Advice Needed

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by locked0622, Jan 25, 2011.

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  1. locked0622
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    locked0622 Junior Member

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    I would appreciate any advice that anyone can give me about helping my wife understand the benefits of chastity for her.

    Here's a little background info:

    When she was on a trip about two years ago, I purchased a CB6K to try out. Nothing came of it, and it just sat in the closet for about a year. One day while we were cleaning out the house, she came across the device and asked what it was. She seemed pretty weirded out by it, so we both just dropped it.

    About 6 months after that, I gave her Lucy Fairbourne's Guide for Keyholders. She read maybe 25-50% but was not really all that interested in what the book had to say, so again we dropped it.

    Most recently, we talked about it again, and she agreed (reluctantly) to try it. She seemed so uncomfortable with the idea, however, that I called it off.

    Based on her personality (all fantasies aside), I really believe that she would enjoy it if she just gave it a chance. Does anyone have any advice on how to overcome the "weird" hurdle and convince her to have an open mind about it? Any advice is appreciated.
     
  2. Manteos Boy
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    Manteos Boy Slave to Mistress Manteo

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    I'm not sure how much you are into the whole female domination thing, but I've attached a link to a web page that I found and showed my wife that pushed her interest over the edge. I'll spare you the details as I think I've posted them here a few times, but I actually had little or no interest in male chastity. I was very much in need of a female dominated relationship and didn't know how to talk to my wife about it.

    Our marriage wasn't going well and I eventually worked up the nerve to show her this article. There is a section about male chastity that she was immediately drawn to. I had never really given much thought to it. Within days, she had found and ordered a CB6000 for me and I've been locked up for well over a year now. I am let out for regular cleaning and whenever she feels the need to use her "property", but no orgasms without permission which only happen about once every 4 - 6 weeks.

    Anyway, our marriage is 1000 times stronger now than it's ever been. I have much of what is written in this article to thank for that.

    It presented the facts in a way that was non-threatening to her and made her see that it was all about her and not the other way around. It made her see what was truly in it for her.

    The big thing was to take it slow. Allow things to progress at her pace. I thought it WOULD be slow. Boy was I wrong. Once she figured out what it was all about and how it worked FOR her, she's been Mach 3 with her hair on fire. There's no turning back.


    Good luck!



    Oh....here's the article:

    http://www.akashaweb.com/goodgirl.html
     
  3. filltee
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    filltee Junior Member

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    Here's a publication I came across recently

    http://www.malechastityblog.com/ultimate-male-chastity-guide/

    I have no idea how to link it just copy and paste.

    I know someone who signed up to it. She gets follow up mail even though she did not yet buy the book.


    Well written, informative geared towards one person trying to introduce the other to TTTWD.

    Initially the emphasis is on What is chastity play, why X wants to do it, why Y may not understand it but might enjoy it.

    All in all very good comprehensive guide. IMHO. it does not push femdom or Ds but does inform as to the benefits for both keyholder and the locked one.
     
  4. Badbob
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    Badbob Junior Member

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    I think some of the biggest mistakes people make with this is trying to dump too much information at once, and relying on others words.

    Chances are like a lot of us, you've spent a great deal of time fantasizing about this, and as a result have quite a well fleshed out set of scenarios, ideas etc. Strip it down to the basics and just get the idea out there before hitting her with a laundry list of your ideas (which is more likely to sound like a scripted scene you want from her).

    You know your partner best, so speaking in your own words is best - you have a better feel (even if unsure) of what will and won't go over well with her than someone else's script.

    Describing the interest as something is a sexual fantasy, that would make intimacy more exciting by adding a new thing, is generally (IMHO) a better approach. All of the "official" benefits "the extra chores, services, etc." are all likely to be met with "why aren't you doing that now?" or "that wouldn't be fair". But in the context of denial and chastity as sexual fantasy to build up desire, sort of like extended foreplay for the male, it is more likely to make sense to her. THEN you can surprise her with taking on more of the chores etc.
     
  5. Mark121
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    Mark121 Nobody of consequence

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    I also have a wife who is luke-warm at best regarding my interest in chastity. All I can say is that it is important to remember that this is YOUR fantasy, not hers. Even if you think she would/should love it, that is not your call. Just remind her, gently, occasionally, that this is something you would like for her to do for you. Once she gets a little accustomed to it, she may get more interested, but you really can't push from your end. And, it goes without saying, that you are giving 110% to make sure that you are meeting all of her desires, *first*.
     
  6. abraxas67
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    abraxas67 Junior Member

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    Well, I would not call it advice. My opinion is, there is kink and there is fantasy. Kink is something where you can find a compromise. If you are similar to me, than you did not pick your partner because of some "funny" idea, but because you love her. And chastity has the potential for kinky. So you find a compromise. Ask her what she would like. Tell her what you would like to try.
    Present her maybe with something like malechastityblog and the book there. No femdom or something like that. Maybe tell her you would like to try this. Be honest that it is a kink for you. Make sure it not to force / suggest / expect too much from her. YOU would like to try this. TALK to her.
    Try to make her feel comfortable about it. Maybe keep the key to yourself for a while just stating you do it for her. Watch yourself and her reaction.
    In my personal opinion, if she starts to like it and she has not too much pressure from it, it will work. After that, once it is an established kink between two loving partners, then it is just between the two of you how to progress.
    Just try to avoid reading up XYZ instructions from Domina "Dicks are worthless" and present it to her as "grail".
    It has to work for both of you. So ask her about what she wants first and then try to introduce what you would like.
    And male chastity is essentially so basic for every woman that they probably all did at one stage it or try to do it. "No, not yet" ...
     
  7. vannessangelia
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    vannessangelia New member

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    I think some of the biggest mistakes people make with this is trying to dump too much information at once, and relying on others words.
    bullet vibrator
    Chances are like a lot of us, you've spent a great deal of time fantasizing about this, and as a result have quite a well fleshed out set of scenarios, ideas etc. Strip it down to the basics and just get the idea out there before hitting her with a laundry list of your ideas (which is more likely to sound like a scripted scene you want from her).
     
  8. locked0622
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    locked0622 Junior Member

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    Thanks to everyone for their advice.

    The first thing I tried was the Guide for Keyholders. That did not go over well at all and she had no inclination to give it a try.

    Later, when I talked to her about it in my own words, what I wanted out of it, and why I thought she might enjoy it, she seemed open to at least giving it a try, even though she was very uncomfortable with the idea.

    I think [my thoughts, not anything she has said] she feels uncomfortable because she grew up in a traditional household where the male controlled everything, and she does not want/feel comfortable with taking control of the household.

    I guess I just need to keep talking to her about the idea, take it slow and show her that it will only go as far as she wants to take it. For some reason, she thinks that by doing this, she will be expected to be in control of all aspects of our lives, when, in reality, that is not the case. The whole point is to make things easier for her.
     
  9. slave_nemo
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    slave_nemo slave to Mistress Ivey

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    If it makes you feel any better... I know of several couples wherein the woman is ONLY in charge anything sexual. By limiting her control (at least at first) she can learn to enjoy being in control little by little. You can't initiate sex, only she can do that. The chastity device is only to keep you from masturbating. Every time she asks you ANYTHING related to sex, your answer should be, "We can do anything you want, Dear." and that's it. If you can get her to tease your cock a time or two without allowing you to orgasm, she may just realize how much fun it can be for her...
    Again... Be careful what you ask for... :rolleyes:
     
  10. Missy Tanya
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    Missy Tanya Senior Member

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    I couldn't have said it any better. I agree 100%. See if she's just willing to start with sexual control of you. I'm sure once she see's all the benefits of her controlling you in that department. The rest will just fall naturally into place.

    Missy Tanya
     
  11. chastt
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    chastt Member

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    I asked my wife to read this. http://ms_kay1.tripod.com/
     
  12. slave_nemo
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    slave_nemo slave to Mistress Ivey

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    An excellent explanation for the novice woman whose husband keeps pushing her to take charge. I hope it works for you. :)
     
  13. locked0622
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    locked0622 Junior Member

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    Thank you to everyone for their advice! It is much appreciated.

    I've been putting together a letter to her explaining that it something that I would like to try and it would mean a lot to me if she agreed to try it. I've also attempted to address some of her hang ups about the idea. Based on some of the information provided here, I've been compiling a list of resources for her if she wants to read more about it.

    I'll probably give her the letter this weekend or early next week. Hope it goes well.
     
  14. filltee
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    filltee Junior Member

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    Any of the publications above look good. The ultimate guide is extremely well written by a woman who is part of a life-style couple (he is really well known on the scene) and who was ..er.. co-erced (not unwillingly) into TTTWD and I can highly recommend it.. Money back guarantee, follow up e-mails all you could want really.

    Best of luck. check my sig. lol
     
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