Anyone in a situation where their wife/gf/KH has only minimal interest in your chastity? Perhaps they don't object to it, but also don't take an active role in dictating when you lock or unlock, or tease you, or otherwise care if you do it or not. Do you still lock up? Would you lock up in that scenario if it occurred?
My experience. That’s how it starts… the beginning of the journey. She doesn’t see the benefit at first. A little guilty of the situation. Enough pestering and badgering and eventually she see it’s beneficial to be involved and stop the frustration. She sees the intensity of sexual activity increase without ejaculation. Then her interest peeks. Soon your locked up 24/7. One big orgasm and you suffer the drop… her needs are put second for a few days… your never allowed a full orgasm again. You continue to cater to all her needs. Sexual and non-sexual. She can barely live without you ( or at least caged you) She will reward you maybe once a week, maybe less. The guilt eventually fades and the rewards are genuine rewards, not fulfilling a requirement. Her sexual confidence grows and soon she’s telling you exactly what pleasure you’ll receive. She’ll experiment for her own pleasure. Ok, not my exact experience… I’m still waiting for one big orgasm!
Yes, IB-Chaste is correct, keep locking, keep serving your wife. The more she sees a difference in you, the faster it’ll click that the cage and fewer orgasms for hubby actually makes a better hubby. Just remember the famous phrase around this place, Be careful what you wish for! Once that switch flips, the chances of you fucking her regularly and cumming when you want are likely gone forever.
Willie B. describes my case very well. My wife loves the result of me being chaste but has nearly zero interest in the device or being locked. If it could happen via willpower alone, she’d want that.
My wife is in the I can't understand stand stage and is not willing to experiment as she calls it that thing you have on your manhood. Currently it is causing arguments and I am not even wearing it.
That often happened to me when we first started male chastity. It was frustrating for me, very frustrating. What I did was embrace it. I treated her ambivalence as her way of testing me, her way of denying me and teasing me. What that did was change my own mindset, making me more submissive, less likely to complain or mention my device or my wants. I was going to say needs, but are they really? And if that need to be controlled in chastity is real, why would I then complain when she was keeping me in chastity? Not making any demands and just letting it happen at her pace, when she wanted to be involved in it, also gave her the space to make those decisions about when I would be unlocked, when we would have PIV, when we would have any form of sex. She became much more in control, just by not being asked and prompted by me all the time. What that did was give her the space to appreciate the little things I did... the gentler more satisfying sex without the rough and tumble and sticky mess of penetration, the extra chores done to make her day and evening easier, the extra caresses and cuddles that replaced the masturbation and PIV. No one thing in particular, but she came to realise that living with me in chastity was so much more pleasant than when I was uncaged... Now, years later, it's our 'normal'. As for the question ""Do you still lock up?" Yes, emphatically YES. If that's what you want it to be, then make it your normal. If you don't then she'll see someone who isn't really doing it, moans about it but doesn't seems to really want it. Actions speak louder than words. If what you want is male chastity, then unless she positively wants you unlocked, put that cage on. What you can do keep her involved, is when you put the cage on, invite her to close the lock and put the key away 'somewhere safe. Without saying she's in control (sounds scary), just do the things that give her that control (invite her to turn and take the key).
@Chastebank - I'm interested in hearing what's happening with your wife. I noticed in your gallery pics you state your wife actually bought you some cages. Where is the disconnnect?
This is how it is for me too. My wife doesn't engage much with the cage. She certainly knows it's there, she knows I'm a masturbator and that it's good for me, that I need to be locked. When she wants to use it or play with it she tells me to take it off, otherwise, it's just our background, our default. I'm OK with that. I wish there was more engagement, but that's just the kink talking. As a masturbating husband I accept that I need to be locked. I don't need her to push it I just want her to. She doesn't need the kink -- her "kink" is affection and being worshipped and having me focused on her, and the cage certainly helps me give her more of that. So like @bondinchas I just try to embrace it, accept her ambivalence as a test for myself to demonstrate to myself that I accept being locked. Sometimes I wish I wasn't locked, I wish I could exist without needing to be locked, like a regular husband, but I know I'm a masturbator and that being in chastity helps me be a more attentive loving husband. So her ambivalence is OK because it helps me understand that I'm locked because I've accepted my internal need to be locked.
Same with my wife, seems supportive of me wearing it but doesn't say anything if I stop. How long has this situation gone on for you? If our wives don't make comments about our nice breath and sternly demand we brush our teeth does that mean they don't appreciate our hygiene? Are we worse off if our wives don't police our dicks? Even criminals get a bit of respect when they turn themselves in. We think we have arrived when we get our wives to tell us to cage up, but in reality its adult babysitting. Yet soooo sexy!!!!
I REALLY like your logic here. Very helpful. I should worry less about her device participation and more about being good to her.
Absolutely not! If she’s not an active participant, then I’m out. If my being out doesn’t result in a mutually satisfying sex life, then we’re going to talk about how to fix it. Sex is too important not to fix. We both know it. Things change, sex now doesn’t look like sex in our past. Sex in the future may not look like it does now. But we know how to talk through anything. Staying in Chastity while she begrudgingly goes along with it? Hell no!
My master doesn't care about sex at all. SHe doesn't have any desire but I've asked her to hold my key and now she is doing it. SHe is an authoritarian though and if I lip off or get too pouty, she will spank me with a wooden spoon. I beg to cum and when she takes pity on me, I of course have to ruin my orgasn and eat it. Sometimes it feels very lonely since I'm the only one cumming and she doesn't need or want it. She just wants me to be a better behaved slave/husband so she goes along with it. I would say she IS ambivalent about my chastity and my "slavery" but she very much wants me to toe the line for her. So...it's something...
An active participant in your sexual relationship or active participant in you controlling yourself? Seriously! Have you ever heard of a wife who wished her husband would masturbate, lust after other women and ignore her needs? I'm not sure this would even be possible, its sort of an oxymoron. Chastity in a noun. Its like saying my wife begrudgingly participates in what I'm not doing. Chastity is not an action, rather a state of being.
An active participant in your sexual relationship or active participant in you controlling yourself? Seriously! Have you ever heard of a wife who wished her husband would masturbate, lust after other women and ignore her needs? I'm not sure this would even be possible, its sort of an oxymoron. Chastity in a noun. Its like saying my wife begrudgingly participates in what I'm not doing. Chastity is not an action, rather a state of being.
An active participant in your sexual relationship or active participant in you controlling yourself? Seriously! Have you ever heard of a wife who wished her husband would masturbate, lust after other women and ignore her needs? I'm not sure this would even be possible, its sort of an oxymoron. Chastity in a noun. Its like saying my wife begrudgingly participates in what I'm not doing. Chastity is not an action, rather a state of being.
Please don’t be obtuse. I’m responding to the OP. If my wife had no interest in keeping me in a chastity device then I would not wear one. I think you should be able to figure out the rest now.
Just be patient. Keep talking and trying things. My wife and I dabbled for years before she got really interested.
me to! I need to be told what to do always and I will do what I am told to do, if I’m left to think for my self then it all goes to pot.
My wife has not be really interested in my key. I have hoped numerous times that she would, but still not. I just leave it on until she wants something.
That part takes a while, you must demonstrate your submission clearly to her her role will expand as you do your due diligence she will begin to see the advantages as you perform for her real activities that please her, maybe asking her what you may do to please her.
This is a thread I made a while back that might help you out. I know you have already started, but I think it is still very applicable to you. https://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/how-do-i-tell-me-wife.48102/