My Locked Journal

I'm noticed a pattern in my denial, submission and obedience.

When Mistress lets me cum I'm content, mellow and sleepy. I guess I'm then a little unmotivated to do as I'm told.

About three days later I start to get a little grumpy, wanting attention I guess, wanting more sex. The three days plus period would have been when masturbation was tempting if I was being ignored. I'm maybe a little bit disobedient, but I try.

After about one to two weeks of denial and femdom the grumpiness fades and my hidden submissive side starts to come out. I get pleasure from obeying her. I so very much want to cum, but I want her to be in charge.

After about a month of denial and femdom it feels like obeying her is more important than cumming. I'm desperate, but desperate for her. Masturbation would be a betrayal and not what I want.

This evening I have martial arts training. Mistress was not going to be back from work in time to unlock me. I really do have to be unlocked for martial arts as a safety thing. So she unlocked me this morning, telling me to behave. It's been a long time since I've been home alone unlocked, it feels strange.

Training was cancelled. I no longer have an excuse. I locked back up, placed the key in her key safe and spun the combination without looking. Like a good little boy. I hope she's pleased.

 

Last night I had a wet dream in the cage. I can't remember the last time I had a wet dream, must have been around puberty. I feel like an inexperienced teenager. I woke in the night with vague memories of an erotic dream and realised my pyjamas were soaking wet and sticky. Everything seemed soft and subdued inside the cage, pretending innocence. Very embarrassing. I got up and changed then when back to sleep.

I feel a little calmer, a little less desperate, but also cheated. I don't remember having an orgasm. Did I orgasm or did I just ejaculate?

It's been 27 days since my Denial Queen last let me orgasm (she really likes that pet name). I guess at some point all that sperm it has to come out. She was very amused this morning when told her.

 

Last night my Mistress decided to allow me to go down on her. She teased me first, telling me she was thinking about letting me worship her, but wasn't sure if I had been good enough. Thankfully she decided to allow me.

I'd been doing sports and she'd allowed me to be unlocked. In between licking her through orgasms she started sucking me. Such heaven, I was so hard. She pushed me back down to lick her through more orgasms, then she commanded me to fuck her. I entered her thrusted, then pulled out and licked her to another orgasm. In between her moaning "fuck me" I entered her again, thrusted and then pulled out licking her. As I entered her again I could feel myself getting close. My control was a lot better than it should have been, probably thanks to my wet dream relieving some of the pressure. I asked if I was allowed to cum and she said yes. I started trusting with abandon. When I came it seemed to go on for a long time, waves of orgasm going on and on. I arched making animal noises as I lifted her thighs off the bed, holding her hips in the air impaled on me as I pulsed. Finally I collapsed to the side of her, no energy, falling straight into a deep sleep.

It had been one and a half months since I'd last been allowed inside her. The feeling was incredible. She was surprised by how it felt being penetrated again. Now I'm locked up... and I really don't want to be. I want her to suck me. I want to bend her over and fuck her. I want more.

 

Mistress has been very very busy with work, so I've been locked and neglected.

I'd be a bit sulky, but I've been crazy busy with work too, while at the same trying to support her hours which are longer than mine. I'm tired too.

The interesting difference is that I can always prioritise sex, but when she's tired sex is very low on the priority list. Mistress jokes that she can always tell how sick I am, if I turn down sex it's really serious, like call an ambulance. I think it's a very female male difference, for women sex is a luxury, for men it's a necessity.

Mistress has let me go down on her once since my last journal entry. It was the best sex I never had.

 

On Sunday morning Mistress went out and I had a lazy chaste morning in bed. I finally got up and as I came out of the shower Mistress walked in, she was back. Her fully dressed, me naked apart for the cage.

"I need worshiping" she said and led me to the bed.

As I tugged down her jeans and went down on her she repeated her torturous commandments.

"You cannot fuck me" followed by moaning.
"You cannot cum" followed by "but I'm going to cum many many times".

And she did. Finally pushing me aside and commenting on how much I was bulging in my cage.

Speaking of torturous things, I've added some shortcuts to my phone that are sort of self torture. It's easy to modify the "days remaining" shortcut on an iPhone to do other time calculations. I have a couple I can tap on as I think of her. One shortcut calculates how long since she last let me cum, currently 17 days, 15 hours, 18 minutes. The other shortcut calculates the average time between her letting me fuck her, currently averaging 8 weeks of denial.

 

Last night Mistress had a bath. This is a good thing because usually she wants me to go down on her afterward. I got into bed with the light off waiting for her to finish, hoping she'd take advantage of me.

She finally finished, coming out of the bedroom and getting into bed. I moved in to cuddle her and she pushed me away.

"No" she said "go back to your side, I just want to be... just want to enjoy my comfy bed."

"Please let me worship you?" I begged.

"No, you have to suffer" she replied.

After a moments silence she added "I'm going to lay here... with my clean fresh pussy... and you're not allowed"

"Please" I begged.

One hand snaked across and began stroking my chest, then sliding down, stroking my cage.

"No... I'm just going to lay here... with my clean fresh smooth pussy... and you won't get any tomorrow either, I'll be working late... if you're a good boy I might let you worship me on Friday night."

"You're so evil" I protested.

Mistress grabbed my balls squeezing painfully "what did you say?"

"That you're a very nice person!" I squeaked.

 

Last night Mistress was bathing again, normally a good sign. I waited in bed, naked apart from my cage, hoping she’d be in the mood to let me worship her. The sound of the bath draining was stupidly exciting. She came out of the bathroom with a bottle of moisturiser and told me to give her a foot massage, another good sign, she nearly always wants to be worshiped after a foot massage.

When I finished massaging her feet Mistress inspected her property, stroking my balls, commenting on how full they seemed. Then she told me to worship her and I slid down between her legs, licking her through orgasms. The panting, moaning, gasping noises she makes are so erotic.

“You can’t cum” She gasped right before she came again.

As her orgasm faded Mistress began stoking my cage.

“Now I’m confused” she said as she caught her breath “I was going to unlock you… what should I do?”

“I’m desperate to fuck you…” I confessed “but I like being owned by you too”

“Oh I’ll still own you” Mistress replied.

She decided to unlock me giving me the key. I went to the bathroom and removed the cage, instantly hard. I washed it and rushed back to the bed. Her mouth sank over my cock, an agonisingly short suck, then I went back between her legs licking her to another orgasm. I alternated between two thrusts in that wonderful pussy then siding back down to lick her to orgasm again as I tried not cum straight away. After managing another three thrusting licking orgasms for her I final came, with her permission, with her ankles around my neck.

My orgasm was strange. I came but then kept ejaculating after my orgasm ended, with pleasurable echos of the orgasm continuing. There was so much cum, almost like I was peeing, if felt out of control. Her wet but tight and clingy pussy was flooded, so wet now that there was hardly any sensation as my hips kept pumping. Finally she pushed me off and I lay next to her panting, stomach muscles spasming.

“Tomorrow we’ll have to re-set your behaviour” Mistress told me “I’m going to whip your bottom”.

It’s funny though, I still feel desperate to cum, still desperate to be inside her. It’s as if there is a backlog of denial and being allowed to cum once is not enough to make me feel sated. In my obsessive compulsive statistics keeping the average time between her letting me fuck her has now dropped from 8 weeks to 5.3 weeks… pleasing but lower would be nice.

 

Thank you for confirming my suspicion. I do hate the drop, I get a little grumpy which makes no sense, then I feel bad about being grumpy. But I'm not feeling any drop this time, I'm still desperate to serve her.

 

We spend the morning shopping, me providing feedback as she tried things on. We returned home just before lunch and Mistress told me to get my bottom ready for a whipping.

I went to the bedroom, placed her flogger and riding crop on the bed, then undressed. Waiting for her naked apart from the cage.

Mistress came in and told me to lay across the bed on my back, then when down on my balls, slowly licking each one. It felt so good and so not enough.

She then told me to roll over and began hitting my bottom. The flogger in one hand and the riding crop in the other so she could quickly alternate the type of blow. She talked about my "poor bottom" in a baby voice as she turned it red. Then Mistress had a debate with herself as she mused about which made the best sound, the flogger or the riding crop. Eventually she decided the flogger sounds best. Then her voice took a serious tone.

"You're not allowed to fuck me... you're not allowed to cum... do you understand", striking me between each command.

"yes Mistress" I replied and she hit me harder.

"Louder"

"yes Mistress!" I almost shouted.

She walked around the bed and twisted my head back, smile on her face as she lent in and kissed my mouth, lips open, passionate. Then let my head go and told me to face down.

She waled back around and resumed whipping my bottom, telling me I had house work to do and warned me that I needed to do a better job of the vacuuming, if she wasn't happy I'd be punished. Mistress told me to get dressed, then took me to a white board where she'd listed the house work she wanted doing, and told me not to mess around as I only had 45 minutes to complete the list. She then cured up on the bed with her book as I cleaned the house.

When I'd finished she seemed happier with the results of my vacuuming.

 

I was unlocked for my gym session this morning. As I exited the shower Mistress, who was just finishing her make up, bent over and took me into her mouth. Lip gloss, work suit, moaning around me as she sucked sending vibrations through me. It was maddeningly short. Just enough for me to start to swell, but not enough to become erect. Then she pulled away grinning, caressing me with her hand as she kissed my lips... and locked me back up.

I want her so very much. It's only been 8 days, 12 hours, 46 minutes since she last let me cum, just the once. I feel like I needed two or three orgasms to feel sated. The average time between her letting me is creeping back up to 5.7 weeks.

She's been busy and not in the mood. But she still seems to very much enjoy disciplining, denying and teasing me. She seems to really love saying "no". She hasn't let me go down on her in the last 8 days. When I asked if I could stroke her she told me I'm not allowed to touch her pussy. I came across the term "pussy free", not being allowed to touch or even look at a pussy, I think she'd like that concept, at least until she is finally is in the mood to be worshiped. I hope she's in the mood soon.

She's gone into the office and left me with a long list of chores.

 

Last night I cooked her one of he favourite pasta dishes and server her red wine. It was a nice relaxed evening, just being together. She wanted me unlocked so she could play with me if she wanted. We went up to the bedroom and after her shower I massaged her feet. Then she pushed me down between her legs. I am so addicted to pussy worship.

After licking her through several orgasms I asked "please can you sit on my face?".

I get that she finds it more comfortable laying on the bed, but face sitting is just so damn sexy. As I lay back she climbed on top of me, gripping the headboard. I worked one hand under her so I could stoke her lips at the same time I licked her clit. She came very hard and a loud. She stayed on my face for a second orgasm before pulling away and falling onto her back.

"Fuck me now!" She commanded.

She felt so good as I entered her. I was surprised how long I managed to thrust before pulling out to avoid cumming.

"No! Fuck me!" She commanded again.

"Can you turn over, can I take you from behind?" I asked.

"Who's running this show?" she replied.

"You are... I'm just making requests".

She laughed and turned over getting on all fours. I've been fantasising about this position for months. I rubbed myself along her lips and clit before plunging into her, grabbing her hips and fucking like crazy. Again I was surprised how long I managed to last. I roared like an animal when I came, for once louder than her.

She slid off me and I literally collapsed onto the bed, stomach muscles spasming.

"How long was it since last time?" she asked.

"9 days" I replied. It's like there's a timer build into my brain.

"We will have to do something about that." She replied ominously.

 

It's been 8 days, 16 hours and 9 minutes since she last yet me cum. I'm feeling so very needy. I just want to kiss her and cuddle her. I haven't really touched her since 8 days ago, more us both being busy than her being mean. I don't really care if she lets me cum, I just want to please her... though I wouldn't turn down the opportunity to cum.

I think after last times she let me I had a little drop in terms of mood, the intensity faded a little. The average time between her letting me cum has been steadily coming down, we're down to an average of 4.75 weeks between her letting me (way down from our average of 8 weeks). What can I say, my cock is irresistible

She's gone to get her hair done... so she'll be out for hours. As she went out she told me that if I'm a good boy and if she's in the mood she "might" let me worship her tonight. She's also instructed me to clean the bathroom, I'd better get back to my chores to take my mind off the pining.

 

Mistress seemed happy with my bathroom cleaning and was also in the mood!

Mistress showered then instructed me to massage her feet with moisturiser. She then told me it was time. I put on Lana Del Ray and climbed back on the bed, kissing her breasts, slowly sucking and licking each nipple hard as she softly moaned. She get's impatient though, and pushed me down between her legs. I kissed down her tummy, her mound, lots of kissing with the occasional lick, building slowly. She's so wet and responsive. Little circles, licking along swollen ridges inside her, I love it so much.

I licked her through several orgasms, then knelt beside her stroking her toward another. As she stroked my cage she said firmly between pants "Just to be clear, I'm not going to fuck you". Why is that so hot? She pushed me back down between her legs and I licked her to another orgasm, she came really hard.

As I licked her toward another she old me "you're not allowed to cum... you're not allowed to fuck me... you're not allowed to disobey me". She came really hard again. She loves her power just as much as I do.

Finally she told me enough, pushing me away.

This morning she asked me if I slept well, strangely I did.

 

I'm so desperate to go down on my Mistress. It's now been 15 days 12 hours since she last allowed me to cum and I'm craving licking her.

Last night I begged her to let me worship her. She told me no because I'd been a "bad boy". I protested that I had been really good. I do all the cooking and groceries and I pointed out how much she'd loved the three new dishes I'd cooked for her during the week, didn't that make me a good boy? She told me she expects a high standard for my cooking, that doesn't make me a good boy. She reminded me that I had been told to take a large cardboard box out to the recycling, and pointed out that I hadn't done it yet, that I was a bad boy.

Mistress expects me to do as I'm told pretty much straight away. I'd totally forgotten about the cardboard box.

"We will see if you are a good boy tomorrow" she told me.

 

I did my best to be a good boy. I took out all the recycling, including the stupid box I'd forgotten about the day before. I vacuumed the house. Unloaded the dishwasher and cleaned the kitchen, including the glass hobs. I checked with Mistress if there was anything else she wanted doing. In the afternoon I made home made doughnuts. Deep friers are so naughty but nice. Warm doughnuts sprinkled in sugar are so good, I really don't understand why people eat then cold. I made a simple small pasta dish for dinner, we were still a bit full from the doughnuts.

As we snuggled in bed I begged again to worship her. She told me I'd been a bad boy!

She explained that during dinner I'd told her to sit down (she'd started cleaning up) and my tone had not been appropriate. I spooned in behind her, disappointed and thinking I really have to be more careful about how I talk to her.

After a while she sighed, then jabbed me with a finger and said in a stern voice "worship me". I happily slid down between her legs. We both lost count of how many times she came, toward the end when she said "just one more" that became an extra three. Finally she said "that enough" and pushed me to my side of the bed. Followed by contented "good boy". It makes me feel so happy when she says that.

I felt some sexual relief from her orgasms and slept really well. Of course though I'm insatiable and this morning begged to worship her again as we lay in bed. She told me no, but let me snuggle with my face pressed between her breasts.

Mistress has given me a list of gardening chores to do today. I'd better go be her good boy.

 

Mistress let me sleep unlocked, so of course this morning I woke with a massive erection. We snuggled in bed as we gradually woke up. As she sat up to leave the bed she pulled my pyjamas down and sank her mouth over me. It felt so amazing and was frustratingly short, her pulling off me with and popping sound and heading for the shower.

It's funny what a difference there is in size. Locked she likes to comment in a baby voice on how small and cute it is. When it's erect her usual response is "Oh my god!".

Mistress has decided she wants to go on a diet, so she wants me to focus on cooking low carb meals. I've tried to convince her that my cock is a low carb snack, but she doesn't believe me.

We're going to play a kinky motivational game to focus on supporting her diet. Every day she doesn't do the gym she's going to let me go down on her. Fun fact you can burn quite a few calories during sex. She typically likes me to go down on her once every week or two, she also likes to deny me the pleasure of licking her, so she's pretty motivated to not skip the gym. To keep me focused on supporting her diet Mistress is not going to give me permission to cum until after she hits her target weight.

She warned me it could take a while. I just realised I don't know what her target weight is.

 

I just realised I'm in a catch-22 situation!

I need to make sure she has plenty of free time so she can hit the gym, when she gets to her target weight she'll allow me to cum again. But under the rules if she hits the gym she's under no obligation on that day to let me go down on her. Which do I want more, the short term satisfaction of going down on her or the longer term satisfaction of getting to cum?

She seemed amused I'd only just figured that out.

We started the game three days ago, so far she's hit the gym every day. That's a good thing... right?