Ways To Get Women More Involved in This?

This seems like just a rant to me now...not sure if it helps at all, but here it is...

Same way you would get anyone interested in anything; Sell them on the benefits, make them curious.

Having a whiney horny man locked in a chastity cage, begging for release every five minutes is not a benefit to most women.

In my experience most women want support and protection of a strong man who takes good care of them and themselves.

My GF locks my cock away because she loves it, loves denying me, and it turns her on. She also gets turned on when I make bread, when I sow seeds in the garden to grow food, when I get the powertools out, when I make the big decisions, and when I hold her hand in public, open doors for her, and remind her how in love with her I am.

For her, the benefit is that she knows I am not jerking off, knows I am not chatting to other women, knows all of the times I have ejaculated, and she knows that if she can stop me ejaculating for long enough then both our lives are improved. I get all of my sexual pleasure through her and if she says "I'll let you out of the cage and play with you if you make me a coffee" then I am in the kitchen grinding coffee and cleaning the mocka pot before she finishes her sentence.

When she read "dopamine nation" and then "Cupid's poisoned arrow" she became convinced that my orgasms should be a thing of the past and so doing the chastity thing became a no brainer. SHe has also read a bunch of chastity books.

 

Why are you debating with asshole lifestyle dominants? I thought the question was "Ways To Get Women More Involved in This".

"should".

No one needs coffee, sweet things, seatbelts in cars, health insurance, a holiday on a beach, alcolhol, sport, a TV, more than 3 pairs of socks or two pairs of shoes, the list is endless.

No one NEEDS chastity.

I'd stop asking the opinion of lifestyle dominants, and instead ask your target audience.

 

They're basically the only ones willing to engage with femdom on a non-professional basis. Looking elsewhere is hopeless - they basically are my target audience.​

A lot of femdom goes on in the wild, beyond the RL Scene, and the dommes have little or no online presence - which, I appreciate, is where you came in. Couples meet in sexually adventurous or kink adjacent subcultures, or explore kink during the sexperimentation stage and some of it sticks, or even work it into their flirting.

And, I think, with chastity, you're encountering a double bind: it's either so simple there's nothing for dominants need to discuss with each other, or so complicated that it's not worth the effort.

In the light of all that, perhaps your real target audience are adventurous women on dating apps? Perhaps what's needed is a chaste manifesto.

 

Sounds like you have exhausted all possibilities and so it's time to quit.

 

i agree!

 

Take the porn/fantasy out of it

If a plan vanilla Woman who knew nothing about Chastity would Google it, some rather outlandish stuff would appear first (all the fetishes associated with Chastity) before they would stumble upon the reality of Chastity.

How many of us here had to search the internet for a bit before we found the Mansion?

Someone who is searching for information in Chastity needs to find out first and foremost that it's not all Women in latex in ginormous heals whipping their Husband while he wear a maids uniform.

It's about the refocus of sexual energy and all the positive effects Chastity has on a Man.

They need to see all the real world benefits first before they begin to explore all the fun and delicious things that come next.


Iso.

 

Here is a book that my wife and I read together on a recent weekend getaway:

Chastity: A Guide for Vanilla Wives https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0948GRVT5

The author wrote it because she was turned off by all the periferael stuff that comes up when you google male chastity. It reads like woman-to-woman talk, between vanilla wives making sense of this "outlandish" request from their husbands. Very approachable and not prescriptive. If more stuff like this was out there, more couples might get into MC.

 

This book was perfect for beginning our exploration of chastity.

There are two books I would recommend for a vanilla wife hesitant about chastity and exploring other sexual desires.

Unbound by Kasia Urnabniak (https://www.amazon.com/Unbound-Womans-Guide-Kasia-Urbaniak/dp/0593084527)

This helps women (and men) reclaim their power in interpersonal dynamics. Not just the bedroom, but in any situation. Getting past the learned "good girl" mentality where women aren't allowed to have desires, nor know how to get them. Learning what her desires are. Then how to go get them. How to ask, in a way that is in alignment between mind and body, and asking directly. Realizing that others want to help us have our desires met. In fact, everyone feels better when we know our role and can help someone achieve their clearly defined desire.

How to deal with resistance (when someone says no) and how to navigate through Locating the source of resistance, Accepting someone's resistance, and then Influencing/navigating the resistance to a win/win outcome.

For us, this was foundational to moving forward. For a vanilla wife, the idea of asking for what you want, much less knowing what you want, is huge. For men and women, avoiding ambiguous, what Kasia calls "smoosh" asks for things. "Look at that chastity idea, that might be fun to try" isn't direct or clear and doesn't express one's actual desire.

Kasia explains dominance and submission in a very clear, understandable way. Instead of looking at it as taboo kinky stuff done in dungeons, these are really just how one's attention is focused. Outward (dominant) or inward (submissive). And we all switch between these in real time all day long. Having this understanding brings clarity to our thoughts and actions in any situation. When someone is submissive, their attention is on themselves...I want to wear a cage and feel that experience. But at the same time, I can switch during this time and focus my attention outward on my partner and be dominant (ie clean the house, give her a back rub) while she is focused inward to receive. That can apply to BDSM activities, or having a conversation about dinner.

Getting these concepts down and the language understood was important for both of us. Because then, as we started to explore next steps, we read some "Evolving Your Man" articles, to look at how we could enhance our current dynamic, which already includes orgasm denial, but nothing as "taboo" as chastity or more risque activities (for a vanilla couple). Chastity is a focus topic of Evolving Your Man, I have been interested in exploring it, and needed a way to approach talking about it. While figuring out my wife's comfort level and how to make her feel safe in exploring it. At one point I explained what chastity is. Things evolved very quickly from there. When I suggested I wanted to try chastity, I had already seen a previous post about "Chastity: A Guide for Vanilla Wives" and started reading through it.

Fantastic opener for getting started.

As @Her Beloved says, it removes all the potential turn offs, and meets her where she is. Answers all the important questions...why does he want this? What is he thinking? What's in it for me? It's ok...I thought it was weird, too, but hear me out. Lays the groundwork of what this is all about.

Another fun part was describing the 4 types of vanilla wives, "Nope, Maybe, Ok, Yes". And meets each where they are and how to move forward. My wife cracked up when this chapter started.

Then it also does several very important things to make it approachable and help her wrap her head around it:

1) Helps her identify with a role to play (how do I do this, who am I, how do I bring my true self to this). Through 4 keyholder archetypes including Nurse, Mistress, queen and goddess.
2) Helps her understand the 4 male archetypes, ranging from more fun loving kink guy, a more honor bound knight mindset, to submissive slave. And the mindset and needs/desires of each.
3) She describes what's in it for him and her. And then how the archetypes if into achieving those goals.
4) and covers the basics of how to get started, T&D, and light associated activities that fuel the fire.

Overall, it ended up being I think the shortest path to actually jumping in and trying. It got us from zero to 60 (as it's said) literally in 4 days, creating an order of magnitude more intimacy, connection, non-stop communication and a commitment to each do our best to meet each others needs and learn and grow from the experience.

 

I do most of these things without being caged, except playing with my carrot. This is my argument with my wife for chastity, her controlling access and orgasams, sharing the sexual energy with her and not off somewhere masterbating, as I don’t have the willpower.

Which I’m starting to think I should just go back to my old ways as she doesn’t care for the cage.

This lifestyle works for some and I’m in the boat as others where the partner doesn’t share the same idea

 

Just like any other interest, you need to create a space that's welcoming and not overwhelming for newbies. That necessitates ways to avoid unwanted interactions. For women, that's usually unwanted male attention.

I've seen the same pattern repeatedly in other hobby/special interest forums. A women will join, then will get bombarded with attention and messages. Even if all interaction was civil and non-sexual, it's still off putting. You can imagine howuch worse it could be on sites dedicated to kink.

I would not want my wife for instance, to receive scores of unsolicited cages dick pics and requests to be Dom'd.

 

I wonder if this book is linked somewhere in the Mansion, like an intro section for women?

 

I would love to hear a chaste manifesto

 

The problem is there are three male chastity flavours: neutering lite; chastity as a mode of kinky submission; and chastity as control.

Which one would get the manifesto?

 

you forgot chastity as a life style.it is a combination of the three

 

Good point. Maybe I should have said:

There are three variables,

• neutering lite
• chastity as a mode of kinky submission
• chastity as control

Which blend gets a manifesto?

 

You don't really want many women to be more involved with this, you need just the one woman who will get involved with you with this. What other people do with their partners doesn't matter, and whether millions or just a handful share your preferences, all you need is that one person who shares with you.

So, go dating. It doesn't have to be on Fetlife, any normal dating app will do.

All you have to do is always wear your cage when you date.
When your date discovers it, you'll immediately have "the conversation", and you won't waste precious time on those who won't be a suitable partner for you.

 

These guys looking for their forever domme are gonna stay lonely. I've said similar for a while now. Go on a normal date, find a normal girl. The right one will love you for it. For the gentleman you are trying to be, not the perv you are conditioned by overporning your todger into a desensitised worm.

 

I have a good friend from school who is dominant in her relationship. We had many discussions about all different aspects of tease/denial and overall control in a relationship. I mentioned to her that I use chastity with my husband, and she raised an eyebrow, but she wasn't really interested in it with her relationship.

Speaking in generalities, as I know there are outliers, but women want the alpha male for the most part. We want doers. And not because they are doing for us, but we want men to be doing for themselves. And to try to reign that in, especially in such an intimate way, can be very difficult to justify because evolutionarily, we are choosing a mate based on him passing on successful genes of more happy, healthy "doers."

If chastity was more widespread, there are many women who would get more than they thought possible in a relationship, but no one I've spoken to about this outside of this forum has really interested at all. It sounds fun to them as a temporary tease game, but they don't seem interested in a lifestyle with chastity involved.

I've spoken about it to a few different women, but it's always a very tough sell because even the dominant ones don't really picture her sexual experiences with her partner having his dick locked up.

So I don't know how you would get more women into this type of play, but it will take much more than passing out fliers. What do you think is in it for the woman that should make us more interested? I only started with it because my husband was into it, but he had to do a lot of convincing for me to get involved at first.

 

Well said. I think it is a tough sell for women AND men. I started with an idea to revive a dead bedroom with my LLW as a HLH. Curb my unending desire and give her more control. I did not want to work towards little or no orgasms combined with sissification/emasculation which seems to be the primary focus of this site. You certainly need to be into a certain kink but the more I explore the more I realize I don't want my wife going down this rabbit hole. I want a healthy sex life- frequent, fulfilling for both of us and lusted for. I just want to tame my insatiable desire to self care. So if I need to self lock to do that and be ready for 2-3X a week of great sex so be it. I would feel absolutely horrible if my future was heading to a path of less and less sex and more and more frustration and I bet 107.8% of men out there would agree...

 

Great thoughts! I've been thinking about this since you posted it and I could think of any number of paths to take to explain why a woman would want to try this type of play. Each situation would be very specific to who they are and where they are in their own personal development and journey with their guy.

Maybe to get the thoughts rolling, I'll pose a question. Why wouldn't a woman want to try it? Maybe, why did you need a lot of convincing?

And, what changed it for you?