I Don't Think Chastity Subs Expect Enough - Prove Me Wrong

You really, really don't like women.

 

Last try!!! The Internet has practically NOTHING to do with real life. The Majority of people don’t care what is on the net or in the news. You’ve poisoned yourself!!! Unplug immediately!!!

 

Not all women are the same. Just like not all men are the same. With my experiences with men, it would be easy to write you all off as abusers and narcissistic, but I'm glad I kept trying, because my husband is very nice to me. I'm sorry the women you've met haven't worked out. I do hope you can keep an open mind, but I understand where you're coming from.

 

I agree and have a lot to say on this matter. But for the time being, I certainly do expect a lot from my keyholder. "Set it and forget it" is not an option.

 

Oh, dear fucking god. Not this shit again. We get it, you're angsty.

Never mind. Keep this attitude. It seems it's done you well so far, right?

 

I hate to have to be the one to explain this, but so far in this conversation, "talking to [you] and hearing [your] opinion" (to re-use your words) is painful. I am trying to be straightforward, but not saying this to be insulting or mean; I have absolutely nothing to gain from putting you down, and I'd rather see you work through whatever it is you need to work through, and come out the other side a much better person for it. I have been bullied and an object of ridicule in the past (I was a very awkward kid, if you can't tell from my photo), and I would not want to ever treat another human being like that.

While it is possible that all those women that you have met IRL and on Fetlife and so on are awful, it seems more and more likely that they are responding to the vibes that you are giving off. You are coming across as angry, mean spirited, even cruel. Again, I am not trying to be insulting to you in any way, even if what I am saying is uncomfortable for you to hear. (And please, no one else here should be insulting, either. Here is a man in need of friends, of companionship, and of some friendly advice. We have all been there, and from time to time, we are each going to be there again.)

People here have been quite patient and willing to engage with you, but you keep on snapping back at them. You probably don't realize that, but it's clear as day reading this. If you speak and act the same way "IRL", then you will drive any decent woman away, not to mention everyone else. So whatever it is that you think that you are doing, you need to consider the possibility (that I have described) that it is "anti-working".

Put more simply: STOP DOING WHATEVER IT IS THAT YOU ARE DOING, BECAUSE IT'S WORKING AGAINST YOU.

Your anger is a huge turn-off. Unless you want to turn women off, you should consider finding ways to get that anger under control. Some professional help would be a wise choice; you aren't the first person to struggle with this.

You've gotten off on a bad foot here, and assuming what you have told us is all true, you've made it through a big chunk of your life without getting laid, which is definitely "getting off on a bad foot". If that isn't what you want (it sure seems to not be!), then you should try to get off of that bad foot, and get onto a good foot for a (new) start. The NHS should be able to help you find professional help, and investing in yourself and your mental health is a great investment.

Regardless, I'm wishing you the best. We all have ups and downs, and it sure seems like you've gone through a lot of downs. It's important for you to understand that some of that is almost certainly beyond your control, but also to accept that a good chunk of it may also be a reflection of how you are treating others. You're going to need to begin by working on yourself.

 

The lies that we tell ourselves are the most destructive.

Excellent! Now we're getting somewhere

 

It's OK. You aren't letting me down at all.

This is about you learning things that will help you. You can kick and struggle, but some of it will make its way through to your brain. So keep resisting. Keep fighting. Despite your best attempts, you might just figure out some ways to help you help yourself.

And I think that would be pretty cool.

 

I've never had therapy. You're starting to make me think that I should try some.

It sounds like you have had some therapy. Since we're all at least semi-anonymous here, why don't you start by telling us a bit about what you got therapy for. What was overrated about it?

I've lost friends to suicide, and had other friends considering it, and they ended up doing well in therapy. So I tend to think of it as something that can be very helpful. I have heard people say that you get out of it what you put into it, which is a lot like a relationship.

 

When you love someone, you are prepared to let go some of your expectations and accept that you can't have everything. But then nor can she either. It is about compromise and growing together.

 

Again. In a loving relationship it is all role play really. Anyone can stop if they wish. Move on. Do something else. In the moment of course sometimes I really want out. Sometimes I want to quit. But in the end 95%+ of the married guys here not only want this, but brought it up in a vanilla relationship themselves, to the shock of their wives. Denial is an incredibly intense loving and sexual buzz that we enjoy. Often it can be more enjoyable than a quick shag. It brings us closer emotionally to our wives bringing us both great pleasure, and the best sex of our lives.

 

It's all about how you approach it. I still can't work out what it is you want from a relationship, and therefore how we can help you. I hope you see that although people here are being tough it is said with interest, compassion and possibly with love and wisdom from those who have been through similar stuff and come out the other side stronger. Lose the ego, and let us help. Let us in. Good bunch of people here, that want great relationships, and work hard at achieving that.

 

I read this thread the other day...and have been unsure about replying, for fear of fueling the fire. I sense hostility towards women, and a bunch of assumptions and perhaps experiences (from FetLife for example) that re-enforce that hostility. This leads me to wonder Caro-Kann, are you baiting folks here to perpetuate your bias, stance and support your ego?

It makes me wonder about your childhood (reference the therapy points made throughout the thread) and experiences with women (mother, teachers, siblings, etc) and relationships you have had with them? Were you treated poorly and feel hurt, betrayed, let down or abandoned at some time?

I also read a lot of criticism and judgement in your messages. Like others have said, you can choose to ignore entire populations of folks - like the folks on FetLife who you don't agree with. You have zero reason to put any energy into them. But you seem to let those past experiences affect you now and criticize and judge others (which is a cover up for your own pain). Like folks have said, walk away, look elsewhere, focus on something else.

Maybe you need to resolve old pains first, then you can look to start a new and, as others have pointed to, figure out what you really want.

There have been some amazingly insightful, caring, loving and supportive comments here, I think they are genuine from people who have had their share of painful experiences and have grown from them. We all have them, we all strive to grow from lessons life brings us. This could be a genuine opportunity for you to open up and let out your own emotions. Maybe reach out to them in a separate PM if you don't want to share with a wider group.

It can't hurt if you're willing to give it an open and honest try. When you see the veins of "real" on this site, there is an amazing community of genuinely great people.

 

"The grinch who stole therapy" - I like it.

All good!