The lifestyle I asked for

I am going to start posting on this thread as my journal. I have introduced myself and told some of my story on other posts. I will sum up by saying that I got what I asked for, I have no regrets. I believe these choices have strengthened our marriage and filled the sexual void in both of us. I am a chaste, cuckolded, house servant, and am rewarded only by being granted permission to pleasure to my wife. She has had me locked for going on 3 months this time, but has no desire or plan to unlock me ever again. I cum only incidentally when I get too excited during times i am allowed to service my love with my mouth. My wife leads our marriage in every aspect. She gives me direction and expects to be obeyed. I am subjected to harsh spankings, while tied and gagged. I am not allowed safe words. She has been spanking me to teach me to be a better husband for the entire 6 plus years we've been married. She knows my limits better than me. I have only recently become a cuckold. My wife has now been on 5 dates in the past couple weeks. On two of those dates she had sex and came home early in the morning, exhausted, satisfied by much larger cocks than mine. One a third one, she made out and sucked his cock. She is staying in a hotel tonight and will come home to be licked clean before work tomorrow. I am tormented, and deeply in love.

 

Focusing on tonight....

She left right after I got home. She looked amazing. She was wearing a denim skirt, fishnets, and her high heeled over the calf boots. She keeps wearing those boots on her dates. Usually under jeans though. I begged her to let me lick them before she left. She told me to hurry up because she could be having her pussy licked by now if I hadn't been late coming home from work. And then she made me load a bag in the car. It had beer, bottled water, some snacks, and who knows what else.

And she was gone.

I took the kids and the dogs on a walk, bathed them and put them to bed.

I am alone with my thoughts. Other than my imagination of her screaming in ecstasy, the house is silent. I am insane with jealously. It was just two nights ago, and with a different man the last time. I hadn't fully recovered from that one yet.

She said she's going to do this a lot for a while, and force me to get used to it. Like, sink or swim cuckolding. I am sinking. The weight of my humiliation is destroying my masculinity. I am helpless. Every night she spends away from home is making me less able to stand up to her. She has been particularly ruthless with my punishments lately. Yesterday I spent an hour in the basement, mounted on my wooden pony with fresh welts on my ass, legs and back because I asked her if she thought it was too much planning to go out Monday night right after her Saturday date. That is a question I won't be asking again.

I just wish I had a big cock and didn't cum so quickly, and wouldn't have had to be locked up in the first place. She likes to tell me that this is my fault when I service and massage her. But that will continue to be a wish. In reality, she assures me my penis is useless to a woman and that the only thing she needs it for is to control me.

I had no idea she would go into this with such gusto. I hope I become acclimated to it, or this is going to kill me.

I will feel better after I lick her clean in the morning. That always helps. Oh god I can't wait.

 

I keep telling myself that it won't be such a powerful and all consuming experience if I get used to it. As it is, I can't sleep. Drinking doesn't help. I can still hear her cumming in my mind. She left me the panties she wore today. I am trying to avoid sniffing them because it will make my blue balls worse. But I will. If I fall asleep with them over my face and she comes back to find me like that she will be pleased that she's driving me mad, and tell me how pathetic it was as I clean her.

 

Thank you for your perspective Miss Mira. Right now I am frustrated and distraught. But tomorrow, and in the days to come, I will enjoy it deeply. It turns me on. It does. I am aroused by it. But I am jealous, and feel that I am supposed to be. This is hard. I was cheated on a lot in earlier relationships. So it stings, yes. Sorry to bellyache about it. But I am in that mood because my love is gone and enjoying things I am not allowed to do. I prefer this though, over dishonesty, and over her being unfulfilled. I will do anything for her because I love her. Even allow her this simple joy. She's a Sagittarius. I won't give her restrictions on her happiness. I am a Pisces. I am built to suffer, and she's the muse for my current song writing projects. I need this suffering. And I don't mean to make it seem all one sided. She is letting me buy a motorcycle I want from her brother this week, and I am getting a new muzzle loader for hunting season this year. I have a good life. I just get anxious when she's gone. And if this isn't working, she would stop to save our marriage. But I am not yet considering asking for that.

 

"For small creatures such as we the vastness of the universe is bearable only through love." - Carl Sagan

My favorite quote from a great man. It reminds me that though knowing how insignificant the goings on of life on Earth happen to be on the grand scale, this thing, this life, ours means something because of love. And we don't have to be normal, or explain it, or apologize for it to anyone.

 

Well, haven't updated in a while. A lot has happened, so I will try to touch on it all briefly.
Two weekends ago we left the kids with her parents and went out of town to a ren faire we were working at. On the way down, in the car, she unlocked me. She told me she wanted to have a dirty weekend with me. So I got all worked up with excitement and anticipation. When nothing happened Friday or or Saturday because she was tired by the time we made it back to the room I got bitchy and made her feel guilty about it. Finally, Sunday Sunday morning before we checked out she let me have sex with her. It was a quickie, and sort of obligatory because I had been pouting and openly complaining about nothing happening Friday and Saturday night.

I feel that she is no longer attracted to me. It hurts my feelings. I do believe that she still loves me. I am glad she keeps me around, lets me serve her. I am insanely infatuated with, lustful for, and in love with her. Chastity does this too you. I can't expect her to feel the same as me. Chastity is a powerful psychological tool and she doesn't know what it's like.
She has 4 guys she has settled on for her stable of fuck toys. 2 more local guys she can see more often, one local guy who she's less active with, and a more long distance guy, who is the only one she's known since she decided I don't get to know their names. She chose them carefully. They are married and attached, cheating in secret, and therefore discrete.
I have become comfortable with the arrangement. After how bitchy I got when she unlocked me I have been assured that I won't be allowed to fuck her ever again. It has been decided that I need to be beaten more often to help me accept my place and not forget it again, though that really hasn't happened yet.
I love her. I will never stop. This is what she needs and I am happy to be her cuckold. I am happy to not argue anymore and do what I am told. I am happy that sex with her is limited to me making her cum with my mouth and toys. I enjoy those things more not having performance anxiety about trying to make her cum with my cock. And I am happy that she gets to fuck large cocked boyfriends to keep her satisfied, with disclosure and honesty to me. I am happy that she isn't going to leave me. Things are are starting to become clear to me about how far out of my league she is, and how lucky I am to have her.

 

I think too much.... talk to much... that is the problem with me. I have been assured a proper beating tonight. I am always so calm after. I stop questioning or pouting or trying to control anything. After a good ruthless beating a great calm rushes over me and I feel content and loved. I just let go.... just trust and obey.

 

Yes. Another beating. I am at ease and feel loved. She has a date tomorrow. I am to be a good boy all day. And the next day. I was shown very thoroughly what disobedience would cost me.

 

When she came home from her date tonight I was stressed. Our 2 year old isn't feeling well. It was a stressful evening, waiting for her to come home. It was a long hard day. And then she walked in the house. She put her arms around me. And she kissed me. I pulled her into me. I held her tightly and kissed her passionately. I pushed her against the wall. Our hands groped each other's bodies as we made out like teenagers. We writhed together and had a few uninterrupted moments of desperate affection before the kids noticed she was home and interrupted us with their silly laughter. It was 3 minutes. But it was a lifetime. I love her more than I ever have before. Time slows to a crawl, and I stop breathing, and I drop every burden, and every thought in my head is silent, after all these years still.... every single time I kiss this woman. Mmmmmmm

 

Saturday afternoon spanking, and oral servitude while the kids were napping, and then we had a date night. We went to dinner and saw a band, friends of ours, slept naked and more oral service in the morning. We danced and danced last night. I could feel the welts on my ass. I felt like everyone was looking at her. She was stunning. Great weekend!

Side comment: safe words are for pussies. How can you feel that wonderful release of trusting your mistress or master when you have control over it? Let go. You'll get through it no matter how bad it is and you will understand.

 

My wife had decided at long last to rejoin us. Please be respectful and kind to Espylady07. And we added avatars, to be more personal. We had an amazing conversation last night, and are on the right track in our lives together. I am shopping for new restraints, and found some I like. Also... I am considering upgrading her arsenal with a dressage whip. It looks positively evil. I am sure she will show me her merciless beauty and wonder with this in her hand.

 

Dressage whip is short like a riding crop, with a tassle at the end instead of a leather flap. She does have a full size bullwhip... that's for pictures. .. for show. She doesn't know how to use it. It isn't for using... lol

 

Not to say a dressage whip is a beginner tool. It will be nasty.

 

Thank you for your concern though. I have this image of an inexperienced couple ripping pictures off the wall and blood flying across the room from a big long bull whip though. Lol .... funny

 

Yeooooch! No 8 foot whips for me please.