioned (oral, edging, pegging, etc.) on me. I am quite often allowed to please her with my tongue, fingers, dildo, but whether or not I am locked at the time my penis is completely ignored and off limits. I have been scolded for even briefly touching my penis while she sits on my face, for instance. Very recently I accidentally ejaculated in my chastity cage and panties while I was licking her and working the dildo inside her, and she thought it was very funny but only after I assured her that it wasn't a real orgasm and it just dribbled out and wasn't pleasurable for me. Indeed, the only sexual pleasure I am ever allowed is when she chooses to unlock me for some time and I can masturbate, usually on my own, but sometimes I am allowed to do it while I kiss her feet or have my tongue inside her asshole.
I'm a numbers guy so I'm going to say that 90% of our interaction falls into the non-sexual and non-intimate arena. If you take intimate off the table (i.e. massage, cuddling, spooning) I would say 99% of our interaction is non-sexual. Of the sexual interaction it is 99% about her. Typically I'm allowed some time engaged in foreplay focused on her pleasure, followed by performing oral on her and finishing with the magic wand. I have always been jealous of those that describe these intense tease and denial sessions on a regular basis. I can count on one hand in three years how often this has occurred for me. Usually I've done something she really appreciates and she asks me what I would like. She used to do milkings, but she has relegated that to me recently and that is allowed once or twice a month. All of the above is to give context to my response to your question. I could not give up the intimacy. That would be a deal breaker for me. The fact of the matter is chastity has elevated our intimacy and that is one of the best things about this lifestyle. I adore cuddling with my wife far more now and it's not a prelude to sex, it's a joy in the moment. In regards to the sex question I'll break it into two parts. First the majority which is pleasing her exclusively. I could not give that up. I see it as being part of the intimacy. The 1% of the 1% about me. I think I could give it up, but I struggle with that thought. Denial is different from abstinence or celibacy. It is an affirmative action by our KH. Would denial work for me if I knew it was permanent? If there was no hope of anything? I think the parsimonious distribution of pleasure by our KH is part of what makes denial work. So I guess my answer could have been and should have simply been no, I can't give any of it up. Then again that wouldn't be in my character to be brief.
I'm not sure how, if a chastity cage is involved, one could claim the relationship is a 100% non-sexual one. The act of physically denying sexual pleasure is in and of itself a sexual act. If there's an FLR or domme/sub relationship that's completely non-sexual then there is no need for the chastity cage.
I am not permitted sex with my madam anymore, and I am not permitted to touch her sexually ether, ie her boobs or bum ect, the only time I am permitted to touch her is to massage her. And I have not had any contact with my penis in over 18 months now, but madam will peg me, use toys on me and fist me.
I've had a sub where it was non sexual, we used chastity as a motivator for his self growth. Id happily do that again.
The Mrs. and I have only been in a FLR since 22 September so very early but I can offer perspective on little to no sex/intimacy. She “hates” sex, her words not mine. Additionally, she does not enjoy giving me an orgasm. Giving that pleasure to me does not give her any satisfaction at all. If she does it, it never involves intercourse, only me touching her breast, nothing below the belt, It is almost mechanical really. This is how it was before 22 September and is still the same. She does not use sex in any way to control or influence me because that would require she think about it and as stated above, that is something she won’t do.
No. I need the intimacy. We both do. She needs it. My masturbation and orgasm denial enhances that intimacy. I need to do my fair share of the work and be a helpful friend in our relationship for no other reason. And daily service is to make her smile. But I need the cuddling and snuggling. I love that she feels urges to bite and pinch What do you define as intimacy? Or what’s sex to you?
We just had our anniversary. She bought me a makeup kit (maybe will try it this weekend). We had dinner together. When we got back, She asked me to put on satin pajamas. There was some kissing, cuddling, and groping. She said she would hold my little guy until she fell asleep, and she did. Was this sexual?