Wife Found my secret box!

You lucky bloke! - I have to buy my own maids uniforms!!

 

- and there you have your answer. You've thanked the folks here for listening but now you need to thank her for listening and you need to listen to her too. You need to tell her how much the conversation meant to you and ask her if you can talk more often - eventually the chastity thing will find its place in that conversation.

Two things struck me:-

One is that you said your doctor advised frequent masturbation for the health of your prostate. Obviously this is more than is necessary for a normal bloke as there's still no proof that it's necessary for the rest of us at all. So, if there is a prostate problem which is serious enough for this unusual "therapy" - how are you going to factor this in? After all, let's face it, release once or twice a week is hardly chastity at all!!

The second is that you'd already told her that you have a problem with excessive masturbation and that you'd described your "two chastity belts" as "something the guy wore as a control thing". At this point I would have thought it a pretty easy leap to link the two together and explain that you had initially bought them in the hope that they could curb your excessive masturbation but then realised that they wouldn't be very effective unless someone else was doing the controlling because you found the concept of having your naughty bits locked away more exciting than you expected and unless someone else held the keys it was having the opposite effect to that which you intended. I would hope it would be fairly simple at that point to ask her to help you by being that other person and to give it a trial period. Mind you - you're going to find it an interesting challenge explaining why you have two!!

How you're going to reconcile that with what you say your doctor has advised is your own problem!!

 

[font="'Comic Sans MS"]Hi![/font]
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[font="'Comic Sans MS"]Well I was glad to read that you actually talked to your lady about your needs. I realise I am a little late on this but my advice is always complete and absolute honesty. It is scary to tell someone all your fantasies and desires but in any relationship it is necessary to do this to move forward. You definitely need to have that chastity talk with her also. T he only problem with your situation is what type of lady is she. You must have an idea about whether she has dominant or submissive tendencies. If she is submissive naturally then no amount of coersion will alter how she feels about being dominant. Trying to get her to assume this role if it is not in her nature will only lead to ruin. Firstly ask yourself if you are doing it for her or for yourself. Would it be something that would bring her out of her shell and release the domme within or will it drive her deeper inside. If you love her and want to serve her then do that. Think only of what is good for her and always think whether it would be of benefit to her first. If you believe encouraging her in to this role is the right thing then do it. If it works out you'll wish you did it years before. If it doesn't then love and serve her silently from the shadows but at least you will have talked about it and know your role. Don't waste your life wondering, just talk to her. For the happiness of you both I wish you luck.[/font]

 

Its not always so much about the chastity itself as the control it gives the woman. That's what so many people miss.

 

. . . . . and the control element is greater the more desperate the subject is.

Short term - the subject knows it will be over soon and he can handle it. - Mildly frustrated and mildly deperate.

Long term - the subject gets resigned to it and gets on with life. - Desperation is replaced by resignation.

Medium term - the subject constantly looks forward to the end which can't come soon enough. - Frustrated beyond endurance and desperate as Hell.

 

Sounds like things are going well. Might need to add the catwoman request to my list, the whip we have.....

 

Sounds like it might be going in the right direction! Does she talk dirty in bed with you? I know when I'm in the heat of the moment I start to say my wild fantasies out loud and that has helped my realize were I really want to be in my sexual relationship with my husband. Plus, once my husband heard me say I want to lock him up, he knew it was time to take the CB out of our toy chest. I'd recommend keeping a toy chest with everything in it so she feels the the CB is hers too(not something your hiding from her, women do not like that feeling). You should also add this good book to the chest: Male Chastity, A Guide for Keyholders plus put a Hallmark type card in the book so when she feels ready to read it she'll think about how much you love her.

 

I had a similar instance with my wife, but a different fetish. I got to the point of denying myself that eventually it erupted and I confronted her. I had been giving subtle hints for years. Here's an observation- Subtle hints don't work. Once confronted, we had a hard time and was even thinking of divorce. I just wanted to be me. As time went on, with some education and frank conversations, we actually came up with a set of "rules" that would allow me to be me within what was acceptible to her. For instance some things I could do it in front of her, some things I couldn't. She was not interested in my kink however and refused to participate. I respected that and was able to live within the "rules". I did not want to lose her, but still wanted to be me. In the end, my wife passed a few months ago from cancer. She knew me deeper than anyone in the world. Knowing that our time together was limited, She gave me a Christmas card telling me that we were "soulmates". I truely believe that. I am me and we ARE soulmates...

I wish you happiness..

Chazz

 

Hi lidman,

it is not too late to start such honest conversation with your wife. Maybe this might be even the perfect starting point for that - as there is no CB in the background, pushing her to use it on you. And that you threw it away just means that you love her more than any fetish of you - which is an absolutely fantastic basis for further discussion, as it then cannot be self-centered any more. You proved so by your action - although i can very much understand that this was and is not easy for you, and that you feel jealous about others being locked and having had this conversation and openness already. But their path might also not have been easy though. But they made it. Your journey still lies in front of you. It is your decision if you will start it now or leave it. Of course, there is no guarantee that it will work the way you want. And most probably it will not - which leaves room that it can also be much better than you ever dreamt it to be.

Start your journey. Have open and honest conversation. There is nothing to loose, but much to gain. If she is not open for it and cannot accept it, you at least have tried. If you do not even try, then you will sooner or later regret it. But if she is open in the slightest sense, you can involve her - which is essential. Maybe she will want to choose what CB you have to order next for you. Let her work out the rules. Make it clear to her that this is all about her and not you. Then you might succeed - but be careful what you wish for at the end. As you also give over the control that you had since. And thus means that it will not work out due to your plot and fantasy. What might mean more excitement for both of you, as it is a new and higher level, as it gets real then.

This is such an exciting time for you. Think of your possibilities. But these can only maybe come true if you start with honest communication. Now is the best time for it in my humble opinion. Do it!

Chaste regards,
Keuschling

 

Hi again lidman,

my serious advice: Do not wait too long to put it up. You will definitely regret the wasted time for waiting too long. If you are successful and she is open to it, it will be no instant way to immediately jump right into it most probably. Things will develop slowly, if ever. So there will be some time ahead of you anyway. Do not prolong it further by waiting. Start your journey. Reread my comment: There is nothing to lose, but much to gain. At least the knowledge if there will be a journey with chastity at all.

Chaste regards,
Keuschling

 

I say go for it. Perhaps she would be more open to locking you if you had another talk with her. You could explain why you threw the belts away accompanied by offering to repurchase and go through the experience together (as you originally wanted).

 

>Make it clear to her that this is all about her and not you.

Stop right there

You are expecting something from her- a change in how she treats and interacts with you. For her to assume control over your sex life.

Yes, during the chastity she can set the rules and has control. But it is definitely about BOTH. You get chastity and denial, she gets special privileges and services.

It is not 'all about her' to her- from her perspective, it is 'all about you' and your desires.

Now your mindset should be 'it is all about her'. That's fine. But that is not what she sees.


js

 

My wife and I have been "dabbling" in male chastity for a few years now. I like it very much, she is more at the "putting up with it because it pleases me" stage. So far, she has only locked me for 2 weeks at the longest, followed by months of being unlocked completely. I am definitely more attentive to her when I have been locked up for a few days. She resents that I need "that thing" on to be so loving, and why can't I be that way without wearing it? I think that I *may* have come up with a good answer: I know that she doesn't particularly like it, but I do, and when she locks me up, it makes me feel that much more loved by her, which makes me feel more loving in return. She admitted that she wouldn't have thought to look at it that way. It's too early to tell if this will lead to more and longer periods of lock up. I hope so (I think). Time will tell.

 

Yes, it does seem crazy to you. But, you have to remember you have been having these fantasies for years. This would be all new to her. And, she was not raised this way. One bit of information that I found that helped me more than anything is:
http://goodwifebetterhusband.com/chastity_wife
It tells it from the Wifes perspective and gives you a glimpse into what will be going through her mind.

You may think its a win win for her... But, it takes her time to see that. And, watch the attitude of "I would do more if I was locked".. they hear that and wonder why you don't do it because you love them.... So, be honest, and communicate and work together...

GungaDN