Difficult Dose of New Reality

When the frustratisfying feeling starts

 

Difficult I'm sure, she's taken to it well. Lol. But you will gain a lot from it. You will start to crave a month. You're turning your orgasm addiction into a dopamine addiction which seems to be better for relationships. Works for us. I'd have never thought it. Be patient.

 

I'm at 12 of 37 at least, and I asked for this. Told her truthfully that I'm better for her denied and she agrees. Taken nearly 3 years to get here, so I understand it must be hard to be in so deep so quickly but this is, or can be a very satisfying feeling. We are much closer, argue less, and less severely, and it's noticeable to outsiders that we click. That makes me proud. And feel more loved and desired than any time in my life. All our intimacy is real and never forced which removed feelings of obligation, and that is very healthy for intimacy. It speaks to her heart.

 

The reality is sometimes harder than the idea we have in our heads.

Her wanting to sleep is what you can do to make her happy, rather than your idea of what makes her happy.

This is a truly female led decision.

 

Weeks, months, years?

 

Just days, but it will be my longest.

 

Saying we’re giving up total control is the easy part, actually letting go of all expectations and just focusing on getting your pleasure through pleasing your KH, that is the really tough part.
I thought I had given up control fully after a couple years as we took this more seriously, and then realized I had more work to do. I finally got to the point where I don’t assume we’re having any kind of play time each night, that way on the very rare occasion she decides she just wants to cuddle and go to sleep, it’s not disappointing at all, I can just enjoy the cuddling. It has definitely made chastity much more satisfying for me too, I actually feel completely controlled which is what I wanted. She gets to enjoy whatever she wants for intimacy each day, and in turn I can actually enjoy it too because I’m not constantly thinking to myself.., well I thought we were going to do this and that and now I’m going to pout and be bitchy

It takes time, just keep focusing on making her happy, and remember why you’re doing this whole thing

 

Just buckle in and enjoy the ride. Never forget it always has to be fulfilling for both of you. But... it will take a little time for you to realise that.

 

Life as a submissive to a kinky dominant female is the best thing in the world. it's got it's drawbacks- I rarely get access to my Wife's pussy and my releases are always granted to me in as an uncomfortable unsatisfying way as She can dream up. She told me yesterday she'd rather just give me a ruin while locked once a month and just leave it at that. Gulp.

But the pluses, OMG the pluses are A M A Z I N G. Have fun.

 

Since you are already considering not to masturbate, I strongly support that decision.

 

Be careful what you wish for!

My Wife is very frank with me, she uses my penis as a means to control me and that gives her far more pleasure than putting it in her. She tells me exactly that multiple times a week. So it's been a slow burn over years now but chastity has also been revolutionary for her. Locking me up has given her next level power over me and that power is intoxicating to her. She revels in it.

 

Please tell me this is a type-o and you meant to say, “I really should just be TALKING to my wife whenever I feel the urge.” Cuz otherwise yuck

 

No I really meant "taking." Obviously, I was purposefully being extreme, but it does seem like 95% of women like dominant men who will more aggressively take the lead and dictate when sex happens more or less. That's never been me and I have the dead bedroom to show for it. before you judge too hard, obviously the yuck situation isn't what I want.

 

Here’s the thing, whether you’re in chastity or not, if she doesn’t want sex then she doesn’t want sex and there’s nothing you can do about that. The cage makes no difference. You handing her the key and letting her know that you prefer her to be in charge of your sex lives takes the pressure off of her when she’s really not feeling in the mood and wants to say no. I think for many women that’s a major bonus with male chastity.
Exactly what you described happens to me all the time and honestly I’m not really fond of when it happens either. The only difference is that in the past you could’ve masturbated and not really cared afterward, now you can’t do that. So you can either sulk about it or find something to distract yourself.

 

I understand your confusion. But to clarify I think I can say with certainty that 95% of women do not prefer men who aggressively take the lead. Our society has created a social norm where it’s okay for a man to want and take sex but it’s not okay for a woman to do so. A woman who initiates sex is called a slut, thought of as a prostitute, and disparaged. Society has literally always blamed women for seducing men away from their innocent lives - consider the scarlet letter, the victim blaming in rape cases, and revenge porn. So no, women don’t want men to aggressively take the lead - that’s a fiction of porn and, well, everything else in society. I’m glad you recognize it’s not a desirable state of affairs. It is such an incredibly strong and viciously reinforced message that it’s not surprising many of you have wives that aren’t comfortable taking the lead. It’s deeply ingrained in our subconscious psyche.

 

@Arlentia2 - I'm moving this to the correct thread - as it appears you somehow jumped threads when you originally posted your message to me - and I didn't realize it. Moving to: https://www.chastitymansion.com/for...being-a-kh-exhausting-for-a-wife.51272/page-2

 

@herluckyboi I think most of us experience this and it is dissipointing. I can say that it seems to get easier with time as I reframe my expectations. I do talk about it with her from time to time and she has learned to be careful not to "promise" anything.

 

I would think that the proportion who would like a men to aggressively take the lead to be quite the opposite. Instead of 95%, I would guess its more around 5%, probably less. I take that applies equally to meeting in public as oppose to a couple.

My Mistress's take on this, based on our answers to the FLR Questionaire are:
* Q5 - "I want control of our sexual activity to be..." mostly mine/mostly hers.
* Q6 - "I would like control of his sexual release to be..." all mine / all hers
* Q12 - "I want him to initiate sex with me..." when I allow it / sometimes.

So confirms your thoughts.

First answers were Mistress KH, second answer was mine. Guess what the answer to "I think I would enjoy having him in chastity"?

A

 

My Wife was talking to a potential client on the speaker phone, while I was in her office. The person on the phone was a married female, and at one point referred to a man they both knew personally from Church.

Then she said something along the lines of, "He's one of those pussies that can't control his wife, she wears the pants and tells him what to do." The tone of the comment was extremely disparaging. I jerked up to look at my Wife's facial expression. My Wife was expressionless. After the conversation ended, I said, 'Did you hear that shit?' My Wife said, " Yes, and that told me all I need to know about doing business with her. I will find any reason to avoid getting involved with that bitch."

My Wife later did just that; she looked for a reason to decline, and she took it.

 

Which FLR test did you take? Looks fun I want to take it and send it to my wife.