Hi all: I am really not new to the website just new to posting. Until the later part of August and very beginning of September my wife/key-holder and I had sort of an on and off chastity thing going. I would be locked up for about 1 week or 3-4 day then out for a few weeks then locked then out so on and so forth. Then I don't know something "clicked" in her and I have been LOCKED as in locked 24/7 since September 9th. So now let me back up a little and give the rest of the story... January of this year I purchased a cb3000 and presented to my wife. After a couple of "play times" (week-ends)with it she began to embrace the male chastity thing very well. She was doing a grand job at being a key-holder and Dom. My wife is a natural in this role due to her type A personality. She is naturally controlling and I naturally submissive to her. I remained locked and serving her until March/beginning of April. During that time it needs to be said that I was unemployed so serving her was very easy. Making dinner, cleaning, rubbing her feet and back after work. My wife and I do not have the luxury of a life where one of us is able to stay or work from home. You read a lot about people who are able to live the lifestyle but somehow are able to work from the home or are very successful. We are successful just not financially independent so we work a lot. I say all this because it lays the grounds for where my question is coming from.So what happened the end of march was I obtained a job in the marine repair field which has graduated into my own business doing the same. About the middle of April my wife "stepped down" from her role in our FLR making me feel sort of lost ever since. Over the last few weeks she has experimented some what in her role of my superior but has sort of let it go due to my inability to do all of what is expected of me. The one thing that has remained a constant since September is she has undisputed 100% control of my orgasm. With that part of our life there is no question. Only she can say whether or not I may cum. Period. If says 1 year or 3 years or never again that is her decision and I will not question it. My question is how can I get back to serving her or have her embrace her role as she did the beginning of this year and how can I pose to her that the difference now as to back then is I am also in the working world as well. Lastly my service is to her but my business is for me to control in order to earn a living to bring to my queen. Or is that wrong. She finds insult to the fact that I don't want her involved in my repair business but the only reason is she works hard enough with her career without being saddled with looking after mine as well. I have tried to explain to her that her dominance over me starts at 5:30pm and on weekends but the other times I am working my job. Or is this wrong and if so then please enlighten me on the error of my ways so I can fix this as well. Some input from the celtic queen and others please. I want to fix this.
Happy to help My situation was that I was a career woman doing the same job as my husband when we met. I have gone from earning the same as him (sometimes more on good months) to being a stay at home Mum. So here is the question - where does Dominance derive from? If mine is from my alpha status as an earner then naturally, this is going to cause issues in our FLR as I am now dependant on my husband's salary. That's a toughie for a strong independant woman and it did take some intellectual chewing for me to continue to feel in charge. My conclusion was that my Dominance is by mutual consent and need from both of us. The main move forward for us was for me to take full financial control but also, even though we actually did very similar roles professionally, I don't interfere with his work at all unless he asks for my advice. I trust him to get on with it, bring home the money and to behave exactly as he did before. Whilst I don't expect unreasonable amounts of housework from him when he finishes work, I certainly don't expect him to come home swinging his cock about as the breadwinner demanding I "produce the goods" as it were. For us - and ofcourse everyone is different - our FLR remains the same. I don't need to boss him about every minute of the day to be his Domme and interfere with stuff that is clearly within his domain. I would compare it to managing staff - I always valued the self starters who demonstrated initiative over the needy non thinkers who would prefer to wear my brain out rather than think for themselves. Your need to focus on your business is a financial necessity rather than a rejection of her Dominance. That said, you need to be very careful that you treat her with the appropriate respect, deference and courtesy regardless of what time of day it is. It sounds as if she is unsettled by the shift in the dynamic - perhaps you need to "sell" the concept that you are actually working for her ultimately which in itself is a form of service. Also, I would suggest having a careful look at your behaviour towards her when you are in work mode - are you suddenly dominant and dismissive? My hub and I have a number of token behaviours that maintain the power balance that range from him always bringing me breakfast and kneeling before me to never being allowed to work away without wearing his device. On top of all this, we also took the time to draw up a behavioural contract. That really helps to get all the expectations etc out in the open and stops any unaddressed resentment / misunderstandings building. I have asked him to post also so you get his side of things. Good luck.
The way it works for me is very clear. Work is my area but the way i rationalize it is that i work to serve my Mistress and i give her all my money into an account that i have no access to. ( it is a joint account with all the details for access held in a sealed form in case of emergencies, you have to be practical!) Part of being Her sub and being a good sub is to anticipate Her feelings and needs as much as you can. i could tell that Her giving up work and me being the sole earner was going to be an issue if our FLR was to work. Giving Her total financial control over me was a big big step but now it is done i feel it was the correct move to allow Her to maintain Her Domme status over me and to allow Her to feel She was and is in control over me and all aspects of O/our lives. There are many ways in which you can behave to demonstrate your submission to Her. i use little rituals each day. 99% of the time i bring Her breakfast and coffee in bed and kneel whilst she eats and i tell Her it is my pleasure to serve Her and i hope to serve well today. Every Sunday i will cook a full Sunday roast dinner and serve it to Her and then if She wants i will give Her a pedicure or paint Her finger nails or apply skin creams etc i always keep the kitchen clean no matter what and i always tidy up after each meal (sometimes She will not be happy be happy with the 'man clean' and then my arse suffers....! ) i always get into Her side of the bed and pre warm it for Her and ensure that the bed is made each morning i would suggest that you kneel before your Mistress be each day before you go to work and tell Her that you go to work for Her in order to be able to contribute to Her happiness. She needs to understand that your expertise in your line of business should be given free range to maximise the business potential and therefore giving Her the best outcome from your work. The problem with dominant Women is they need to be in control and feel that control. She may be feeling that as you now run your own business that Her control over you is reduced? Try to involve Her in aspects of the business by making sure She knows what is going on in the business, such as ' today I got a big contract for some work' or 'there was an issue with fixing xxxxx because of yyyyy' i know that is normal conversation stuff but you can go further by perhaps making Her a director in the business if She is not already, i guess this would depend on your countries laws and business regulations. Here in the UK that is a very easy thing to do. As my Mistress said, each FLR is very different and Y/you both have to find what works, but have Y/you tried full financial surrender to Her? Would that be practical in the circumstances? i hope this small insight into what W/we do helps?
currently our arrangement is such that i work and Mistress stays at home recovering from a botched procedure - but that hasn't always been the case in the past. She enjoys people and had been employed in professions where She interacted with people on a regular basis, something She misses during this recovery. then as is now, it has and continues to be my responsibility to care for Her, keep the house clean and tidy, prepare meals and serve Her 24/7. despite the current exceptional situation She is very happy with this arrangement and is a natural Dominant/Top, and i'm Her natural submissive maid. the service is long and tedious but i am very happy in my position! my only concern is the loneliness She experiences every now and then, and She so loves hearing from Her friends from this wonderful place!
LOL, it only becomes a "problem" when the control is in contention...I would say that it is more of a characteristic feature of D/s relationships.