Why do we want male chastity to be normalised...

This is exactly how my Wife handles me. Chastity is a tool She uses to control my behavior and my attitude. Any sexual benefits to me (or Her) are strictly secondary. I know She does this, I feel better and more calm as a chastized man, and I accept Her control over my sex.

 

It takes a long time and a lot of work to realize that dynamic. It can't just be explained. Both parties have to be open minded and give things a try. It was many years into our relationship before my wife wanted control and security, or at least recognized that could be valuable to her. It can take a while to settle on feelings about that. There isn't a magic bullet of watching a video, or reading some blog or post. The lasts few years, she seems more receptive to me physically when I am locked. We go through periods of time when we do or don't use a cage.

 

Amen to that ^.

It's just in the last couple of years I've been able to settle well with this dynamic. Societal conditioning is hard, and I had (and sometimes continue to struggle with) a number of toxic male habits to get over.

I wouldn't say I'm well-trained yet, but I feel comfortable with and accept my submission to my Wife. I still ask for rewards in the form of play or fetishes sometimes.. but I fully accept those are boons or favors and not anything I can expect from Her. It's a very rewarding lifestyle, one of complete surrender, but it's taken me a long time to get to this point. My Wife is very understanding and patient, and while she has used the whip, most of her toolkit is through gentle persuasion, and thoughtful teaching.

You know submission is real when you see that She has flaws and is not perfect, yet She is the one that has power over you, your love for Her is total, and that you will follow Her till death with your own wants and desires completely secondary. If you are at peace with that, and accept it completely, a Female Led Relationship at this level is stress-free, fun, and filled with love. My Wife is a sadist, and sometimes her fun hurts me, but I could really care less as long as She is happy and continues to keep me under Her protection.

I cannot stress how rewarding a journey this has been for me, and I hope to continue on this path for as long as She will have me. As She assures me I will be locked in Her service forever, I count myself very lucky. I have free will and my will keeps me by Her side (or more accurately, behind Her lmao)

 

Needs in life and roles change too. Our responsibilities are totally different than 25 years ago. It's not a bad thing to connect on a primal level when a relationship is new. Then, there were long stretches of time where I was a worker drone, or she was physically attached to small children. What we wanted to do and express sexually has changed as time has gone by. The last 2 years have not been easy for kink, but we are trying to come around again.

 

Some people are trying very hard to normalize all sorts of gender and/or sexuality preferences, so why not Chastity and Femdom in general? What's good for the goose is good for the 'non-binary-gender-fluid-cis-whatchamacallit', right?

 

I regretted my post after posting jt

 

It depends on what you are trying to express. Gender is extremely salient. Femdom and Chastity can be subtle. I am a middle aged dude and know all kinds of marriages where the woman clearly rules the roost, but I have no idea if it is sexual - many of these relationships seem to have a lack of sex/sexuality.

We have several friends who know we like to “play” but no of this is relevant when we are at BBQ’s or cocktail parties (unless it gets very late and folks have had a LOT to drink, lol)

I am pushing 50. There are a lot more outlets for expressing kink than when I was 25, especially in a large city.

When is something exhibitionism and when are you just living your life? Lots of men follow their wives. I know a lot of alpha women bread winners. Sometimes their husbands defer to them, sometimes they could do better.

 

The only thing that needs normalising is the "She's in charge" "Happy wife, happy life" attitude.

Most men, deep down, know their wife is really in charge, they know that happy wife, happy life is true, but they resist, and get frustrated when they don't get their own way. I embrace the frustration and don't resist (much)anymore, and what helps my accepting this truth and welcoming it with open arms is the cage (and the tease and denial play that makes it so much fun) I voluntarily had her lock me in.

 

I'm not denying that no-fap could lead to a chastity fetish in it's own right; especially if cages are involved.

But you have to understand that's not the intention behind no-fap. It's not meant as a fetish. It's about gaining control over yourself and your urges.

And if Chastity cages ever enter the public consciousness via the popularity of nofap, they're only going to be seen as a tool towards that end; nothing more.

Of course the naughtier implications exist. Anyone with two brain cells can see that. But it's never going to be publically acknowledged in polite society.

 

Never say never....it usually turns around and makes you wrong....

 

More people have heard of chastity than you think. I can think of a few female friends who either saw dating profiles or were approached by men who are into chastity. They thought it was cute, silly or wacky. They were were not judgmental, and thought it was interesting, but just were not “wired” to have some fetishistic interest in it. There are definitely women who find it fun, but if you want someone else to be as intensely interested in it as you are, you are probably going to be disappointed. My wife is tolerant, and her mood on the subject can range from “meh” to “fun” to “kinda hot”.

 

wasn't meant to be a repost. I took too long to type my reply. Didn't realize there was a time limit. Anyway, yes I would like to see male chastity become more mainstream. To make that happen, manufacturers (other than China made devices) need to make cages that are comfortable, lightweight, easy to keep clean and affordable. There's a lot of crappy devices, the Chinese made devices are 1 size fits all, steel is heavy, tubes are difficult to keep clean, cages with spacers pinch a lot and so on. There's lots of benefits to wearing a chastity cage let's work at making it a desirable and comfortable option.

 

I think 3D printing has done a lot to make chastity affordable and discreet, and will continue to make great contributions for chastity wearers.

 

I agree, although it would help if some manufacturers would take and use feedback from customers. I have tried to write and give suggestions. I wrote Holy Trainer about adding a cage/tube that's wider....no response. By contrast, the guy at Kink3D has been very responsive and communicative. Custom made cages are expensive and if your order doesn't quite fit, then you're out of luck, so I feel there has to be a better system. Obviously this is evolving and will improve with time.

 

For us the kink part is long gone. We do realize that others think it is kinky though. To us, it is a marital aid. When it gets right down to it, it really is just body/genital jewelry. Albeit functional jewelry.

 

This is exactly it. I like the idea of younger versions of myself having an easier time.

I want it to be more accessible, and less “gatekept” by those who layer on extra requirements and expectations.

I also want to “be me”, and shed the stereotypes around male chastity.

We aren’t but from the same cloth, nor cut in the same shapes.

Seeing more chaste individuals, with more diversity, is good.

 

"Why do we want male chastity to be normalised..."

We Don't.

 

Agreed!

 

We don't? Why not?

 

…and you will likely get your way. You will also likely suffer many of the ills that have befallen the BDSM community. Good luck.

 

Wait, what? I've no idea what ills this is referencing?

Why does a member since 2010 word a reply as if they are not a member of the chastity community themselves?

 

Being part of a Kink community is different than being part of a "normalized" community. I've never claimed to not be part of the chastity community nor do I understand how you came to that conclusion from my post.

As for "ills" that have become a part of the "mainstreaming of BDSM"; I'm happy to provide you with a sample list that is in no way comprehensive.

1) I'll start with Fetlife which has only been around since 2008. "After 50 Shades of Grey" hit the mainstream, the decay of Fetlife accelerated. Just take a look at K&P (Kinky and Popular) for a few days in a row. You will not find many photos (possibly none) that are Kinky in any way, just popular. No bondage, no whippings, no e-play. Just pretty women with pretty breasts, plenty of blow jobs and plenty of bejeweled butt plugs.

2) Back in the early 80's, the BDSM community was difficult to find. In order to play publicly, you had to be vetted. Whoever sponsored you had some responsibility for how you behaved until you became better known to the community and demonstrated you were safe. People played hard (with consent of their partners), with little concern for the onlookers. Today at most venues people play very carefully as to not offend anyone, because offending anyone could be a consent violation of the spectators and today few can risk that.

3) People who practiced "Niche fetishes" were not outcast. The often heard statement was "Your Kink is Not My Kink but that's Okay. Now it's not okay. If you're fetishes include "race play", "Nazi interrogation scenes" or elements of "Sadism or Masochism" you are very likely an outcast in the community in most areas. Try Googling "figging" for more than the most basic information of how to play. Better yet, try searching for "Forced-Bi", on Pornhub (you can't even use the word "forced" it implies lack of consent, even among consenting adults.

3) Equipment, there are less and less bespoke Kink equipment makers every year. Why because they can't make a living anymore because of all of the cheap crap that has flooded the marketplace. Don't believe it, try to find someone to make a quality custom leather catsuit (I know of two places left and only one is in North America and it's not on their website).

I could go on for paragraphs. Maybe you're fine with my examples. Maybe you think the tradeoffs are worth the benefits.

As far as mainstreaming Chastity goes, maybe you think Chinese knock-offs of chastity designs that someone spent years developing are great because they're so cheap. Maybe you don't care about the finish quality of the PA pin or the purity of the titanium or stainless steel it's made from (who cares if scars your urethra).

In the future, maybe no one will sell locking chastity devices, only numbered tags will be allowed (because 1) safety 2) consent).

So mainstream away. The minority of us who have a different opinion, will not be promoting your cause.