Why do you think some women don't want to be touched by their sub?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Lovelylife1, Aug 25, 2022.

Random Thread
  1. Lovelylife1
    Offline

    Lovelylife1 New member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2022
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    10:07 PM
    #1 Lovelylife1, Aug 25, 2022
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2022
    My wife and I have been experimenting with the FLR life style. And like most men I was under the initial impression that she would throughly enjoy using me has her personal sex toy.

    However it seems that since I have given her control of my orgasm, she is essentially turned off (maybe even disgusted?) by the idea of me touching her pussy or breast. She will sometimes allow me to shave her but NO touching. Give her a massage but NO touching her ass. On very rare occasions I will use a vibe on her but again there is a very strict rule to not touch her.

    She seems almost more interested in how easily she can get me to cum, but doesn't seem to have much interest in cumming herself. I've asked her about this before (although such topics are generally off limits) and she typically hints that she enjoys the teasing factor of not letting me please her. But I can't help but feel that there is something else at play. Does she think that me making her cum takes away from her power in a way?

    Just wondering what everyone else's experience has been?
     
  2. knightly
    Offline

    knightly Long term member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2022
    Messages:
    428
    Likes Received:
    861
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    10:07 PM
    A couple thoughts come to mind.

    1) What is her take on her own sexuality? Is she uncomfortable, feel shame, guilt, or otherwise like sex is dirty?
    2) What does she like? Does she want lots of foreplay? Verbal, emotional and non-sexual activity to get her in the mood? Does she feel like she is in a safe, loving intimate environment with you in all other aspects of life? Does she feel connected to you outside the bedroom? Are you guys able to talk about this and help her explore, articulate and get her actual needs met?

    Handing over your sexuality to her doesn't make her suddenly capable of being sexual herself. It can be a start, in that the stated expectations shift away from male-centered pleasure towards goal of orgasm. But now, what can be really hard work, can start to happen. And that's building trust in the new dynamic, building confidence in her, getting her to a point where she's comfortable with her own sexuality, expression and getting her needs met.
     
  3. Lovelylife1
    Offline

    Lovelylife1 New member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2022
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    10:07 PM
    She is certainly very vanilla in bed up to this point in our 10 year relationship. The only times she really has let loose, so to speak, in the past is when drunk or or the cusp of a huge oragsm. I do sometimes see she is rather shy about the whole thing. Normally im the one taking charge in bed so it's possible she's having trouble saying (or knowing) what she wants.

    But part of me also thinks something is her mind changes when she has control over me. As if she no longer sees me as someone who is worthy of pleasing or touching. Which I'm generally ok with that as i dont think that mentality would ever leak outside of the bedroom. I'm just curious if that's the case as I dont think it's something she would feel comfortable verbalising.

    And yes. We have a very strong and loving relationship outside of the bedroom.
     
  4. SubSnuggler
    Offline

    SubSnuggler Owned by Mistress2and4you

    Joined:
    May 3, 2017
    Messages:
    1,374
    Likes Received:
    3,886
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    USA
    Local Time:
    9:07 PM
    Opening up the communication is vitally important in any relationship, but especially in a D/s relationship. Thoughts of abuse, neglect, and abandonment can creep in and take hold quickly. There can be no secrets, at all. Talk to each other. Frankly, and without judgement.
     
    Shimone likes this.
  5. knightly
    Offline

    knightly Long term member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2022
    Messages:
    428
    Likes Received:
    861
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    10:07 PM
    Well said! That's what we are finding in our relationship...barriers to communication, old assumptions, scripts, judgments, etc. Baggage we bring with us and need to work through. Using D/S to facilitate this communication can be a great approach (and fun, too). :) It's not easy, though, to open up this stuff, talk about it and truly explore to its most painful depths.

    Building trust takes time as well. Re-thinking how we guys think about sex takes time and determined exploration. By doing so, we can help our women relax and open up, and give them space to learn about themselves and re-think old ways of thinking that may turn them off to sex.
     
  6. knightly
    Offline

    knightly Long term member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2022
    Messages:
    428
    Likes Received:
    861
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    10:07 PM
    "But part of me also thinks something is her mind changes when she has control over me. As if she no longer sees me as someone who is worthy of pleasing or touching."

    This can be a complicated issue. Are these your assumptions and feelings? Or could they be hers? Great questions. It is possible that you are projecting these feelings and she's picking up on them, and thus treating you that way.

    Or, to your point, she could see you in the way you describe. I don't have enough experience here to provide any insights...hopefully others do.
     
  7. King Hippo
    Offline

    King Hippo Long term member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2020
    Messages:
    2,772
    Likes Received:
    2,757
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    New Jersey
    Local Time:
    10:07 PM
    @Lovelylife1 : Everyone is different and if that is genuinely what she wants... who is to question if she is wrong? As long as everyone is happy, communicating, and being honest about everything... keep on going. Have fun with everything you do and if this is what is making your relationship better & strong, more power to the both of yah.
     
  8. jemima
    Offline

    jemima maid for my Mistress

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2011
    Messages:
    12,158
    Likes Received:
    12,999
    Trophy Points:
    153
    Occupation:
    Maid
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Birmingham
    Local Time:
    2:07 AM
    well @Lovelylife1 did you ask to be lock up in a cage cos if you did then She migt think that you dont want to touch Her and that why She now dont want you to touch Her.
     
  9. slave_m
    Offline

    slave_m Long term member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2008
    Messages:
    541
    Likes Received:
    1,543
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    slave
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Santiago - Chile
    Local Time:
    11:07 PM
    There can be several reasons.
    The main one, as some Mistresses have told me, is to establish that she (the KH) has the power to deny her submissive that privilege. With that she humiliates him and makes him feel denigrated in her masculine condition v / s other men with whom she dates her.

    In any case, each KH applies the rules that she wishes and how she wishes.
    There is no universal golden rule.
    Everyone has their tastes, fantasies and fetishes that she wants to apply to the relationship.
     
  10. madams-sissysub
    Offline

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2009
    Messages:
    12,249
    Likes Received:
    6,635
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    nurse
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    uk (west mids)
    Local Time:
    2:07 AM
    from our point of view, this is spot on. Madam adores tease and denial, she loves the mental aspect of bdsm as much as the physical side.
     
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice