The mechanisms and psychology of Chastity

Personally, it's none of those things. I enjoy denial, enjoy pushing my limits, enjoy the hunger I have for my wife, I enjoy the release, and I enjoy the power play. I also enjoy dominating her on occasion, even dominating her while she still controls my orgasms, I enjoy being equals, i enjoy our life together. Chastity is a Big part of our life, but its just a part. The only time she owns me is during our play, sometimes, yet she always controls my pleasure.

 

that is a perfect explanation of mine and my wife’s relationship.

 

Why do you enjoy the sunset?

 

The whole mechanism is irrational and unbelievably counter-intuitive. For example, I have played with self locking and other then an as a engineering exercise, it has very little interest...

Have a friend lock me and suddenly I am going a week but still a rather empty experience

Have the person I love the most in the universe lock me up in long periods of orgasm denial and I am in absolute heaven with no desire to have it end.. The emotional connection of my soulmate ...

 

People have told me it levels at 4 weeks.. is this the experience of people who have done longer sessions?

 

Jay, I think it’s the constant dopamine bath.

The chaste man has an ambient level of bliss that the “non chaste” don’t enjoy.

When I’m locked, there’s a constant level of arousal that I’m missing otherwise.

So I think the mechanism is dopamine.

 

That's how it feels for me, yep. I've been in for 15 days now....

I could at any time say to my KH, 'had enough ', but every extra day, every extra week etc. is kinda in my control as well.

- not sure she'd want to go back now any way, as we've found our groove.

There is also the extra.... well there is now intamacy with her that I don't do without the device.

It's also a level of control I have passed on to someone else, and I no longer need to initiate as much.

 

It is like a micro orgasm that never ends..

 

You really touched on a vital part. It’s the love part.

 

For my Wife and I our love for each other but also our D/s dynamic is what keeps me chaste. The less I experience an orgasm, the more deferential and subservient I feel to my Wife. So even though I get horny - a lot - the idea of a brief moment of relief is eclipsed by the bigger joy of growing as a submissive partner + IF I'm granted an orgasm they tend to be ridiculously good and long.

 

Men change when they retain semen. For the better. Men who get off regularly are depleted of some kind of vitality. Especially when it's through jerking off.

Separately, if you make love to a woman, you actually get a testosterone boost the next morning. If you masturbate you don't get that boost. Your body knows the difference.

Historically, privacy wasn't a thing. It's a modern convenience. In days past you lived with a tribe or community often in communal dwellings. So we didn't do much jerking off. Up until really recently it was considered the trait of a weak, low quality man. "jerk" and "wanker" being insults that reflect that.

What I'm getting at, is that being backed up, at least for a few days, is man's natural state. We function better when we're in it. And on the flip side, women can smell it on us and we're more attractive to them.

When you combine all this stuff, it makes sense.

Add to that the power dynamics. I know personally my wife feels pretty much like she's not in control of anything. Chastity is one of the things I give her to help her feel more empowered. I enjoy it as a symbolic act. I enjoy seeing her feeling more confident.

Finally, when a man commits to a woman there's an implicit contract signed in our minds. We won't fuck anyone else and she'll take care of our needs. But often it seems like the contract is only ever expected by the men and women will often take the approach of "I don't owe you intimacy." I have my opinions on who is right and who is wrong in that scenario, but it's unimportant. The different expectations cause issues.

With chastity you flip the script for both. It's made explicit for women that they're entirely responsible for their man's sexual gratification. Often resulting in them taking it more seriously. For men it's made explicit that the woman owes them nothing. Any sex or intimacy is because she wants it, not because you want/need it.

I think everything being made very clear allows both to get more of what they want.

 

About male hormone “cycles” as triggered by orgasm(s) https://www.evolvingyourman.com/2019/04/25/male-sex-hormones/

 

It's easy for us because we're all dopamine junkies. It's that simple.

 

Initially, it can’t be the dopamine as there’s something underlying that seeks chastity. A need to be controlled almost.

I think the hormonal changes start taking control a little later and you need longer and longer.

I think the permanence of chastity really takes its course when the KH sees benefits. Whether this be through extra intimacy, sexual satisfaction, control, gaining a better husband… somewhere along the line their changes start driving chastity. In turn you want to please them more and more.

Over time the drop becomes greater as your body is so accustomed to the new balance. And so hand in hand both parties are benefitting from the lock up.

 

I agree with this very much. When my wife started participating it changed everything. Black and white became color and my focus went from selfish interest in a kink to pleasing and adoring her. We have never been so deeply intimate with each other which is saying something (our relationship has always been deeply intimate in every sense). I suppose it is partially because I have shared a very intimate secret desire with her after thirty four years of marriage and she accepts me as I am. She loves me enough to hold my key; and she really enjoys the benefits!

 

For me, this is one of those things in life that I just want to experience with a child-like sense of wonder.

 

I have said that in my past posts. I’ve only gone really long term once (86 days), but it did all feel the same to me after about 4 weeks. I always have a lot of ups and downs at about 12 to 16 days though.

 

I'm sure there's lots of stuff going on!

I think one of the things is psychological. Our submissive self contains some of the things we need to be whole. Chastity forces us to integrate it with our vanilla self.

 

Where I am now... 12 to 16 days. I must admit I am looking forward to it leveling out and me just settling into this for the full duration..