How I got "here"

Hi, I am Myola's sub hubby and less than a year ago, although I had all sorts of chastity and submissive fantasies I had no inkling that my Wife and i would find and join such a forum. I hadn't shared my fantasies with Her and didn't think I could, so how did I get "here"? ("Here" being not just this forum but sharing my fantasies with my Wife and getting into Chastity and a FLR).

So prior to being married to my current Wife and KeyHolder I was previously married. My first wife and I were pretty vanilla and I was reasonably young and everything functioned as it should. I met my first wife, we lived together for a few years and then got married and everything was pretty good. We had vanilla sex, pretty often and life was good. A few months after we got married my wife got very sick and we discovered she had cancer. The next ten years were really tough. Although we stayed married right to the end it stopped being a normal marriage. I was her carer more than her husband. We stopped having sex, obviously she didn't feel like it most of the time and I was mega stressed (trying to look after her, pay a mortgage while trying to be self employed) and started having erectile dysfunction issues.

Sex for me was the occasional attempt at PIV when my wife felt like it (or possibly felt sorry for me) and masturbation to porn the rest of the time. During this time I discovered a few genres of porn that really did it for me: SPH (I'm tiny and had a few pretty embarrassing incidents in my teens and twenties), forced male chastity (I found the old Altairboy website), cuckolding, femdom, strapon/pegging. So for around a decade sex for me was mostly masturbating to these types of porn.

One thing that happened probably about two years before she passed away which was to have consequence later on was that she asked me to buy her a vibrator. It was too tiring for her to leave the house other than for hospital visits. So I went into a local sex shop to look for something. A young, confident and attractive woman served me, asking what I was after. I explained that my wife was unwell and that I was there to buy a vibrator. She showed me their best selling models which were all "rabbit" types. In my eyes (compared to my paltry endowment) they all looked huge. I ended up choosing a much more modestly sized one, the smallest in the shop, a pinkish/purplish one which was slightly longer and girthier than my dick. When I showed the shop assistant the vibrator I wanted she said something along the lines of "Oh, so you're getting a really small one" and I answered (mumbling in embarrassment) something like, "yeah, that's what my wife wants" even though I had told her earlier that my wife hadn't expressed any preferences. I walked out feeling a mixture of embarrassment and humiliation tinged with a touch of horniness. I was sure that the lady in the shop had worked out I had a really small dick.

When I took the vibrator home I played with it with my wife and she really enjoyed it but she soon let me know that she would rather use it alone. I was totally okay with that but it wasn't lost on me that I hadn't had successful PIV sex for a number of years already.

My wife was diagnosed as being terminally ill, which was a huge relief for her by then and I felt a mixture of relief and devastation. I met my current wife not too long afterwards and she saved my life, literally and figuratively.

Unfortunately, sex was not great. I couldn't get or stay hard, even with little blue pills and once we got married, PIV tapered right off and at time of writing I probably haven't attempted it for about 7 years or so. Sex between us was generally handjobs for me and even that was often not successful. So it was easier and less painful for both of us to take care of our own needs, alone. I had felt guilt about this arrangement (and it wasn't arranged, it just drifted that way because it was easier) for quite some time but I didn't really know how to address it. I think my Wife didn't want to embarrass or upset me so she just let it slide. For the rest, our marriage has been really good so I think we both just ignored the lack of mutual sex and got on with enjoying the rest of life.

So this last Christmas (2021) we booked an airbnb down at the beach for a few days and Her adult children and their partners joined us. It was a really relaxing few days, lots of good food and more than the usual amounts of alcohol. On Christmas day itself I drank alcohol steadily all day, just enough to be really relaxed but still functional. We all spent a few hours in the pool before dinner and then food and more alcohol. We retired to the bedroom, both really happy and relaxed.

I don't remember who initiated it, but we decided that we should have some sex. I took a viagra and probably decided that I should do something for my Wife while I was waiting for it to kick in. She had bought some toys along so I went to her bag to select one. As fate would have it I pulled out the small pinkish/purplish one I had originally bought for my 1st wife. I think because I was so relaxed and in such a good place, relationship-wise with my wife that I looked at the vibrator and said, "funny story about this vibrator" and started telling my Wife about the embarrassing circumstances of its purchase. My Wife, being the caring person she is, immediately tried to deflect the conversation and made the standard noises about size not being important etc. I stopped Her and explained that I knew I was really small and that the thought of being humiliated about it by Her actually turned me on. I showed her some porn videos of the type that turned me on and I masturbated after she had an orgasm with "that" vibrator.

Long story short, but over the next few months She became much more comfortable with the whole SPH thing. She initially wasn't too fussed about the whole chastity/keyholder thing but in general She will do/try anything that doesn't gross her out if it might improve our sex life. Once I bought a cheap HT "nub" knock-off and wore it for a bit She found that She actually enjoys it and feeling of power it gives Her. We discussed having a FLR and realised we had been drifting in that direction since I stopped working for myself, having handed over all the finances to Her.

It's still early days, less than a year in, but we've moved from a series of rules (ie ten of Her orgasms buys me one of mine) to Her deciding when I get a full orgasm or, more often than not, a ruined orgasm. She also decided very early on that PIV is generally off the table and She has come clean and admitted it was never great, even when it worked because She could barely feel me. Her first husband was hung like a porn star and was bigger than the biggest dildo we currently own, (which is 8 1/4" long by 6 3/4" girth).

I wear a plastic cage to work every day but it comes off at night when I shower. We are trying a few steel cages and they will stay on longer. She enjoys giving me light CBT (squeezing and slapping) and is slowly working up to a bit harsher as She gets more comfortable with it. When She feels like it She pegs me or uses toys or Her hand. She hasn't managed to insert Her whole hand but has gotten close. I get spanked with wooden paddles or a leather belt when She feels I've deserved it or sometimes just for Her amusement. We bought a wax pot and She removes all my pubic hair every six to eight weeks. It's a bit painful but getting easier every time

She has told her two closest female friends that we are in a femdom FLR, that I'm kept in chastity and that I have a 4" long by 4" girth dicklet. They both also previously knew that her first husband was hung like a porn star. She also told the shop assistant in the jewellery store what the key was for when I bought her a silver chain. The lady had a chuckle and a huge grin when she was told.

I've told Her that I would love to hold her hand while a bull fucked her and while she hasn't ruled it out, it's not something that is likely to happen soon. Things are still evolving and we go through periods of greater and lesser activity depending on how busy we are with work etc. My birthday is coming up and we have discussed the possibility that I may be allowed to have PIV after I have given her a number of orgasms with her toys.

Currently when She feels like sex I prepare the bed with a cushion on the edge for Her to rest Her backside on and a couple of wooden boards stuck under the mattress sticking out of the side of the bed for Her to rest Her feet on. Then I pleasure her with toys, usually a large one inside Her and maybe a little "sucker" on Her clit. Usually She will orgasm at least three or four times but it's been as high as ten on one occasion. Often I'll be wearing a strapon harness that has an opening so my caged dicklet can go though it. On other occasions I'm uncaged in which case I'll be wearing a large hollow strapon on its own harness. Afterwards I might get some attention, or I might not. I may just have to make the bed and wash all the toys and then get on with mowing the lawn etc. If I'm lucky I'll get a combination of any or all of: spanking, CBT, pegging, anal stretching. If I'm really lucky She will lie on the bed and play with Her biggest dildo and tell me to masturbate. She'll then remind me that because I'm too small to satisfy Her I'm not allowed PIV and that She's forced to use much bigger toys to get pleasure. She also tells me that one day She will get a big bull to please her and make me watch.

It's all pretty damn good at the moment and we really didn't think we would have been here a year ago. I read this and worry people will think it's fiction, but I'm really happy to say that while it sounds like my fantasies it is our current reality. I would love for Her to allow another female to peg me but the reality is more difficult. It's unlikely She will involve her friends even if they express an interest (which they haven't). Again with a bull, actually organising to meet one when you live in a small place is challenging but this may change when we retire and go travelling.

(PS the Wife says she never really enjoyed her 1st husband's huge cock because there wasn't enough/any foreplay and consequently it was usually painful for her. )

(PPS "that" vibrator has since died, so if I hadn't bought up my fantasies this last Christmas we may never have moved from a vanilla relationship to a femdom/chastity/FLR one.)