Ok, so my wife and i have played a bit. Teasing and denial games that would last four about four days or so. We are very new to this and i've done more reading than she has, but she also knows a thing or two about t/d. I bought her the book, "Male Chastity, A keyholder's guide" and she agreed that we could try chastity and i should get a device. I bought a cb3000 and before i did, i showed her pictures so she would know what it looked like. I wore it for a day, 24 hours. I kept the key though for adjustment purposes. I lucked out, only had to adjust a couple times because the fit seemd perfect the first time. Even slept in it and i slept all night, no discomfort. I was thinking that it would be great and was looking forward to a new life of chastity. She even liked it before when we would play our games with me on the honor system before the device. She liked how it made me more attentive and affectionate. Well, she said the cb3000 gives her the creeps. She doesn't like "that thing" and doesn't want me to wear it. I've asked her to let me worry about that, all she has to do is hold the key. Doesn't even have to see it, just give me the key for cleaning times, or give me the key if she wants to play with me or if she wants me to have a sexual release. That's all, just hold the key, i'll do the rest and she never has to even see it but gets all the benefits from the device. She still says it creeps her out and she doesn't like the idea of me wearing it. So, how to overcome this, i don't want to push her, but i don't see why it's a problem. I was thinking of wearing it and not telling her, then after a week or so, either tell her or let her see it and explain that i had it on the entire time and she never even noticed, so what's the big deal? Any ideas on how to handle this?
Why oh WHY do men always think this is a good idea? I see the logic, honestly I do... but it's such a big no no. It involves deceit which is ALWAYS bad, even if you think it's for a good cause. I know in male logic it seems like the best thing to do "but look honey, I've been wearing it and you didn't notice" = "but look honey, I really wanted to do this, so I kept it a secret and you didn't notice"! I can't explain it, but that's how we think. Other than that here are my (reluctant Domme, completely female, take them for what they're worth) thoughts. :animal0008: Why chastity? If it was all going swimmingly, and you were both enjoying the tease and denial... why is it necessary? If it's because YOU want it, then that's not really a good enough reason if you are hoping for HER to be in charge. Remember, she is coming to grips with your fantasy, which you may have harboured for a long time... this is still new to her. Does she not like the look? Would she be happier with one of the nice shiny, pretty looking twisty ones? This may be an option if you're not too worried about security and just want the "idea" of chastity. I think you need to decide between the pair of you why you want the chastity, is it necessary, and then see if there is a device that appeals to her. If she is still saying "no way" then maybe this needs to move to the back burner until *she* brings it up in the future, and then rediscuss. Hope this helps.
Yeah, no-no on deceiving. Well, certainly not deceiving with the intention of revealing. On my path of "inviting" my Wife to explore this, i decided that it is best to put my established preferences and preferences aside, and "discover" it all over again through Her preferences. i had, in fact, worn CB2000 and CB3000 a few times without Her knowing. i would suggest chastity devices from time to time, just letting the idea percolate. i never pusehd it, just suggested that it might be fun. Then one evening when She was in a playfull mood and so was i, i suggested that i could go to the local fetish store and "buy" a cb2000 and cb3000 and She could see what they are like and pick which She prefers. This worked really well! A bit of cloak and dagger when i brough home two CBs that i actually already owned (but fortunately were unscuffed) i tired each one on and modeled for Her. With and without clothes. i thought She would just have a look and make a mental note, and maybe later on She want to do it a little bit. But no, She locked me right there! Give Her control and choice and follow Her tastes. It will lead you someplace new.
Well, you already have 2 intelligent answers here but I just have to say something too, for the fun of it LOL First of all, you can see pictures of chastity devices all day long but they dont look the same when they are in person and up close and personal. And, I might add, I do not like the 3000 Myself. I like the 2000, which leads Me to My thought.....Let it alone for a bit, not too long because you dont want her to think you have given up on the idea, but bring it up again in a few days and ask her....If she were to choose, would she like a different design better, and remind her gently, that this is a game, and the cage is just a toy, make light of it, dont put so much into it. And most definatly DO NOT hide wearing it, it would be better to wear it with her knowing than to hide the fact, shes probably watching you LOL Seriously, why do men have so much problems with honest communication and spilling thier feelings??? If you have issues with being able to talk about your true feelings about chastity, do it in an email, she may even feel more comfortable writting as opposed to talking. Try it. Mistress Michelle
ive had that problem dont push or you just push the women away i just sealed both my keys in plastic key safes wish me luck with my self lock these cases are cool i wait to send one out:character0028:
Mistress Michelle and Mistress Watchfull has offered some very usefull idea's there, even though my lovely mistress/wife and i share lots of things by talking we have on a number of occaisions use sms txting as a way of dealing with a subject that may be a little difficult to communicate verbally for any reason. the main reason we is this is it's great for discussing an "idea/punishment (or want from my wife as she finds it easier to be dominant via txt's rather than outright saying, DO THIS!)" for the evening without having one of our preteen kids overhearing (and god knows they are nosey enough as it is) .. our kids find it hilarous that mum and dad "txt" each other while sitting in the same room .... only they knew the content of those txts!!! Mistress Michelle, My wife also prefers the cb2000 over the cb3000 (we have both but not long after buying the cb3000 and having a few problems she got me to order a pink cb2000 cage) she loves the fact that she can acually "touch" some of my shaft with her tounge and drive me insane .. where as the cb3000 she cant
Yes eceem, the 2000 is much more attractive and so much fun to tease with. The 3000 is just ugly, sorry, but from My eyes it is. And, I too enjoy teasing My pet when hes locked.....hummmm so much fun!! Mistress Michelle
more info I understand where the mistress's are comming from and what you are saying, i really do. That being said, my situation is a little more unique. Here's the details of my sex life with my wife. There isn't one. She has had some chronic abdomen and pelvic pain for the last 10 years. Any kind of pressure causes her to double over in pain. So, sex has been pretty absent except for on very rare occasions, once or twice a year that she bites the bullet and does it, which i hate, rather not have sex than cause her pain. So, chastity for me isn't so much because i wanted it as a sex game but because i wanted it for something different. See, the only difference between me now in my thirties and me when i was 15 is that when i was 15, i had hope. I hoped that one day i'd find a woman that wanted me, now i don't even have that and my right hand is my sexual partner. So, i wanted to try chastity. Now, you may be wondering, why would someone who's only outlet is masturbation want that taken away too? Well, it's to make her a part of my sex life. I have no place in hers because she doesn't have one and doesn't want one, if she held a key for me, she still wouldn't have to do anything at all, only thing is i would have to ask her for the key to relieve myself and then in some small way, she would know when i was doing it and then i could feel like she was at least a part of my sex life. I know, selfish, it's all about me, but i wanted to try chastity for different reasons than most. I was hoping it would make me feel a little less alone. And yes, i have talked this all over with her many times, she just doesn't care. She was ok getting the cb3000, then said it creeps her out. I'm not going to try any other devices, mainly because i find the 3k comfortable, but i'm not spending another 150 bucks hoping she would like the next one better. Still, just hoping for a way that she wouldn't be so creeped out by the idea. Guess i'm grabbing at straws, it's just that i've told her all this and she just doesn't care. Just gets lonely somethimes.
:love0028: You're right... your life is waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy more complicated than any of us could have anticipated! I hope it wasn't too painful for you to have to restate the story to a bunch of strangers (soon to be friends!) From the new angle I can see why you would feel driven to do something off your own back (keeping it secret) in desperation to try something different. I can also understand why you think keyholding would be beneficial for her, giving her a "place" in your sex life. Is she sexual at all? Can she still enjoy the foreplay and oral sex, etc? If she has shut herself off from all of it, then I think it really is a bigger issue for the professionals. On the other hand, if she is still enjoying some form of sexual relationship with you, there probably still is some hope. (Re-reading your post you say she has "no sex life"...) I am a little stunned then. Sadly so. I hope someone else can offer something other than a friendly "ear" for you, but I can't think of anything else.
Well, this is a sad story indeed. And I am afraid I am also at a loss as what to say. But you can rest assured you have friends here and we will always be willing to listen. Mistress Michelle
musms14, It seems to me that the issue that needs attention is HER sexuality. Does she really do without sex of any sort...completely, or just has no interest, or ability to engage, in penetrative sex ? As Mistress Watchful said, if her sexual needs and activities are truly at zero, then she needs help, whether she realizes it or not. I can imagine that if you could help her unlock her desires and provide a means of fulfilling them, in a way that accomodates her specific needs, she'd be eternally grateful. On the other hand, if addressing her sexuality is truly out of the question, and she is willing to engage in tease and denial fun with you and she appreciates the extra attention and affection, I'd say that is a very promising development. The world is flush with men who'd take that in a heartbeat. Give her time to figure out for herself how to make that scenario benefit you both. If I were in your situation, I'd find a few stories online that fit what you're doing now, with T&D. Stories that feature a woman who enjoys the pleasure she provides her man with T&D, and who takes advantage of the benefits derived from T&D, and who eventually becomes empowered by Teasing and Denying her man. Then see if she'll read them and if that may stimulate some further activities, and not necessarily sexual activities. There are also plenty of videos online of men getting handjobs or blowjobs from a woman, some of which are T&D oriented. Maybe she'd like to view some of those and gain some new ideas. I'd run with the opportunity that you have now for quite awhile longer before taking the chance of ruining it by insisting on something that she has clearly stated she does not like. As for the chastity device, be glad you purchased one of the least expensive devices available and didn't spend much more, which is too easy to do. I wouldn't worry about it too much right now, just put it away and save it for next year. A lot of women are turned off by the "gadget" aspect of chastity devices. Which is part of the attraction for us men, I believe. Also, many women like to have ready access, visually and physically, to their man's goods. Some feel insulted that their man won't simply obey them and not masturbate without permission. There may be other factors at play she hasn't mentioned. Perhaps she's afraid someone she knows will notice a lump under your pants and ask questions or spread rumors. I probably shouldn't generalize, but in this case, keep in mind that women are all about feelings. Focus on what she needs: To feel good about herself To feel good about you To feel good about your relationship together To feel good in her everyday life To feel good in the home you share Kinkish1 BTW, being deceived never makes anyone feel good.
Thanks guys. I appreciate all the sincere support. I asked a similar question on a different forum and got a bunch of assholes that answered everything from leaving her to demanding it. I won't leave her, i still love her even if it's not physical. I won't demand it, nothing turns me off more than trying to have sex with a crying woman. Just can't get turned on seeing her in that much pain. So, lots of jerks out there, glad you guys are concerned and are different. That being said, a few questions that need answers. She has no sex drive, gets horny once in a great, great while. Even then, it's after i prompt it and pretty much beg. She gets pain from being turned on, so doesn't like foreplay or oral. I offer to go down on her any chance she will let me, she doesn't want it though because it will turn her on and cause pain, or she will get horny and want sex which will cause pain. She also doesn't help often with my masturbation, does some, but not often. Seeing me turned on turns her on and then we are back in this vicious circle of wanting it but not getting it because of the pain. She would rather just avoid it all together. The only time we did and T/D games was for my birthday back in april. I asked for four nights of T/D and she did it well, got into it and i thought that we turned a corner and that we may have a new aspect to a sex life starting up. I showed pics of the different CB's and she picked the 3000. She said i could get one and once it did, she was turned off by it ever since and won't do the T/D anymore either, just like a switch. Turned off just as fast as she was turned on. I'm just lost, not sure what to do. I hate feeling like a priest. I know she can't help it, and i know that the whole sickness and health question i said "I do" to, but i didn't think it would be this way. I just can't believe that she won't do something so simple as hold a key. Won't ever have to see it, won't have to do anything, just hold it and give it to me once in a while. Seems so simple to me, so easy, i just don't understand the problem. That one little gesture would mean so much to me, make me think she cared even a little. Instead i have a roommate for life. Sorry for venting this way, feels good to let it out.
Wow, I admire your ability to stick to what you believe is the right thing to do, that is, not leaving her or forcing an ultimatum. However, it doesn't seem as if you're receiving the same concern in return. Forgive me if this is too personal a question, but could I ask what is the actual condition that she suffers from ? Isn't there anything that can be done to alleviate the symptoms ? Kinkish1
Everything medically that can be done has been. She has had more surgery in the last two years than most people get there entire lives. She has had all her plumbing removed, no more female parts internally and is now on hormones. Still it hurts. Doc says that it's adheseions (SP?) and that alot of her insides are stuck together and no matter how many times they seperate it, it sticks together again. Her last thing to try is acupuncture and that's comming up in a few weeks although we aren't holding out hope that will work either. I asked her last night what specifically creeps her out. She said it looks like it would hurt although i assured her the device is quite comfortable. She then said that it looks menacing, and is filled with bacteria. I assured her that it's no more bacteria infested than my underwear since i cleaned it very well every day, but she still doesn't care. Perhaps i should try to paint it hot pink or something, maybe then it wouldn't look so bad. I don't know, but she just doesn't like it. Perhaps in time, but for now she just doesn't.
If she is worried about cleaning issues then she may want to be responsible for the hygiene. My plan for when pet is locked up is to have him handcuffed overhead to the shower door, I will remove, clean him and the device and reinstall. It's kinky play and she would be able to make sure it was clean to her standards.
Just one little point, is it possible that seeing you in "that device" adds to the guilt that she could already be feeling, as it brings it home to her how much you give up because of her? Just another idea
Sometimes you try things and it does not work out. There is an enormous gambit of things to try... move on. Maybe she will come back to it... maybe not. Who knows. Don't fixated on one toy and ruin a good relationship.
Well, against everyones advice, i decided to wear my cb3000 in secret. She just isn't into it and i don't want to force the issue. We work different shifts alot so i thought, hey, she would never know either way so i may as well play alone, it's what i always do anyway. So, before work, (I'm a bartender) i locked myself up. I only wore it once, for a 24 hour period and i thought i had lucked out with the right spacers and such, but i tried a smaller set this time and it was amazing. I love wearing it and feeling locked up, felt like someone was gripping me all night, and if only my customers knew what i was wearing under my pants, was turned on all night, even was wearing a pair of light blue, bikini style, satin panties under my clothing, to pull the cb tighter to me so it wouldn't be noticeable. So i thought anyway, i noticed one of my waitresses kept looking at my crotch. I thought it was my imagination until one of the cooks came up to me later and told me that she said i had a larger bulge than usual. I never knew women noticed things like that, but i just laughed it off, thinking if only she knew. Hell, she's pretty kinky in her own right, would be an excellent key holder, but i'd never ask, my wife wouldn't allow it and i wouldn't feel right about any woman besides my wife having the key. Anyway, just a small bit of private humiliation, but it turned me on. I went home that night all alone, put on some strapon porn but stayed locked up. I watched the movie, all the while working myself over with a dildo in my ass. It felt so incredible, and when i couldn't take it anymore, i let myself out for the night. I swelled up so much inside the tube that i had small circles all over me where the vent holes are, left little marks on myself Well, long story short, i got myself off in a huge way. Wish my wife was into it, but since she isn't i can still play when she isn't around. I just couldn't get over the feeling of how great it felt to be locked up, that cb is so comfortable, i couldn't believe it. I think i'll make that a weekend thing, locked up at work on the weekends could be so much fun and it doesn't hurt anyone. Would like a partner in this, but it's better than nothing.
Just idea (i know another one!!) would it be worth pointing her in the direction of this site. It may put her mind at rest to see how common it is how and much people can enjoy it without any side effects. It would also give her the chance to speak to other wives about how they deal with their men in chastity. Over all it may help her to see another side to things. You could also edit your posts on this thread to delete them if you were concerned about her reading it. I would be more then happy to delete my posts to help you out if needed, or there could even be a way of asking MW very very nicely to remove it all together. The reason i say this is i, as a newish Dom in training, have found this site to be so useful in resolving issue i had and to gain advice. I have also been able to sort some of my own thoughts and concerns after reading others posts. It seem so strange to me now that i was against coming on here when subby first suggested i have a "nose" around, and its one of the best things i ever did. It has also helped our relationship to a point.
Hi musms, I have been reading this again, and I know in the beggining I was against you hiding this activity from your wife, but now that I have learned more about your circumstances, I changed My mind. I really do not see the problem in you wearing the cb, to work or wherever, and then just remove it so she dosent know. I think she has so many issues and if it takes you wearing a cage by yourself to keep you happy also, well so be it. Its not going to harm anyone, but just remember, if she catches you, you will have to be honest and tell her the truth. As for coming here to this website, that would be great if she would do it. There is so much mis information out there, and its hard to tell what she has in her mind, I know she would learn alot here, and everyone is so friendly here and would be happy to help, but I doubt she would do it. Its a shame really, the situation the both of you are in....I feel sorry for the both of you. But....you have to do what you have to do, and if wearing the cage makes you happy, then wear it, conceal it and have fun when you can. I applaude you for being such an understanding man. Mistress Michelle
i'll see about getting her to come to the site and if that happens, i'll ask MW to delete my threads. She said she was upset the last time i brought it up, although all i did was ask what specifically creeped her out about it, hoping i could resolve those issues. Well, i think i'll lay off it for a while, but when i bring it up again, i'll try to get her to read this site. She doesn't get online much though, usually just shopping, so getting her here wouldn't be easy. Still, there is hope, she was open minded enough to read, "male chastity, a keyholders guide." when i gave it to her, so who knows. I'm up for trying though. On my other side though, i don't see the harm in wearing it either, i really had a fun night at work with it. It just felt like someone was gripping me the entire time and i was so turned on. If she ever caught me with it on though, what could she say? I mean, can't get mad about it, i didn't ask her to do a thing and because i wasn't home or doing anything, she can't get too upset.
I am more than happy to remove your thread if you so wish musms14. Let me know what you would like to do. :animal0008: