My Wife Is On Board? A New Stage

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  1. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    So I made it 33 days.

    I had a doctor's appointment, so took it off. I noticed that my member is quite beat up. It has a sore under the glans, and several pinched bruised parts on the top of the shaft. So it remained off, and probably won't be put back.

    I don't understand how I can't feel the damage when I'm wearing it, but I feel it when the cage is off. I need a new cage. I'm probably going to have to get something custom....
     
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  2. borbulls1961
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    borbulls1961 Madame Vanilla's property

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    Tecolote, you've come a long way in this last year.
    I too started mid-2020 both trying to get Madame on board, getting the device to work, keeping my own expectations reasonable, and trying to be a better husband.

    Your lady's mindset sounds very similar to my own Madame Vanilla. She won't really read the stuff I refer to her, she's not into kink, and really doesn’t need sex...and shes worried the device will injure me somehow.

    But over this year we have had more piv than any year of the last 10! But we cuddle and snuggle almost every day as compared with never. But shes getting more comfortable with telling me what chores she will have me do for her.

    The key here for me is avoiding masturbation.

    Does your good wife still keep your keys in the fingerprint safe?
     
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  3. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    The safe is a bust. It forgot her fingerprint. We have to get it to re learn her prints, but it hasn't happened.
     
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  4. borbulls1961
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    borbulls1961 Madame Vanilla's property

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    Oups...I just got a fingerprint padlock for her to keep safe the keys...but its an Aliexpress special, so I hope it doesn’t forget!
     
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  5. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    It's been a spell.

    Basically, things got really quiet on the chastity front. Occasionally, I would say something about it or share a caption or a blog or something, but I wouldn't get much response from her. Then about a month ago, she shared a tweet from an ER nurse that basically describes how they have no way of cutting titanium cock rings, and have to call in the fire department to do so when necessary.

    I figured that was her way of ending the chastity discussion. I told her about the custom plastic cages that evotion makes, but she didn't even respond. Game over?

    But I don't think I can stop. At least not until I experiences
     
  6. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    (continued)

    At least not until I've experienced true denial.

    So I keep poking around, trying to find a way.

    A few days ago, a keyholder on the forum offered someone else that she would like to speak with his wife. He wasn't ready for this, but I kinda hinted that I would like her to speak with my wife, and she offered to do it!

    But I still had to ask my wife. In my mind, it seems like she sees keyholders as dominatrix types. I guess they are, but I mean with all the trappings and stereotypes like leather, heels, dark lipstick etc. Basically not my wife's style. So I assumed that she would decline speaking with some stranger who happened to be a keyholder.....

    Much to my shock and surprise, she agreed to talk with her. She wasn't even reluctant. She even seemed to be looking forward to it! She said that she was still interested in chastity, and, well.... I have high hopes that this could turn a page for us.... Only time will tell.

    The moral of the story is: talk to your wives. You may be surprised by what they are really thinking.

    Note, I'm not going to disclose the name of the keyholder who offered to talk to my wife because it's not my place to unleash all of you horny guys on her, but maybe she will pop in and disclose herself (assuming she even reads this).
     
  7. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    MY WIFE WILL JOIN CM

    The keyholder who will speak to my wife prefers to chat here at CM. So apparently my wife and budding keyholder will be joining us as a member here! As far as I know, this hasn't happened yet.

    I have mixed feelings. I want so much to be a part of their conversation(s). But, of course, it's better not to know any details about what is being discussed.

    I'm trying not to lead either woman. I don't think our experienced keyholder would fall for any of my clumsy manipulations, but maybe my wife might be.... Not fooled. She is very perceptive, so I doubt if I could fool her. No, but she may be turned away if she senses me trying to 'top from the bottom' (a term she is probably ignorant of, but would likely recognize for what it is as soon as it began).

    Of course, I can't help but top from the bottom. Hopefully, this mistress will teach my wife how to shut it down as soon as I start. Because it's inevitable that I will end up doing it.

    I have unrealistic hopes for this meeting. I fantasize that the experienced keyholder will mentor my wife and kickstart this part of our relationship. I hope she helps my wife find her ruthless side. It's too much to hope for, isn't it? I know.... BCWYWF. I can't help it. I'm a sitting duck waiting to be taken advantage of. I crave being on the short end of an unfair relationship. Which is weird, but very common around these parts.

    But yeah... I'm hoping for my wife to get empowered to become absolutely ruthless about turning me into her plaything. I'd love her to just fuck with me because she can.

    I'm trying not to get too disappointed by whatever the next few weeks might bring....
     
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  8. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    Welcome @Lizzy 72 !
     
  9. madams-sissysub
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    Thank you for sharing!
     
  10. SlaveBoy73
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    SlaveBoy73 Long term member

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    I know just how you feel. My wife could
    Not be less interested.
     
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  11. Zed96
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    I'm glad you and your wife are starting to comminicate.
     
  12. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    Well.... We're at it again.

    It sounds like a lame cliche, but I asked her to be cruel and selfish.

    Actually, I asked her, "Will you please take ownership of the key, the cage, my orgasms, and my erections, and promise to use these things for self-serving reasons?"

    And she said yes. I feel like I had to spell it out like that because in the past there has been no difference in our relationship at all. Just me wearing a cage for no reason?

    I followed up with, "I will be disappointed if you aren't cruel. Seriously. I want you to file this letter away, and taunt me with it if I ever try to complain that you are being unfair. You should be unfair. The cage isn't my kink. The unfairness of the situation is my kink. Use that to your advantage."

    And her reply was, "Oh I shall...I now have proof!!! PROOF!!!"

    So.... We'll see? Am I poking the bear? Yes. But I've been asking the bear to mess me for 4 years, and never even a hint of power exchange has happened. So I poke occasionally until I get a response.

    She keeps saying that she wants this too. I've given her so many chances to stop the lunacy, but she is always very insistent that she doesn't want any outs. She wants to own my sex. But..... I've got my doubts that this time will be any different.


    And to address the previous posts about the keyholder here who agreed to talk to my wife... My wife never followed up with her. She felt that there was a moving target. Honestly there was, a little. At first it was to be a phone conversation. Then private messages on the forum. Then my wife had to get verified, and that's when she gave up. It could be my fault for allowing myself to be the go between, and I may have fucked up. I did ask a few times for her to just private message directly, but that didn't happen. And now my wife hasn't been here in months.... Sigh.
     
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  13. Junebug15
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    Junebug15 Long term member

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  14. borbulls1961
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    borbulls1961 Madame Vanilla's property

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    Oh boy I'm with you.
    I've tried 5 times over the last 2 years to get Madame Vanilla to hold my keys and she has always given up after a couple of months.
    Maybe as my excitement to being caged plateaus maybe dwindles even, she gets nothing out of it and gets fed up.
    This time I've promised attentiveness.
    It's hard work. But I remind myself that looking after her needs is more important than my cock.
    Coming up to the 2 month limit...
    Good luck in keeping @Lizzy 72 interested.
     
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  15. Danny15
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    Danny15 Long term member

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    I'm in a similar position. My wife has no interest in keyholding . I self lock pretty much 24/7. When we are intimate she says she loves the cage and how it makes me feel but that's as far as her interest goes.
     
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  16. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Good luck, hope this time is the charm!
     
  17. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Chastity Superman.

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    Good luck. .

    It seems she has lot of pressure from all angles to be someone different.
    Try to take a back seat and allow your wife to do the things she wants, not what you expect. The power can’t shift to her until you relinquish control, as you allow her to do what she would like her confidence will grow…
     
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  18. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    Things are progressing slowly.

    She took the key and 'hid' it in plain sight. I had to exert extreme self control not to spring myself free one night where I was particularly horny, but I stayed chaste. The next day, I put the key into a tamper evident package, because she still doesn't seem to get the idea that her control of the key is necessary for control over me. She was a little baffled when I asked her to sign the package that the key was in, but she signed it.

    We are heading out of town next weekend, and she wants me to remove the cage in case there are metal detectors anywhere we will be. I'm fine with that, but I already know that I'm probably going to have to be the one to just put it back on when we get back. She just isn't ready to make this decision. I'm not positive if she wants any of this or is just humoring me. But since she has consistently said she wants it, I'm thinking I should give it to her until she says otherwise. I mean... I guess. I'm not really sure. I definitely don't want to do this at all if she isn't invested in the process.

    It doesn't serve my interests at all (or hers, obviously) if she is going through the motions without any real interest in the power exchange. So I'll continue to drive the process for now, but only because she says she wants to do it, but when I wait for her, she doesn't do it. I waited about 10 months or more for her to tell me to put the cage on, but it finally came down to me asking her if she would accept the keys again.

    Does anyone think that I shouldn't put the cage back on until she asks?
     
  19. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Chastity Superman.

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    Personally, I would do something to suggest your expecting to be locked back up like having a more simple key safe delivered for when she’s back. Nothing to faffy like a fingerprint code. A simple four digit key safe is available for around £10-£15. ($ or whatever). She can just lock the key away then and not worry about signatures and that, keep it fun without contracts etc.
    maybe a kitchen safe time lock where she can set a time and take control. But breakable enough in case of emergencies… she may surprise you with how long a time she sets. It will also serve as a reminder of how she’s teasing you.

    If she doesn’t take the bait than maybe I’d question why.
    She might not be into chastity like she isn’t into wearing strapons and pegging. She may feel uncomfortable with it. It certainly sounds like its on your agenda a lot. But what are you giving in return?
    My wife would never have agreed or even enjoyed chastity if it was just a sexual kink that went on and on with bigger expectations every time any sexual activity happened.
    We continue in this lifestyle as it genuinely benefits us a couple. It puts me more in tune with her needs. Makes me a better husband and father. I do more for her. We’re far more engaged with each other.

    Initially she would have told you the worst thing in our sex drawer was the cage…. now she doesn’t allow a time without it. However, that doesn’t mean she’s using me for daily orgasms or sexual satisfaction. She didn’t want that before so why would she now?

    This comes from good communication. Not about what you want from it necessarily as that could just put her off. Constant teasing can sound like a chore. If she understands what that teasing can achieve than maybe she’d be more willing to do it more frequently.
    Does she understand the ‘science’ of it? It’s questionable but it seems to some extent legit from experiences of others in chastity. That science may say that your better never having an orgasm… it’s scary but it’s worth accepting that may be what she wants.
    Does being locked up benefit her in any way? Or do you just want the sexual side?

    What message does a fantasy story of what could happen send? It may just sound so far removed from where you’re at now. So maybe manage your expectations on that front.

    The best rule my wife made to change our dynamic was very simple; I was not allowed to discuss it. I wasn’t allowed to make suggestions… you’d think that could kill it or you’d think that would take it in a direction that I wasn’t really expecting. It did. It was better. No she doesn’t dress in pvc or ask me to suck dick for her pleasure etc. but when she does things it’s genuine. Which makes it far more rewarding as an experience.

    Will this happen overnight? Probably not. Initially while she was really trying I had a ruined orgasm after 7 days… but then she went 10 and realised she could make me squirt just by tapping the cage. I didn’t ask for it but she learnt something new. It was fun.
    But then we went 45 days before I was allowed to release… and she then learned that she could give multiple ruined orgasms. We had fun. But she didn’t realise until around day 40 how long it had been.
    She’s now written up a spin the wheel of things I might get next time: none of which are particularly nice, I asked why she didn’t put using a strapon on it… “because I’ll be doing that anyway”. She understands more of that as we discussed the sensations that I receive. So it’s not a weird kink, she gets it. (I mean she always enjoyed doing it, but I always had to ask and it was always a massive event in our lives).

    So to sum up this truly far lengthy post:

    1) Don’t lock yourself up. Let her know you want her to without too much pressure.
    2) Manage your expectations. Your partner isn’t going to become an expert teasetress just by telling her to be one or discussing with another person how they do it. Try enjoying what she wants it to be.
    3) Have a chat about how you feel about chastity. You want your wife to be cruel… but is it cruel if you enjoy it? Tell her doing chores for her or pleasing her makes you feel happier inside while locked up (I’m assuming that’s the case)
    4) Ask what she wants in return from you - and focus more on that than if she’s teased you for two days or not.
    5) Stop leading it. Allow her to grow and develop the relationship to what she wants it to be.
     
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  20. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    A LATE START TO LOCKTOBER

    On October 4th, my wife told me that she wants to participate in Locktober. So we started on the 4th.

    She doesn't like hiding the key. When she "hides" it, she just puts it in a clear plastic box where she keeps her jewelry. The key has a red ribbon on it, so I see it without even trying to find it.

    I have no willpower. I wouldn't even be in the cage if I could stay chaste with willpower alone. So I placed the key in a toploader. If you have any collectable cards, a toploader is a stiff plastic sleeve that is used to protect individual cards. I placed the key inside one and sealed it by melting the opening. Now I see the key, but can't really get to it without having to melt another toploader closed. This is secure enough, I think. But it's taunting me.

    Last night, she showed me something that came up on her Twitter feed. It was emergency room footage of some poor guy getting a cock ring removed from him with an angle grinder. But she still wants to continue with Locktober.

    I'm still trying to help her find her inner Dom. I'm not sure how that might go. Maybe by November she will be taking more initiative. Probably not, but I still try to nudge her to take charge, which may be counter-productive. She always says she wants this. We'll see if she ever uses me...
     
  21. StubHub
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    StubHub Long term member

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    As stated many times. Be careful what you wish for!
     
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  22. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    @tecolote at least a few times she has mentioned the concern over ER removal of (I presume) the base ring. The good news is that this time it didn't lead to an unlocking, which I think is a sign of progress. And she is still going at Loctober!

    IFF it comes up you can note a few things: As embarrassing as those situations were, they still got the ring off. They always do. And a cock ring is designed to constrict much more than your cage, and is thus more difficult to cut, so in that rare event of a medical emergency you needn't be scared at all. Again, if it comes up let her know that you think HER property is just fine and your only concern is if you have the willpower to not cheat (and thank her for helping).

    I didn't ask for nor want this (long term chastity) up front, but to this day she tells me the "best" thing I did was tell her what worked and what didn't ("honey, when I know I can't even get to the key it drives me wild and all I can do is think about you, I don't know why but my feelings are so much stronger than if the key is just sitting out", etc...). Note: this was only if she asked, or said it was OK for me to talk about my feelings (usually a little pillow talk before bed), so please don't provided unwanted feedback.

    Continued good luck to you!
     
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  23. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    I'm 5 days into a new lock. At the 3.5 day mark, I was wondering how long it had been, and figured it was a week, lol.

    I bought a Trova Go box for my keyholder. It only opens with an app on her ipad. Her fingerprint is necessary to open, so I'm at her whim. I asked her what she planned to do with her power. She said, "Wield it!" in a somewhat surely tone that basically gave a "What's it to you?" vibe, so maybe this will be the time she finally grabs the brass ring I keep hanging up for her?

    Speaking of hanging, at one point, I sent her a story about a woman who told her husband that if he really wanted to be dominated by her, that he should get tied up in the garage and wait for her. She ended up whipping him while he held a crop in his mouth, hanging by his hands in the garage. I forgot what else she did to him. It was one of the few kinky sex things that my wife actually responded to positively. So I reminded her of the story and offered to tie myself up like that for her. It's cold out too (but not freezing) so just letting me wait for her hanging nude in the garage would be quite a punishment. She told me that she was too tired to do anything like that. I can't help myself, but I must poke the beehive sometimes.. I half hope she does this to me, and half fear that she will.
     
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