Am I missing the point of chastity?

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by M's lil B, Aug 15, 2011.

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  1. M's lil B
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    M's lil B Member

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    Hi all

    As you can see I'm new to the forum. I'm also new to the chastity lifestyle. I just wanted clarification on a couple of things from those more in the know than me.

    Is the purpose of male chastity to stop my erections completely or is it to punish me for having them by making them painful?

    This then leads me to my 2nd question which is if I was to purchase a smaller device (CB6000s - I currently have the CB6000) would I find this completely stops my erections? I ask this because at the moment I'm currently able to get an erection of sorts while wearing my device. It is nowhere near a full one and it's quite painful. This sometimes stops me from doing things for M such as a spontaneous foot massage as I know it will get me erect, therefore result in pain.

    As the title suggest maybe I'm missing the point completely though with chastity. Should I in fact be making myself not think of arousing things unless M gives me permission? Is that the point?

    Thanks,

    M's lil B
     
  2. Strict Sir
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    Strict Sir Long term member

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    The point of chastity is to not allow you to orgasm. The not being able to get erect is just part of that... there are various devices and even honor system chastity, but the point of chastity is always to deny the individual's orgasms... or control them at least, the KeyHolder deciding when he gets let out and when he gets to cum. It's about giving up control of your cock and orgasms to your keyholder. And many keyholders like you getting aroused because it makes it more difficult for you and therefore more pleasurable for them. Read the forums, there's lots of good info here.
     
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  3. TCFun
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    TCFun Long term member

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    I totally agree with Strict Sir. Chastity is purely about control of orgasms. The fact that many devices also prevent erections is a separate issue. My Wife enjoys unlocking me and then teasing me to keep me hard for an hour or so at a time before locking me back in my device without orgasm. Erections increase blood flow and desire, and can make the frustration of the orgasm denial over a long period far more intense.

    I would suggest that preventing an erection is more a form of bondage than chastity.
     
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  4. Strict Sir
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    Strict Sir Long term member

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    Exactly, TCFun. And good point about the occasional erection increasing blood flow and desire. And many Dom(me)s and KH's enjoy seeing their subs erect and throbbing... so they can see the arousal and need and frustration. A form of respect, if you will.

    Good point too about chastity (devices) being a form of bondage... restraining erections in this case. And chastity itself is of course a form of bondage anyway, like you suggest. It's a wide, wide world in general and the same can be said for the world of chastity.

    lil B, does M enjoy you being locked up?
     
  5. M's lil B
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    M's lil B Member

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    Ok thanks for your responses. So I was missing the point as the erections are irrelevant.

    On the 2nd question would you think a smaller device would feel better or worse when I become aroused. Less or more painful?

    Cheers
     
  6. M's lil B
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    M's lil B Member

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    Strict Sir,

    We are both extremely new to this. Literally a week and a half and we're just 'feeling the water'. It hasn't been 24/7 and she's let me out whenever I feel really uncomfortable. However yes, I know she does enjoy keeping me locked up.
     
  7. TCFun
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    TCFun Long term member

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    That depends. A smaller device is definitely more restrictive, but the main issue with ball trap devices like the CB6000 is that when you try to become erect the device is pushed away from the body and the rings pull on the balls. This can be quite painful depending on how tight your scrotum is and what size ring you use. This may be part of the fun until you try to sleep. Nighttime erections are part of life and you may find yourself waking up at night with a pain in your balls from the device being forced away from your body and pulling on your balls.

    There is no perfect device for everyone. You just have to try and find the best device for you.
     
  8. M's lil B
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    M's lil B Member

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    Yes TCFun that is exactly what is happening during the night. I'll wake feeling incredibly uncomfortable, she'll then wake and say do you need to take it off? I'll cave in and say yes please. I don't want to remove it. I love the feeling of being locked up. It's just the easy option especially when I'm half asleep. Do you think I should just get out of bed go downstairs and try to get my erection to go down, then go back to sleep?
     
  9. TCFun
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    TCFun Long term member

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    it is something you get used to as both your ball sack stretches and your body doesn't have so many erections in the night. Try different ring sizes also. I have a Lancelot device from Madame-Dura.de and with its flexible chain mail tube and anatomical ring design I find that I don't have a problem with nighttime erections. However, it is expensive, custom sized and I have been locked on and off for 7 years.
     
  10. M's lil B
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    Cheers TCF. Appreciate the advice.
     
  11. filltee
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    filltee Junior Member

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    Just to add to all that has been said. You can as well as trying different A-rings also try messing around with the pin and spacer configuration you use too.

    I went through all that with the cbxxxx range trial and error is all I can suggest

    Also have you asked M what her take on the erection thing is. Does she want you to have them and the assciated discomfort or does she not want you to have them till your out. And bear in mind her take on that could change over time or even dramatically day to day if likes screwing with your head.
     
  12. Shimone
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    Shimone Long term member

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    For me a tight fit (where you can not grow a all) is MUCH more comfotable as getting semi erect in a CB with a curved penis can be quite painful and it will prevent the already described pulling away of the cage when you become aroused.
     
  13. bb55ct
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    You might also consider getting the cb6000s model tube which is sold separately. For many men, particularly those of average endowment or less, the smaller model is a tighter fit and doesn't let your erection grow as much before it is stopped. You still get pulling on the balls, but not as bad.
     
  14. kinkywife
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    We're quite new to this too, my hubby got very uncomfortable in the night so I would unlock at night to start with but he's getting used to it now - you do so stay with it. I started by allowing him to change to the biggest ring for sleeping and back to the smaller ring for daytimes.

    lockeduphubby.blogspot.com
     
  15. M's lil B
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    M's lil B Member

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    kinkywife that is a really good shout. I actually thought today I may give that a go tonight. It seems logical. thank you

    BB55CT I think I may well do that particluar if kinkywife's suggestion doesn't have the desired results. thanks

    my thoughts too Shimone. cheers
     
  16. billie
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    billie Active member

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    [quote name='M's lil B' timestamp='1313433019' post='65790']
    Yes TCFun that is exactly what is happening during the night. I'll wake feeling incredibly uncomfortable, she'll then wake and say do you need to take it off? I'll cave in and say yes please. I don't want to remove it. I love the feeling of being locked up. It's just the easy option especially when I'm half asleep. Do you think I should just get out of bed go downstairs and try to get my erection to go down, then go back to sleep?
    [/quote]

    I find the smallest spacer you can handle helps too. the smaller the spacer, the further you go into the tube when flaccid, and thus the less of an erection you can achieve. I think the 6Ks tube would be great for you if you are a grower, not a shower. I used ice water to stop nighttime erections when i was starting out, and it seemed to help a lot. I also use baby oil gel in my tube, and around the ring. The ring being lubed helps with chafing, and the tube being lubed ensures that my wife's penis will go to the end of the tube and fill it. Without the tube lubed up, the whole thing really tries to pull away from my body, and my wife's penis is usually only about halfway up the tube.

    It will get better, give it time. My wife actually let me keep the key for the first couple of weeks, until i was able to sleep through the night.

    Good luck!
     
  17. Curious40ish
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    Curious40ish Long term member

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    I would suggest going to a smaller tube. I started with the CB6000s and found it to be comfortable. My issue with this device was that the base ring would not fit and kept breaking. I managed to use a silicon ring at 53mm that flexed a little however when erections happened it got painful.
    I now have a smallish stainless unit with a 52mm ring that does not allow me to get much of an erection and when I do it is more pleasure than pain.
    Good luck with your journey.
     
  18. anasyrma
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    anasyrma Long term member

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    I have found smaller cages in general are more comfortable. I started with one way too large. Even the one I use the most now could be an inch shorter.
    One thing that can help with erections at night is just going to the bathroom and peeing. You still will tend to wake up in some pain, but this usually quickly relieves it and you can stay locked.
     
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  19. VinnyDfl
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    VinnyDfl Active member

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    Chastity is abou
    It is whatever you want it to be. I am a long time fetishist and see so many people looking for a rule book for fetishes. There is no right or wrong way. There is only doing what you enjoy. Do not let anyone tell you hat rules to follow. Chastity can be erection denial or simply orgasm denial. It can be denial in-between you normal sex nights or denial for weeks or months. It is whatever works for you. Most of all it is basically a promise you make not to orgasm without your key holders permission. You do not have to jump through hoops to stay locked because if you cannot be trusted to be unlocked when not convenient, you cannot be trusted even when locked since it is easy to orgasm hen locked contrary to the port garbage you may read. The easier you make it, the longer you will keep at it like us.

    I am locked all the time except when not practical like playing softball or riding a bike. Chastity is not about the cage although we guys tend to get hung up on the equipment more than the sport. We have been at this a long time because we adapted it to our lifestyle. I am going to the dentist so I will be unlocked for that once having a bad painful experience laying in down ina dentist chair unable to do anything about it. I am not about to jerk off at the dentist or in my car. That would go against my promise to my wife and force me to start over again which I hate.
     
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  20. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    Chastity is about giving control of a natural (and highly pleasurable) human behaviour to another person so they can dictate when, if or how you will get release and relief. To that end, the cage is not strictly necessary and many couples use the honour system. It is the contract that matters, the knowledge that one person has submitted to another. That's my view anyway. There are lots of flavours of chastity. Find the one you like. Good luck.
     
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  21. Danny15
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    Danny15 Long term member

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    Excellent advice, we all get hung up on it fitting our fantasy or perception of what it should be . I self lock as my wife has no interest in taking a part in my chastity. She knows I'm locked 24/7 . She tells me when to unlock for our intimate moments but never tells me to lock up , she won't even touch the key. At times her lack of engagement breaks my heart as she is aware how important it is to me but we are at a place where we both benefit from it even with minimal effort on her part.


    I'll unlock a couple of times a month for cleaning, doctors, dentist, or even if I'm going somewhere where I know the toilet facilities are poor or non existent. Chastity is different things to different people with no right of wrong way of doing it .
     
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