Ways To Get Women More Involved in This?

Discussion in 'Chastity without feminisation and crossdressing' started by Caro-Kann, Nov 7, 2022.

  1. Caro-Kann
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    Caro-Kann Long term member

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    So, on another thread, I asserted (uncontroversially, I believe) that there aren't a lot of women on this site. For most of the married guys around here, I don't think they see this as a problem because they already have a partner. And many chaste submissives seem to enjoy and even fetishise being cuckolded by male penises, or being made to feel replaceable by other chaste subs. For me though, it is a major problem that on this site, and in the femdom community in general, male submissives are essentially treated as undesirable. I don't want to dwell on that point as this isn't meant to be a drama post but no doubt some will see it that way. What I really want to do here is brainstorm ideas without the verbal "barbed wire" as to getting more women into masculine chastity.

    I think it has been suggested that some women may automatically be more interested in masculine chastity because feminisation is often seen as a way to humiliate the submissive on the premise that he is now "more like a woman". I don't actually see it that way, for me the idea of feminisation would be degrading because of the sense of gender dysphoria it creates. I identify as masculine and so I want to be made to feel like a man, even in (well perhaps I should say, including in) submission. Some femsubs could theoretically find it "degrading" in some sense if they were made to wear fake stubble, shirts, jock straps or told to be "sweaty male pigs", denied perfume or some such.

    Idk, maybe someone will have better ideas about what "degrading masculinisation" would look like but my bottom line is feminisation for me is degrading in a bad sense only because of the unwelcomed sense of gender dysphoria that other male subs seem to have no issue for. Like I said, just taking this kink out of chastity seems to make it slightly more popular with some women who find feminisation problematic for p.c. reasons. I want to get together some creative solutions in this thread to make the practice of masculine chastity (and this website) more popular with single and polyamorous Dommes.

    Some ideas I already brainstormed include service-oriented submission. This doesn't have to include findom (and I prefer it without) but ways in which the femdom can benefit from chaste submission in which she wouldn't otherwise. It's been pointed out to me that things like writing romantic poetry and offering candle-lit massages are things that a sub does not (should not) require to be in chastity to be motivated to perform things like this. The sexually charged element of denial and frustration has to be made appealing to the Domme in some way. And this applies with all femdom-related kinks, not just chastity. In general, service-oriented submission seems to be the most popular form of submission among female dominants. And I personally don't mind engaging as long as it doesn't interfere with my life or schedule in some significant way. And as long as it is respected that I am not submissive as an individual but in the context of roleplay and perhaps in certain aspects of our relationship I may be.

    Otherwise, it seems like there are a lot of elements that need to be "purged out" of chastity as a lifestyle before it will ever become popular with women. But it seems like this is unpopular with a lot of male chaste submissives themselves, hence there is a massive hurdle to ever balancing out such uneven gender dynamics in the chastity community.
     
  2. Kfb47
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    Kfb47 Long term member

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    Ok, I’ll ask you this, you don’t speak much of FLM and it’s popularity and the alpha female choosing an alpha male who is her knight in shining armor, or a beta male, it just becomes very complicated. Bring chastity into it and she takes complete charge for the biggest part of him. That is when things get interesting depending on her level of participation. What do you think?
     
  3. Caro-Kann
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    Caro-Kann Long term member

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    Personally I have scepticism about the whole dynamic. If I were to engage, it would be mainly for her benefit. I don't mind engaging in acts of service or kindness in the same way I would do for a woman regardless of her D/s orientation. But when it feels like she is "in control" of my decisions in some way outside of roleplay, the idea - although I am flexible to it - makes me feel uncomfortable.

    The BDSM community has a way of making it so, "it must be one way or the other" - i.e. either she is control of me or I am in control of her, and that this cannot be simply confined to roleplay. But few people involved in the scene frequently suggest both partners can be autonomous albeit involved in certain elements of each other's lives.

    What I dislike the most is the insinuation that if I'm not so big on the lifestyle element, I must be purely focussed on the sexual and kink element and not building an emotional connection. But this is not true either.

    Yes, when chastity involved, arguably her domination must extend into lifestyle in some way. This is why - although I have tested the waters with psychological chastity for one month - typically, when it comes to device chastity at least, I don't think I would want to be chaste for periods longer than a few days or so in between some other kind of roleplay.

    Arguably psychological chastity is a bigger commitment in some ways because it is a voluntary gesture of honour but it can also be done solitary although it's less fun (and for me, harder to stick at it). But uh, for me however it's practiced, I'd still argue my preference is to limit her involvement in my personal decision making, at least when it doesn't have direct relevance to our relationship. Any control I relinquish to her would typically be a gesture to her rather than something I would find fulfilling for me.
     
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  4. Hig4s
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    Hig4s Long term member

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    Just because there aren't a lot of women here, doesn't mean ghey don't participate. Women in general have a much lower usage of internet forums,, even in areas they are interested and involved in
     
  5. Caro-Kann
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    Caro-Kann Long term member

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    The point is to get more women participating as well, though.
     
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  6. WillieBDenied
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    WillieBDenied All men should be locked

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    What I would like to see is more women getting women to participate. In other words, the ones that are already enjoying the benefits of a caged partner talking to their friends about the practice and getting them interested. If they spread the idea among their peer group maybe there would be a surge.

    Imagine all the guys out there getting caged for their birthdays or Xmas.

    Wishful thinking, I know.
     
  7. Caro-Kann
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    Caro-Kann Long term member

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    Inviting the competition is just against their own self-interest. That would be like me telling other guys to try and get the date with the woman I'm interested in.
     
  8. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    It's a fascinating problem, which I'm glad I don't have to wrestle with.

    I think we're never going to see a sex-balanced community.

    Male chastity seems very simple from the female enthusiast's point-of-view. It's either the removal of a turn-off - for those women who don't enjoy PIV - and/or a natural extension of teasing. Neither require much, or indeed, any, engagement with strangers online, especially because women can outsource technical issues to their chaste partners.

    It follows that for a woman to be present in these spaces, she needs to be into male chastity and enjoy talking about sex and relationships online.

    All that said, aside from the weird factor, chastity is really unintrusive kink with a lot of potential, especially for the women who don't much enjoy intercourse - a couple have popped up on reddit gleefully exploiting this fetish.

    The snag is that a specific and unattractive kinks are over-represented online. Anybody googling male chastity would quickly come to the conclusion that we're all sissy maids who spent our weekends cleaning up after our wife's bull, or else the focus of a lot of sexual labour as our keyholders make a hobby of edging us etc etc. (There's a similar issue with Femdom itself.)

    In an ideal world, "chaste" would shake off all this and be a dating option.

    If I were dating these days, I would go to munches and try to mix with kink adjacent circles. I'd also use mainstream but kink friendly dating apps and be specific about my interests fairly early. I've heard about it being done on OKCupid. Since I am locked by default, I might also experiment with the various non-binary gender identities as a way to express this.
     
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  9. Caro-Kann
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    Caro-Kann Long term member

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    I personally prefer the latter focus. Although I suppose women who enjoy PIV are more likely to want to sleep with other men during periods of chastity, so that would be another problem for those of us who hate cuckolding (since otherwise I suppose she is chaste herself in a way while this happens). But then, that's another good reason to explore short-term periods of chastity (less than a week) as opposed to long-term chastity (one month or more) - to prevent her from developing this desire. Also, it's not like I never want to have intercourse.

    Actually, you should hear the Dommes on fetlife.

    - "all guys in chastity can do is whinge and complain about being in chastity"
    - "all they do is talk about chastity"
    - "keeping men in chastity is EMOTIONAL LABOUR on behalf of the Domme"

    I mean, it's ridiculous to say but they really don't seem to find it "unintrusive" even remotely.

    Yeah this is what I meant with the line in the OP:

    it seems like there are a lot of elements that need to be "purged out" of chastity as a lifestyle before it will ever become popular with women. But it seems like this is unpopular with a lot of male chaste submissives themselves, hence there is a massive hurdle to ever balancing out such uneven gender dynamics in the chastity community.
     
  10. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    I should have probably typed "potentially unintrusive kink". I think it does tend to be unobtrusive in those born-vanilla couples who make it work, but chaste subs on in the BDSM scene do seem to be high maintenance.
     
  11. Caro-Kann
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    Caro-Kann Long term member

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    I mean, I want some kind of engagement with the keyholder, otherwise what's the point of having them? The point is to make the whole process more fun, more exciting. I would always ask them what kind of engagement they prefer having, I don't understand why it has to result in "emotional labour".
     
  12. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    As per your remark upthread, I think a lot of chastity fetishists are high maintenance and won't shut up about it. However, it can go with the grain of the partner's sexuality, so be unintrusive but enhancing.
     
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  13. Jay Sub
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    Jay Sub Married with Cage

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    https://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/chastity-venn-diagram.48431/

    Most guys here are just into chastity alone.
     
  14. Jay Sub
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    Jay Sub Married with Cage

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    I have the perfect relationship then. I too do not enjoy emasculation, though chastity can bring about this insecurity. It is something we, as a couple have discussed at length so as to avoid something that, to me, is a negative. I would not judge others for their own take on it. If it makes them happy, who am I to decide?

    I identify as a Chaste Knight not submissive. We work as a team, and like most chastity relationships 24/7 most of it is normal everyday stuff. We both do stuff around the house, as we have kids and work full time. There are only a minority of really serious players here, that thankfully share this space. It's fun to learn about new interesting people, I wouldn't want to "purge" anyone
     
  15. Caro-Kann
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    Caro-Kann Long term member

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    The questionnaire was problematic for reasons mentioned in the thread.

    Elements, I said - not people.
     
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  16. WillieBDenied
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    WillieBDenied All men should be locked

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    Say again? I think you may have misread what I said.

    I meant that women who are already in the "know" should be telling their girl friends to put their own husbands/boyfriends into chastity to reap the rewards. Spread the word, so to speak

    When guys bring it up it often sounds like we want women to do something TO us, and not FOR them.
     
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  17. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    well lots of them dose want that i think cos thats all they go on bout.
     
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  18. Caro-Kann
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    Caro-Kann Long term member

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    Oh right, not much use to me or other single fellows. Personally, though I'd rather find someone who is already into what I am into than have to persuade/cajole/beg etc. It must be a depressing experience having somebody do something for you that they are not really into. That's like going on a date with someone who doesn't really like you, or having sex with someone that's not attracted to you. The only positive would be that it's a kink they don't like, rather than something about you personally. But regardless, I'm not into fetish dispensers, I want to attract women to this community who already authentically desire to engage passionately in the things I like. If gentle persuasion and mild charisma is required to spark their enthusiasm in something, I can be flexible as long as it doesn't go beyond that.

    This is what I mean how certain elements need to be purged from the community. Or maybe not even elements - it might not be that the men present themselves in such a way because they are selfish, but rather they are just bad communicators. Or it may be that lifestyle Dommes who want men to relegate personal control outside roleplay, and even outside of key relationship decision making, just want to stigmatise subs to improve their bargaining dynamics in relationship negotiation by arguing that all/most malesubs are undesirable for one reason or another. I get this vibe a lot from fetlife, actually.
     
  19. true42
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    In order of rarity: sub men, sub women, dom men, dom women.

    That's a problem if you're a sub looking for a dom. It always has been.

    But FWIW there are lots of women looking for a committed relationship, and it sure seems that many of them would be willing to entertain the idea of a relationship in which they have some control.
     
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  20. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes I identify as someone that is always right

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    How do you convince anyone to do anything for you?

    The exchange has to be worth it, do x and you get y.

    Want more women involved, then make it more worth their while to be involved.
     
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  21. MikeLocked
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    MikeLocked Active member

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    Interesting statement - in my personal experiences quite the opposite is true.
    What evidence is there for this assertion?
     
  22. Caro-Kann
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    Caro-Kann Long term member

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    I already said this in OP. So how do we make it worthwhile for more women to be involved?
     
  23. Caro-Kann
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    Caro-Kann Long term member

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    Well, it was a little ambiguous, but it was there in the subtext:

     
  24. WillieBDenied
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    WillieBDenied All men should be locked

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    Not the poster of the comment, but like every single sex-based forum I have ever seen since the beginning of time has been at least 10-1 to 100-1 male to female participation. With rare exceptions.

    What evidence do you have for your assertion?
     
  25. Hig4s
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    Hig4s Long term member

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