Introducing chastity to vanilla wife

Discussion in 'Chastity in vanilla life' started by WannaBsub, Jun 3, 2022.

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  1. WannaBsub
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    Hey all.
    I will skip the introduction as I recently posted my thread in the intro. forum.

    I have confessed of my chastity kink to my vanilla wife recently, she already knew about it.
    We have had a short and genuine conversation about it...

    She said she will tease me more, but she doesn't want to need to finish me off every time like we did so far.
    I agreed and asked to kiss her feet every time when she is done teasing...

    She is not interested in locking my cock and doesn't want to be dominant of me.

    We have a good relationship and 2 small kids, we have been together for 16 years and married for 9.

    Ever since the talk, she didn't show any faction for me... I feel like I am chasing her and doing everything she wants.
    She told me she noticed a shift in my behavior and that she is enjoying it.
    I didn't want to tell her it is due to me playing as if my cock was locked.

    After several days of me being extremely horny around her, masturbating few times a day I bagged her to give me a handjob...
    During that she told me that this is my last O until Sunday and that I am not allowed to touch myself, this is her property and I need to comply...
    It got me so hot I came super fast, but not before me asking her to say that she will lock me up in a cage and that she owns me, which she refused... ‍

    I don't want to push too hard because I also am not sure I will be able to lock my cock... But when I get horny, this is the only thing I can think about...

    How do I get her to be more cooperative? How can I show her the benefits, but also get her to tease me more during my denial stage?

    Thank you!
     
  2. spider203
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    spider203 Long term member

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    My only advise is to take it slowly and don't make all about you,try do more house work or work that she would normally do,it is the simplest things that count. I was in the same situation as yourself and I said to her " if it is a case of me coming and not being with you or be with you and me not coming I will always pick the second option" and I said the reason I want to use a cage is to make sure I don't get carried away if I get an erection.
     
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  3. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    Imagine if your wife came to you and told you that she just really liked gay men, and she wanted you to just act gay in your day to day life. That might be a bad example... But just imagine her asking something from you that was really NOT you... It's maybe just as difficult as you expecting her to suddenly become dominant. Especially when your view of dominant is narrowly defined by a cock cage.

    The moral of the story is that she can't change too quickly. It sounds like she has already made a big step in orgasm control. Embrace that. Celebrate that. Maybe if you are a good enough submissive, it will help her become more dominant. One way to be submissive would be to stop trying to push her in a certain direction.

    I know it's hard. I'm having similar experiences. I can't follow my own advice, but it would probably be better if we both did.
     
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  4. DavMan
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    DavMan Long term member

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    It is your fantasy not hers, give her time.
     
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  5. WannaBsub
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    Thank you!
    @spider203, @tecolote and @DavMan

    I will take things slower as you suggested... I told her what I like, I hope she will become more dominant with time...
     
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  6. WannaBsub
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    Btw...
    I am already the one doing the dishes and laundry for the house to begin with...
    Not sure what else to take from her.

    We have a cleaning lady every week, so the wife doesn't clean as well...

    She does the cooking cause she actually enjoys it, even then I make dinner for the kids few times a week...

    I can maybe try to pumper her more with back massage or foot massage which she really likes, but I wonder how to connect that to my chastity fantasy? Or how to point it out to her that it is connected to my fantasy? Or even if I should?

    She did become more assertive lately and I'm trying not to say anything but just follow her instructions, like don't put here the kids stuff, please return all these to where they belong...

    As I wrote before, she said I should deny my orgasm till Sunday when we have sex...
    This morning when she rubbed my cock in bed, slowly and exactly in that sweet spot she asked me if she decide not to have sex on Sunday will I wait for her? Of course I said yes

    After more teasing she stopped and got up, to which I have asked her to kiss her feet or ass after the teasing and she refused. (kids were in the living room)
     
  7. bondinchas
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    bondinchas Long term member

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    You need to make the space for her to move into, so play the submissive role that you want to be, to allow her to develop more dominance.
    It will take time, but as she notices the improvements and benefits for her, she'll embrace your behavior and want more and not less of it, which means deciding that what you've been doing is what she wants you to do. Slowly, slowly, she'll become more dominant as she won't want to lose the benefits. You just have to make it what she wants.

    What you're doing is honor chastity, it can be more difficult without a device, so kudos if you can do it, but if you act as if you are wearing a device, you'll get where you want to go.
    What may happen one day is that you break that honor and have a solo orgasm. If you do, admit it to her. She'll quite likely notice the difference in your behavior which may lead you down the path of getting/using a device to prevent future repeats.

    Chastity is a fascinating journey that has many benefits and pleasures for both of you, but be patient, as other have said, it will take time.
     
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  8. WannaBsub
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    @bondinchas wow, great reply!
    Awesome advices!!
    I will become the sub I want to be and once she get used to it or demand it she will notice that she likes it...
    This is a dangerous game that I'm playing... I hope it brings us together.

    Today we have had another talk about it, we talked about the benefits of chastity for both sides and she gave me something real to work on!!!
    BTW, during our talk my cock became hard and started leaking.

    She said she don't want to lock me up right now because she knows what I am like when I'm too horny and I will become annoying and that I will always want to talk about it.

    So first, I think I need to work on that and show her that no matter how horny I get, not to bother her.
    Second, I told her that if my cock is locked she can make the rules, for example, no nudging and not talking about it. And she can decide when to unlock me...

    Also, I've pointed out that I was pretending to be locked the last week and become more submissive to her trying to ease her more to the point she noticed my behavior shift and she liked it.
    Last thing I added that we can start and stop and do whatever suits us.

    She asked me to stop, to not pressure her about it, she is not yet ready for it (we have something stressful coming in a month or 2, so she was referring to it), but maybe in the near future... (after that thing)

    Ohh God, I hope I really can handle a cage... I am afraid I will be sorry for what I am asking for and when I do, it might already be to late for me!
     
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  9. WannaBsub
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    @bondinchas
    OMG! So we didn't get to have sex yesterday, had a crazy day full of family events.
    We went to sleep noon while the kids were watching TV... After a while I woke up, went to the bathroom and touched myself to Orgasm.
    When I went out I found my wife showering the kids and working hard (I took my time) and I didn't even asked for permission to cum.

    This morning we woke up before the kids so I started touching and hugging my wife...
    I told her that I have failed and that I masturbated to Orgasm...

    Her reaction was "noooo... I need to think what to do about it"

    Then we talked about other stuff and then she asked me how I slept at night and I said I slept OK, but I woke up in the middle of the night very horny and then I went back to sleep... So she asked me if this was when I masturbated.
    I said no, I did it yesterday in the bathroom when you were a sleep... Instead of showing the kids and following your orders I was touching myself to orgasm...

    (I tried to point out the benefits for her when blocking my orgasms)

    So again she said that she needs to think what to do with me, she needs to think about a punishment... I instantly got super hard started calling her my queen and said I will accept and do everything she asks me to, and I told her that I like when she is being assertive.

    I think she is starting to like being more dominant, she is thinking about the possibilities... I think i have planted the seed of chastity in her mind...
    I think she will take over and there is nothing I can do about it...
    I think that once she will be hooked, I will just surrender to her completely...

    I will update again when things progress

    Thank you all for the tips btw
     
  10. WannaBsub
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    #10 WannaBsub, Jun 6, 2022
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2022
    Another update.
    All day long I was thinking how to serve my wife.
    I decided to come home, clip nails and give her foot massage while I am naked kneeling infront of her in the living room.
    My dick started oozing out and my face was so horny.
    She asked me what do I get out of this and why do I do that. I took a min and said that I just want to serve her. I am hers to take.
    She said it's fun for her, so she is not going to argue...
    And then she said that she have already started thinking about my punishment for masturbating in the bathroom with no permission while she was showering the kids. But it is not yet ready so I will hear about it once it is ready. Which gets me crazy with anticipation. My heart is racing.

    And then she said that her feet also wants some kisses so I started kissing them like crazy until she stopped me.

    I was so horny, I told her I will do everything and anything she wants me to.
    Then she asked me about all the help in the house for the last week or 2, was that because of my fantasy? I told her that yes, to some level...
    So she asked if the fantasy goes away, will the help go away? So I said "a little bit".
    She asked me to tune down the fantasy a little and that she will be more and more into it.
    Shw said she doesn't want a slave, that I am 50% of the house and she wants me to stay that way... She wants me her Man.
    She told me to stop calling her my queen, so I asked her how to call her so she said she will think about it...

    Then she said she is not in the mood to make me cum so I should go to our bedroom to relief myself and that I must cum in 11 minutes and come back...

    It's the first ever time she is timing it for me! It was so hot! She hang a small towel on my hard dick and sent me away.
    I came 10 min later on the spot and she said
    Good Boy.

    OMG she never talked to me like that before!! This is so hot!! I can't believe what is happening to us! I love it!!!
    Can't wait to see what she is planning for me next
     
  11. chaste4evette
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    chaste4evette Junior Member

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    Wow! This is really hot! Congratulations
     
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  12. Tracker1
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    Tracker1 Active member

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    1. Date night. Date night, done right, which means done to reflect and advance her interests, can be huge. You know her interests (or can learn them easily enough). Stay on top of the movies, art shows, concerts, etc., etc., coming to town.

    2. Recipe hour. Sit down together and show her a list of candidate dishes for each day in the following week. You will make her choices. Everything on the list should reflect her preferences.

    3. Write her romantic letters.

    4. Take charge of your social life. Call her friends once every month or two to gather news and pass on her best wishes. Arrange dinners. (Some of which will count as date nights.)

    Etc.
     
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  13. Tracker1
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    Tracker1 Active member

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    Another word on Date night. Once she has confidence in your grasp of her interests you no longer need to clear each event. You just tell her when the next date night is and what she might want to wear. She dresses up, brimming with anticipation. When she arrives and sees what you have in mind she will be surprised and delighted. This really works.

    Also 5. Hold her hand whenever possible, indoors as well as out.
     
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  14. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    You can do all those things without appearing like a groveling submissive. I'd suggest you NEVER use the words, sub, submissive, slave or any other kink related terms with her. I'd suggest keeping it simple for now and don't try to change too many things in your dynamic at one time. Maybe if you could get her to agree to letting you wear the cage 24/7 except for when she wants you out. Maybe buy a timer keybox like a kitchen safe and you can let her decide how long it stays locked. It could be 24 hours and if she isn't interested, you immediately set for more time.

    Whatever you do, do not suggest that she NOT have sex with you. Don't let any part of her brain think that you don't want to have sex with her! Quit trying to drag her into a FemDom relationship and just focus on you being locked except when she wants you unlocked. Tell her you want to save your orgasms for her only and that you don't want to waste any sexual energy elsewhere.

    Let things develop at her pace and don't be a pest. MOST women do not find submissiveness attractive in a man. If they do, that's awesome for you but it doesn't sound like your wife is interested in that. You have been putting your desires above hers and that isn't being a sub but rather trying to manipulate her for your kinky obsessions.

    May want to put porn filters on your computers/phones and let her administer them. Maybe suggest that after you get past wearing a cage 24/7. Make sure you have a cage that will work for 24/7 because if she decides to move forward, it will be like flipping a light switch and you may get more than you bargained for!
     
  15. WannaBsub
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    Wow! @Jessica Alexander amazing tips! Some of them I already do but some I don't, these some really good points made. I appreciate it very much!!
    Today she told me she likes it when I kiss her assertively so I started doing that...

    @Tracker1, great ideas about date night and friends! You are absolutely right!
    About holding hands, we are always touching, in and out... We usually grab each other's asses also in public... It's our thing
    Standing and talking to someone or walking down the street while touching each other butts lol
     
  16. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    @WannaBsub, has she said whether she would mind if you lock yourself up? If she's ok with that, you might want to start the process of finding a good cage. Most of us go through dozens of cages before we find the right one, so better to do that process now before she starts demanding that you be locked up. Then if and when she does get onboard and is ready to be your keyholder, then you will have a good cage that you don't mind being locked in 24/7.

    If she's ok with you locking yourself, do it and only unlock yourself for cleaning, adjustments and when she needs you. Do not under any circumstances unlock yourself for a wank.

    Wearing a cage through the night is another big hurdle that you will need to work through. Many guys find that first night really difficult. Don't know if you already know, but we get nocturnal erections that have nothing to do with being horny, they're just a natural bodily function, and with many cages, they can be uncomfortable.

    Like Jessica and others have said, listen to what she's saying to you and make notes. She's not a natural dominant and she's not looking for a sub/slave, so don't try to follow that model. Chances are, if you act too much like a sub/slave, she will lose interest in you sexually and may end up leaving you, so be careful.

    When you're ready to order a cage, be sure to get some advice here first. When I first started researching chastity, all the articles made it sound like the CB style cages were the gold standard but in reality, they're the worst ones out there.
     
  17. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    If she is ok with you locking, buy a keybox or kitchen safe and cut a tiny slot in it so a key can slip in but impossible to slip out without opening the box. You can lock up any time but will need her to open the box. This may relieve any anxiety/responsibility she has about locking you up and enforcing things. As her comfort grows, she may take the reigns and take you for a ride! Just don't be a nuisance begging for release or attention all the time. You may want to limit bringing up chastity to her to a maximum of once a week and keep it short.
     
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  18. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    That's good advice for anyone starting out with chastity, we all tend to be really excited about it and we've got all sorts of crazy hormones running around our heads, plus we're just starting to get desperate. For most guys just starting out, it's all about them for the first few weeks, whereas for the wives it's just another day, so we can really start to become a drag always talking about it. I know I had to limit myself to only mentioning it once a week or so when I started.
     
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  19. WannaBsub
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    Wow @Chaz69, you nailed it!
    I've been trying to tune myself down for the past couple of days.. It really bumps into my excitement, I wanted her to rise to the occasion and take over me in a storm and I just felt disappointed when that didn't happen.
    I think she have done a great deal of progress, just not as fast as I wanted her to, besides... Sometimes she really is not in the mood!
    With the fantasy we are still the same couple, we still have dynamic with kids, friends, family, work and chores (that we both want to do)

    I feel like when she asked me to tune down a little Ive acted like an ass... When she asked me somethings I wasn't as eager to comply (nothing unlike the day to day) and all I could think about, and Not saying out loud, if I was locked I would've probably been doing everything she asks me...

    I am trying to find the right balance, to not push her into this too quickly on one hand but not to let go over my fantasy on the other.

    @Jessica Alexander, I am not into locking myself, I want this to be something we do together as a couple... I want her to be part of discovering it with me and choosing my cage for me. But thanks for the tip, I'll keep that in mind in case something changes
     
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  20. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    If she's ok with it, I think you should try locking yourself, use that time to find the right cage, so when she's ready to lock you, you're ready to go.
     
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  21. Deleted member 97201
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    As I'm new to this, my thought is it's not all about house work. I feel it's more about desire. Your emotional release is decided by your partner. They want to feel desired, see it in your face and feel it with your touch.

    In my relationship with my wife :) everyone is unique:)

    Don't be a horny nut ball :) balance.
     
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  22. Deleted member 97201
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    Regards to chastity, my wife doesn't like grabbing a cage. What I'm trying (she agreed to) is I wear the cage during the week, at night I rub her feet (if I do a good job) then I remove the cage. Afterwards we might cuddle, as I'm uncaged opens opportunities (since she doesn't like playing with the cage) once we roll over to sleep, I will get up an put the cage back on and repeat:) Weekends cage free.

    Except for last night I uncaged, she was up late talking to our daughter on the phone, so got out of doing a foot rub.

    Probably a balance you will need to discover for your relationship.
     
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  23. knightly
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    knightly Long term member

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    It sounds like you might be looking for Devotional Sex (see :http://www.devotionalsex.com/) It's more about re-balancing the relationship so there is more in it for her and in tune with her emotional and sexual needs, while also getting your fulfilled.

    Here's a link to the "What's in it for her" page. http://www.devotionalsex.com/n/overview_for_her.html

    This made MUCH more sense to my wife than chastity or other FemDom approaches, and we're actively living the lifestyle.

    Check it out, happy to chat more.
     
  24. WannaBsub
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    @knightly, wow this is great! I will share this with my wife and see what she thinks about it.

    On another note...
    Yesterday I have had another conversation with my wife, she was sitting on the bed, I was naked on my knees in front of her. I told her I am giving her myself as a gift, that her life can become so much better...
    I explained to her how she have her sexual power over me, and when she is making her requests sexual it makes me horny and obedient...
    She stated liking the idea of me being obedient but didn't want me to give up on myself.
    I told her I want to give myself up for her!
    This is something that she should take advantage on.
    Then I told her that earlier in the evening, when she gave that look and asked me to STOP shaking my lag, I complied right away, and at the same time it was making me horny- the way she said it with that look.

    Since that talk she started bossing me around.
    She grabbed my hard and leaking dick and told me to follow her instructions while she is going into the shower:
    1. Shave you face.
    2. check on the kids- asleep.
    3. tomorrow you are going to the gym.
    4. instead of queen she wants me to address her "My Wife" or "The Wife" when I am servicing her.
    5. In the morning- NOT to wake her up and take the kids to preschool. I was supposed to have an early meeting with my manager, so she asked if it will not cause me trouble (I knew I could move the meeting) so I told her- you are above my work, above my manager, above the kids and above me. you are number one and I will do everything you ask me to. I trust you and I will obey your commands.
    She said she is going to love this new arrangement.

    Later, when I was in the shower she came in and told me that she allows me to cum tonight, but that is going to be my last orgasm for the near future until she decide otherwise.

    When I went out the shower all horny and worked up she was lying in bed and started making me run around.
    Bring me this, take that, bring me that, do that while she was watching TV.
    She was so assertive, demanding and natural that it was so hot.
    Me naked, standing next to her bedside, waiting for my next instruction.

    My wife is very assertive by nature, she told me that I've always told her that I don't like her bossing me around, so what changed?
    I told her that now it turns me on, she is superior and needs to be treated as such.
    She liked my answer and said that she will be much much more assertive with me from now on.

    I climbed to bed, naked, with a huge leaking hard on, getting closer to her and she said, I am NOT giving you a hand-job right now. I have had a long day and now I am watching TV. You better cum on your own, because it will be your last orgasm for few days now. (I am working from home and the weekend it coming- so I will be under her constant supervision).
    I lied down, touched myself to orgasm while her feet was on my face and she was watching TV.
    It was so humiliating and sexy at the same time!!
    We fell a sleep cuddling.

    This morning, I woke up early, went out and closed her door so she can stay a sleep.
    Woke up the kids and took them to preschool, when I came back home much later (after doing some errands), she grabbed my ear and push me to the room and told me- now go to work! don't make me tell you that again.


    I will update again soon.
     
    Deleted member 97201 likes this.
  25. Deleted member 97201
    Offline

    Thanks for the updates. I think I get caught up on using a cage, instead of my will power :)
     
    WannaBsub likes this.
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