Hi everyone, I'm relatively new to this site and like others found my way here from the chastitylifestyle.com site. I am enjoying this site very much. Thank you Mistress Watchful and pet! I have a real interest in chastity and would like to involve myself more in this lifestyle. Unfortunately my wife is not really "into it" although she does tolerate me locking myself up ocassionally. She mentioned that she likes the attention she receives when I am locked up but can't stand the idea of having my cock locked up long term as she really enjoys penetration. I often lock myself up at night when I get home from work or on weekends but it usually comes off after I give her a massage and she gets in the mood. I bought her the book "Chastity - A Keholders Guide" to read around Christmas but so far she hasn't opened it up. I've brought up the subject to her a few times and mentioned that it would give her an insight into how I'm thinking but I think she's really afraid to read it because in her eyes that is too kinky. Anyhow here's the idea I'm throwing out for discussion....I need to lose 40-50 lbs. and have tried to do so before. My wife is an EXCELLENT cook and it seems like I just can't lose weight because she always is making something that is very tempting. So, I can't really get too much support from her in losing weight. Maybe that is an excuse because it really should be me that puts forth all of the effort and I should be able to resist temptation. Anyhow, I was toying with the idea of locking myself up and finding someone to hold the key (or placing it away from the house) so I can't get out until I've lost 10 lbs. Then I would be unlocked for a few days and locked again until I've lost another 10. I would definitely have an incentive to lose weight and my wife would definitely have an incentive to help me. And I'm thinking that while my lockup takes place, maybe she would find out that the lifestyle is something she really enjoys. Do you think it would be healthy to push her into this a little more than what she really wants now? I'm sure that if she absolutely objected that it would get unlocked right away. I guess this is topping from the bottom but I'm just thinking that sometimes people try things that they really don't want to and find they like them. Anyhow, everyone's comments good or bad are welcomed!
Hmmmm - losing 10 pounds could take several weeks. She enjoys penetration - I wonder why she will want to help you remain unavailable while denying her the pleasure she enjoys. I think the desire for chastity and the weight loss should be handled separately. Pushing and coaxing her will likely stiffen her resistance. You've given her the book. She knows you wear the CB. Let it ride for a few months. Let it develop in her mind on its own. You may be surprised one day when she comes up with it on her own. Then - watch out. The reality may not be what you think. I was married to a woman that prepared wonderful meals. I found the only way to avoid the weight gain was paying attention to my stomach while eating and when it said 'full' I stopped, no matter how much was left. Also a good daily exercise routine helps. Good luck. Bobbybig
DP, that is an excellent goal. Here are some thoughts about it: Having someone else hold the keys for you might raise a red flag in her mind. She might wonder: Who is this person and what is their relationship to you? That way seems fraught with danger. Also, locking yourself up and making the keys inaccessible to the point where she is being denied could be problematic too. In that case, she might just want the chastity to go away. If you could involve her to some extent, at least so she knows you are trying something unique to lose weight, and it's in the open where she can see it, that might give her an opportunity to see the power of chastity and give her an "aha" experience. What if you told her you wanted to try something new to give you incentive to lose weight. You then put the keys in an accessible location, but perhaps closer to her than you, in her domain--perhaps on her nightstand or in her lingerie drawer for "safekeeping". You then vow not to touch the keys until you had lost some number of pounds, say 5. She might say, "yeah, right," but you will show her differently. If she says, "How will I know if you're cheating?", that gives you an opportunity to suggest an even more personal place for the keys like in her purse or wallet or in the locked glove compartment of her car, or perhaps in her office desk drawer (if she works outside the home). That would be even better! You could also keep a chart visible, say on the refrigerator door, or somewhere she could see it, showing your daily progress. (e.g., weigh yourself at the same time every day in the nude and enter it on the chart.) She could pass by the chart and note your progress and even comment on it. (You could also chart your excercise and diet if you wanted to be thorough.) Meanwhile, you are extremely attentive, and furthermore, you actually show progress. This is because you have a new incentive, you are not only losing weight but you are showing her the effectiveness of chastity. And, make sure she understands that whenever she wants attention from you, she has access to the keys. You might even talk her into unlocking and locking you since you have vowed not to touch the keys. She might time this with your progress, saying something like, "you've been such a good boy," and then unlock you. You, of course, respond with extra special attention that you know she will enjoy. In the best case, maybe she will be tempted to pick up the book and read it once she sees real progress being made on your weight loss goal linked to the chastity. If so, that might be the "aha" experience. In the worse case, you actually lose weight, and you have at least demonstrated that the discipline of chastity helped you do it. Anyway, just some random thoughts from someone who also needs to lose weight. Good luck! Huggs, dollyanne
I'm not sure what to offer about this. At first glance, it seems like a good idea, and I know I've read of others who have used chastity as a device to loose weight. I think in your case though, I'm going to have to suggest it isn't a good idea. If you deny your wife sex, let someone else hold the key, and reject her cooking (which she obviously takes pride in), I don't think you're going to make any steps towards her enjoying chastity play. You will probably put her further off it. Also, have you talked about a strap on to cover the penetration aspect? They're great fun for both partners..
First I'd like to say the approach you have taken so far is great, you really appear to be clued-in to her feelings towards the subject of chastity, which is a fantastic start. A lot of hopeful chastees (?!) are very me-me-me... I have great hope for you because of your attitude so far. BUT! You are letting yourself down a little bit now. Your situation is scarily similar to mine and pet's. I wasn't interested, I love penetration and we both need to lose weight, so I understand you. She has the book, she knows it's around and it is a great shame she won't read it. If you've read it yourself you will know it's not hugely kinky, it's written for a woman who may have been *surprised* by her lover and the introduction of chastity. You may just have to be patient, but when she does read that book it will help a great deal. Do NOT be tempted to have another KH. I agree this would lead to huge problems and probably an anti-chastity response. The weight issue... I love pet as he is, and he loves me as I am, which leads to neither of us being motivated to lose weight, same as you! I also cannot see chastity helping us for the same reason, I love penetration. Although getting her to deny you until you lose weight is a good idea, it means she has to deny herself and that won't work. Unfortunately you have to do the weight thing yourself, for yourself, by yourself. (Crap isn't it, that's why I'm still 50 odd lbs overweight!) As Burger says, have you thought about strap-ons? It may be a little bit too far if she's more vanilla, but I *love* my big pink strap on. Pet wears it, I can have all the intimacy and he can have all the frustration! On timescales. pet introduced me to chastity early 2007, I bought him his first device for Valentines 2007 and to be honest we have hardly played with chastity at all compared to others here. Although our Lori tube is due to turn up early next week (18 months or so after my first introduction) I'm still not sure about the whole thing!!! I think she's interested and you really need to be patient. I'm pretty sure you will get what you want, but it's going to take time. I'm confident you are one of the lucky ones who will get what you (think) you desire... Keep us updated. :xd:
Thanks Thanks to everyone for their great advice. I definitely agree that finding a keyholder would not be the thing to do, also denying her the penetration she likes wouldn't further my cause either. I do like the idea of locking myself with a weight loss goal and allowing the keys to be close to her. She would feel that she has the right to unlock me whenever she wants sex, however I think it would be terrific for her to actually lock and unlock me. So far, she hasn't done that. I think that when I am locked up for a few days at a time that she will notice the change in me and perhaps buy into the idea a little more. I am still hoping that a light bulb goes on someday and she picks up the book because it really explains things in a lot of wasy that I can't. We do have a strapon that gets used once in a while (on me). I kind of doubt she would enjoy it as much in her as a real cock but it's something I can try to approach with her. I'll keep everyone informed and thanks again!
Couple of thoughts.... If she knows about the chastity already, when she gets "in the mood" hand her the keys and have her unlock "her property" herself. Remind her that she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to. Try pleasuring her in different ways before she removes the chastity. My Goddess would rather have my tongue than my penis now (careful what you wish for :bigsmile: ) Finally, after sex, get up and replace the chastity. Leave the keys in a conspicuous place. After doing this a while they may just "disappear". (Did I mention be careful what you wish for ) Wendi
Don't have much to offer on this. My wife loves my cock locked up and all the benefits she receives from it. My cock has never been able to satisfy her anyway. She much prefers her large dildos.
Weight Loss Program Begins Hi all, Thanks for the great advice. I ordered a new CB3000 cage to use with the rings from my curve. It fits great and much more comfortable. I think I should be able to wear it long term under my work clothes. I plan to lock myself up and only allow me a release every 10 lbs of weight loss so I can touch my cock and masturbate. I will put the keys on my wife's dresser and let her know that she can unlock me whenever she wants to use my cock for penetration. However I'd like her to be the one to unlock me and lock me back up. Hopefully she will go for that. I plan to begin this tonight. Wish me luck!
DP47905, The advice you've received so far should get you under way. Do you want more? You don't mention what your wife is like in other areas. Is she naturally bossy or likes things her way? Does she change with the cercumstance? Is she up for new experiences? How do you spend your quality time? Do you guys play vanilla games? (Chess, scabble, cards?) Do you go out in a crowd, or stay in together? How well do you communicate on other things? (Bills, decor, lunch?) Is sex the only hiccup? Answering all these questions yourself should take you further along your path. But for heaven's sake, don't rush; you might miss some great senary. :bigsmile: Good luck ptathuk
1.) She needs to hold the key (and know what it's for). 2.) You also need to commit to eat nothing other than what she cooks. This must include some sort of arrangement for lunch. I really wouldn't involve a third in any way as you're starting out. And you really need to iron out her apparent over-feeding you. If she really loves you, she'll offer you less, in both categories.