Deep breath. And... relax. Here goes

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by longtallsally, May 1, 2022.

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  1. cshorts
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    cshorts Locked in love for SL

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    Catching up after a week — so much going on for you and Pete!


    You seem to have a wonderful degree of self awareness, and you’ve noted elsewhere that you realize everyone is different (some people even enjoy running a mile!), so this may not be relevant to you. But from what you’ve written, I wonder if Pete is a bit like me: I’ve learned I don’t so much crave specific types of play or attention, but that my partner is making the effort to try new things, to explore. Some things may not be worth repeating— that’s ok! The fact that she came up with them and tried them is the big thrill for me.

    You express concern about being selfish and that you might feel guilty if you had orgasms much more often than he. Remember that male and female hormones operate differently: many of us men find that the thrill is greater, the sexual fun more thrilling, the longer we’re denied. Yes, we’re frustrated and crave release — but it’s the denial (as long as there is teasing and other attention) that is so exciting. That and not have post-orgasm drop. It seems different for most women. So it’s not only ok to have orgasms with different frequency but many men (most here) seem to prefer it. After 3.5 years in chastity my wife now grants me only 4-6 Os per year, and I’m delighted she is denying me and controlling me. I, on the other hand, offer her oral and strap on and fingers and magic wand at least once a day (every night before bed), and also in the morning when our schedules sync: and I’m so grateful that she now wants and accepts Os from me at least 5-6 times a *week* (which averages to, well, 50 times more Os than I get!).

    Of course, as in all things, may be different for you, but this seems common enough that you should feel safe in giving it a try … good chance he’ll love you more for it
     
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  2. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    A good quality RealSkin soaked in warm water is very realistic!
     
  3. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    I really like your insight about him needing me to experiment and play - that really rings true for us. I think it might be time for me to supervise his edging, with various rules and constraints!
    And thanks also for your insights about denial, although at this point I can't imagine myself coming 5 or 6 times a week! Sal.
     
  4. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    I imagine it is, but I think I want the real thing (his real thing) even more than I want to come! Sal
     
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  5. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    Don't forget that locked guys feed off YOUR pleasure. Don't look at it as unfair because he would much rather enjoy YOUR orgasm than no one getting one. Ask him directly if he would like to pleasure you to orgasm even if he isn't getting one and I guarantee you that he will jump at it.
     
  6. SlaveBoy73
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    SlaveBoy73 Long term member

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    Dear Sally,

    I may be wired differently than your man but recently my wife instructed me to ruin my orgasm and then eat it (mixed in yogurt). I then was allowed to eat it while she watched. (I really wanted her to spoon feed me but she's not there yet).

    I have found that ruined orgasms make me even more horny than before I was allowed to do anything. Then being asked to eat it is an extra level of submission that really pushes my kink button.

    Would that be something he might be interested in? A ruin is a way to give him what he wants (to cum) but not fully....which actually makes him crave it even more!

    Maybe bind his arms and legs while you ruin his orgasm (just very gentle touches should get him there). Whether you do anything with his mess after is up to you but you could make him a deal...if he cleans up his mess (My wife calls it proving my love), he will earn points toward a full orgasm.

    Does that sound like fun?
     
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  7. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Thank you. I feel I need to learn this off by heart or staple it into my make-up bag or something! Sal
     
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  8. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    The ruining bit sounds like fun because it's an extra level of control for me, which i think we'd both enjoy. I'd like to try that. I did have a go a while back (before he was caged) but without much success but we didn't really persevere. We'll give it a go! The eating bit isn't for us though. Even if he wanted to (I don't think he would), it's just not my thing. I stress that I don't mean this at all negatively about others who are into this - we're all gloriously unique! :) Sal
     
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  9. Guest 6019
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    Guest 6019 Long term member

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    My wife has tried the strap-on (me wearing) thing first time was a bit awkward. I made adjustments and the second time was good for both of us, but something is holding her back from choosing to do it again. That's fine too.

    Despite not having piv for a few weeks when I made my wife come, and she said I wasn't coming out the other night I felt complete.
     
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  10. maid julie
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    maid julie Long term member

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    On the ruin thing. Remember practice makes perfect lol
     
  11. SlaveBoy73
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    SlaveBoy73 Long term member

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    You don't have to actually feed him his cum. You can just threaten it.

    Or better yet, simply mention while you're edging him that other Mistresses make THEIR slaves eat it up...and watch to see what his little lie detector tells you.

    Just sayin'

    :)
     
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  12. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Last night I could tell he was very desperate, poor thing. I unlocked him (when will that thrill ever subside?) We had a shower together and I washed it carefully and shaved him where the ring goes, and we lay on the bed. Taking advice from someone here, I massaged in a little of my hand lotion, taking care not to over-stimulate him. I told him the truth, that I loved this feeling of control and he told me he was enjoying it too. I asked him to give me a nice oily massage, which he did eagerly and he was obviously excited. I explained that I didn't want to come and that he could only use his hands (crestfallen expression from him) but otherwise to do whatever he liked. He was gloriously slow and attentive.

    I said it was only fair if I returned the complement. When he was on his back, he kept trying to wriggle so that it would be against my hands, and I didn't say anything but made sure it hardly got a touch. I paid a lot of attention to his nipples hoping he might be able to come that way, but he couldn't. And when he was on his front he was obviously trying to rub it against the bed. I told him he had to lie still with his legs apart and he did exactly what I said! I massaged his balls a bit, and then, deep breath, I moved my hand to between his cheeks. I felt him tense and I reassured him that my fingers would remain most definitely on the outside of him and I told him he could ask me to stop any time. I stroked him there for a couple of minutes and I asked him how it felt. He said, "Surprisingly nice". He started moving it again against the bed which I let him away with but told him I would be annoyed if he came. After a bit, he told me he was close, so I thanked him for telling me, but stopped stroking and asked him to roll over. He said that it felt amazing but it was a pity I stopped.

    It was absolutely throbbing and I decided at that moment, I would definitely let him come but I actually said, "It's time for you to get your ring back on for me". He looked utterly disappointed and said that he couldn't get his cage on like this. So I said, "Then we'll wait. There's no rush." I asked him to 'pop his legs apart for me and keep your hands behind your head', and I got dressed (the cfnm thing again) and just watched him, and it, until it went soft. It took ages and he said it made him very uncomfortable going soft in front of me. I said, "I know", and he did his frightened rabbit look. I gave him the ring to put on, which he managed with surprisingly little bother. I picked up the cage as if to give it to him, but instead I told him I'd find it very exciting if I could watch him play with himself. (At this point he still didn't know I was going to allow him to come).

    I said there was only one rule, that if I asked him to stop, he would immediately put his hands to his sides. I told him that this felt wonderful to me - how I loved it that I was edging him but using his hands instead of mine to do it. Every time I asked him to stop, he did! For me, the feeling of complete control was absolute bliss and extremely erotic. I honestly think that if I'd have denied him completely and asked him to get the lock back on, he would have complied. But instead, I just said, "I love you. I'm with you. Please come for me". The moment of realisation on his face when he realised I was allowing him to come, was magical!

    Afterwards, I said, "I think I enjoyed that almost as much as you. But you owe me tonight!" We washed him off a bit and he asked if he could put the cage on later, but following advice I just said that it would be best to do it now please. And now he's off to work, all locked up.

    There's something I've been wondering about. I love my feeling of control, not just over his orgasms, but his erections too. I've always enjoyed the feeling of it springing to attention for me and I think this is heightened now, for both of us. I do sort of wish that there was a way to make him just as quickly go soft on command as well (ie not with ice packs and cold water etc). Watching him soften was fun but it took so long!

    Sal
     
  13. maid julie
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    maid julie Long term member

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    Your just getting better each time
     
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  14. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    Just start a long conversation about Margaret Thatcher, lol
     
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  15. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Very good! But what if I discovered that such a topic made him even more aroused? I don't think I could take the risk of an unwanted insight into his interest in politics! Sal.
     
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  16. handsolo
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    handsolo Long term member

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    5% lidocaine cream for a half hour will render skin numb for about an hour. Lather him up, wait/tease, wipe him dry, put on a condom, and it will be nearly impossible for him to finish. You can have your cake, and he still can't eat it too.

    Heavy contraction of large muscle groups can do the trick. Have him do a deep squat, holding with his knees at 90 degrees, thighs parallel to the floor. He could also train his Kegel groups, which can either support or diminish an erection. Supervising his Kegel exercises might be fun for you as well.

    I don't think it's been mentioned, but you both are miraculously lucky to have stumbled onto a cage suitable for long term multi-day wear so easily! I have something in the works, but my previous best attempt was four days, and ended in abrasions.
     
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  17. bondinchas
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    bondinchas Long term member

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    If Margaret Thatcher doesn't work,
    Anne Widdecombe will!
     
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  18. Guest 6019
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    Guest 6019 Long term member

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    Noooo!!!
     
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  19. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    If thinking about Margaret Thatcher gets him aroused (regardless of his politics), I think that's something you should know, because he may need some serious help, lol.
     
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  20. SlaveBoy73
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    SlaveBoy73 Long term member

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    I'm by no means a conservative nor am I British however I don't think it's particularly appropriate to make sexist and misogynistic comments about women (particularly the departed) on a web site that purports to be about men serving women and being deferential to women.

    Comments about how a particular female public figure is attractive or not is distinctly not submissive or in keeping with most FLR values.
     
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  21. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Sorry if I offended! I think I'd be quick to recognise misogyny and sexism, but I can see why you had the reaction you did. For many British people (myself included), 'Margaret Thatcher' is a kind of shorthand for 'politics'. It's not about her being a woman or a man, nor about her being right wing or left wing, but just that she was the archetypical well-known politician. That's the way I interpreted the comment. Do remember that in Britain, poking fun at politicians is a national pastime - which is not the case in North America, I think. Which means that we Brits need to remember that people from other cultures will be reading our messages and might get offended by things that are everyday fun over here. Once again, apologies if I compounded any offence. (Also, in our defence, it's so damn hot here at the moment and we Brits aren't used to it. We're all hot and bothered and wilting! Best wishes from sweltering SE England, Sal.
     
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  22. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    You're so right! It did actually take several goes. We had one really awful one off the shelf from an adult shop which was just a fun plaything but that inspired us to get a second one, but that process of getting the second one itself took a few goes. I did say to My Pete how much fun it would be if there were places I could take him for a fitting, just like buying a pair of shoes. He looked disturbed but strangely excited at the prospect -so I like to think. Sal
     
  23. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    We were both home early this afternoon, feeling very hot (temperature-wise rather than in any other way). We had a nice cool shower together. He said that he'd been a bit uncomfortable in the heat so I unlocked him while we stood under the water. I asked how he was doing. He thanked me for paying more attention to him (I'm careful to send him little texts and reminders) but said he was desperate to come and just to be able to be able to get spontaneously hard. I knew I had some slightly difficult news to tell him, so in return, I suggested that when he goes out this evening he could be uncaged - but no touching! I made him promise. I don't know whether that was the right thing but he looked pathetically grateful and he's gone out now with his mates.

    Before he went out, I told him the bit of 'difficult news'. Tomorrow night we're going out to a friend's house. Among the people who will be there is 'Laura' my lawyer friend who used to be a domme (or domme-ish as she says), and who I confided in about Pete. He was very annoyed at the time, understandably so because it broke a confidence although I know she's 100% discreet. I had explained that I needed a woman friend in real life to talk to but he was right to be annoyed. I asked him again recently if I could talk to her about us and he gave a very definite 'no'. When I told him we'd be seeing her as part of the group tomorrow, his immediate worry was that her husband would be there and that she would have told him about our experiments with chastity and that everyone would know. He said he would find it humiliating, and not in a sexy turn-on way.
    I said that I trusted her to tell me the truth and I would ask her beforehand whether she had said anything. If she had, then we wouldn't go. He agreed to that but left the house not a very happy bunny.
    And now I'm the one that's anxious and too hot.

    Sal.
     
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  24. Guest 6019
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    Guest 6019 Long term member

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    Keep texting him tonight. Don't let him stray. Will he knock one out in the toilet. Double down on him. Promise reward. If he's gone out upset he is vulnerable to the temptation of an anger wank. Lock him straight away when he gets home. Use his arousal against him to turn it around. So what if she has told him. What next? He can't hide away forever.
     
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  25. Siri
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    Siri Active member

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    I think, that if you let him be free, check semen amount next time "this is too small amount!"
     
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