Hmm, a problem (vote)

Discussion in 'Novices and newbies' started by Marcus_Fappington, Mar 30, 2023.

?

Should I inform my keyholder about this rules violation?

Poll closed Apr 3, 2023.
  1. No

    2.5%
  2. Yes

    97.5%
  1. Marcus_Fappington
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    Marcus_Fappington Mid-Life Crisis Haver

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    I am wearing a HolyTrainer v5 and it's the best and most comfortable cage I've found so far for me (55 cm ring, "small"). But I previously suspected, and today confirmed, that I can reach under the penis cage with a finger and rub my frenulum sufficiently to orgasm in the cage without removing it or pulling my penis out etc. Kind of a ruined flowing orgasm rather than a full spurting orgasm but it's problematic nonetheless.

    https://www.aliexpress.com/item/1005004591830572.html

    So you see the problem. Furthermore I'm currently under going what my keyholder calls a "husband improvement training session" so unauthorized masturbation is strictly forbidden. Now I have 2 problems, a cage that doesn't prevent masturbation and orgasm, and whether or not I should tell my keyholder about this grave violation of her rules. I believe her rules stipulated 30 additional days caged for unauthorized masturbation :eek:.

    My feeling and thought and instinct is to tell her. Trust is a big part of this. But the consequences! Oh I don't want to face them.
     
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  2. Shellysboytoy
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    Shellysboytoy Long term member

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    Tell her!

    In the past I screwed up. But I told her.

    The other day, while home alone, I had to pull my emergency key because of a retraction issue.

    I told her about my emergency after the fact. She believed that it was an emergency and no rules had been broken, because I've been open and honest about the times I had fallen.

    I'm sorry about the consequences you will likely suffer, but it is far more important to maintain your credibility in the future when you need her to believe you.
     
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  3. Marcus_Fappington
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    Marcus_Fappington Mid-Life Crisis Haver

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    I agree. Without trust the whole dynamic falls apart. Shit, gonna be a bad April for me.
     
  4. knightly
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    knightly Long term member

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    Yes, tell her and talk it through. It's as much about your own integrity (for yourself) and commitment to the dynamic and goals as it is for her to know for the sake of knowing. Not telling her also breaks down the communication and creates a divergence in experience between you.

    This is where it takes real conviction to NOT let yourself do this again.
     
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  5. Jail Bird
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    Jail Bird Long term member

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    Tell her!!

    You need a different cage AND you need to be punished.
     
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  6. Byrdie
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    Byrdie Junior Member
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    Sidestepping questions of trustworthiness and ethics, I’ll go for practicality.

    You’re worried about the punishment for rule breaking. What do you think the punishment is going to be for repeated rule breaking and lying?

    Just tell her and accept punishment for the lesser of two evils.
     
  7. Marcus_Fappington
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    Marcus_Fappington Mid-Life Crisis Haver

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    Alright well I told her as soon as she got off work. First thing she wants is for me to show her what I did. I guess as a new keyholder she's new to learning the ingenuity of males in finding ways to masturbate :). We may end up shopping for a better device of a different design as a solution.
     
  8. Shellysboytoy
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    Shellysboytoy Long term member

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    If it makes you feel any better, my wife told me last week that I was locked up until April 26 when we go away together for a fout day trip together.

    Right there with you.
     
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  9. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Chastity Superman.

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    Well, that doesn’t seem like much of a punishment if you can just pinky rub yourself every day anyhow!

    It does show up an important issue within your dynamic. The rules she has set out surely contradict her aim to improve you as a husband? A good husband should be in a position to communicate freely, but you now have a situation where you worry about doing so.

    You should question her methods. Let her reassess… and then take the punishment for questioning her.
     
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  10. Marcus_Fappington
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    Marcus_Fappington Mid-Life Crisis Haver

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    Well this is where the trust comes into play. I told her. If it happens again and I tell her again, eventually we have a pattern of not playing by the rules. She can simply stop playing with me and that's the worst punishment of all. My KH and I have never played this game under the assumption that I need to be incapable of removing the device or finding a way to orgasm. I am too smart and have way too much money for that to be even remotely possible. If I want out, I'll get out. If I want to cum, I will. There's about a thousand escorts in the city who would love a chance to take my money and find a way to make me cum, cage or no cage. IF I wanted that badly enough.
     
  11. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Chastity Superman.

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    Well now I see why she needs to keep you in a cage…
    But it’s curious, if you can cum, you will cum, you don’t need to be in an inescapable cage… then why wear one? Why not simply tell her when you orgasm?
     
  12. knightly
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    knightly Long term member

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    This is true for all of us.

    And is where, to me, the cage becomes symbolic and enough of a barrier to make me question my actions in the heat of the moment.

    Play is simply a choice. True of any game or situation in life. You can cheat, lie, steal or not follow the agreed upon rules of engagement. Ultimately you are cheating yourself and lying to her. Where's the gamesmanship in that.

    And to @IB-Chaste 's point, if the rules aren't working or don't make sense, re-work them. This has to be win:win for both of you.
     
  13. Marcus_Fappington
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    Marcus_Fappington Mid-Life Crisis Haver

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    The cage is a sex toy in a sex game between my wife and I where she plays KH and I play caged sub/servant/slave. It's not you know, a prison certified by the California board of prisons to be nigh inescapable and used to punish criminals.

    "If you can cum you will cum."

    No.

    Self control is a factor. I also want to reduce or eliminate masturbation in my life. When I was a teenager maybe I'd jack off 6 times a day if I didn't have school that day. 3 times if I did have school. This is not uncommon. Now as a middle aged man I was still masturbating 3 times a day fairly recently. You see the problem. Thru chastity play and self control (I tried not to masturbate for Lent but failed multiple times) I'm down to masturbation 3 to 4 times a MONTH whereas before it was 3 times a day. So there's progress and self control *IS* a factor....but the caging and rules can also assist.
     
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  14. knightly
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    knightly Long term member

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    Monopoly is a game by Parker Brothers that people can play where you compete against each other to buy property....though it does have a prison, it's not meant to be punished in real life for cheating.

    But, if you cheat are you really playing fairly and to full effect? And if you know you cheated, are you satisfied with what you have done?

    Agreed, it's a game. I think we're all just saying it's more effective, fun and mutually beneficial to play by the rules (or change them to a mutually agreeable set of rules as needed).
     
  15. Marcus_Fappington
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    Marcus_Fappington Mid-Life Crisis Haver

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    I don't really see where the point of contention is here. Yes I broke the rules, I said that in my first post.
     
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  16. knightly
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    knightly Long term member

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    You added to your post. :) This is good stuff. Totally agree. This is more about learning sexual self mastery and controlling your urges. It is hard (no pun intended) and takes time and practice to improve. Good on ya!
     
  17. knightly
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    knightly Long term member

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    I think I either mis-read or made an assumption, maybe on

    "Well this is where the trust comes into play. I told her. If it happens again and I tell her again, eventually we have a pattern of not playing by the rules. She can simply stop playing with me and that's the worst punishment of all."

    I read it as you were afraid that if you keep "not following the rules" :) she'll stop playing, so you will lean towards not telling her.

    Or maybe that's my own fear. I do feel that if I mess up and don't tell her...or even mess up at all for that matter that it will diminish the fun or she will lose interest.
     
  18. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Chastity Superman.

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    You misquoted me. I was merely reciting back you the points you made:
    That you can cum.
    If you want to cum you will.
    You don’t need and inescapable cage.

    Now you have elaborated on your points it makes more sense. I will say though… how much better would this game be if
    … can’t because of my cage.
     
  19. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Chastity Superman.

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    @littleguy3 could tell you more, possibly others but the answer could be the Vice with anti pullout.

    You couldn’t slip your finger underneath.

    It’s allegedly inescapable (dubious, but that’s the claim).

    Apparently, the anti pull out system creates an air barrier so that vibrators have little affect.

    I’d try it myself if it wasn’t plastic, I’m also not a fan of the padlock locking system.
     
  20. Marcus_Fappington
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    Marcus_Fappington Mid-Life Crisis Haver

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    That might work. I've worn one kinda like that design. "ManCage". But the one I ordered was way too big and uncomfortable for wearing over 8 hours.

    https://www.amazon.co.uk/ManCage-Chastity-Cage-Number-Black/dp/B0773QXYRR

    https://lockedinlust.com/shop/the-vice-standard/

    TBH I won't buy one unless my keyholder demands a new cage. I really like the HTv5 for comfort and it's functionally fine, not bulky, the stealth lock is nice. But my KH would probably prefer to use a padlock because we have some nice ones for this purpose.
     
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  21. Jay Sub
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    Jay Sub Married with Cage

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    Oh dear! At some point you have to realise that it does prevent you coming. It's not as easy! But you have to stop yourself before it's too late. You will tell her. And if you don't she will notice your drop in horny and she won't trust the device anyway. When she is in tune with your level of hormones, there is no way to cheat. If I go from 7 days to zero.... She knows.
     
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  22. knightly
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    knightly Long term member

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    Yup, this is very true. Between sharing my secrets, explaining how my orgasm cycle works, and her observations and learning me, I can't hide. :)
     
  23. Jay Sub
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    Jay Sub Married with Cage

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    If you want to self-improve and your wife is onboard, do the time. Gonna be tough, but we're here for you. I know this is new, but you can do it. Even if you are in an open prison. It's more about the commitment you made and make to yourself, than the device. HT is comfortable.
     
  24. Disciplined Boyfriend
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    Honesty is the only option. The punishment might seem severe, but in the long run its the right thing to do. She'll be happier that you did.
    A
     
  25. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Adoring husband

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    20-0. I'm sure you knew what you should do before you posted this. :cool:
     
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