I am new to this. I have been afraid of sex my whole life. I now know that when my husband wants to be physically close to me he is telling me he loves me. I believe this now totally. But on a feeling level, I am still so afraid. I’m afraid my fear will hurt his feelings. I want to feel his love for me through sex. I feel totally inhibited in terms of expressing my love for him through sex and physicalness. I shut down. I feel so bad that I can’t show him the love I feel for him. I am still so scared and afraid to trust even though I know he would never hurt me. How I know chastity is for me and that I am a dom. #1. For one, I never felt a man wanted me physically (sexually). My husband being willing to put on the cock cage shows he wants me—me specifically. He’s even willing to give up a fantasy life masturbating to give me all his sexual love. Wow! #2. He tends to feel unwanted by women even though he is incredibly handsome and masculine through and through, which I love. I can show him my love for him by wanting him all for myself, locking him up just for me, so no one else can have him—not share him, because I want him so much all to myself.
Curtsy new one, Welcome to the site. It sounds like you two love each other very much and will be able to support each other as you start on your D/S journey together. There is a wealth of information here. Everyone here is really friendly and willing to help you with advice and their experience. I look forward to hearing how you both get on.
I can't seem to edit my posts but I wanted to add that I think everyone starts out having similar inhibitions placed upon us by how we are raised and societal pressures. As long as you both keep communicating with each other and be truthful about how you both feel you make a great Domme / Sub couple.
Thank you so much for being so supportive. It is nice to be heard and encouraged and know that I can ask for help and be heard. I did not expect such a warm response. Thank you again.
No need to be afraid of sex any longer, MS, since you're now the one in charge of it. Welcome!!! Many people do equate love and sex since they can be very much intertwined with each other but, in reality, they are distinct and separate. Perhaps you'll begin to see this more clearly as your femdom relationship with your hubby progresses.
I'm sure you've found your way forward. All you need is the willpower and know-how, and you can get there. The first you already have. The second, if & to the extent you yet haven't, is what this site's for. Have you a device to put him in? If not cb6000 or similar is good for starters as will fit most sizes, but look to upgrade to something metal made-to-measure medium/lomg term. Enjoy!
Thank you all for your responses. As I mentioned before, being physical is not easy for me. I flinch when someone touches me- even people I know. My husband does give me wonderful long massages whenever I let him- he has helped me SO MUCH to relax. Up until a couple of weeks ago, I had been wearing my underwire bras to bed (ever since I started wearing a bra regularly) I am now 52 so it's been over 30 years. Now I consciously remove my bra every night. It feels so good. I was so afraid to do that before. I have scratches all around where my bra hit because it irritated me so much. I always felt I had to constrict my body to keep it from getting out of control- keep it in check- sensual things felt threatening (food, sex). I would like to really feel , on a gut level, that I am in control of sex with my husband. He truly gives me all control, but I feel guilty just wanting to receive all the time. My sense is that I am so angry at men (my dad) for trampling over my sexuality- Now if I'm really honest, I demand that a man be totally sensitive to my body and my needs and then if he's lucky he might get something in return. Luckily for some reason my husband gets a kick out of this so this dom/ sub thing seems like it will work for us. To those of you who read this, I try to be honest . I am scared but I will try even if I screw up. In terms of the nuts and bolts of our sex life, We started out with the CB6000', then went to a shortened CB6000, and now we have a metal cock cage called a jailbird. By the way, I just realized I forgot to mention that my hole is so small and my husband's cock is so large that it is too painful for me to have intercourse with him. But actually intercourse with any guy has always hurt. It feels like my vagina is being ripped open. I know in the past I really like the feel of a guy inside me. I hated the manipulation and foreplay aspect but I liked him inside going as deep and as hard as possible. I don't know if this pain is from lack of use, or that my hole is just naturally small or maybe psychologically I tighten up real real tight to protect myself. I still visciously try to protect myself as a gut reaction to anyone trying to get close to me. I must consciously remind myself that my husband obviously loves me and only wants me to be free and happy.
Curtsy New one, I really hope that this is the start of your healing process and sexual exploration. I can truly sympathies how hard it is to let go of the emotional baggage that parents can leave you with, and the guilt you can have over how that can impact your partner. As Mistress Germaine says your in charge, you don't have to afraid any more.
BTW - you DON'T have to receive all the time. I'm just saying that as a more general exhortation: to make it a point to not get caught up imitating any internet stereotype.