I'm sorry if this sounds like rambling. I'm sorry if my thoughts bounce all over the place. I'm have a VERY hard time concentrating and organizing my thoughts. I've been locked for 14 days. Have not even taken it off to shave or clean. My wife says I can clean it sufficiently in the shower with water blasts and q-tips. This is my first time in extended lock up. For many of you, this amount of time would be a cake walk, but for me it's becoming emotional torture. I'm starting to have intense feelings of loss and sadness. I feel as if somebody I love has passed away. My heart aches and my brain is doing tail spins. All I can think about is how wonderful my wife's pussy feels when we're having sex. I can't shake the feelings of dread and deep sadness. I'm not sure if this is a normal part of the "breaking in" phase? I'm basically a mental wreck right now. I am not depressed - but I just feel completely sad and heart broken. Feels like my best friend or my dog just died. :sad0002: I'm no psychiatrist. But I'm pretty good at self reflection. I "think" what is happening..... I'm beginning to realize that she finally took control and did what I asked her. She's finally serious about keeping me locked up for a very long time. And my brain is starting to realize that I'm going to lose that "alpha male" part of myself. I'm not going to be in control anymore. I'm not going to bend her over and take it when ever I want it anymore. And my brain - my psyche' - is starting to realize that and it's causing intense feelings of loss. The loss of my "alpha" of being the one in control. I've been begging her for sex for about 4 days and she just says "no, you don't get to fuck me anymore. You can eat me or rub my feet, but you're not fucking me ever again." Is this a normal part of the breaking in process? Or do we need to stop and pull back - analyze if this is healthy? I'm HOPING that these feelings of intense sadness and dread will pass and eventually I'll begin to have feelings of acceptance. - Acceptance - where I begin to understand she is in control now. Need help. Does this happen to every man or do we need to put the brakes on and evaluate this?
I'd say that part of what you're going through is relatively normal. This is what happens when reality strikes. The fantasy of being locked and controlled is nice and fluffy because it stops when you want and then you have a lovely orgasm. Even if you enter chastity thinking you do so with eyes wide open about giving up control, when the reality strikes it strikes hard and is something you were never prepared for. One of the interesting things you say is that you've been begging her for sex and she says no. Perhaps you've experimented with chastity before by doing a few days at a time. This was just a T&D game where after a few days you begged and eventually got what you wanted. The rules have changed, it is not a game any more. Your mindset will eventually change if she does not relent. Begging for release becomes pointless since it will only piss her off. Eventually the mindset changes to understand that you remain locked or free purely because that is what she wants and what she says you will do. Reaching that stage is emotionally painful but if you can see it through then there are good things to come your way. Having said all that I'll revert to standard advice. Talk to her, then talk some more. Only by communication can both parties understand what is wanted and needed by the other, or if the needs and wants of one party might be destroying the other. Only the two of you can know what you want from this, so any advice that says you must do this, that or the other should be filtered through your needs as a couple. Best of luck and hope you stick with it. [edited for spelling]
Great letter and a great answer. Gonna save this one for when I hit this fork in the road. Thanks for sharing because I "know" my time is coming. Mr Gee :blink:
Thank you. You hit the nail on the head in your first paragraph. We have been playing with T & D for a few months. We've played with short term chastity for the last few months while I got used to my device. I had a hard time getting it adjusted and comfortable enough to wear long term. In the past, I'd go 3 or 4 days with some T & D and then she'd let me cum. In the past I never wore the CB6k for more than 24-36hrs at a time - but that was mostly due to fit and comfort level. I did a lot of modifications to the device to make it more comfortable and she was understanding during that phase. I'd wear it for a day and then tell her I needed to adjust it. She'd let me out and I'd sand or grind on this part or that. Then I'd be out of it for a day or two. I wasn't having orgasms during this time, but I knew that if I WANTED too, I could masturbate. True, the fantasy of chastity was fun and exciting. Now the reality of long term chastity has set in and my brain is doing a tail spin over that loss of control - that loss of my alpha - that realization that I can no longer control my masturbation - I don't get to decide when I have an orgasm. I'm experiencing very powerful emotions of loss and mental pain with that realization. We talked last night and again this morning while I was logged into chat. GH and PP helped me a lot. My wife sat with me and read the chat and responses from the other guys. She understands that this is a very powerful emotional mind trip for me. But she did not truly understand how powerful these feelings were until I told her I felt as if a close friend or beloved pet had died - and then related those feelings to my own realization that it's my "alpha" controlling side that is giving up - giving in. That loss of my alpha is what is causing the emotional pain. She was a little teary eyed for me. She told me that she loves me. She calls my alpha side - my "cave man". My cave man is the part that used to take her anytime I wanted. She says she will miss that. She liked it when the cave man took control and had his way with her anytime he felt the desire. She says that she doesn't want to lose the cave man and that she doesn't plan on locking me up for eternity. She said there will still be plenty of times when she'll unlock me and let me take back my cave man and fuck her silly - have my way with her. After reading chat this morning she understands (thanks to GH) that she needs to keep me locked up and let me endure this emotional ride until I come out the other side as a man who accepts her control. It's emotional for both of us. But she said that she's not going to unlock me and give permission for my cave man to come back out until I show long term signs of improvement. She doesn't want to lose that part of me, but she knows that I have to make significant changes before she can allow that part of me to come back out - even for just one night before she locks me up again. She said that I have to understand that even though she may let me out at some point in the future and let me have total control with my cave man side - it's only going to be an occasional thing and she expects me to go straight back into lock up after we're finished. Basically, she gets the cave man on her terms and only when she wants him - and then I have to go back into my cage and let her have the power and control again. She said that I will still be allowed to have sex with her, but it's going to be on her terms. Just because she unlocks me and lets me have sex with her - is not permission to let loose that inner cave man. I must have sex with her the way she likes it and while she may permit penetration, she will not always permit an orgasm. She said most times she will require that I satisfy her and then be locked up again without an orgasm. I love her pussy. I'm glad that she is not planning to take that away from me permanently and I'm willing to please her while foregoing my own orgasms. She reminded me that I asked for this. She knows that submitting to her is the only way I'm going to grow and become a better man to her and the children. At first she was very turned off by the idea. I spent months reading about chastity and sending links to her for reading. She finally understood that my goal was not to have her running around in a leather cat suit all the time - in full time dom mode - rather it was a way for her to help me modify my own behavior so that I could be that romantic and supportive guy she always wanted. I guess this is truly the beginning of our journey together. The past months we spent "fooling around" with chastity and T & D are gone and it's now a serious effort, on both our parts, to help me change who I am as a man, husband, father and bread winner.
@LockedUpNewb That's a good reply about your situation, I'm glad you both talk about this and try to understand what the other is feeling. I remember feeling lonely and disoriented and very much out on a dangerous limb. What you probably don't feel right now is brave, but you are. Mistress has in the past offered key holding services and 99% of subs when faced with a dose of reality head for the hills. I know I wanted to and I'm sure it's crossed your mind, too. It takes the love and care of a keyholder to see you through this and to have the resolve to not let you fail. Hopefully you'll both soon get to where you want to be - accepting her control, being locked or free is not the point, the point is that she decides which is which and when. You'll both look back on this time as a watershed. Best of luck. melody
Hi lockedupnewb I was happy to offer you help getting through you emotions in the chat room today. I am also happy that you and your wife talked today and worked all of this out. Like sissy maid melody has said the most subs will run for the hills with faced with the realtiy of being locked for real. I to was faced with this reality last week when I found a KH but I am dedicated to making my new KH happy and proud of me. I understand where these emotions are comming from it is difficult to give up control to another person. I also think its great that you want to be a better husband and father you are very brave for admiting thay you need to improve and help around the house. I can tell that your wife loves you very deeply and you are very lucky and rich to have her. I wish you the best of luck and take care of your family that's what's important in life.
Thanks very much for the support. I was pretty freaked out this morning. These feelings of loss and despair have been creeping up in the last 36-48hrs and this morning I just couldn't handle it anymore. I needed to know if these feelings were a normal part of being "truly" locked up or if there was a problem that she and I needed to discuss. She does love me and I'm very lucky that she puts up with my crap. It's taken about 10yrs for me to realize that I'm a selfish ass and she's quite the saint for putting up with me. I know that i should change. I always want to be better this year than I was last year. I am always trying to improve who I am and where my family is going on this journey through life. I just don't have the will power to change THAT MUCH on my own. That's why I asked her to try chastity with me. I'm still a little freaked out. My brain is bouncing back and forth between fear and nervousness. It's not easy to give this part of myself up. But most professionals will tell you change is not easy. Truly positive change is usually very hard to go through. I'm going to be patient. Stop begging for sex and let her have the control. We had a long talk this morning after chatting with you guys. She is very sympathetic and says she will try to help me. I really just need to know that she will hug me and give me a kiss when the emotions make me too frenzied. But reading the chat this morning really helped her to understand that she has to keep me locked up right now if I'm to overcome these emotions and come out the other side with a better level of acceptance. For that I am truly grateful to you guys. She really needed to see/read another persons perspective on it. We're both new to this and she doesn't have a lot of confidence that she's doing the right thing. I honestly think she was ready to toss me the key and let me unlock myself - out of pity/sympathy. She knew I was a wreck and it's natural for her to want to ease that suffering. Thanks to you guys for the help. Really appreciate it.
Hi, If this is the first time you’ve been locked for this long, your problem is simple. Your hormones are going nuts and you do need to cum. In spite of this break-on-through talk, you can get the same results by gradually increasing your chastity periods a few days at a time until you reach the desired level. This reduces the MISERY you feel now. You need to adjust physically and mentally to chastity and doing it slowly just makes it less emotionally taxing for you. Once you've adjusted, your wife can take over more control and you'll be better able to handle it. And if you do cum and feel better, then it can’t be the loss of control since that still exists. Of course there will be sad feelings over the loss of control but going a long time without cumming brings it’s own problems if you’re not used to it. Dennis
Happy to help. I don't think I can add anything to what's been said here. I can just reinforce the sentiment that it's so important that you are communicating with one another and also that she feels confident and empowered to be the one making the decision(s) and not having to be stressed about it. I think you both understand that there is no one proper way to engage in this and that you'll need to do what seems right for you. It's hard to let go the decision about when is the right time to be unlocked and what should take place when it happens. I think since you recognize what a mental case you are (for the time being, at least. The device does that to you for a while) you can see that you aren't in a fit state of mind to be making those decisions anyway. I think it was great that you were willing to ask the question and I think it is equally great that you were willing to not only accept the answer but also share it with your lady. Good luck to the both of you!
Having not yet hit this emotional brick wall, this thread did put the dear of god up me, still no Risk = no reward, and it's that cave man part of me that always gets his own way that is the beast I need to tame, with help from my kh.
Put me in the orgasm control camp and not the LT chastity one. My experience is that LT periods of denial cause a deadening of one's male self leading to a psycho-physiological Eunuchization. In your case, I would recommend a protocol to plead for relief. I think your wife will like you pleading and begging, provided you don't whine and pester her and top from the bottom. Thank her for each release and spurt and be grateful that she is exerting her authority. Its important that you be strong and capable in your submission, and in order to do this you need a handle on your weaknesses and challenges so that you can meet them. This means you must work through your weaknesses in a way acceptable to her. Her job is to manage your vulnerability, not to dehumanize you. Figure out where the lines lie so that each of you can make committments with greater confidence.
Feelings of sadness began to go away last week. I had a brief respite from pretty much all my emotions for about a day and then I started to have feelings of panic and anxiety around Wednesday. I talked to her about those feelings and she said that she thought it was probably my brains last gasp at finally realizing she is in control and I was not in control anymore. I agreed. She unlocked me on Sunday after 23 days. We've agreed to 1 week of freedom. She said this Friday I'm to be locked up again. Like an idiot, I went and found dice games to play and forwarded them to her. :blink: She read through several dice games and came up with one of her own. I'm sure this is not a new game to the chastity community, but it was exciting for me that she spent the time to read over the games I sent her and then came up with one on her own. That part is exciting - she's involved. The part thats NOT exciting is the game she came up with. 2 dice She said I have to be locked in my cage before the game can start....... probably because she knows if the number of days is too high she'll never get me locked into it. I have to roll 1 die. This is the number of days I am to be locked up. Can't be more than 6 days obviously. Then I have to roll the other die. Thats the multiplier and the part that scares the sheeiit out of me. If I roll a 6 twice - thats 36 days. My only relief is knowing thats the LONGEST she would keep me locked up. I told her that is a long time to be locked for somebody so new to this type of behavior modification. She just smiled and said I better get lucky with the dice. I tried talking her into blanking out 1 dot on the number 6 - effectively giving me 2 chances to roll a 5 and giving a max number of days locked at 25. She said "no dice" :wacko:
LockedupNewb, there is some good advice here and I hope my contribution adds to this. CQ and I have been at this for about 18 months now and what we found is it was definitley better to start slowly and build up the wearing of the cage and denial periods whilst all the time talking and making sure the levels of openess and frank communication are higher than anything you have ever done. It certainly sounds like you and your wife are talking plenty and I genuinely believe you cannot over communicate in these situations. I think you should also agree what exactly the longer term goals are for you both. Is this just to correct boorish overbearing behaviour from you? You said she likes it when you had desire for her and took her at your will... but that can be a bit caveman like of you. Trust me on this bit... Your desire for your wife will go through the ceiling as your chastity periods develop. You will want to do anything to make her happy, and that is a very laudable goal to set yourself. You will find, as many of us here have, that when you concentrate on her happiness, relationship wise not just sexual your own enjoyment of your relationship with her will reach new heights. I hope you also find that the pleasures you had before that then led to your orgasm, and where therefore often raced through so you could get to cum, can now be dwelt upon and you will learn to appreciate the wonderful feelings that nearly cumming can leave you with. In my FLR with CQ, we now have as much, if not more sensational (and I mean truly as in my senses are heighted) sexual intimacy than we ever had before. Further I know that when CQ gifts me an orgasm it is because she WANTS me to feel the wonderful feeling of cumming and that I know the orgasm is not some dutiful things she has done. It took her time to realise this was what I needed, not just wanted, this made me a much better husband and I want to be the best I can. Good luck on the path
Thanks A couple days of freedom sure feels good. Not in a sexual way, but I'm not confined and uncomfortable. The cb6k is still uncomfortable to wear. I'm constantly adjusting myself inside the cage and feeling pinched and stretched. Tight fitting undies are out. Gotta wear boxers. My wife mentioned she could hear the lock making a clinking sound as it flopped against the plastic cage when I was trotting up and down the stairs in our house. Thinking about covering the holes (keyhole and lock holes) with tape and dipping the whole lock in the same liquid rubber that I dipped the cuff ring in. It will leave a thin rubberized coating on the outside of the lock. I'll bet that would quiet the sound.
We use rubber bands or cable (zip) ties to hold the lock tight against the cage. I believe you can also buy padlocks with a rubber like casing (not sure how small though). Vinyl clad padlock: http://www.amazon.com/Master-Lock-121T-Padlock-16-Inch/dp/B00004Y8C5/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1302729336&sr=8-1
surrender- accept your situation.allow yourself to feel all of the emotions.youll come out with a great exp. & understanding-enjoy
Last night she decided I'd been free for long enough and wanted to lock me again. I got out of it by telling her I needed to shave and it WAS midnight when she suggested locking me up. She left for school this morning and told me to make sure that I was shaved before she got home this afternoon. Thats 2 days earlier than we agreed. Conflicted emotions for me. In a way, I'm ready because I know that I need to work on changing myself and the only way it's going to happen is if I'm locked up and in service to her. On the other hand, I'm pretty scared that she'll keep me locked for a whole month this time. She teased me about how I did such a good job staying obedient up to 23 days and suggested this whole process of me changing for the better would go faster with longer lock up times. I'm fine with "trying" to go for longer periods of time. But I can't handle being ignored. If she locks me up and then basically forgets about me, it's pure torture. As long as she is an active participant - makes demands that I clean the house, service her sexual needs, teases me a little bit every couple days....... I'm probably okay. .............. I say that now...... and we all know that in 10-14 days I'll be on here crying and pouring my soul out about how hard this is and how my brain is doing tail spins again....
Day 1 After dropping the kids off at school today, my wife returned home and asked me to meet her in the bedroom. She wanted sex, and I was more than happy to oblige. After I had an orgasm, she was mildly insistant that I clean her up orally. I couldn't do it. The idea is repulsive to me and I won't eat my own cum unless she has me tied up. She's figured out that if I'm tied up spread eagle on my back, all she has to do is pinch my nose shut and wait for me to open my mouth and take a breath. But given that we had sex this morning doggy style, there was no way I could bring myself to lie down on my back and allow her to lower herself onto my face. Just couldn't do it. I WANT to, but I just can't do it unless forced. After my refusal, she toweled off and retrieved the cb6k from my top drawer and locked me up. Then she instructed me to kneel at the foot of our bed. I knew what was coming. She made me lie over the bed, kneeling at the foot, and tied my hands to the head board. Then she got the big leather belt out and whipped me until my ass was red as a tomato and I was begging her to stop. She said that the next time I get to cum, I'll be eating it voluntarily. She also said that she plans to whip me at least 3 or 4 times a week between now and the next time I get released to cum she expects me to clean her up. Not looking forward to the whippings. I think I'd rather just eat the cum and avoid the sore ass.
Took a shower with my wife this morning. She brought the key with her. I was unlocked and told to wash and stoke myself until I was hard. Then she got down on her knees and gave me a fantastic BJ for about 3 or 4 mins. Then she quit, stood up and handed me the cage. :huh: I'm spending the day washing clothes and cleaning the house while she takes the kids to the zoo.
I've decided to stop posting on this website. Every other forum on the internet is free. From forums about race cars to forums about tree trimming to forums about horse breeding - 99% of them are free to the user. The website admins have enough brains to procure advertisers to help pay for the costs. Since this site has decided to charge $25 per year for full access, I've made a decision to stop posting here - out of principal. I will not support or contribute to a website by posting here if they are going to charge for full membership privileges. Good luck to all!!
The real sadness comes when you are finally allowed to cum and your arousal goes down to zero, you ll probally need a hug then but will get a beating fysical or emotional before you are back in the cage