I am completely unprepared for the level of chastity my girlfriend wants

It's an experience that your girlfriend is willing to give you so don't look the gift horse in the mouth. It can be easier if you stop thinking about your feelings, and concentrate on hers.

 

Sounds like a classic “be careful what you wish for” story come true. And I mean that in a good way. Congrats.

 

i just begged my Wife to not let me out for all of 2023. She agreed! Enjoy the feeling and start being a househusband, it feels grest.

 

If you’re lucky, soon enough you’ll start to realize the tease / denial and occasional ruin are so much better than the full orgasm.

This is what I’m still working on getting my mind to believe, I’m getting closer to realizing it as truth, and it probably helps that it was an easy swap from being dominant to being submissive for me though.
When I first started reading things here a few years ago, I thought the long term members had to be insane, talking about how a full orgasm wasn’t worth it any more! Now, as my Wife has helped push my chastity endurance and I’ve hit that chastity “high” many times, I’ve been able to understand what they were talking about. I crave my Wife’s orgasms, I crave having her stroke my cock with lube or use it for her pleasure, and a ruined orgasm is great to take some pressure off, but that fleeting ten seconds of incredible bliss of a full orgasm….yeah it’s amazing…..but then the regret sets in!

Then the days of build up start all over

Try and focus on your GF and making her the happiest on earth, and try to learn to love that constant horniness.

 

[QUOTE="
I really want to empower my girlfriend to drive this as I don’t want to be topping from the bottom but I don’t know how to handle this arousal. This is obviously what I want, but these moments of arousal are all consuming and difficult to break and avoid.

Any advice is welcome.[/QUOTE]

Don’t worry, as you age into your 60’s and 70’s sex drive decreases and the constant arousal will not remain as uncomfortable.

 

We're similar.

She tells me that she will never let me have another orgasm because she enjoys how things are, and I tend to agree with her. It's just really difficult some days.

 

I Agree!

 

Does she tease you often or is she more about control than pleasure?

 

If the center of your attention is Mister PeePee, even when locked, why even bother locking it?! When are are you going to start thinking of doing something useful, like focusing on her?

 

can someone tell me how to create a new post/thread? New here. Thanks

 

View the forum you want to post into, and then click the large read button near top right called "Post New Thread".

 

As long as you are happy and getting what you need out of the relationship without being manipulated or changed, awesome. If you are feeling left out, ignored or not getting what you need sexually that is a serious red flag and needs to be addressed and corrected NOW. If youcan have reasonable discussions work it out. If not or she isn't seeing your point of view so you are both satisfied, I would take the thing off and work on your relationship and you can revisit in the future.

 

He can focus on himself and self improvement., doesn't have to focus on her. I found the best way to address attempts at sexual control is to just ignore all sexual contact and work on projects you have passion. Its a quid pro quo. If she isn't, cant' won't satisfy him in a loving way, then why should he bother with her. There is absolutly zero up side and he would have even more time to improve himself without having to spend time trying to satisfy the unsatisfyable ( sp).

 

profound, for those who get it

 

thank you very much

 

It's always voluntary.

 

There are always tools, too, but why ruin the fun?

 

There are also ways of ensuring the lock cannot be tampered with.

 

Any updates on how things are going?

Iso.

 

Agreed. @Forsake is there an update to share?

 

What are your thoughts on the sweet spot here? Given several common scenarios:

Locked and forgotten - doesn't work well. To me, it's the equivalent of the drop after an orgasm. Loss of interest, no build up of energy, etc. Both ends of the spectrum, too many orgasms vs not enough teasing, lead to not good results.

Locked and teased is great - continuously flowing sexual energy, attentiveness/desire and frustration (in a good way). But in perpetuity, it's missing an element.

Locked, teased and orgasm at a regular interval (weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, etc) - great with the teasing as above, but can be predictable and cycles through a lot of 'drop' periods.

Locked, teased, ruined orgasms at regular intervals - Never tried it, is this a good place to b?

Locked, teased, promise of upcoming orgasm "coming soon". - This is where I am right now. On day 117 since last orgasm and for the past several weeks, during intense teasing sessions where I get ever so close and can barely hold back, she doesn't let me go over and says "soon, it's not time yet".

I'm loving it! I could go this way for a long time. But, would either a ruined orgasm or regular one help keep my body guessing, craving and anticipating the orgasm?

A ruined orgasm could help put my body into intense pleasure/frustration and minimize drop, and mix things up.

Vs full orgasm could result in drop (my wife's concern...she doesn't want this). But the orgasm also reminds my body what it feels like so it creates "hope" for the next one and urgency/more horny feelings for me to feel and manage.

I hit the cusp of orgasm last night. Literally one or two strokes away and I let her know so she stopped. Just in time, almost almost started a ruined orgasm.

I have never gone this long without an orgasm, and am loving the feelings when there's a good balance of teasing, play, anticipation and back and forth building up to it, teasing about it, denying, dangling the carrot, and so on.

But what is a good next step? I want to explain all of this to her so she can choose what she'd like to do and what works for her. Maybe a ruin would be fun, go a week, and then see how she feels. It'll be fun to experiment with.

As a side note: there's another thread going about how secure cages are. Where I am right now, it really doesn't matter. I love the feeling and sense of security of the cage, the dynamic between us, and have zero interest in anything other than putting all of my sexual energy on her and feeling her effects on me. "Cheating" on the cage would just kill the fun and thrill of it all. Yes, I get overwhelmingly horny but after nearly two years of working on orgasm control, channeling energy and then nearly 4 months of denial, you get really good at managing that urgent "have to orgasm" feeling. It is a huge mental struggle, especially at T-1 or 2 of her strokes, overcoming your bodies impulses for pleasure and release is really, really hard. But you dutifully blurt out "Stop! I'm about to cum", she stops and the sensations stop, she says "not tonight", you breathe through it and calm down. Then are blissfully horny until the next time as you snuggle into her to fall asleep.

 

Since writing that in February, my Wife was continuing to give me one full orgasm and a couple ruins per month. In June she decided to give me an extra full and I had another full accidentally while she was riding me after not having piv for over three weeks and she said to just let it go as she was hitting her orgasm. I tried to hold off as best I could.
Any way, June was interesting and gave us both another good look at how we wanted to proceed. We both decided from July till the end of ‘23 I’ll only receive ruins as she sees fit. I’m guessing it’ll continue to be around every 10-15 days, so usually 2-3 ruins a month.
She asked if I’ll be ok only getting ruins on our Anniversary and usually around Christmas she’ll give me a good show with special lingerie and a couple good orgasms, but not this year. I told her I want to see how only getting ruined ones will be for months on end. It will give us a good opportunity to see how the future of our sex life could be. I’m excited to see how it works out, I’m hoping I’ll be in a constant state of arousal and lust for my beautiful Wife. What could be bad about that?

 

There’s no reason why she still can’t do the Christmas lingerie.