Why do we want male chastity to be normalised...

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Giles_English, Aug 24, 2021.

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  1. LulledIntoSubmission
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    LulledIntoSubmission Active member

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    Damn, very well articulated!
     
  2. LulledIntoSubmission
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    LulledIntoSubmission Active member

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    Yeah, let's normalize being pussywhipped. No thanks.
     
  3. Peter Rabbit
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    Peter Rabbit I'm her bunny

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    The kink community layered on a whole lot of extraneous body-image, gender-norms, and expectations on top of male chastity. It wasn’t good to me, or for me when I was 18-28.

    The modern “tumblr” community was more accepting of masculine male submission. I was hesitant to frequent this site in my earlier years… since I wasn’t playing the same game.

    The kink community isn’t necessarily a supportive welcoming place. I could not care less about Fetlife. I tried to engage there, as a married submissive, not looking for domination outside my committed relationship… and I got shouted down by woman who, in my humble opinion, was playing a role.

    You will not succeed in gatekeeping chastity.

    Just as there are plenty of homosexual men that don’t conform to a stereotype. Just as there are plenty of trans folk that just want to be themselves.

    I feel far more comfortable and happy with myself in chastity, without layering on all the expectations I won’t mention. It’s striking.

    Your emotions make sense, and I understand where you’re coming from. But I don’t agree.

    I do not care about Fetlife.
    I do not bow to any community.
    I love the democratization and vibrant diversity of sexual expression.

    My delving into “forced” womanhood or bi was not healthy for my brain. It set up body image issues, for one. And I feel better seduced than forced.

    Playing to the tropes of femdom were untenable for my wife.

    I 100% agree about the need for a jewelry grade polish on a PA pin. I completely agree that titanium and stainless are appropriate.

    But your slippery slope argument about numbered tags is silly. There’s zero sign of that.

    You don’t need to promote the cause.
    But gatekeeping male chastity isn’t helpful.

    Doesn’t anyone remember The One True Way arguments on Usenet in the 90s?

    Mainstreaming doesn’t mean diluting.
    Pay makers for their craft.

    I don’t play publicly so I don’t know about your experience as play parties. Consent is sexy tho.
     
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  4. enslavedbyc
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    enslavedbyc Junior Member

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  5. Peter Rabbit
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    Peter Rabbit I'm her bunny

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    Damn you’re angry. Sorry man. It’s just not fun to converse with someone who holds so much bile. Good luck out there.

    Us “new kids” are spoiling your fun. I was not able to be in the scene in 1983… so maybe I just don’t understand.

    I think your attitude is unfair, and not helpful to the conversation or community in the slightest.

    I am enjoying many of the changes in the world. Certainly not all. I try to stay positive. And I certainly don’t hold myself a superior or better than the up-and-comers. Help the next group up.

    I definitely could not have afforded a $350 chastity cage when I was aim college. $35 sure.

    Wow I’m really feeling young in comparison now… and omg I’m not. But if you were sexually active in 1983, I know you’re from an earlier era.

    All the best
    (Over and out)
     
  6. enslavedbyc
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    enslavedbyc Junior Member

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    I’m the least angry person on the planet. Nobody’s spoiling my fun.

    I’m sorry that you mistake passionate disagreement for anger.

    I argue passionately for the minority when I think they’re under represented.

    But but labeling me as the old angry “Get off my porch” guy is a great way to slip out of a debate.

    Peace Out.
     
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  7. Robins toy
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    Robins toy Active member

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    Whoa, whoa, whoa.....the debate is just getting interesting!

    Please keep it civil and carry on.

    Civil debate, the winning of hearts and minds, is the basis of any democracy.
     
  8. Peter Rabbit
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    Peter Rabbit I'm her bunny

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    I’m serious about wanting male chastity separated out as its own thing.

    I’d rather not lay out the details of the negative head-space, and emotional separation I created from the love of my life (before and after we married). It truly affected my life and relationships.

    Simply put, I layered on so many unrealistic expectations for her, and myself, that I didn’t get what I wanted. So I was sad and lonely and helpless. I delved in unhealthy thoughts.

    We reunited when I shed all the kink. I focused on making her feel befriended, happy and loved. I did practice self-masturbation denial without a cage. That kept me eager to please. When I did so, our relationship blossomed. She was relaxed, accepting, and gave me some of my fantasies.

    We don’t have BDSM scenes. We have daily rituals, but it’s not D/s. And it’s been good.

    The last 10 or so years have been good for us. I will credit the Tumblr community. I am grateful to learn about what women enjoy in real relationships. I began to enjoy myself as I was, and feel appreciated. I wasn’t hiding.
     
  9. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    Well, what would normalised look like anyway?
     
  10. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    it's normal for me :p
     
  11. LulledIntoSubmission
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    LulledIntoSubmission Active member

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    More power to you:)
     
  12. littleguy3
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    littleguy3 Adoring husband

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    Nice post! I'd love to hear more about your daily rituals with the love of your life if that's not too personal!
     
  13. Jay Sub
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    Jay Sub Married with Cage

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    The reason many want normalisation is that, for the most part, chastity is normal. 99% of the time it's just me, locked in a cage, getting on with everyday life. Normal stuff.

    Kink sits to the side, if at all for some. It's the cherry on the cake, but not the cake itself. Similar thing with marijuana use. It's a normal part of everyday life. I want it normalised because it is a part of me. A part I am proud of. I want to be able to shout to the rooftops "I love weed". In the same way I want to share with my friends, without fear of freaking them out, how my wife and I are so deeply in love. How I dote on her like a lovesick teenager. How I thank her when she is not in the mood and denies me.
     
  14. Jay Sub
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    Jay Sub Married with Cage

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    The cage was the catalyst for the change in our relationship. We communicate better with it. Saved our marriage I think.
     
  15. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Mistress2and4you

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    You elaborated quite eloquently why talk about 'kink communities' and 'BDSM' and 'fetlife' etc is just so much noise that has nothing to do with chastity or chastity being normalized. Thanks for pointing this out.
     
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  16. SubSnuggler
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    Me too- I'm pussywhipped as hell, but I still found the original comment very offensive as I read it as being meant in a derogatory manner. My submission is purposeful and my own choice and I don't really need anyone else's value judgement about it.
     
  17. Jay Sub
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    Jay Sub Married with Cage

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    Thank you.

    I looked on Fetlife today, and it's not like it really caters to me. You look at any events going on in the UK, is there anything going on that would be of interest to me and my wife? No. I looked at the mix of people going to kink munches, and there was nobody attending, or considering, that I felt might be in a similar position.

    I get the point made by some. If kink was normalised it wouldn't be kinky. But chastity and denial is a lifestyle, not a kinky scene. We do sometimes get our scenes. Some on the more kinky side of things, some more vanilla, but that is just a small part of it.
     
  18. LulledIntoSubmission
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    LulledIntoSubmission Active member

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    #168 LulledIntoSubmission, Sep 13, 2022
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2022
    It wasn't meant to be offensive, definitely not a value judgement, I just would hate to see it (being pussywhipped) become even more widespread than it already is. I mean... it is already everywhere in the West. But now that I've said this, I realise it might offend even more people. Hopefully not, wasn't my desire to cause offence.
     
  19. enslavedbyc
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    enslavedbyc Junior Member

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    You guys (not limited to the guys quoted), are so absolutely correct. I don’t know what I was thinking. Chastity Relationships are completely unique and have nothing to due with Kink or BDSM or their related communities.

    The multi-sided acronym:

    BDSM

    B/D: Bondage and Discipline (Chastity is absolutely not a bondage device and neither it nor the “honor system”, have anything to do with imposed or self-imposed discipline.

    D/S: Dominance and Submission (Femdom has ZERO to do with Dominance and Submission. Femdoms certainly aren’t “Real Dominants”, like Leather Daddy’s and other Dominant Men). The men who serve Fem-”doms” aren’t really submissive (most of them are continually telling their ladies to be meaner and keep them in chastity longer, definitely not D/S).

    S/M: Sadism and Masochism (nothing to see here, your device has never caused you discomfort, and she certainly isn’t aware of it.

    S/M: slave to Mistress (or Master). No nothing to see here either she’s a Goddess, I just serve at her alter.

    Oh, and those other “Kinky” relationships they’re not REAL like chastity relationships there just scenes.

    Those D/S couples who claim to be 24/7/365, who are they fooling?

    Sissy’s (totally a thing). Leather folk (totally not a thing).

    Can the Chastity community learn from the broader Kink community (both good and bad)? Oh, hell NO.

    Chastity is going to mainstream like nobody’s business and all of it will be great (zero negatives).

    I’m really looking forward to the movies “50 Shades of Chastity”. It’ll be awesome!!!

    Oh, and no offense intended as I'm sure no one intended any offense towards me.
     
  20. Jay Sub
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    Jay Sub Married with Cage

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    I hate the phrase "pussy whipped". I'm not. I am honouring my wife by abstaining from masturbating and it just so happens that by doing so I become a less selfish person. What is the problem with the spreading of the knowledge that if husband's spend less time playing with their pecker they will be happier? Don't you want that for others that might benefit? I'm not offended by your position in the slightest, but I would like to understand why you think that way because I disagree.
     
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  21. LulledIntoSubmission
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    LulledIntoSubmission Active member

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    #171 LulledIntoSubmission, Sep 13, 2022
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2022
    No, I don't. I don't consider unconditional submission of a husband to his wife a good thing.
    As simple as that.

    Peace.
     
  22. Jay Sub
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    Jay Sub Married with Cage

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    Peace to you. But... That isn't really an explanation. Also I don't say unconditional. This is my choice supported by my wife. I would agree that non-concentual anything is not a good thing. Any relationship that was really completely one-sided, I personally cannot imagine being a good thing either. So I'm not sure we disagree entirely. I'm curious...Are your reasons for chastity quite different to mine? I don't consider myself naturally submissive, I use chastity and denial to bring out some of those qualities. It helps my caveman brain appreciate the differences in mine and my partners libido whilst remaining emotionally connected to her in ways I never imagined.
     
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  23. Jay Sub
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    Jay Sub Married with Cage

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    I think the heart of the matter is about normalising Semen Retention, rather than discussing the means of achieving it. Is a certain amount of semen retention, and less reliance on PornHub, in a long-term relationship potentially beneficial? I say yes.
     
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  24. Jay Sub
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    Jay Sub Married with Cage

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    True...Nothing is perfect ...What pitfalls do you foresee? There is truth in a lot of what you say, but it's more about the mental side than the physical act of chastity.
     
  25. Peter Rabbit
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    Peter Rabbit I'm her bunny

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    I’m not sure why it’s hard to imagine male chastity, orgasm denial, or masturbation denial, etc as its own thing. I know edging and saving up your load has become “known”. NoFap folks associate extra weird things with semen retention too. It’s not just us in chastity.

    Pegging has become its own thing. I’m surprised to see it so prevalent in press.

    You can be a masculine submissive too, and be heterosexual.

    This is all good.

    It’s a menu. Or a buffet. You can pick what you find delicious. Enjoy your own plate you’ve made for yourself.

    In the past you were expected more to bundle kinks together. I still get weird DMs… but it’s gotten better.

    I just deleted a paragraph that dipped into the dark and negative… anyway…

    I don’t know why this is an argument.

    50 shades was awful and destructive. Agreed.

    But I’ve found some great quality BDSM gear.
    Isn’t Northbound Leather still in business? I was brave enough to have one of their leather chastity items sent to my parents’ house during a summer home. I was so nervous. :)

    https://northbound.com/ckc12-leather-chastising-cock-ring.html
    https://northbound.com/male-genital-cover.html


    Besides my “daily wear” stainless from MaleChastityNow, I have been happy to find Traume Aus Edelstahl for locking cuffs and PA jewelry, SquarePegToys for buttplugs, Vixen Creation dildos, Anatometal at one time through BodyArtForms and SteelNavel for PA jewelry, SaberSmyth for Leather/silicone gags.

    All make excellent products.

    I had access to cheaper dildos and leather harnesses in college, and it made my first attempt at getting pegged a hilarious and disastrous failure. I tore the cock from its balls.

    But there was a high barrier to entry when we were young. Cost. Location. Access. Quality. Wisdom and Advice.
     
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