Myself and my KH/wife have been playing with chastity for a few years now. She is a willing participant and holds the keys and refuses release and can be a quite a tease. But I tend to go so far with the whole idea of giving her control and then get a bit embaressed and ruin the situation by complaning until I get released. This is not how I want things to go but I cannot stop myself. I have no problem with getting locked in a device or belt and being on disply for my KH/wife. We even went to Belgium to get me fitted for a full steel belt 3 years ago and she was present throughout the whole prosess with me naked and another man fitting the belt to me, So itis not a visual thing but more to do with the power transfer with a female controlling my penis. Does anyone know how I can overcome these feelings and get the pleasure I crave and my KH/wife deserves. I feel I owe it to her to get this problem sorted.
It sounds like chastity is more fantasy than reality for you. If I was your keyholder I would hand you back the keys when you started complaining and tell you I was done. Who wants to hear someone whine about getting what they asked for? I don't want to come across sounding mean but it sounds like it's reality check time, you need to decide what you really want and stick to it, otherwise your keyholder will tire of it and give up the game.
I think begging for release once in a while is fine - as long as she knows it's part of it. Many people in chastity want to be "forced" into it, and so begging for release adds to that fantasy. However if you start overdoing it and being too serious about it - it can definitely wear on the KH and she will just give up. No one will be able to fix this but you, and unfortunately I don't think there is an easy way. That being said, the longer your in - I find the easier it is to deal with it. The first few days are always the hardest as your arousal levels are not peaked out yet, and it's all still on your mind 24/7 - once you settle into it though and learn patience, the benefits are outstanding - and you can truly live your fantasy. Or try shorter stints, working up to longer ones. If she is willing to work with you on this - there is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel stay strong!
steph, Obviously there are two sides to the solution. The things YOU can do, and the things your wife can do. I think first, YOU need to talk to your wife about the problem. Make sure she knows it's something you're struggling with. Before you even lock up, perhaps you need to make an agreement about how long it will be. See if she will agree to the agreement, no matter what. It's hard to control your own behavior when your hormones are going wild. I think you need to fess up to that, and ask her cooperation. From her side, it sounds like she is being VERY game with all of this, providing teasing, denial and indulging your fantasy. I guess she can approach this problem a number of ways. 1) When you whine, just give you the keys and say "fantasy over". 2) Set a mutually agreed date, and refuse to give in. 3) Become more assertive. When you whine, extend the release date, or perhaps devise another mutually agreed upon punishment. Honestly, it sounds like your wife has gone above and beyond in indulging your chastity fantasies. If you put much more burden on her, she may give up on this. I think you guys need to treat this as a mutual problem that you want to solve together, and brainstorm ways to get past it. mikecb
I dont think anyone has grasped quite what Iam trying to say, The problem I am trying to highlight is one embaressment at the kink side of chastity even though I enjoy it and this is what stops me giving my KH complete control. I know it seems strange a few years down the road and I still find these feelings hard to overcome.
Steph, I do not understand "embarrassed" in this context, as I would equate that with "afraid of being outted", which does not seem to be the issue from what you said before. So I am going to choose to understand your issue this way. (Like I think most guys,) you get conflicting advice between your two heads - in your case, the one down below thinks that the whole chastity/femdom think is just a grand idea, but the head on top is conditioned to think it is "natural for the man to be in charge" in a relationship, and the "embarrassed" feeling is this existential threat to your masculinity. It is really hard to change those little voices in your head, they get programmed way, way back. May I suggest the following - establish a safeword w/your wife, with the understanding that that word will instantly end the game. Then when you get those feelings, instead of whining (probably as much at yourself as at your wife), you can tell that voice, "I AM the one in charge here - if I really don't like this, I can stop it NOW. But I really do like this, so just SHUT UP!" You may also want to agree in advance on some punishment, should you slip and start whining, for her to say, "If you want out, just say safeword, but one more complaint and you get ______"
Thanks Pistachio you have explained the situation very well and I do know it is going to hard to change my mindset.I think we will have to have a talk and see if we can find some way round this problem. I know that it will seem to some that I dont really want to achive this kind of life style but I know I do and I want to move past this problem.
Sounds to me that you want to play the game, just not if it doesn't work out to your benefit. My wife and me play with Chastity, well I play, she just wants to play every time I lock the belt on. Go figure!!! It's not a overnight game, or even a 3 year game. Once you give your wife or K/H the control, it may just be tough to take it back. I agree that a very special safe-word would be wise. One that only would be used with consequences. This way your not using it every other week. I have a emergence key in my wallet, been there 3 years sealed with my wifes signature. If ever opened, I go without a orgasm for 6 months, no exceptions!!! Saids it right on the card the key is sealed to. So a Safe-word with the same type of consequence might work. That way you will think with the right head before choosing to use it. Hope you find what your looking for, Missy Tanya
I'm finding that when we start to play it can take a couple of days of repeating in my mind "she's completely in charge" before I start just naturally doing as I'm told, I can feel myself rebelling at first and it's a real effort to respond appropriately. It's hard to get over years of conditioning. We normally play for an agreed period of time (anywhere from three to thirty days), so in my mind its a role I've agreed to assume for a period of time, maybe this makes it a little easier. My wife also struggles at the beginning when we start playing. She keeps asking me to do things rather than telling me. She keeps doing housework, forgetting that she doesn't have to raise a finger. We're at day two in our latest game and she's just start correcting herself - "Can you...", then she stops and says "You will..."
Hello and thanks for the input. I have at this time been locked for 5 nights and I think Ihave two more to go. There has been no demand from me for release and my kh/wife told me when she took the key that I would be locked until the night before my trip to Spain and this adds up to seven nights and I/we seem to be going along fine. But and there is a but my wife has had a slight health problem this past few days and I did not want to make awkward when she felt under the weather. So there has been no tease and I have not been told to give any oral pleasure but the denial is still there. But I sure would like out as I feel horny as hell.
i have found that i have to honor Her and show Her the love and attention that She really wants. Nothing phoney but very real. The begging and worse, any demands, just do not work. She knows when it's real. It's really difficult when the right amount of communication isn't there - but this is the task of any relationship - finding the communication. our penises are controlled by Keyholders/Mistresses/significant Lady, but we need to manage our controls and at the same time honor the Lady that we love and trust and share everything with. It's a great question and prompt and some excellent responses. Peace, aline