Fell Out With a Chastity Mistress/Mentor, What Now?

I was getting along so well with someone I met on fetlife but two days ago we fell out over the repercussions of some drama we agreed to create online. Originally, she was just going to drop me in name only on the site and I initially accepted that but I started to feel hurt and betrayed, especially after she guilt-tripped me into creating this thread where I absorbed full blame and allowed her to distance herself completely from something she had agreed to. I did this just to protect her reputation on the site and was initially willing to do this just for her. But the fact that she would let me do this quickly left a sour taste in my mouth and I effectively broke up with her off the site.

I know there is only a week left of "Locktober" essentially (I began on 2nd October midnight, so I'm carrying through until 3rd November) but it has got me into a low state of mind and originally it had helped me so much to have someone help me through - a female dominant I related to, with my shared kinks and similar world perspective, I thought. Now I have no-one and any woman that looks at my profile will just assume that I am the dick, as they always have done on that site anyway. I'm going through all the few and far-between female profiles near where I live and they are mostly pros, taken or incompatible. So where do I go from here, is this the hardest part? What do I do now to avoid a relapse?

 

No, it's not that simple. Drama is the only way I have ever been able to generate any attention for my profile in the past whatsoever. People love drama, they don't care about how nice your poetry sounds or how passionate you are about your vanilla interests are unless you have a pair of tits. Then all of a sudden, they notice all the subtleties of the brush strokes on your Da Vinci duplicate and how well you are able to use a semi-colon when you do creative writing. Otherwise, they really could not give a fuck.

It takes me months to generate any interests on my profiles whatsoever. Starting a new profile every time something significantly hurts my reputation just isn't a practical strategy.

I've had considerably worse luck at this. The dating game is just abysmal where I've been standing the last decade plus. Too many fuckers around to find the real deal easily and when you do find the real deal, the fuckers will find a way to fuck it up for you.

 

Anyway, technically the question was about how to get through the rest of the month, not what to do about finding a new Mistress. I already know that part is hopeless.

 

I enjoy making creative content. The point is if I want to be heard at all, I need some kind of strategy to elicit attention. And I often go for drama because I have opinions to be heard and because people don't see me otherwise.

Because being widely hated is not useful if I want to find someone that doesn't hate me.

Seriously? Unless you find someone with a lot of chemistry, dating is a tonne of work and more often than not a waste of time other than the experience accumulated. I can't stand being on dates I don't enjoy. Sadly, they are more common than the ones I do.

Firstly, I am not in physical chastity. Secondly, that doesn't work - a part of bolt cutters will easily get you out of any padlock. Finally, the point was to develop the psychological discipline for it before I considered using a cage.

 

Ok, we are friends again, it feels like a relief.

 

So, why do things still feel complicated?

 

Ok guys, what things do I complicate?

 

This is my point though, if someone gives me advice that would work for them it doesn't necessarily mean it would work for me. It's like, if I had no upper body limbs but I wanted to work on chest and someone said, "well that's easy just use the cables, bro". And I said, "well ok but I really love powerlifting, I really want to learn how to barbell bench press - to me it is just such an authentic lift, a true measure of upper body strength".

Well, that person could turn around, "look bro, in my experience I've always been able to get a solid pec aesthetic working with the cables and like you I'm missing limbs. Chicks dig my pecs bro, ya kno what I'm sayin'? What makes you so special, so unique? Why ya gotta overcomplicate things?" ... do you see how this sounds a little tone deaf? The advice is not unique to this guys situation in spite of similarities in terms of the two individuals involved.

All he's doing is saying they're two different people, he's not saying he rejects the validity of that person's experience or that he can't offer advice. He's saying, "well things are a bit different this end, here's why - you got any alternative suggestions?" This guy's not overcomplicating things, he just wants to figure out if it's somehow possible to hold a bar from the elbows.

 

I was but I don't get why I can't say "oh thanks for the advice, personally this bit doesn't work for me but your input is still appreciated".

I've tried that. So is me saying "I've tried that" complicating things? Rejecting the legitimacy of your experience? You've managed to find a real relationship, I haven't. I'm not saying it's a bad idea or that my heart is closed to it, I'm just saying that's not a path the real world has opened for me (yet).

It's the other way around. I made an ironic post with her consent after she heard the voice recording and thought it was hilarious. But when she read it, she said that it hurt her feelings. She even said she felt crushed and that just because she agreed to it doesn't mean I should have gone ahead and done it. And that I need to take responsibility for what I did, not blame her for giving me permission to do what I did.

You're missing the point. The more attention you have, the more likely you are to find quality attention. I am not saying every piece of attention is worthwhile responding to. But that attracting more attention is generally a practical move as long as it is not all negative, anyway.

 

Yes! I found this helpful bit of advice yesterday that I even attached to my fetlife profile because I liked the way it sounded and how concise it was:

People have a tendency to assume that because I seem to write something off they say (in this case it was "see a therapist") or don't feel it is offensive to debate them, that meant nothing they said was useful or meaningful to me.

 

There's reasons I don't always do that. For a start there's the "oh I agree with this part" and then the "finally, we're getting somewhere!" reply and then they inevitably get disappointed if/when some point down the line I disagree with something they put. And then there's the whole repetitiveness of the "I agree with this" without the "I agree and ... " part. It's much easier to add detail with "I disagree because ... " part and then I find the discussion becomes more relevant thereon.

Sometimes I agree with people, sometimes I don't.

 

It's just exhausting to list all the parts I agree with, it feels like I'm just a smiling, nodding dog, especially when the "finally we're getting somewhere" part comes around and then I inevitably end up agreeing things I don't want to just to keep from disappointing that poster's expectations.